Sometimes it just feels so fvcking hopeless

[wifehunter]

Sometimes they flake to test your emotional reaction. If you pass her interest level will go up, if not.. well... you know. Remember: Water off a duck's back!!!

Let her come to you, and just focus on other things to pass the time.

 

[Vivacity]

Most of the guys here are from USA and other westernized countries such as UK, Canada, and Australia. You can't follow the advice most of us give you here, due to cultural differences.

No matter where you live, who cares if you are a virgin at 22 or a virgin at 26 or a virgin at 28? You are thinking too much and worried about not getting laid and putting unnecessary pressure upon yourself. As always, if you are improving yourself in other areas such as college, work, finances, you can gain confidence from them too. I am sure I don't gain my confidence from getting laid, but due to my self-improvement in areas outside my sex life. At 22, you are too worried about your sex life. Perhaps, you are not doing well in other aspects of your life? Do a self-analysis. If that is the case, your focus should be on that, such as college, work, and not on women and sex.

 

[LiveFreeX]

Go to North west asia and your results will change completely. When you say south east are you talking Indonesia, singapore or the flip? Like there are a LOT of South East Asian countries... how about this, if you are coming from the 3rd world, you stop trying to date 1st world fan-girls. Date OUTSIDE your class, the fact that you speak English tells me you are either from Singapore or you are part of the extreme upper class. In both cases travel to a poorer country and go down and out to the piss poor, country-side area and look for a girl there. Try dating outside your race, mexican, african, brazilian, there are tons and tons of girls to choose from, why is it you are only swiping asians??? You look like a dude who was born with a silver spoon so throw on a backpack and hike into unknown territory. When you finally emerge, you'll be a worldly, knowledgeable, streetwise, strong, independent, survivalist and THAT is a prize in ANY country.

BTW you are NOT the prize just because you say you are.... fking hell, enough of this westernized BullSh1t. You need a reason you are the prize and a good one. If I say I'm a woman am I suddenly a woman?

Well in Canada and other broken law countries, I am. Don't emulate the garbage buddy and don't go after girls who are into 1st world dumpster diving. Find a nice girl from the country-side and settle the fck down.

https://ca.news.yahoo.com/bill-c-16-a-launching-pad-to-equality-for-trans-003111202.html

The first world is beyond cucked at this point, do NOT follow in our footsteps.

 

[Konada]

I come from Singapore, I might consider going to thailand soon..

 

[LiveFreeX]

I have a friend from Singapore in Guangzhou and he says Singaporean b1tches are as bad as western women la. So if I were you, I'd hit China, Thailand (like you said), Vietnam or Cambodia. If you are really REALLY adventurous, Mongolia or Russia... Figure some business you can do with home while you're out there checking out the locals. Its an EASY date to meet up with a foreign trade major, there are tons of them and they can help you accomplish your goals. I married one and it was smooth sailing from day 1. Plus Singapore has a ton of imports and exports you can do with other countries, think of this as a great adventure and meeting a chick from out there is just part of the fun. You can also teach English la, get a TESOL before you leave.

 

[PeasantPlayer]

You definitely aren't ugly! lol. But you aren't attractive enough to score decent looking white girls if thats what you are shooting for.

And the whole "pushing for sechs" thing....one thing that I think a lot get wrong is they read that kind of sales pitch here on sosuave and don't put it into context. Pushing for sechs only works when you have a willing partner! You have to calibrate, get in tune with that potential partner because if you are pushing for it and she isn't feeling it, then all you will do is upset her and you won't get a 2nd chance. Pushing for sechs can come across as trying too hard and being desperate.

So maybe change up some of the things you are doing on these dates? Also, what you are portraying needs to be congruent with who you are. You eluded to the fact that this might not be the case. Women are quite good at picking up on this.

Maybe share some of your interactions so we can help you out.

One final thought, I was in a similar predicament as you several years back. I finally just went out with a girl that was several levels below me. Mentally I wasn't where I needed to be to get the type of girl I really wanted. But banging this one jump started me and got me going down the path of what I really wanted. I was constantly trading one in for something better and eventually got some really attractive girls that had a lot to offer.

He can score a decent looking white chick. What kind of statement is that. I have seen dozens upon dozens of hot white chicks with ugly dudes, not saying he is ugly but catch my drift

 

[ubercat]

So the consensus is.....which lucky 5 r u banging this weekend? Longer term yr in a kung-fu hot spot. Northern styles r pretty complete. Which one will u study? Fencing is good but u need to get a bit beaten up for the emotional development.

