Ideas for Finding Fulfillment

[BlueAlpha1]

Sorry for tl;dr & hope you make it through

I am stagnant in my life. I will be 27 in June and have been living a mediocre life the last year and a half. Between late 2014 and mid 2015 I lost a parent, got out of a BPD relationship, realized I was an atheist, and was laid off from a good paying job. A lot to happen at one time.

One year ago (last April) as a response to all of this I relocated from NY to FL to start fresh. I like Florida and don't regret the move. However, it has been a sluggish 12 months. I have become more of an introvert than I've ever been before. Meditation has helped mitigate the negative effects like anger and depression, but I still find myself bored or even paranoid some days. Most introverts also spend a ridiculous amount of time on the internet. I am all too guilty of this. Many days I wish to ditch my smartphone for a flip phone but I actually make money on my phone across several apps. ****ty catch 22. Fortunately i dont drink or do drugs, or even play video games. I don't have a lot of male friends out here either as I'm done with school, don't go out much, and haven't worked a traditional job in over a year.

I am living in a working class neighborhood and becoming increasingly disgusted with the society around me which is making the introversion worse. There are more welfare queens and professional panhandlers than I can ever recall seeing, and the dating pool is scant. I have been flaked on by about a dozen girls in a row both in person and on Tinder. New Years Eve this year was the first time I was ever rejected for a kiss in my life by a girl who was holding my hand and stroking my hair seconds prior. I never had this much trouble in high school and early college when I didn't even know of game. I just can't believe the amount of tatted up single mom's and HB4's who all still want a 3% man. I have told my mother and brother that if it were not for them, I would give up my passport and leave the USA for good to find a LTR. But they are maybe the only two individuals on earth for whom I have unconditional love, and a separation from them would not be worth better dating options.

I have a nice wad of cash that I've been living off as well as doing odd jobs and day trading. I also have a fair amount of debt that is near equal to my savings. I could pay it all off, but there wouldn't be much left. So right now I am conserving it in order to buy myself this time. I am trying to make my next job something I can enjoy that brings me fulfillment. The "American Dream" is such a thing of the past now. Wages are down and corporations are demanding more than ever. Bachelor's Degrees and 2 years experience for soul-sucking $11 an hour office jobs. Government jobs paying $40k a year or less. Screw this. Recently I've become infatuated with the idea of working for an adventure travel group, like working for a crew that leads whitewater rafting, hiking, ziplining trips, etc. This kind of thing would help on multiple levels, social circle, staying in shape, mood, etc. I also wouldn't mind working for or managing a youth hostel, as travel is my other passion in life. But there aren't any in my area. Might not be a great living, but I'd have a blast meeting everyone. At the same time, financial security by way of a 6 figure net worth is a high priority now, but I don't want to work 60 hours at an office job to get there in 5-10 years either. I need to find another way.

Some positives - I traveled for a month to Europe last summer and can thankfully afford to do it again, this time for 6 weeks. Nothing gets my masculine juices flowing like long-distance solo travel and I should see clearer by the time the trip is over in August. I also intend to publish a paperback which will address a lot of the BS the contemporary western male faces in society. I don't claim to have the answers (after all I'm asking you guys), but I feel I can be an effectively blunt messenger to those still plugged in and can at least systematically explain the problem and how they've been lied to. I had a blog and even wrote a few e-books but lost confidence in the message and pulled them down until I can revise my style and get my own life in order.

I see the future as I want it. I'm a free man, single and able bodied with cash to burn, but I'm stuck in neutral a while now and life is passing me by one day at a time. When did you turn your corner?

 

[Styr]

I was a situation similar to yours some years ago. I had a very small social circle. I had trouble communicating with people, finding friends and contacts. No girls to speak of.

