I need some help with comfort

[CuddleJunkie]

My brothers, 6 or 7 month ago I came here crying like a girl, talking about how I was too much of an alpha with my ex. I recognized it was alpha behaviour from a beta position, and I rationalized that once I fixed my beta mindset, I would stop being such an aggresive jerk. I was right.

Now I'm a stoic statue. I know how I like to brag about converting my ex to catholicism and other stuff, but my frame has never been so strong. So aloof I am that I'm getting some commentaries from the girl I'm with right now. It was a progressive thing, it went from "You never smile" to "Sometimes it's like you don't feel a thing" last night. Now, this **** has worked really well until now, he has do everything I'v'e asked for, and she was falling more and more, but yesterday's phrase got me thinking. Is this her wanting to move the relationship forward? She's been asking for a month now that I meet her friends; she keeps on talking about childhood memories; making plans about me going to see her when she moves (I'll explain). So maybe I am failing some comfort test? What do you think my friends? And how can I a more comfy guy?.

About the LDR thing, she's moving back to her country in 20 days or so, and she wants to keep on seeing me. I would be OK with this if it would only entail a couple visits a year without commitment (I mean, a free trip to her country is something I would love), but this probably is not what she's looking for, and I won't have a LDR, so it's pretty much game over IMO. I would try to play this out anyhow.

TL;DR How can I be more "bf" material, and how to spot comfort tests.

 

[marmel75]

My brothers, 6 or 7 month ago I came here crying like a girl, talking about how I was too much of an alpha with my ex. I recognized it was alpha behaviour from a beta position, and I rationalized that once I fixed my beta mindset, I would stop being such an aggresive jerk. I was right.

Now I'm a stoic statue. I know how I like to brag about converting my ex to catholicism and other stuff, but my frame has never been so strong. So aloof I am that I'm getting some commentaries from the girl I'm with right now. It was a progressive thing, it went from "You never smile" to "Sometimes it's like you don't feel a thing" last night. Now, this **** has worked really well until now, he has do everything I'v'e asked for, and she was falling more and more, but yesterday's phrase got me thinking. Is this her wanting to move the relationship forward? She's been asking for a month now that I meet her friends; she keeps on talking about childhood memories; making plans about me going to see her when she moves (I'll explain). So maybe I am failing some comfort test? What do you think my friends? And how can I a more comfy guy?.

About the LDR thing, she's moving back to her country in 20 days or so, and she wants to keep on seeing me. I would be OK with this if it would only entail a couple visits a year without commitment (I mean, a free trip to her country is something I would love), but this probably is not what she's looking for, and I won't have a LDR, so it's pretty much game over IMO. I would try to play this out anyhow.

TL;DR How can I be more "bf" material, and how to spot comfort tests.

This is STILL a beta mindset. You care what she thinks. Why? She is trying to figure you out. That's a good thing by the way.
Stop worrying about what she thinks and do what you want to do.

And why do you give a fvck about a relationship? That's a woman's job not yours.

 

[CuddleJunkie]

This is STILL a beta mindset. You care what she thinks. Why? She is trying to figure you out. That's a good thing by the way.
Stop worrying about what she thinks and do what you want to do.

And why do you give a fvck about a relationship? That's a woman's job not yours.

Because I'm not only concerned about random sex, I want to keep multiple plates for a long time, so I have female support in my life. Since I got this girl, my cooking and cleaning endeavors have declined at least a 20%, the massages make wonders after working out, and the constant ego-validation you get from someone asking about you is addicting as ****.

I don't give a **** about having a LTR, as I recognize its inability in today's society, but I do give a **** about learning how to make my relationships the most enjoyable I can.

This is the problem with SoSuave, 70% of advice is "lol dude who cares, she's a hoe". I understand this, as 70% of guys do care way too much, but I want to understand women so I can enjoy them to the fullest. Is knowledge, and how to use it, considered beta nowadays? And I'm not saying I'm an alpha beast btw, I still have plenty to work on, but this is not one of those things.

 

[ubercat]

She's obviously feeling quite rightly that she'll just be replaced by the next immigrant girl. Given the circumstances not much you can do about that.

