Handling an Interrupter

[Atom Smasher]

I've just started hooking up with a woman, a bit of a LTR but entirely doable. She has an incredibly classy personality overall, but she does have a tendency to interrupt, which is my pet peeve.

In the past I've always handled it directly, to good effect. I simply told them straight out that they are habitually interrupting and I don't like it and need them to stop as it's rude (It's amazing you have to tell them this).

This time I thought I'd enlist the collective experience of SS to see if anyone has any experience/ideas about handling the chronic interrupter. Anybody have anything to share?

Thanks.

 

[dustmuffin]

Do you want a spanking? Please stop interupting

 

[oOh Nasty]

I once worked with a woman who loved to interrupt. I think the popular opinion would be to try to act as unaffected by it as possible when talking to a group.

Do you mean she interrupts you while you're talking to her? Or she interrupts you and forces herself to be the one talking in a group setting? If it was a one on one setting, I'd definitely nonchalantly tell her that it's disrespectful. However, in group settings, it's probably best to gracefully let her take the spotlight and find a way to get out of the conversation. People in the group who have good social intelligence will pick up on it and understand you, but unfortunately in my experience, I never get the feeling that people noticed that she talked over me. I'd find a way to let her know that it's bothersome later on when there's a chance.

I was consulting for a restaurant once and my cashier would always c0ckblock me when I would be talking to a cute customer. It would be something like:

Me: [Grab's customer's hands to look and touch her nails] Did you do these yourself?
Girl: Yes. Do you like them?
Me: [INTERRUPTED]
Cashier c0ckblocker: [In louder voice than mine] Wow omg so beautiful!
Girl: Really!?!?

And then, the girl and my cashier end up having small talk instead of me and her. Anyways, it's understandable. Not like I can isolate her or anything during work .

As far as girls interrupting me when I'm actually talking to them, I usually let it slide the first 2 or 3 times because I understand that everyone wants to be heard once in awhile. Chronic interrupters however, are just not fun to be around in general, so I end up just not associating myself with them anymore eventually.

But then again, you're talking about a plate or an LTR. In that case, I would let her know after the 2nd or 3rd time that interrupting is not a very attractive trait for a woman, as you already do, with a smile of course.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Yes, I do mean one-on-one and on the phone. She's already passed her "grace period". I've let it slide because she really does have a great personality, but it's time to nip it in the bud.

I'm keeping an imaginary "score sheet" on her, playfully deducting points for "bad" behavior and adding points for "good" behavior. She actually likes that a lot (she told me this). I already told her she is doing something that automatically deducts a full 5 points every time and sometime I'll tell her what it is.

I'll be seeing her tomorrow for some mini golf and antiquing. I may take out a piece of paper and deduct points every time she interrupts. She responds exceedingly well to "correction", for lack of a better word, and I have a feeling she'll get the hint if I do that. Of course I would have no problem at all telling her directly, but I thought it would be fun to experiment with a different approach.

In fact, I just may add dustmuffin's spanking suggestion.

 

[BetterCallSaul]

Do you want a spanking? Because interrupting is how you get a spanking.
Do you want my c0ck stuffed in your mouth? Because that's how you get my c0ck stuffed in your mouth.

Start making it as dirty as possible. I'd be willing to bet if you really work it you might get her to blush at some, then she'll start getting worked up. Depending on how it goes, it might actually solve the problem. Sort of a nuclear option.

 

[Atom Smasher]

LOL, this is a straight-laced girl, and Uncle Atom doesn't go the second route. I do like the wording of the first option. To her the spanking will be risqué enough.

 

[Serenity]

I tend to reflect back to a person all sorts of behavior, especially annoying ones. If they interrupt I patiently wait until they're in the middle of a sentence and then just start talking. If the person is just even slightly self-aware they will tone it down or stop. They notice it's annoying you interrupt them, but it would be hypocritical to ask you to stop because they're worse themselves. So they tone down their own annoying behavior as it's the only way they can justify asking you to stop interrupting. Which of course will never happen as you reflect the amount they're doing it and as they tone it down so do you.

