I'm afraid we'll hate each other

[Lutz]

So, there's this girl that I've known for close to 15 years. We've dated before but it didn't work out because of how busy we were. Lately she began showing interest, even though she has a bf. She asked to hang out, she tells me she misses me, we make out, have sex. We meet up again a few days later and do the same thing.

We start talking about dating and she says she is afraid to because she doesn't want to lose me as a friend. That she acknowledges she's crap at relationships (cheated on current bf twice with me, has cheated on a previous bf with me twice as well). And doesn't want her bad habits to cause me to end up hating her.

Thing is, the same night she tells me this we end up making out then making out again the next morning. She also says that when we are close like that she thinks and feels that we should be together.

I'm at a loss here as to what to do. I feel like if I keep pushing that I come off needy. But I don't want to hang out just as friends, of which I've told her. So I'm of the mind to walk away from this situation for my own health. She's still with the bf but I look at the poor guy and feel sorry for him because the relationship is a joke at this point. She says she cares about him but still goes behind his back. Maybe I'm just that special

Any advice? Anyone ever experienced this before?

 

[Lutz]

Let's assume I need to be hit over the head with it. Why do you say that?

 

[ZTIME]

I can totally see your dilemma! Having the opportunity to hook back up with a chick you used to date who tells you upfront that she's horrible relationship material, giving her a free pass to cheat on you. Oh and she's currently cheating on her boyfriend!! This is some "top shelf" stuff right here!

Don't do anything crazy like respecting yourself, and kicking this narcissistic gutter trash to the curb!!

 

[dustmuffin]

Let's assume I need to be hit over the head with it. Why do you say that?

If she cheats on her bf she will cheat on you. You are not a special snowflake. Just keep ****ing her if that's what you want. She is not relationship material.

 

[marmel75]

Lmao!! You are fvcking her with no worries and now you want it to be more? WTF is wrong with you? Stop acting like the woman in the relationship.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

You guys don't understand the "I've known fore close to 15 years' part. The bond is almost like a family member when you've known someone for that long.

OP, tell me this: has she cheated on her boyfriends with guys other than you before? Or JUST you? This actually does make a huge difference. If over the past 15 years she's only cheated on them with you and no other guys (unless you 2 had some sort of hiatus for whatever reason), then maybe she only liked you and got into those relationships because she wanted to take her mind off of you or something. Chicks do actually do stuff like that sometimes. The chances of this being the case are slim as ****, but you never know. If you win this grand lottery and you want to be in a relationship with her, then go for it; keep yourself emotionally detached though. Try to stop her from influencing what you want too. If she never said these things, would you consider a relationship? If no, then just continue fvcking her as you please and take whatever she says with a grain of salt.

 

[Lutz]

She's been married and divorced. Cheated on the first husband with me and I think another guy. I'm not sure about anything else up to her current bf now of which she cheated on with me twice recently.

 

[marmel75]

You guys don't understand the "I've known fore close to 15 years' part. The bond is almost like a family member when you've known someone for that long.

OP, tell me this: has she cheated on her boyfriends with guys other than you before? Or JUST you? This actually does make a huge difference. If over the past 15 years she's only cheated on them with you and no other guys (unless you 2 had some sort of hiatus for whatever reason), then maybe she only liked you and got into those relationships because she wanted to take her mind off of you or something. Chicks do actually do stuff like that sometimes. The chances of this being the case are slim as ****, but you never know. If you win this grand lottery and you want to be in a relationship with her, then go for it; keep yourself emotionally detached though. Try to stop her from influencing what you want too. If she never said these things, would you consider a relationship? If no, then just continue fvcking her as you please and take whatever she says with a grain of salt.

This is bullsh!t for 2 reasons:

1) It's not a man's job to regulate "friendship"

2) It's obvious that wasn't what he was interested in. A man's job is to get what he wants out of the relationship not be her friend.

 

[Von]

So why were you never with her from day1 if she cheats on everyone (1 husband 2 bf) with you

 

[marmel75]

Just have sex and keep her at arms length so her bull**** doesn't effect you too much. I don't see the problem here.

The only problem will be if you turn into a needy b*tch. Then this is going to blow up in your face, and it'll all end in tears.

He already is...talking about a relationship like a woman and trying to justify her behavior

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

This is bullsh!t for 2 reasons:

1) It's not a man's job to regulate "friendship"

2) It's obvious that wasn't what he was interested in. A man's job is to get what he wants out of the relationship not be her friend.