For comfort generally why don't you try a little paint by numbers. There's plenty of books you can download with list of romantic things to do and thousands of questions to get to know somebody. I'm not saying to turn into Betamax. But you can randomly throw them into the mix once in a while. Combine that with your standard Alpha schtick and you'll be a hell of a keeper for a hell of a lot of girls.

 

[CuddleJunkie]

She's obviously feeling quite rightly that she'll just be replaced by the next immigrant girl. Given the circumstances not much you can do about that.

For comfort generally why don't you try a little paint by numbers. There's plenty of books you can download with list of romantic things to do and thousands of questions to get to know somebody. I'm not saying to turn into Betamax. But you can randomly throw them into the mix once in a while. Combine that with your standard Alpha schtick and you'll be a hell of a keeper for a hell of a lot of girls.

I was re-reading some content from Heartiste/Roissy, and it was in the line of your advice. Just some random display of vulnerability like bringing some flowers with for no reason, I will try it. Thanks ubercat.

 

[Desdinova]

it went from "You never smile" to "Sometimes it's like you don't feel a thing"

Where is the fun in your personality? Being in the same state all the time is boring to a woman. They want to have some fun with their bad boy. It sounds like you need to let loose a bit more.

 

[CuddleJunkie]

Where is the fun in your personality? Being in the same state all the time is boring to a woman. They want to have some fun with their bad boy. It sounds like you need to let loose a bit more.

I have always been a serious person as far as I can remember, I don't really know why. The thing is, when I do let loose, people love me. For example, I might see someone I have not seen for a long time and will say "remember when you did whatever thing?". BUT, this happens rarely. I don't know why, because I'm not on an anxious or nervous state anymore, and I used to think this was the problem. Maybe I'm too much time in my head? Since I've gained game awareness, and general social dynamics knowledge I find myself analyzing people's behaviours...how they behave depending on what group they are in, the hierarchies, etc. But as I said, I remember always being like this, but with other topics instead of social dynamics, might be the reason I'm into philosophy.

I will work on being more present and enjoying being more random, because I know I'm capable of it. Actually Desdinova, while I was writing this I was thinking about your emotional rollercoaster posts...and I've realized that in the few times she misbehaved I didn't get angry, just made clear I was not taking any ****. Do you think I should feign anger? My ex craved my mood swings, and I did get extremely angry when she was being bitchy. The problem is I can not take women's ****-tests seriously anymore.
Thanks for the input.

 

[marmel75]

Because I'm not only concerned about random sex, I want to keep multiple plates for a long time, so I have female support in my life. Since I got this girl, my cooking and cleaning endeavors have declined at least a 20%, the massages make wonders after working out, and the constant ego-validation you get from someone asking about you is addicting as ****.

I don't give a **** about having a LTR, as I recognize its inability in today's society, but I do give a **** about learning how to make my relationships the most enjoyable I can.

This is the problem with SoSuave, 70% of advice is "lol dude who cares, she's a hoe". I understand this, as 70% of guys do care way too much, but I want to understand women so I can enjoy them to the fullest. Is knowledge, and how to use it, considered beta nowadays? And I'm not saying I'm an alpha beast btw, I still have plenty to work on, but this is not one of those things.

If that's what you want that is fine, I'm just pointing out its still a beta mindset.

The easiest way is to probably follow Guru's advice of doing some "out of character" beta things once in a while. Flowers, romantic dinners, telling her how much you've been thinking about her, etc...

But honestly, as long as you are fvcking her really well there isn't much to worry about. Chicks don't leave guys who provide them with amazing sex. So the best and most bulletproof way is to learn how to be that guy.

 

[Desdinova]

Actually Desdinova, while I was writing this I was thinking about your emotional rollercoaster posts...and I've realized that in the few times she misbehaved I didn't get angry, just made clear I was not taking any ****. Do you think I should feign anger?

Sometimes you should calmly correct her, occasionally you should get down right pissed off. In other words, allow yourself to make mistakes. It all contributes to the emotional rollercoaster.

The problem is you're spending all your time being serious. When I first started working on myself, I made an extra effort to bring out my fun and humorous side along with amplifying my excitement. Women really feed off your moods and if you spend all your time being serious or angry, she's going to be the same way. You have to find that good balance between everything to not only keep her interest high, but to also have a well-balanced woman.