That's how I turn people away from minor annoying behaviors without even confronting them about it, works fine.

 

[El Payaso]

Give her a stone cold look and say "Don't interrupt me while I'm speaking."

Say it exactly like that. Her panties will get wet followed by a "yes, sir."

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

"Yo, would you shut the hell up already? I'm talking here, Jesus ya ****."

Then again, it's to my bros when we are messing around and they do it repeatedly haha. To chicks, it's dependent on the logistics of it (how many there are, how well I know them, what their relation to me is, etc).

 

[parkthebus]

Theres a lot of different answers, none are correct. The dynamics between you two will be different from the dynamics between another couple. One thing I would say is that interrupting women tend to crave spotlight. I will assume she is the more talkative one by a good distance. Firstly, as a general rule, don't say too much and make sure what you do say is carries a lot of weightt. She will do the small talk in between for you.

Now the more you say things of meaning, the less she will interrupt and if she does and it grates you, just hold your hand up with your palm slightly raised (this is the body language speak for stop, but bare in mind the more you raise your palm the less subtle the language will be) and say "wait till I'm finished" in as neutral a voice as possible.

 

[Trump]

I've just started hooking up with a woman, a bit of a LTR but entirely doable. She has an incredibly classy personality overall, but she does have a tendency to interrupt, which is my pet peeve.

In the past I've always handled it directly, to good effect. I simply told them straight out that they are habitually interrupting and I don't like it and need them to stop as it's rude (It's amazing you have to tell them this).

This time I thought I'd enlist the collective experience of SS to see if anyone has any experience/ideas about handling the chronic interrupter. Anybody have anything to share?

Thanks.

If you have always told women they need to stop Interrupting and they have listened with amazing results, why are you asking SS what to do now?

Unless you are in love with this woman and don't want to offend her. Just keep doing the same thing.

 

[Fireballs]

When she interrupts you, turn your back to her and focus on something else/walk off.. When she asks why you did that say something like "You interrupted me and I lost my train of thought so this conversation is over.." delivering it in a non-butthurt way is key

 

[LiveYourDream]

I was this woman. I was incredibly unaware of how often I did it and the impact of it on others. I had perceived it as dialoguing somehow. One of the truly great men in my life brought it to my attention, in a very kind, direct and concise way. He was conveyed awareness not judgement . A sentence or two at the most. I don't recall what he said. I remember feeling stunned. I remember being shocked as I realized I was being disrespectful and that people felt disrespected and like I did not value what they were sharing. I get that sounds so obvious. Somehow, until he brought it to my awareness I truly thought people were ok with "dialoguing" like that.

It took a lot of self control to retrain the impulse that had always interrupted to wait. In doing so, I realized how much more people shared with me, past the point where I would have interrupted. I realized how much value was in those things that I would have missed but now heard. I thought about all that I might have heard had I listened better. I realized how much people appreciated my fully listening and catching my impulse to interrupt and insisting they continue, as I worked to change my patterns. Deep relationships just got even deeper. I could tell how much more people, I deeply love and care about, felt so much more respected by the change in how I listened to them. I felt sad inside to realize my interruptions caused them to feel any less than that, from me, for so long.

Sometimes I catch myself still doing it. Sometimes I am fortunate and I catch myself in time to stop myself and others not till I've crossed the line. These days I feel the let down of the other almost immediately and it hurts as nothing in me wanted that to happen. I stop and apologize. I work to do better. I want to be a good listener. I want to hear what people have to share. I want them to know I care and respect them and I want my actions reflect that. I have huge gratitude for the man who brought it to my attention and the way he did, and all the ways it's touched my life and those I relate with. It's a huge gift if you give it in a way she can hear it.