 

[CMNILS87]

800 and some posts on sosuave and youre still batting a 0% ? Walk me through one of your dates. are you teasing her? Is it an action date? is it somewhere fun? Are you worried about what she thinks of you as you"re talking? I think the next date you go on, just play around with ideas and critique yourself and see what youre doing wrong. If youre not getting 2nd dates you have to be coming off as a nice guy or you just didnt build enough attraction. If youre building Kino and touching them like you say you are then you shouldnt have a problem getting a kiss or escalating further. One goes with the other concurrently.

 

[LiveYourDream]

1. You have decided you can't feel good about yourself until you have pvssy.
2. A key to unlocking pvssy is feeling good about yourself and feeling confident.
3. #1 + #2 = No pvssy (or unlikely pvssy)
4. You can't change #2, but you certainly have the power to shift your perspective and actually change #1.***
5. Change #1. Shift your perspective, so you so feel really good about yourself, right now, just as you are.
6. As you feel perceive yourself differently, and actually feel good about yourself, your confidence rises.
7. #5 + #6 = You give yourself a key to unlock pvssies with greater ease.
6. So you use it.
7. Life moves on.

 

[LiveYourDream]

@Konada imagine yourself the morning before losing your virginity... Now imagine yourself the morning after you have lost your virginity... Really do it. Right now. What do you see? Do you stand taller? Do you hold your shoulders more broadly and less hunched? Do you look at women with more confidence? Do you speak up with more clarity and less hesitation? Do you enter a room more boldly? Do you exude confidence more than ever? Do you feel happier? Do you feel stronger? What else about you do you imagine would feel different? Be specific.

Then consider what would ACTUALLY BE truly different about YOU? Really ponder that...

I understand losing your virginity is a rite of passage. My intent is not to minimize that rite of passage. My intent is to suggest you consider shifting your perspective about it. Right now, it seems to me you are giving your power away to it. You are giving away your power. To me, it seems you have decided (you feel) you are weak, unattractive, undesirable, whatever... because you haven't yet lost your virginity.

You seem, to me, to have decided that only once you have lost your virginity can you THEN own your power, your attractiveness, etc. I respectfully call bvll**** on that limited thinking.

Whatever woman you fvck for your very first time, her pvssy is not so magical that because your d!ck was finally dipped in it, you finally have permission to feel more attractive, masculine, more powerful etc. You don't have to wait till then to be that man. Her pvssy juice does not give you some required permission to feel more confident. That's bvll**** thinking. Her pvssy does not magically bestow any of that upon you. You can be that man now. Be careful not to act and think as if you have to dip your d!ick in your first pvssy to finally feel worthy of feeling good about yourself. You don't. You can choose to know yourself as a confident, empowered, attractive man right now. No waiting or pvssy necessary.

Once you have finally dipped your d1ck in a pvssy what does that make you? It makes you a man that has dipped his d!ck in a pvssy.

Don't limit or diminish your view of yourself based on whether or not your d1ck has been in a pvssy yet. Take your power back. Change your view of yourself, and your results with women will change. You are already that confident, attractive, empowered man, right now, if you allow it to be so. If you do, what will happens on other side of losing your virginity? Who will you be then? You'll be a man, with a d!ck that has been dipped in pvssy, who knows that who he is, is not defined by that first pvssy or any pvssy, ever.

TL;DR bold above

 

[Konada]

@LiveYourDream

I never thought about it that way but since you detailed it to me I'll be very specific if how I would feel after fvcking a woman I find attractive. I write this all out without any filter or backtracking, it may be incohorent at times but I feel the unfiltered core is what I genuinely desire from losing my V-Card.

First and foremost, I will feel that I am finally a man that is sexually desirable. To be able to conquer a woman's mind and body, of which I find attractive. I feel that I can get my needs met legitimately as they put it rather than forking out cash overtly to pay for pvssy. It runs deeper than that, to know that a woman I want willingly submits to me out of desire rather than an obligation. I wouldn't feel small like I used to be, even though I'm 120lbs. I want a woman who desires me, one of which that I didn't settle my standards for. I want to right my wrong of feeling like a useless piece of shvt for not protecting a girl in my past.

