How do you pursue without chasing?

[GunShow85]

I think this is the BIGGEST QUESTION of getting girls - HOW DO YOU PURSUE, BUT NOT CHASE

If a girl is in your social circle, you can run into her frequently/accidentally and play it cool (be a challenge). This works great on college campus when you see her daily without trying! But if you meet a girl outside of your social circle and live in a big city, you may never see her without reaching out. So the challenge is: how to reach out/stay in touch without chasing when girl is outside your circle?

I don't think there is any magic solution to this and being a challenge to girls you never run into is nearly impossible. You either become out-of-site-out-of-mind challenge after time or you must contact them somehow. Rarely will an HB9 be so turned on that she keeps chasing/initiating contact. In a big city, these girls are getting invited out 10+ times a week. (maybe being the one guy that never reaches out makes you stand out from others - but most likely they just forget eventually)

The consensus here is contact them and then go NC if they don't want to meet within 2 tries, but even this is still acting much needier than casually seeing her on campus. My friends say keep contacting HB9 because nothing ventured/nothing gained, but I doubt this works either. Plus asking a girl out more than twice is pathetic. What if you have two great dates but go out town for a few weeks, you want to reinitiate contact but that is not being aloof/DGAF?

You could try to bump into each other by lurking where she hangs out? You could try to find out where she is going by friends? But all of this is trying too hard and creepy stalker. I think you just have to reach out to them but do it confidently and slowly. Maybe you play it super cool/disinterested and then bump into them 6 months later (prob best/easiest but risky that you never see again and magic may faded).

Thoughts?

(Interesting side note - I'm new here but noticed the psychology of being a challenge transcends all socio economic classes. Girls that live in trailers and Taylor Swift all want a guy that's a challenge.... and rednecks to Tom Brady both need to have game. Even professional athletes need game. You might say 'they don't' but in my experience we are all competing, but on different levels. I know several good looking professional athletes that just have no game. They usually get the first date okay but then elite quality girls think they are boring, cheesy, meathead, not as cool as the other athlete, etc. For example, Ben Affleck needs just as much game to try and get Taylor Swift as BibleBelt needs to get the hottie he met at the mall. Affleck's competing against other A-List and also Swift needs confidence/humor/challenge/etc to be naturally attracted. Guess we are all humans.)

 

[MrWood]

in the text game HB9 you need to be provocative and different
do NOT compliment her (that is how to not be the other guys)
if you get a low interest, hit with dominant sex and go NC
"I would [rather/prefer] tell you to get on your fvcking knees and get your ass in the air"
or
"I had an opinion of you... nice lips tho, take care"

 

[cola]

You hit her invite her on a date. If she declines or flakes, you wait a week give or take a day and invite her on another date. If she declines/flakes again, I'd delete her number then and there. However, if you really think she's worth it wait one week more and try again.

She gets no small talk until she goes on a date. No random "Wyd?", "How was work".. none of that until she goes on a date.

 

[Huffman]

This works great on college campus when you see her daily without trying! But if you meet a girl outside of your social circle and live in a big city, you may never see her without reaching out.

The point is completely moot! Seeing her daily on campus while being completely passive - how is that getting you laid?

That's right, you're going to go on a date, which you will ask her out on. Boom, reached out. The only thing the campus does is give you time to build comfort BEFORE the first date. And, another chance to game her even after she rejected you.

 

[Huffman]

Your main question is how to attack a woman without being needy. Well, a girl who is truly interested will text you sometimes. If she does, hell, it won't be needy of you to attack, in fact it would be very mutual.

But what to do with a girl that never initiates, never says "thanks had fun" after a date? How to "play it right"?
In my experience the root cause of such a question is usually - low interest. Sorry to break it to you, it's probably too late.

But! No matter the cause - this needs not affect our behaviour. Personally, I'm done guessing and plotting. If I want it, attack. In case of low interest it will mostly fail, but who cares. Better be done with it.

 

[GoodOne123]

Or....you can just quit all this over-thinking and theorising. Just ask them out to hang out. You will feel better about yourself whether you get a date or get rejected. This is because you are not thinking "what if", you simply got it out of the way.

Sure, if you know them and see them regularly you don't need to ask them out immediately. You can gradually show your interest and see if she responds positively

And it doesn't matter if it's officially "pursuing" or "chasing". Who really gives a ****? You are asking them out to get an answer, yes or no, so you get peace of mind sooner. It's to benefit you first.

You are worried about appearing needy, but you won't, unless you're needy. Needy people appear needy, you see? A confident guy just knows they aren't needy, so they don't feel like they have to worry about appearing needy at all.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Pursuing is stupid. Women usually "choose". Don't over talk her if your not getting progress. Corey Wayne has the process. Hang out and hook up...

 

[ohrein]

You're a bit too caught up with semantics. The don't chase rule, while nebulous, is simply about not over reaching with one woman. Chasing to me conjures up an image of a woman running. If you're trying too hard to get a woman then two things are likely. You're already showing signs of oneitis AND you're killing all the attraction by being desperate.