Then I joined a fraternity (I had already finished my higher education by then). The friends, the contacts, and the social events, courses and training I got access to changed my life by almost 180% degrees. What was an introverted, shy, non-assertive me, lacking any social confidence became someone with experience to overcome many, if not all of my fears and insecurities. Now I am on my way to become second in charge of my fraternity, have had a chance to attend several leadership workshops and training courses, and am taking confidently up job-interviews for leadership positions (recruiters are seeking me, as opposed me seeking a job), while building several online and offline businesses. I am obviously still an introvert, but that is just the way I am.

Ah, and as for dating - I have since then had a few one-night stands and a something resembling a relationship and am in no hurry to desperately find someone, as I know, that the girls will come If I am successful in whatever I am doing. Yet a few years back I was struggling to find a single girl to get to sleep with me, so I could at least prove to myself, that I am not a total wreck.

Perhaps you culd try joining a fraternity or some other social club. It helped me, and it has helped a lot of others. Sure, it would take commitment, but I assure you, it is worth it.

 

[grayclif]

You write well and I don't think your situation is as bad as you think. I'd suggest you join a gym and workout with heavy weights (I recommend stronglit's 5x5).

If your into American Football join a fantasy football league. My league communicates daily in a whatsapp group and it's just men that discuss daily happeninga in our lives. It keeps us close and we support each other in every endeavor. This group kept me grounded and positive during my divorce.

My job keeps me around lots of people on a daily basis with lots of one on one interaction. I'll admit that I am an introvert but most think I'm not. It's a lot of work for me to appear outgoing.

Softball league or clubs directly related to your hobby. I keep fish and there is no group here but the only local pet shop sells out of fish every few weeks so there must be people invloved so I'll start my own group.

I think you know how to make money I just don't think you've found something that is truly worth your time. With a greater feeling of self worth and being around men, finding a woman shouldn't be a problem for you.

I wish I realized this at 27 as you are. I was too caught up in marriage and blue pill AFCness to know any better. Build YOUR life and everything else will fall in place.

 

[BlueAlpha1]

I was a situation similar to yours some years ago. I had a very small social circle. I had trouble communicating with people, finding friends and contacts. No girls to speak of.

Then I joined a fraternity (I had already finished my higher education by then). The friends, the contacts, and the social events, courses and training I got access to changed my life by almost 180% degrees. What was an introverted, shy, non-assertive me, lacking any social confidence became someone with experience to overcome many, if not all of my fears and insecurities. Now I am on my way to become second in charge of my fraternity, have had a chance to attend several leadership workshops and training courses, and am taking confidently up job-interviews for leadership positions (recruiters are seeking me, as opposed me seeking a job), while building several online and offline businesses. I am obviously still an introvert, but that is just the way I am.

Ah, and as for dating - I have since then had a few one-night stands and a something resembling a relationship and am in no hurry to desperately find someone, as I know, that the girls will come If I am successful in whatever I am doing. Yet a few years back I was struggling to find a single girl to get to sleep with me, so I could at least prove to myself, that I am not a total wreck.

Perhaps you culd try joining a fraternity or some other social club. It helped me, and it has helped a lot of others. Sure, it would take commitment, but I assure you, it is worth it.

I think some sort of adventure travel group, if not actually a job which I would love to get paid to do, might fill in the void for me the way the frat did for you. Nothing has made me feel more alive the last couple years than whitewater rafting on the Lehigh River in Pennsylvania or hiking the Adirondack Mountains in upstate NY. In June I will be going on a glacier tour in Iceland. I am looking into it now and hoping to jump in when I get back from Europe in August. At the same time, I'll have a brand new apartment (literally - the building is going up right now) and am going to dump my beater car and upgrade. Hopefully this will all be a confidence boost and break me out of this year-long shell.

Yes, it has literally been a struggle to find one girl the past several months. Even when I was going through BPD hell, I got with 3 other girls on the rebound during the tailspin of that relationship. But a lot of lonely nights since. Not sure if my game is soft, dating is objectively worse for men every single year, or a combination of both.

Thanks for the post.