I will be standing taller, unafraid to look the world in the eye and say fvck you, because I've conquered a big part of my internal sh!t in my life that has been brought upon me by incessant bullying and betrayal. I would speak with more conviction, unafraid to pursue what I want and know that it is within my grasp. Shoulders back, relaxed not hunched, ready to take on the world as a real man. I wouldn't feel much happier to be honest, just more peace within myself and confidence in my ability to pursue a woman successfully at my whim and fancy. Knowing that I have this ability, I can move on to other areas of my life such as leadership, charisma and relentless expression of self and my dreams. If I can't even get a single person to be with me, what else of a chance do I have to influence the masses?

I wouldn't feel so small among my peers, to be judged against my ability to pull a woman, which somehow deep down, I know they really do. Everyone judges, its not up to me to give a fvck but I do simply because I judge myself for being small and unable to be have legitimate, mutual desire for each other of the opposite sex.

 

[LiveYourDream]

I want to right my wrong of feeling like a useless piece of shvt for not protecting a girl in my past.

I will be standing taller, unafraid to look the world in the eye and say fvck you, because I've conquered a big part of my internal sh!t in my life that has been brought upon me by incessant bullying and betrayal.

@Konada, I appreciate and want to acknowledge your openness and honesty with what you shared.

All you shared is meaningful. Lots struck me in all of it. More info on two pieces would be helpful to me, before I say more about any of it.

The two pieces I highlighted above appear to hold anchors of some sort that seem to add to your feeling stuck. If you would please share as much as you are willing, about each of them (in PM if need be.) I feel I could offer my own best reply, to all you have shared, with greater understanding of those (especially considering my inherently limited perspective on the matter at hand.)

Don't get me wrong, you already offered a lot to reply to. I think the men here already can and will offer you great insight from their own experiences and how it relates to what you already shared. They can offer you insight I'll never ever have. I look forward to reading more of what they share.

 

[Konada]

@LiveYourDream

Anchor 1: Long story short, I was 11 and was a class monitor in charge of my class. We were out on an excursion and though I didn't see it, my friends told me that a dude slapped a girl I liked across the face and she was visibly crying (that was mutual attraction between me and her). Instead of taking charge and confronting that guy, I just plumped to the ground and starting crying like a pvssy.

I went through therapy and uncovered alot of the stuff I unknowingly told myself about this incident.

1. I wanted to apologize to her for not standing up for what I thought was rightfully my responsibility both as a leader and her 'rock'.
2. I am weak and not good enough for any female where there is mutual attraction.
3. I cannot stand up to other men.

Anchor 2: Incessant bullying in the past from when I was 9 up till I was 18. I think the most scarring incident for me (I was 18) was when my classmates decided to fake a fight, and I took it up as my responsibility to stop it, even threatening to report it to my teachers. In fact, I felt that my sense of responsibility has been misled to create fun for them and it caused me alot of emotional scarring and hate for them, of which up till today I have not been able to get over it fully and cut contact with most of them.

Anchor 3: I got duped into a multilevel marketing scheme and lost a total of 50k SGD (roughly 35k USD) in the 2 years I was in the 'business' I was brought into the scheme from a long time friend of mine and I had a pretty good number of high school friends in the scheme as well. At some time, my gut feeling told me nobody knew what the fvck was going on and I was being fed lies by my friend to get me to keep going to bring in sales. Some unfortunately suffered the same fate as I did, while a handful of them are still continuing in the business, of whom I still see in my college but I don't talk to them anymore.

 

[Vivacity]

Konada, let me know your feels

 

[LiveYourDream]

@Konada, The altitude from which you see something affects your perspective of it. Consider that experience in the physical world. It parallels, in my experience, in how 'our altitude' affects the way we perceive ourselves and our lives.

Your self reflection and clarity are great! Your list is exactly what I was hoping/asking for. Your current perspective of these past experiences has you experiencing yourself as less than you really are. You already know that. How to get free? You gain enough altitude in your perspective and re-view them from there. The events that occurred don't keep you stuck. It is your perspective of them, that has you still feeling stuck and feeling like less than you really are.

I am incredibly aware that's just a bunch of words until you've had the experience and actually feel free from the very things that had you feeling incredibly stuck for so very long. I'll ponder the best way that I can see for you to get you some meaningful altitude and get unstuck. The stuckness you feel relates to how you experience yourself, in your life, not just you and women and losing your virginity. It sounds like it's time to lose the shackles that hold you back. That's exciting. I'll ponder the best way that I can see to help you do that. I'll PM you about it later.