It's true as the man you must initiate and you must lead. But that's not the same thing as throwing yourself at a woman. It's not "chasing" a girl to say hey, chat for a bit, leave an impression on her and get her number. She's not going to be thinking at this point, wow this guy is trying really hard. She's probably going to be thinking, man I hope he calls me. Once she's hooked, she'll start chasing you to hang out, she'll start trying to win you over.

I might do a post on false binaries. Is that too philosophical for this site? I'm seeing a lot of posts lately that are very much if it's THIS then how can it be THIS as well. Human interaction isn't 1's and 0's. You can actually chase and be a challenge at the same time. Metaphors often aren't accurate representations of reality.

 

[Huffman]

I might do a post on false binaries. Is that too philosophical for this site? I'm seeing a lot of posts lately that are very much if it's THIS then how can it be THIS as well. Human interaction isn't 1's and 0's. You can actually chase and be a challenge at the same time. Metaphors often aren't accurate representations of reality.

Go ahead. I think people lack so much practical experience that they, in their desperation, cling to absolutes when everything else feels uncertain. It's a very normal and typical behaviour when learning a new skill.

 

[ohrein]

Go ahead. I think people lack so much practical experience that they, in their desperation, cling to absolutes when everything else feels uncertain. It's a very normal and typical behaviour when learning a new skill.

Which is fine. It's useful for learning. There are some near absolutes as well. (95-99%). I am a firm believer in all women are like that. It took me ten years to decide it's true, but I think 99% of the time, most of what you read about women here is true. That's due to how much behavior is driven by biology, a concept I was completely ignorant to in my youth. But I've seen people get stuck a few times in this very rigid frame of do this x times, don't do this more than y times. Always do this, NEVER do this. Again, great for learning the concepts as you'll see how it works. But maybe I could do a post on moving past the beginner/intermediate phase into a more natural, less rigid application of this information.

 

[Vivacity]

I might do a post on false binaries. Is that too philosophical for this site? I'm seeing a lot of posts lately that are very much if it's THIS then how can it be THIS as well. Human interaction isn't 1's and 0's. You can actually chase and be a challenge at the same time. Metaphors often aren't accurate representations of reality.

This ^^^ in bold is a bad game. I have had that "chasing" and then "being a challenge" experience.

In the past, I have had the experience of girls flirting with me aggressively (who I knew they liked me, for sure, and wanted me to make a move) and then when I took their number and tried to reach them later, they either let my call go to their answering system or they were non-responsive to my text. This is the biggest offense, in my book. I had nexted all such girls after one strike. Usually, when I take a girl's number, I try to reach out to her twice, i.e., follow 2-strike rule, before I next her. In this case, I only give one strike, because the offense is the biggest, according to me.

Fast forward a few days: When I nexted them after one strike for their bad behavior without trying to reach them for the second time, these girls were all over their facebook, twitter, instagram whining to their friends as to how they lost their love, how their life lost the pace, blah blah blah.

By chasing and then being a challenge, you are causing confusion. You don't confuse someone you like or love. Big NO. You deserve to lose that person.

 

[BeExcellent]

I might do a post on false binaries. Is that too philosophical for this site? I'm seeing a lot of posts lately that are very much if it's THIS then how can it be THIS as well. Human interaction isn't 1's and 0's.

Yes please. Human relations are daunting exactly because it is NOT an exact science. There is an art to it, both objective and subjective components. There are trends and generalizations that are generally accurate but every time I see ALL women do this or ALL women do that on here I chuckle. The only absolute commonality amongst ALL women is physiologic. Women do all the baby having and are equipped with the appropriate anatomy for that task. But assuming that ALL women do anything else is absurd in an absolute sense.

Some of the contradictory things I see here are:

A. The most desirable woman is a low count or virginal, and young woman; so when a man finds one, guys here tell the dude to run, she doesn't have any experience, she won't like sex, she's a prude etc. Next her immediately.

B. The never chase a woman, make her chase you dilemma (but isn't the male role to engage/initiate?) Didn't hear from her (perhaps she is being submissive/feminine and waiting for the man to initiate/engage)...she must be low interest. Next her immediately.

C. Banged her on the first date, way to go! But oh then she's low quality, she banged you on the first date so she must be trash. Next her immediately.

and the converse of C,

D. She won't sleep with me (yet - whatever timeframe *yet* represents); so she must not like me, she must not like sex, she's a prude, she's damaged. Next her immediately.

E. (My personal favorite) The ALL women are emotional/ALL men are rational rhetoric. Actually ALL people fall somewhere on a continuum between emotionally and rationally driven thinking. I've seen men exhibit predominantly emotionally based thinking patterns and I've seen women exhibit predominantly rationally based thinking patterns.

I don't disagree that there are trends in male/female relations that are typically applicable, but I also think it wise to keep an eye out for the outliers that do exist in the world. I think at times posters are too quick to spout off "Next!" and do it because the poster may not have the wisdom to offer salient advice (and granted there often ARE times when NEXT!! is most assuredly the best advice.)

