Dumped by girlfriend with cancer

[ubercat]

We don't know if she was legit or not. You do know that you need to work on yourself a bit

For multiple counts of self neglect I sentence you to six months of Monk mode. There's two kinds of reboot guys who come here. Whinging trolls who a complete waste of skin.

That's the first path. The good path is to create a dating journal thread and a fitness thread. Look for a good body weight workout there is one on the DJ discussion forum. Join meetup.com and start working on your interests and social circle. Read up here and start asking the occasional girl out. Post in your journal Threads, get feedback and adjust accordingly.

 

[bmp2cpm]

My initial impression after reading this is that while you may turned a little bit AFC in the relationship, her cancer changed the type of resources she needed. To rephrase, her resource needs did a complete 360 once she realized she had cancer and the disease was becoming more of a progressing issue for her.

The older guy had a better resource package to offer her with regard to her illness. Had there been no illness, it could be that your resource package would have trumped the older guys resource package.

Women go for the man who can offer the best resources to her. But a woman's resource needs are never static, they are ever changing.

Also, she probably has daddy issues.

Read Evolution of Desire by David Buss for more info.

 

[Dingo]

You had a good heart and got f'd for it.

Now go read the "Book of Pook" and learn how to be a better man.

 

[LiveFreeX]

Thanks Op, I live for posts like this.... pure comedy gold.

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

OP,

It's the most counter intuitive thing as a man to totally internalize that a woman does not truly appreciate the things you do for her and the sacrifices you make. It is a very tough pill to swallow. You did what you did out of kindness and love so don't be too hard on yourself. However, never forget this hard learned lesson and do your utmost to never make the same mistake again.

And if you haven't already, read everything on rollo tomassi's rationalmale website.

-Augustus-

 

[Comp eliminator]

Thanks for the well thought out reply so. I'm going to look at the books suggested and keeping working on my fitness level. Im making myself get my ass back in the shop to get things done. Live free x, I'm glad this **** is entertaining to someone.

 

[Comp eliminator]

Im pining over a women with serious health problems who's short and somewhat shapeless with 2 young kids . She also has basically no integrity and because of her health she can't hold down a job even with her degree. So ,how ****ed up am i? I battle myself over this every day. Reading lots of good stuff on here and elsewhere

 

[LiveYourDream]

It doesn't serve you to judge yourself so stop. Loss is hard. You love/d her and it hurts. You are human. What you do now matters. I suggest you not get caught up in spending excessive time online or reading. Focus on activity. Complete things at home that have been waiting for a while and do activities alone and with others out in the world, join meet up groups if you need to. Keep momentum in your life and stay actively engaged in the world, especially if your primary inclination is to withdraw and cave at home all the time. Find new focuses for your attention. Take up a new hobby. Find something active that excites you and you are eager to learn more about. Engage that. One foot in front of the other. She's your past and you are moving on. Keep going.

 

[grayclif]

It's the most counter intuitive thing as a man to totally internalize that a woman does not truly appreciate the things you do for her and the sacrifices you make. It is a very tough pill to swallow. You did what you did out of kindness and love so don't be too hard on yourself. However, never forget this hard learned lesson and do your utmost to never make the same mistake again.

@Augustus_McCrae - it's input like this that make this site so helpful. Thanks.

 

[Comp eliminator]

Thank you for taking the time to write. It's not killing me like it was but i still think about it all the time. I work out if town right now so I can't work in my shop.. ive been hitting the gym pretty hard and working in the shop on weekends. Been dating an absolute beautiful girl but still thinking about the ex. I need to do more through the week like suggested. I keep thinking what if she dies soon and I never talk to her again. The obvious answer is who gives a **** but that's the type **** that goes through my mind

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Thank you for taking the time to write. It's not killing me like it was but i still think about it all the time. I work out if town right now so I can't work in my shop.. ive been hitting the gym pretty hard and working in the shop on weekends. Been dating an absolute beautiful girl but still thinking about the ex. I need to do more through the week like suggested. I keep thinking what if she dies soon and I never talk to her again. The obvious answer is who gives a **** but that's the type **** that goes through my mind

Don't think bad, she has no integrity, it could be her illness making her worse and more negative too. Happens sometimes. Anyways if you want to move forward the very best thing to do is not to think about her, don't complain about her, don't write about her, and start working on your life and things you like to do.

 

[sodbuster]

I'd suggest you read "no more mr. nice guy" I think it fits your situation. You THINK she should love you for all the effort you put in. Doesn't work that way. In fact, IF you were so nice EXPECTING a return, you aren't REALLY a nice guy. You are just a jerk like me working a different angle.....

The only woman who will truly love you is your mother.....

 

[The Duke]

Comp/Elim-
When she started flaking you should have ended it. A chick only flakes due to low interest. By going overboard & getting pissed at her all you did, was give her an excuse to make you look like the bad one. Its always best to stay calm and let them feel the guilt of their own shady dealings. And trust me, in 5yrs she will look back on it and still feel the guilt for treating you badly. I’ve experience this before! Women carriage negative baggage with them forever.
And yes, never get so into a chic that it sets your relationship up for failure, even in long term deals. Its sad that it has to be this way, but thats how it is.

You deserve some of the blame for this, but you also had a loser on your hands. Someone that can’t be up front with you but still accepts your generousity is a piece of schitt low life.

She will pull the same tricks on your replacement. Just sit back and watch.

 

[Comp eliminator]

Yep, I agree with you. No matter what happens it's allways Ultimately your fault. The fact she was sick kind of confused the situation a little for me.. big ****ing learning experience. I let this **** **** my whole year up so far. Ive been working on dragging myself back to the living so to speak. It's hilarious to me that to the bitter end she swore she and this guy were just friends even though she was living with him. I still don't see the point in lying about it

 

[LiveFreeX]

You need some real life friends brother, go to a Trump rally or a Milo convention.

 

[HeadLightsOn]

NEXT

So funny!

 

[thirdtimescharm]

Yep, I agree with you. No matter what happens it's allways Ultimately your fault. The fact she was sick kind of confused the situation a little for me.. big ****ing learning experience. I let this **** **** my whole year up so far. Ive been working on dragging myself back to the living so to speak. It's hilarious to me that to the bitter end she swore she and this guy were just friends even though she was living with him. I still don't see the point in lying about it

I came late to this thread but the fact that you're still even making any effort to understand her actions shows how far you are from being past it. Whether or not she's sick, she lied, or she's the queen of fvcking england doesn't matter. She's out of your life. You'll never know what her motivations were.

Here's why she did it to you: YOU LET HER.

 

[Comp eliminator]

You will have to explain that. How did I let her?

 

[LiveFreeX]

Who cares man, just go to Japan and be done with this b1tch.

 

[Comp eliminator]

Sounds like a plan to me.