TL;DR
I'd recommend bringing it up when you have a little time to speak and not at a time when it's just happened. I'd recommend you approach it with the sense that she's been unaware and you are offering her the gift/opportunity to become aware. I'd say something along the lines of, "When I am speaking and you interrupt me, I feel disrespected by you." "I realize you may not be aware of how often you interrupt others or how it makes them feel when you do, and that's why I wanted to bring it to your attention." I'd keep it really simple like that.

When times come and she slips and interrupts you, I suggest you smirk, with a wink, so she can immediately recognize her pattern and learn to break it. It was really tough for me to break mine, not because I didn't want to. It was just how my brain and mouth were used to 'dialoging." It felt really strange to speak and listen back and forth till total completion. It was that different for me. I am so grateful to understand how it is for others and do it in a way that everyone feels deeply heard and respected. I really had no idea of the impact of what I was doing before. Your post was a great reminder for me to check myself and see if I am doing as well with it as I can. Thank you.

 

[dude99]

Ask her a question. Every time she goes to answer interupt her. Keep doing this until she questions it. Then play dumb...."what isn't this how we communicate? "

 

[The Duke]

My long term ex would always interrupt when when we were having heated discussions. The only thing that really resolved the issue was explaining to her how I felt when she did this. It did little good when I told her to stop, and not do this.

Basically to remedy the problem I would say things like, hey....this makes me feel like you don't care what I have to say, my thoughts don't matter, and I feel like I can't connect with you when you don't let me talk. The light turned on for her when I let her know this. So afterwards she just had to practice restraining herself. I also explained that whenever she does it, I was going to stop the conversation and walk off. Eventually she got a lot better.

What Live Your Dream posted was very spot on!

 

[zekko]

I'm keeping an imaginary "score sheet" on her, playfully deducting points for "bad" behavior and adding points for "good" behavior. She actually likes that a lot (she told me this). I already told her she is doing something that automatically deducts a full 5 points every time and sometime I'll tell her what it is.

I like this, because it's a playful and somewhat diplomatic way of addressing it. I think most people will interrupt from time to time when they get excited. Being a couple may even exacerbate this, because if she's excited to be around you, it may actually increase her tendency to interrupt. But no one responds well to being told "You're being a rude b!tch".

 

[oOh Nasty]

I like this, because it's a playful and somewhat diplomatic way of addressing it. I think most people will interrupt from time to time when they get excited. Being a couple may even exacerbate this, because if she's excited to be around you, it may actually increase her tendency to interrupt. But no one responds well to being told "You're being a rude b!tch".

She'll appreciate you even more for not causing a sudden rift in her positive energy by bringing the issue up later or doing it playfully. It shows her that you have social intelligence and are able to predict and read her emotions.

 

[Atom Smasher]

If you have always told women they need to stop Interrupting and they have listened with amazing results, why are you asking SS what to do now?

Unless you are in love with this woman and don't want to offend her. Just keep doing the same thing.

The reason is posted.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Field debriefing:

I asked for a second score card, saying that I need it to keep track of her negative points, but didn't even have to use it once at the mini golf course. Zero interruptions.

At the antiques mall, she interrupted one time only. Around that time I told her "Wow, first time. I thought I was going to have to fill up this score card with negative points all day long". Then I briefly and light-heartedly told her my views on interrupting, that she did it non-stop on our date last time, blah blah. She received it very well, said she was probably nervous, etc. I said, "I mean, imagine if you were talking to me, a few sentences in, and all of a sudden I started talking about a different subject. That wouldn't feel very good, would it?" Of course she totally agreed.

They're children, let's face it!

This is one of those rare low-drama women. Very affable and goes along enthusiastically with everything.

 

[Atom Smasher]

You make a point, but she really is on the very low-end of the drama scale at her core. At my age you learn how to discern this very easily. You are correct that with a different guy she would be somewhat different, but she has a presence and dignity about her that emanates from her very core. Instead of dishing out drama she would simply graciously say she's not interested. She would definitely have no problem saying that to a man.

In other words, the raw material here is as good as it gets. Let's see what I can do with it.