Well I was asking him what he wanted. The answer would vary depending on what he says. I never told him whether or not he should take the chance and be exclusive with her unless he wants to. And I never said he should regulate their friendship. OP just wants to walk away from it all and you guys have been bashing him saying that he is stupid for wanting more or less or whatever too, when he is just making this thread for some clarity. You guys make rapid insinuations a bit too quickly.

So I'm of the mind to walk away from this situation for my own health.

 

[Lutz]

Well, you guys called it.

My ex and I had been hanging out with each other for a few months. We had known each other for nearly 15 years and dated before and things were again moving in that direction. This is, she had a bf while we were hanging out. We probably slept together about 8 times while she as with him. We talk more and more until she decides to leave him and be with me.

We have a long discussion about how she is definitely into this and we agree to date. She leaves him but says she misjudged how much she would miss him. She leaves me in less than a week to go back to him.

What I wish I had told her was that the night before she left I was planning on stopping by and surprising her after I got off work. Instead, I get a text telling me she's going to bed and as I drive by her house I see his car in the drive. I lock up emotionally.

During the break up I gave her a chance to tell me he was there. Asking her if and and her have talked at all. She says they haven't said hardly anything to each other and haven't seen each other. I was so angry about her lieing to my face I just left it at that.

I wish I had told her I saw the car in the drive it I didn't. But I know she knows I saw it because I told her I drove by.​

 

[BeExcellent]

You are always just the back up plan.

It's one thing to be seeing someone & not exclusive (i.e. seeing other people too or spinning plates as the guys here call it), but it's quite something else to disregard marriage vows.

Eventually her husband wised up & kicked her cheating ass out.

She knows that she can use you as she sees fit and then discard you just as easily. You are familiar and y'all have "history", so she doesn't feel like she is going out riding new stallions but you are simply filling a need. Her "I don't want us to hate each other" means there is no way she will ever actually be with you but she likes using you at her whim, and doesn't like it that you actually care & have feelings, and ask her uncomfortable questions. Of course she lied to your face...hello, this is who she IS!

We used to see women like this at our nightclub, and hear the men in your shoes whine about it. It is a hard truth but the truth is she doesn't want you, she never will, but if you are an emotional tampon and a d!ck on demand then she's down. Just never ever expect anything else.

You are best off dropping her entirely. Your emotional attachment to her will prevent you from connecting with someone who is worth your effort. This one isn't now or ever.

 

[dude99]

So, there's this girl that I've known for close to 15 years. We've dated before but it didn't work out because of how busy we were. Lately she began showing interest, even though she has a bf. She asked to hang out, she tells me she misses me, we make out, have sex. We meet up again a few days later and do the same thing.

We start talking about dating and she says she is afraid to because she doesn't want to lose me as a friend. That she acknowledges she's crap at relationships (cheated on current bf twice with me, has cheated on a previous bf with me twice as well). And doesn't want her bad habits to cause me to end up hating her.

Thing is, the same night she tells me this we end up making out then making out again the next morning. She also says that when we are close like that she thinks and feels that we should be together.

I'm at a loss here as to what to do. I feel like if I keep pushing that I come off needy. But I don't want to hang out just as friends, of which I've told her. So I'm of the mind to walk away from this situation for my own health. She's still with the bf but I look at the poor guy and feel sorry for him because the relationship is a joke at this point. She says she cares about him but still goes behind his back. Maybe I'm just that special

Any advice? Anyone ever experienced this before?

This girl sounds like pure garbage. She is cheating on her boyfriend and using you too feed her ego. Dude you are nothing to this girl except entertainment. She is feeding you lines, just enough to keep you interested in her too feed her ego all while stabbing her boyfriend in the back.

Let me guess....she crys on your shoulders as too how horrible he treats her. She tells you how she is unhappy with him but won't break up with him. She tells you that she loves you and you are awesome and everything she wants but still won't date you.

 

[VladPatton]

Bro, send her back to her boyfriend to make him dinner and wash his brown stained diapers, then tell her to knock on your door when she wants to get boned good and proper. That's it. Get with this chick, and you'll be the bf one day that gets cheated on. Don't be a momo. Enjoy the ride while it lasts, and count your lucky stars your are NOT that poor sap she calls a bf.