 

[BlueAlpha1]

You write well and I don't think your situation is as bad as you think. I'd suggest you join a gym and workout with heavy weights (I recommend stronglit's 5x5).

If your into American Football join a fantasy football league. My league communicates daily in a whatsapp group and it's just men that discuss daily happeninga in our lives. It keeps us close and we support each other in every endeavor. This group kept me grounded and positive during my divorce.

My job keeps me around lots of people on a daily basis with lots of one on one interaction. I'll admit that I am an introvert but most think I'm not. It's a lot of work for me to appear outgoing.

Softball league or clubs directly related to your hobby. I keep fish and there is no group here but the only local pet shop sells out of fish every few weeks so there must be people invloved so I'll start my own group.

I think you know how to make money I just don't think you've found something that is truly worth your time. With a greater feeling of self worth and being around men, finding a woman shouldn't be a problem for you.

I wish I realized this at 27 as you are. I was too caught up in marriage and blue pill AFCness to know any better. Build YOUR life and everything else will fall in place.

While I'm not into football, I have to say the one area that isn't a struggle is other man I can turn to. Granted they don't live near me, but I do have one friend down here whose a good guy. I also have a brother in the midwest, and am still in touch with three guys I knew from New York. I'm very grateful that I have 5 men I could call any of these days and get a listening ear the same day.

I tried a softball league but it was an awkward league and team. Failed experiment. Used to play hockey but my gear is still in NY. Like I mentioned before I want to join or work for an adventure travel club and am looking for some in my area.

No kids, no wife, no soul-sucking job or expensive house anchoring me. Improving my game and getting a couple of women back in my orbit and getting a masculine-centric job preferably outdoors are my priorirties to getting my life back in order.

Glad to hear you think 27 is still young. That's encouraging even though I feel that time is flying. Thanks for your post.

 

[Building_and_Loan]

Bro I was exactly like you in some ways. I was 25, living with my parents for a year because I was an unemployed college grad, and feeling something was missing.

On a whim, I found a job in Alaska via an online job posting and went for it. They're all over, but for some reason Alaska was my calling. Spent the summer of 2011 there and I haven't been the same since, for the better.

I felt totally recharged, had a different perspective on life, met people from all over the world, saved up about $5,000, but most importantly, met a bunch of people who were exactly like me. In search of adventure, needed to make a little cash, and just feeling burnt out.

It was a big leap for an introvert like me who had never even been out of the Midwest for longer than a week before, but I recommend it to people all the time looking for a new challenge, currently trying to talk my brother into it haha. If you aren't familiar with coolworks.com yet, I'd get started there.

 

[BlueAlpha1]

Bro I was exactly like you in some ways. I was 25, living with my parents for a year because I was an unemployed college grad, and feeling something was missing.

On a whim, I found a job in Alaska via an online job posting and went for it. They're all over, but for some reason Alaska was my calling. Spent the summer of 2011 there and I haven't been the same since, for the better.

I felt totally recharged, had a different perspective on life, met people from all over the world, saved up about $5,000, but most importantly, met a bunch of people who were exactly like me. In search of adventure, needed to make a little cash, and just feeling burnt out.

It was a big leap for an introvert like me who had never even been out of the Midwest for longer than a week before, but I recommend it to people all the time looking for a new challenge, currently trying to talk my brother into it haha. If you aren't familiar with coolworks.com yet, I'd get started there.

Great post. I am only about a year, maybe two, removed from the age you had your epiphany. I'm also a college grad, and I got a garbage degree that means nothing in the real world at the insistence of family who were "proud of me" that I got it. But not sure what they were proud of me for...

