A woman to be grateful of.

[Serenity]

A week ago my car died, it was a really cheap one without a loan. Not worth fixing it. I was thinking about buying a new used car, although in a much better condition at about $12k. Problem is that I blew about that amount on renovating my apartment before it broke down. So now I can't afford it and I'm not going for another cheap sh!tty car that falls apart.

My girlfriend is going to move into my apartment once I'm done renovating. I thought about taking a loan of 12k to buy a new car and told my girlfriend about it (I can easily afford such a loan). She told me she could just buy the car. At first I laughed, then I asked if she was being serious. She was serious, she wanted to buy me a fvcking a car!

Together for 9 months and she's buying me a car. Not just that, but her mother supports her decision. She doesn't even have a license, so I'll be the only one driving it.

I've met some sh!tty women in my life, but this one goes far not to be one of them. There's really no issues at all in our relationship either, I'm starting to think it's going to last for a very very long time. At least right now I'm very grateful she's my girlfriend, not that I wasn't prior to this. She deserves my love, not just for the car but many other things as well.

 

[searching solace]

That's very nice of her, but I wouldn't feel comfortable letting a girlfriend buy me a car or anything that expensive, especially after just 9 months. I wouldn't even feel comfortable letting a family member do it. But fair enough.

 

[Married Buried]

You might as well marry her now. If you ever break up she will sue for repayment. Personally I would tell her no thanks and get a loan. I dont need a woman holding her money over my head like that. What happens if she needs the money later?

 

[Serenity]

@searching solace and @Married Buried
Maybe I should have described it a bit differently. She's not paying for a car to be bought in my name, exactly for the sake of security in the unlikely case we break up. She will own the car, but she can't legally drive it. So she's buying a car for me to drive since I'm the only one of us who legally can, but it's her car.

So if we did end the relationship she would take her car, I pay nothing and she can't claim anything for lending me her car. So we're both relatively safe from potential loss with this deal.

 

[marmel75]

I think its obvious you have her love and respect for her to do something like this, and the fact her mother supports it means you have her approval as well.

Are you considering this going towards marriage? Because 100% that is what she is thinking.

 

[El Payaso]

I've become so cynical over the years that I'm not even going to say what I'm thinking right now.

 

[Çharismo]

As long as you guys communicate properly and are on the same page I don't see anything wrong with this arrangement. 9 months is still a little early to be moving in together (that's just my opinion) but the good thing is that her mom approves of this too which should tell you that she holds you in high regards for her to be even discussing something like that with her. Hold on to this woman bruh!!!!! I'm happy for you man!!!!

 

[Billtx49]

As you know, there are givers and takers in life and she seems like a giver to me.

 

[Serenity]

Are you considering this going towards marriage? Because 100% that is what she is thinking.

Not at the point of asking yet, but yeah I've been fully aware it's going that way. I won't mind that at all, but I'm not in a rush.

I would be an idiot to fvck this one up.

 

[hockeyfreak79]

No one else has brought it up so why does she not have a license?

If she buys you a car she will want to be living with you really soon. FYI

 

[Serenity]

@hockeyfreak79 She's just slow to get it. I already said she's moving in with me, we've been planning that since last year.

 

[hockeyfreak79]

@hockeyfreak79 She's just slow to get it. I already said she's moving in with me, we've been planning that since last year.

That's FAST bro but okay good luck with that. If you are young I get it, I think?

 

[Fireballs]

As long as you aren't borrowing money off her and she's not buying it for you then I think it's ok.

One bit of advice for when you move in together - don't stop dating her.. It's easy to get complacent and fall into a boring routine.

 

[Serenity]

@hockeyfreak79 It's relative. The time is right if we both feel ready for it, wether that is 9 months or 5 years doesn't matter. It's gonna happen sooner or later anyways the way we see it.

@Fireballs Becoming complacent and falling into boring routines is not easy for me, so I don't worry about that. I wouldn't handle it even for my own emotional well-being, I get restless if I do nothing. Won't stop dating, I really enjoy doing things with her.