Male/female relations are to me like predicting the weather. Predictable, but not to an absolute degree, and so many variables at play that greater than 50% accuracy as evidenced by the outcome makes a pretty good forecaster.

So yes, I for one would find a discussion of false binaries rather informative. Human relations are anything but binary.

 

[RangerMIke]

You hit her invite her on a date. If she declines or flakes, you wait a week give or take a day and invite her on another date. If she declines/flakes again, I'd delete her number then and there. However, if you really think she's worth it wait one week more and try again.

She gets no small talk until she goes on a date. No random "Wyd?", "How was work".. none of that until she goes on a date.

Yep. You express your interest by asking her out. If she declines you just move on the the next one. Keep trying to get her out if you think you are getting signs she is interested, but that is all you do... you ask her out every couple of weeks, that's it. Try as much as you want, but if she won't go out with you after 3 tries spaced out over 3-4 weeks, your chance of getting her out is less than 1%.

No BS beating around the bush or trying to get any one woman to like you. If she won't go out with you she doesn't like you, the only way to change her mind, if it CAN change, is to vanish and go after the next woman. If she changes her mind she'll reach out to you.

You pursue women (Plural), never chase a women (Singular).

 

[bigneil]

All a man can do is be attractive to her.

There is no shortcut or alternative. So you occasionally show up at her work or hang out spot and you look good, and you let her see you with other beautiful women.

Done right, they will:

1) Remember your name
2) Run over to hug you when they see you
3) Pose for photos
4) Give you their number
5) Reply
6) Initiate
7) Flirt
8) Use the word "love" and send hearts
9) Meet you for dates
10) Develop feelings for you

In that order.

Example: I've seen one girl about four times in the last month (a waitress where I play pool). The first time I asked her name and birthday and said "Wow, beautiful women keep getting younger and younger". Always let your romantic interest be known right away. I made sure to remember her birthday (she is only 18). The next time I couldn't remember her name but I remembered her birthday. So she told me her full name including two middle names (allowing me to find her on FB which of course I did NOT friend her on). The third time I recited her full name, and there was a guy being rude to her and I beat him 3 straight games at pool (with her watching and rooting for me). They want to know you can perform under pressure. The fourth time I saw her was last night and she ran over to see me, and then later introduced me to a friend (also 18). When I made her friend laugh she said "See? I TOLD you about him...Neil, I told her that we LOVE you!". I later told her that I never saw her look so beautiful as last night. Now this girl is someone who is way too young for me to pursue, but in my experience this is the general process of getting new women in your life.

 

[ohrein]

This ^^^ in bold is a bad game.

By chasing and then being a challenge, you are causing confusion. You don't confuse someone you like or love. Big NO. You deserve to lose that person.

Sorry, but you're just flat wrong. Push and pull is great game conceptually and literally. Stirring emotion in a woman, both good and bad, is at the core of what people consider "love". Given that you can't have good without bad, you must have some negative emotions. Confusion is also a good thing. Intrigue, mystery. These things drive human curiosity. No woman wants the boring nice guy.

So yes, I for one would find a discussion of false binaries rather informative. Human relations are anything but binary.

Yep, you covered a lot of exactly what I'm talking about. I'm going to spend some time writing it out to really do it justice and make sure it's clearly explained.

 

[mental blockstack]

I'm going to spend some time writing it out to really do it justice and make sure it's clearly explained.

Very interested in the topics you mentioned in this thread, that you plan to write more in depth about.

 

[Desdinova]

Initiate contact. Be friendly, funny, playful, and initiate kino if possible. If she's in your social circle, don't get her number immediately. If there's a slim chance you'll see her again, then get the number and use a non-threatening line such as "We should keep in touch".

To have a woman actually pursue you, you need to be in her vicinity. If you're actually interested in her, you'll need to initiate contact. Some women will be interested in you without you knowing, and some of them will find excuses to initiate contact with you. When you have a woman initiate contact with you, assume that she's interested and help her "pursue" you by being friendly, funny, playful, and initiating kino (although she may initiate first). If you're going to see her again, you can delay getting her number although she may initiate a number exchange first.

You really have to interact with a lot of women to get a feel for what's going on in your interaction with them. Some women will give you barely any indication that they're interested while some will make it 100% obvious. So get out there and interact!

 

[JohnChops]

Your main question is how to attack a woman without being needy. Well, a girl who is truly interested will text you sometimes. If she does, hell, it won't be needy of you to attack, in fact it would be very mutual.

.

Truth. A very interested girl will always text you. Any girl that texts/initiates any contact first, means she was thinking about you. She wants you to ask her out , so do it.

 

[wifehunter]

Pursue/chase initially... then back off...

The object is to give her the opportunity to come to you.

You are the prize!

Basic stuff here. Good nonetheless.

 

[old_skoolr]

"Before I talk, my style introduced me..."

Nasir Jones