I have found extraordinary yet fleeting fulfillment in international travel and in nature. I am thinking I need to shift gears and make one or a combo of the two the focal point of my career. A travel company that specializes in adventure tours on six continents like Intrepid Travel would be the ideal where I could do both! But these companies only hire a few people in their respective cities. Even if I find one, it might be a hard way to make a living, but it's not like the traditional 9-5 is providing the way it used to either. If you're going to work for peanuts, might as well enjoy your work

After spending a decade "climbing the ladder" from unloading trucks and cleaning toilets for $5.70 an hour in 2005, up to $50,000 a year in sales (wasn't bad money for a single 25 year old man with low expenses) I called it quits in January 2015 and haven't had a day job since. I have no doubt I could have been making $100k by 30, but my work ethic went backwards because The American Dream is dead, and they keep changing the goalposts. Of course, Baby Boomers don't understand this and still think we're playing by the exact same set of rules they played by in 1980.

Went through the interview process and got offer letters a handful of times since Jan 15, but couldn't go through with it. With no woman or kids tying me down, I couldn't and still can't justify this soul-sucking deal the way other men with a lot of obligations can. At the same time I am getting bored to death and understand why some people never want this stupid notion of "retirement", i.e. doing nothing for years at a time. I want to work, but I want to do work that gives me a positively masculine charge every day. And then I think the women would come on their own..

Thanks for the link!

 

[Von]

Great post. I was 26 when I found myself. My passions, my desire, my sexuality, my friends I wan to be surrounded by, career etc... Now my family is exploding due circumstance out of control and stuff I wish no one ever lived. I lived 5ago, can't believe I am living again. It's tearing but I never felt happier about myself than now and stronger.

Dancing, Gym, working 80hours a day, doing 20hours of studying a week, 1 date a different girl each week, more social.

My ex-gf (of 5years) helped me a lot to put my life in to order, listening to her... brough brought to be on track. Now, I am single but I never felt more complete.

It's not about when you start or end, but what you do inbetween.

Trying different stuff until you find. Is the key and do it for yourself.

 

[grayclif]

While I'm not into football, I have to say the one area that isn't a struggle is other man I can turn to. Granted they don't live near me, but I do have one friend down here whose a good guy. I also have a brother in the midwest, and am still in touch with three guys I knew from New York. I'm very grateful that I have 5 men I could call any of these days and get a listening ear the same day.

I tried a softball league but it was an awkward league and team. Failed experiment. Used to play hockey but my gear is still in NY. Like I mentioned before I want to join or work for an adventure travel club and am looking for some in my area.

No kids, no wife, no soul-sucking job or expensive house anchoring me. Improving my game and getting a couple of women back in my orbit and getting a masculine-centric job preferably outdoors are my priorirties to getting my life back in order.

Glad to hear you think 27 is still young. That's encouraging even though I feel that time is flying. Thanks for your post.

Have you been to Cvba. Much of that place has been unexplored by tourits/adventurers. They got great diving, fishing, mountains, a railway, all sorts of stuff. Every time I go I discovery something newe and I've been there at least 10 times. I'll just mention that they have some of the most beautiful women in the world, every shape and size and color of the rainbow.

I just mention this cause travel is your thing. Maybe yiu could parlay it some type of business considering the lessened travel restrictions to that country.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Have you been to Cuba. Much of that place has been unexplored by tourits/adventurers. They got great diving, fishing, mountains, a railway, all sorts of stuff. Every time I go I discovery something newe and I've been there at least 10 times. I'll just mention that they have some of the most beautiful women in the world, every shape and size and color of the rainbow.

I just mention this cause travel is your thing. Maybe yiu could parlay it some type of business considering the lessened travel restrictions to that country.

Sounds like a winner! So this would be a dominant vacation spot vs brazil when factoring in the ladies? Brazilian ladies are stereotyped for being extremely sexual, and loyal and feminine when they do have a man.

 

[grayclif]

I'll assume so. Even more so once the embargo is lifted. They are beautiful women but still women and want something from you. If you have a little bit of Spanish and desire to have a great time on a budget Cvba is a great place. It's especilly good if travelling alone or with a buddy. PM me if you want details.