 

[LiveYourDream]

@Grewd I highly recommend you find another alternative for your transportation than driving a car she purchases for you to drive. It is a generous caring offer on her part. I cannot emphasize enough that it will change your relationship dynamics, over time. Women love to be generous with the men they love. Absolutely! When it crosses the line and shifts into supporting a man financially, it will change how she sees you and how you feel about yourself. Even if you both do not want that to happen, even you both think you are above thinking such things, it will still emasculate you, to some degree, in her perception, and in your own. The longer it goes on, the more insidious it will be. It's inescapable.

Right now you share the idea of her generosity with others as a sign of what a wonderful girlfriend she is. As time passes and you drive her car, day in and day out, it will likely begin to feel differently, to both of you. I am not a pessimist looking to rain on your parade. This is truly a heartfelt warning I offer here.

Men don't want to ever have to be saved, let alone by a woman. Women will, but do not want to have to save their man. The car will start to represent that. She felt you needed to be saved. She saved you. You let her. While you may consider it an act of progress to let a woman act on your behalf in such a way, I get that. I understand. She's not reciprocating and buying you dinner. She's buying a car. She's buying it not for herself but for your use (even if it is in her name). Doing so will change who she is in your relationship. She will have traded in her skirt in for pants now. She'll resent it. She may not say it. She may not even know it. She may still be proud of her generosity. In time, she will be disappointed that you were a man that she needed to save. It's not a proud moment for a woman. Women want to be with strong men, who will save them, if ever needed. That belief helps women feel feminine. A feminine woman cannot save a man. She has to give up her femininity (on a very subtle level) into a more masculine essence in order to save a man.

She'll look at her financial statements and be proud that she helped you, in your time of need, but she'll begin to resent it. She'll think about how you allowed yourself to overspend on your kitchen remodel rather than keep a financial safety net for an emergency. She'll think she needs to keep an eye on finances because she'll trust you less with them now, because after all she had to save you.

It will change your sex life over time as well. Yes, I am serious. She can't give up her skirt to support you and feel like a woman who surrenders to you at the same time. Feeling less connected with her feminine will diminish her sexual attraction. She may not want it to. She may love you just as much as ever or even more, as you move into together. That won't override the changes in masculine and feminine polarity.

When a woman shifts out of her feminine into a more masculine role, she'll feel more irritated with men than sexual. She may not know why or how to get it back. Underneath it all, she'll feel like it's your fault she had to give up her skirt to save you and when she never "really" wanted to. She was willing but that does not mean she wanted to. She wanted you to decline her offer, rise up and be a man that rose to the occasion and saved himself, no matter what he needed to do. That would garner her respect and make her pvssy wet. Instead she saved you, because she loves you and because you let her. That will dry up her pvssy over time more than you might imagine.

I imagine this is not at all what you wanted to read as you shop for a new car together. I know you love her and are feeling like you have an incredibly strong LTR ahead of you with her. At the cost of telling you what you likely won't want to hear, I share it anyway, in support of giving you the best opportunity to succeed long term, with this woman I know you both love and regard highly.

TL;DR Allowing her to buy a car for you to drive will emasculate you, in her eyes and your own, to some degree. It will change your relationship, as she must move out of her femininity, in order to save you. She will come to resent it, over time, no matter how subtle. She will never look at you the same. I am not saying it's right. I am just sharing how I see it.

 

[fastlife]

@LiveYourDream nailed it 100%.

@Grewd I'm a huge proponent of letting a woman invest in you, but it's in your best interest--and hers--that you control and limit that investment, since an increase in investment leads to an increase in insecurity (which is why half of becoming a DJ is controlling your own level of investment). In your gf's mind, this probably isn't a power play (she probably doesn't realize she's leveraging your commitment)--but you can bet your a$$ it will become a huge bargaining chip over time. The next fight, expect to hear about how she bought you a car; if she engages in shady behavior, bet to hear about how you're driving her car.

