Bear grylls gives LTR advice.

[Rainman4707]

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/a...elationship-counselling-straight-WEDDING.html

Basically he's saying if you have a problem with the way the relationship is going, then tell her.

A lot of advice I've been given on this forum is, if she does something or a few things you don't like, don't discuss these things with her. Keep it to yourself & use them as reasons to dump her.

i.e if a guy posts on this forum - My girlfriend sleeps to much. Most of the advice he would be given is as follows

- this is not a girl you want to be with
- Dump her ass

 

[Tictac]

if she does something or a few things you don't like, don't discuss these things with her. Keep it to yourself & use them as reasons to dump her.

I heard this called 'gunny sacking' once. Very appropriate term. VERY prevalent here. And so very feminine.

 

[devilkingx2]

it depends on the thing, if she does something that shouldn't need to be explained then telling her what she did wrong serves no purpose

but if it's a personal rule that isn't obvious then you should tell her

examples:

if you hate it when girls dye their hair(I do) then you should tell her that, and not just passive aggressively throw a fit when she does so if she wasn't warned prior.

but if you made sure to make it clear that you really hate that and she dyes her hair hot pink anyway(an ex-gf of mine did this), then telling her she fvcked up is a waste of time since she clearly knows how you'd respond but didn't give a s***

 

[devilkingx2]

Are you serious? Warned prior?

There are so many things wrong with this. First, she doesn't need permission to dye her hair. Secondly, what man would throw a fit about something so trivial?

Some of you guys take this Alpha Male thing a little too far.

it's a random example bro first thing that came to mind, don't think about it too hard.

 

[SmooveMooves]

That's why common sense should also be applied. Advice is not end all be all, do or die. It should be taken considering discretion and the circumstance of particular situation. No one on a forum is able to understand a situation as well as the person actually in it, so that person should take advice and think to themselves: "hmm, does this apply here?"

Explaining some issues with your woman is good. Communication is necessary for a healthy LTR. That being said, withdrawing attention serves its purposes too while causing gina tingles. If your girl does something you don't like and you withdraw attention, you effectively "punish" her and she learns that "wow when I do this he does that. I don't like that, it makes me insecure, I'll try to not do that again."

Of course this only works if your frame is rock solid and you are the leader of the relationship.

 

[grayclif]

it depends on the thing, if she does something that shouldn't need to be explained then telling her what she did wrong serves no purpose

but if it's a personal rule that isn't obvious then you should tell her

examples:

if you hate it when girls dye their hair(I do) then you should tell her that, and not just passive aggressively throw a fit when she does so if she wasn't warned prior.

but if you made sure to make it clear that you really hate that and she dyes her hair hot pink anyway(an ex-gf of mine did this), then telling her she fvcked up is a waste of time since she clearly knows how you'd respond but didn't give a s***

If it is a "peeve" that you discussed prior to enterIng your LTR and she went and did it anyway then it is a sign of disrespect.

If you are not in a LTR and she does something that you don't like or appreciate you should say nothing (because you dont have the right to) and keep her on plate status. When/if she asks about a LTR, then is the time you discuss these issues.

If you are already in a LTR and she does something unexpected then you should calmly discuss.

 

[Serenity]

Silence is compliance.

 

[devilkingx2]

If it is a "peeve" that you discussed prior to enterIng your LTR and she went and did it anyway then it is a sign of disrespect.

If you are not in a LTR and she does something that you don't like or appreciate you should say nothing (because you dont have the right to) and keep her on plate status. When/if she asks about a LTR, then is the time you discuss these issues.

If you are already in a LTR and she does something unexpected then you should calmly discuss.

exactly man, this is what i was thinking. if you're not serious with her then don't even bother with trying to tell her what you like and don't like, just roll your eyes if it's minor, dump her if it's major, and keep fvcking her otherwise

if it's serious with her and you try to set ground rules (that are reasonable) and she can't be bothered to follow them, well, that shows just how little the relationship means to her lol. (the solution is to give her like two strikes, then either downgrade her to something not serious or dump her if you're only looking for something serious)

now, if your rules are unreasonable (like, "don't ever talk to other guys") that's a whole nother thing

 

[JRT123]

Just out of interest, what authority do you believe Bear Grylls has to be making these statements that we should follow?

 

[Rainman4707]

I'm not saying we should listen to him. I think it's an interesting topic.

 

[handle]

It's good advice. It's even better if you give her a proposed solution.


You just say: Look, <thing you do> isn't working for me because <way it bothers you>. What if from now on, <reasonable proposal>?
Usually the answer is something like "Sorry, now that I see it your way I understand. That sounds reasonable, I'll work on it/stop it."
If the answer is indifference or "well I hate it when you do <unrelated thing>," THAT is when you move on.


It's a lot easier than getting pissed off about it, complaining to your friends, and typing up some thread on sosuave about how disrespectful she's being. Usually you learn that it was just a misunderstanding. Sometimes you learn that this girl doesn't give a ****. Either way you learn something and then you either move forward or get the **** out.

What I like about providing a proposal is that you GIVE THEM SOMETHING TO WORK OFF OF. People do well with suggestions. They don't do well with "here's what you're doing wrong and I have nothing constructive to add." And if something is pissing you off, you probably have a solution in mind already.


This also applies for other aspects of your life. One time I had this job that I mostly liked but I'd tell my friends "they keep putting me on tasks that are impossible to do as a 9-5er, so they either need to let me be a 9-5er with less responsibility or pay me 20k more." One day my friend was like "stop complaining about this and just tell your boss that."

So I pulled my boss aside the next week and said "You're giving me a lot of responsibility, which is fine, but it's not working for me because I'm not being paid accordingly. So I'd like to propose that you either scale back the workload or pay me 20k more or some combination of the two." He said it was a fair proposal so the next week I was getting 15k more and he reduced my workload. If he said no then at least I'd know where he stood, right?

 

[HeadLightsOn]

Just out of interest, what authority do you believe Bear Grylls has to be making these statements that we should follow?

He's a devout christian.

http://www.christiantoday.com/article/bear.grylls.my.christian.faith.is.my.backbone/64197.htm

 

[CuddleJunkie]

There are only two ways of doing things in my life.

1. My way.
2. Other people's way.

You only get to do 2 if you are my boss.

When I was in the LTR that brought me here I made the girl start the bauptism procedure to become a catholic, when I stopped being a catholic she stopped liking it too. When I got tired of her long hair, she cut it.

Now I have another girl, I don't like earrings, I told her, she doesn't wear them anymore. She hits people as a way of joking, she did it once to me, I said inmediatly that I was not going to accept that, even if a joke, not once has she donde it again. Also "no, I don't cook if you are coming over, you do it way better and I enjoy when a girl cooks for me", no problems at all. You just have to grab your **** and put it over the table, it's not that ****ing difficult.

All this boils down to two things:

1. Have a powerful frame you believe in.
2. Make no exceptions.

If you don't make exceptions, it will show, and you will control your woman. Is this overalphaing? I don't care, if you are in my life, and you are not my boss, you do things my way. If you don't, you are not in my life anymore.