In the meanwhile, here are some weird questions for you to ponder...

Whether it makes sense or not, did any part of you, at any point, decide that you weren't worthy/deserving/or ?/ of being with a woman/in a relationship with a woman, because of what happened in #1?

I am going to get weirder yet...

Does any part of you, hold yourself back, even subtly, from being with women now, (on some level) in order to subtly or directly punish yourself somehow, for what you perceived occurred in #1?

Once you've taken your time and pondered, PM me whatever is true for you about them. I am not here to judge any of it. Our minds take us weird places. Don't judge it. Don't concern yourself with the judgement of others about any of it. Your own freedom is more important that anyone's commentary. Be willing to see whatever is inside you, whether it makes sense to you or not. Be willing to acknowledge it, so you get free. It's getting free and living from a free place that matters.

 

[Konada]

Go fvck yourself.

 

[guru1000]

Konada, I, too, was extremely skinny (skinnier than you) before I turned 18. I had an extremely fast metabolism and found it nearly impossible to put on weight. I was so skinny that kids two grades below me used to try to bully me, LOL.

For four years, every night I made a huge bowl of pasta and a 3000 calorie weight gain shake. It took me three hours every night to finish this meal. Doing this, I put on 10 lbs per year for four years. I went from 130 lbs (at 6'0) to 170 lbs. I was still thin, but I became stronger. I then went to every kid that bvllied me, and (tried to) smash them. Some still kicked my azz, lol, but I didn't care, as I was free. I wouldn't encourage you to do this, as I don't want you to get charged with assault. However, going forward, I would encourage you to adopt the following:

If somebody verbally abuses you, verbally abuse them right back.

If somebody physically touches you, try to smash them. Even if you get your azz kicked, you will never carry any psychological encumbrances in the future from this event.

If somebody steals money from you or schemes you, sue them. Even if you don't have money for an attorney, go to the local courthouse, educate yourself, and serve them with a Summons & Complaint.

Be relentless with your retribution.

Never let anyone capitalize on your psyche, ever. As you can see, the aftereffect can haunt you for life.

AS to what happened to you. It happened. You are human. Very few start off bold and relentless. Very few start off serving uncompromising retribution. Rather boys learn from their past transgressions and thus evolve into men. You can't change the past, but you can allow the past to catalyze you into becoming the man YOU want to be NOW. Who is this man in your avatar? He looks like a man with motive to kick life's azz with tenacious fury.

 

[VladPatton]

Just stop giving a fvck, broski. Have a mentality of "whatever happens is cool, and whatever doesn't happen is cool, as well". There are worse problems in the world than a bunch of mediocre chicks flaking on you. We all wanna get that sexy nympho girl, but sometimes you have to let yourself regroup and not run after it so hard. It puts out a bad vibe, it's as if they feel that energy leaking from your pores. Chill out for a while.

 

[wifehunter]

it's as if they feel that energy leaking from your pores.

Yes, it's a needy frame. Ladies will run. Remember in order to attract them... it's psychological/mental, not so much physical.

If you don't have a good frame, the house will crumble.

Go fishing, or learn piano... do something interesting! That will help with your frame!

IOW, if you want her, get excited about other things.

Do not make women the center of your life!

 

[daddymonsterpoodle]

@Konada
Wow, you need to get some counselling or some sort of therapeutic psychiatric help. I don't mean this maliciously but with concern.

You are living with several delusions and poisoning your life.
Having sex with a gorgeous woman WILL NOT change your life (much) but you are treating it like the holy grail that will cleanse you of the poisonous events of your past. It won't. It is not a magic wand.

You sound like those bad events and bad choices are burnt into your psyche. Fix that, or at least come to an accommodation with it so that you can get on with living. Right not everything you are saying sounds like "why don't people value me?"."if I had sex with a gorgeous woman I would have value " Maybe people would just assume you paid for her anyway.
People don't value you because you are negative, bitter, are horribly insecure, desperate and are not giving value to the people around you. You are SO concerned with how others see you. Even if your outer game is great and it might be. You dress well, you aren't unnatractive. You are interested in getting better at pick-up.

The problem is your inner game is so bad it is repellent. That is the impression I get. If I am wrong then I apologise.

My advice would be that until you are a bit less damaged forget about women.
Forgive others, forgive yourself, move on from the past, enjoy your life.