From your previous posts, you seem to be a proponent of reciprocation (not knocking your views--they used to be mine and in a perfect world still would be). But you don't think the fact that you're driving her car will make you feel obligated to her, to the extent that you lose a degree of agency and emotional freedom? You don't see how she's undermining (or potentially undermining) your independence & your frame.

Look, I get it. I've been there. But if I were you, I'd walk, get a bike, ride the bus, rely on your buddies, anything you have to do to keep from driving her car. You're about to make yourself a captive to generosity--which 9/10's is a form of manipulation.

 

[guru1000]

NEXT her! Haha, I believe a few here would say that.

Nice token gesture; but anything that is "free," is never quite free. You will pay, but maybe not in the form that you think.

What's important to know is the motivation from which this generosity originates. Is she a notch or two below in SMV, and thus over-compensating? Or? If nothing other than you've been a great guy in the last nine months, caveat emptor.

 

[Serenity]

@LiveYourDream We're like-minded on a lot of points, but this ain't one of them. My girlfriend is not anything like the b!tch you describe. I don't have as massive of an ego as you imply either, I don't feel my balls shrinking when others are nice to me. I don't post on a forum, especially not this one to read what I want to read.

@fastlife How huge of a bargaining chip is it gonna be considering she's gonna move into my newly renovated apartment for free? If she engages in shady stuff she can take her car and drive the fvck away from me, I don't see the problem. The next fight? We don't fight, we make love (and talk like rational people).

@guru1000 I paid first, she's paying back. She isn't trying to earn or impress me, I've told her for a long long time she's got me. Meaning she doesn't HAVE to do it for me, she WANTS to do it. It's not a motivation coming from lack of choice.

Anyways, thanks for your critical thoughts. But I'm just way too confident in myself to be swayed by them, I know my own sh!t better than any of you ever could.

 

[LiveYourDream]

@LiveYourDream We're like-minded on a lot of points, but this ain't one of them. My girlfriend is not anything like the b!tch you describe. I don't have as massive of an ego as you imply either, I don't feel my balls shrinking when others are nice to me. I don't post on a forum, especially not this one to read what I want to read.

@Grewd Let me clarify...

Nothing in me even remotely imagines your girlfriend to be a b1tch. Nothing in me intended to convey that, in anyway. That's not my perspective or the one I was sharing. Nothing in me was implying you had a big ego or suggesting your balls would shrink, from her being 'nice' to you. There was no personal commentary or attack intended in anything I wrote.

Nothing I shared was intended as a commentary on who you or she are as people. I was sharing about masculine and feminine dynamics that occur beyond the individuals involved.

I was sharing from my experience and my observation of feminine and masculine energetics, their polarity, and what occurs in the absence of it. Those dynamics, in my experience, are deeply primal.
I have no doubt your GF is a kind-hearted woman, who loves you. I imagine she intends no harm. The responses I described are entirely below the level of conscious choice, personality and even love, in my experience and observation.

I understand what I shared may not make sense to you, may contradict your experience together, or that you may feel you two have the capacity to override it. I understand. I understand it is contrary to how you know yourselves to be. I get that entirely too.

I also understand the play of masculine and feminine energetics, that happen below the surface, below the conscious level.

My sharing came well-intentioned and without judgement upon either of you, or whether or not you follow its guidance. It remains as such, as is this follow-up.

 

[Serenity]

@LiveYourDream Wow, that's one helluva disclaimer. You're right on the defensive now aren't you?

You word yourself using "she" and "you". You weave it into a sh!tload of assumptions about how we feel, which in all truth you can't know.

I don't buy your defensive rationalizations and I don't believe in bullsh!t invisible forces. How can you be aware of something nobody can be aware of, because it's sub-conscious.

The sub-conscious has been used as an excuse for countless bullsh!t theories.