Why I'm not a "popular kid" / Problems with bigger groups

[DocFaustus]

Hi SS, today was coming home from school and started wondering why I'm not a popular kid. Afterall I talk to tons of people, I know almost everyone in my school but altough I get invited to stuff everynow and then (which I say I can't go (normally I actually cant because of my parents)) but it's like I know people I say hi and go away, basically I have a ton of acquaintances (and from that group girls that like me but I normally get bored about), my "friends" class is smaller and "true friends" are between 3-6.

So I basically can talk to anyone, some people I actually think they are nice and continue talking to, others I just grow out of them, they just don't offer enough for me to stay interested or I just get distracted with other stuff and because of that I just don't become real friends and become only acquaintances.

Other thing I noticed even with more friendly acquaintances (people I should be more comfortable with because they were from my class or something) is that sometimes I either feel the need to brag, other times I just feel out of the group because they are just talking about stuff and I for some reason don't feel like it and when I want to do enter the conversation sometime I just say something stupid or some remark, like I need attention.
This also tends to happen when someone I don't really like is in the group and I feel like I should impose myself.
A behaviour that I also don't like is when I say some aggressive remark (mean response, hostile almost, like the other person is stupid) when I'm tired or thought someone said something extremely pointless or stupid.

Thing is I generally feel very good alone, but I decided to become less of a introvert and so I started speaking to a ton of people and I'm afraid that refraining from "group" activities might make me return to my "reclusive cycle".

This group problem vanishes when I'm with people talking about philosophy, or music, etc... altough in more "debate" like discussions I tend to be naturally aggressive (accept others if they are logically superior but won't accept their arguments not to hurt their feelings) but that is good and I don't think I should change that, only change the bad, not change things to make others feel better.

Overall this was solved during spring break with alcohol (less constraints) and looking for having fun, but in my daily life its harder and I almost tend to despise some people, I'd like to be better with people to enhance myself and change what I dislike in myself, make connecting to people and having fun with them easier, make their lifes better (and mine obviously), without this "disgust" I sometimes feel when around people.

Overall my problems are:
-Needing acceptance/bragging
-Hard to small talk when desinsterested
-Sometimes mean

Identifying the problems is a big part of it, but getting solutions and putting them in action is way more important (and harder). These things sometimes feel so easy to spot and so straightforward "Just don't brag." but the fact is, I don't notice doing things until right after I do them (or when reflecting later), maybe taking more time to think before stuff. Staying silent when I don't have any reason to speak when in groups may help one of the problems, but at the same time I must make sure I don't fall into a "reclusive cycle".

Guess that's enough for now, no idea of what to say next, maybe just my "logic train", maybe actually wrote everything I had to say. If you have any opinions feel free to say something !

 

[CuddleJunkie]

-Needing acceptance/bragging

You feel like an aristocrat of the spirit, you know you are a intelligent guy and love to talk about deep themes. The problem is; you need people to recognize that in you. Also, I don't know about you, but mixing with "regular" people and understanding the mental/social dynamics in play is one of the most interesting things I've do in my whole life. Nietzsche talks about this as an integral part of the philosopher development.

-Hard to small talk when desinsterested

Nobody wants to talk about **** they don't like, but ask yourself this question. Do I really don't care about what they are talking, or do I want to appear that I don't like such banal topics? Always be aware of when your sense of aristocracy kicks in.


You have to ask yourself: why do I want to be the popular kid? Is it because you want to excell and master social skills? Do you have a deep interest in how influence/seduction works? Why, what do you expect to do with such a powerful knowledge? Is it a worthy goal? Because if you are not interested in this, and only want to get laid, you can become a "popular kid" by selecting groups that mix well with you. If this is the case: go talk with artsy girls, girls interested in philosophy, movie-geeks...etc all of them will submit to your masculine frame if you play the "teacher" role with them. Tease them with your superior knowledge, they will crave your wise d¡ck in no time.

 

[Aspiring Don Juan]

Who wouldn't want to be that "cool" kid in high school? It's basically the key to almost unlimited p*ssy as pre selection in high school is greatly exaggerated. It's the only time in life where I'd say it matters more than anything else. Strange, but I've noticed that the most popular people are generally the best looking and confident people. Ihey rule the social scene. You can also rise to fame by joining sport teams or becoming known for something, such as a musical ability. To be popular you just have to be very talented at something, enough for someone to respect you. That's my two cents..

 

[DocFaustus]

You feel like an aristocrat of the spirit, you know you are a intelligent guy and love to talk about deep themes. The problem is; you need people to recognize that in you. Also, I don't know about you, but mixing with "regular" people and understanding the mental/social dynamics in play is one of the most interesting things I've do in my whole life. Nietzsche talks about this as an integral part of the philosopher development.

That is the rational path, I'll probably try to follow it in those terms. Maybe I'll start writing about "social dynamics" (I wanted to get a writing habit) to act as another incentive.
That thing of the aristocrat of the spirit is really true ahaha I legitly lol'ed with that. Altough there is a strong need for my image around people, I seem bipolar regarding that because I then destroy it by making a fool of myself when I'm with my 2 friends (smart guys) we sing aloud, do stupid stuff, we almost seem like children because it's fun and thats it (and they are the most interesting people to talk to and that is the greatest thing about them). But generally I do feel a disgust regarding that lack of capacity to be interesting and tend to only embrace "mindless fun" (dancing and talking to groups) when either with close friends or a bit touched by alcohol.

Nobody wants to talk about **** they don't like, but ask yourself this question. Do I really don't care about what they are talking, or do I want to appear that I don't like such banal topics? Always be aware of when your sense of aristocracy kicks in.

I feared it could be something like that for some time, I hate when it's that because its just shows a sickening tendency to live by what others think of us, but I believe its actually inbreed hatred for certain topics, or more than that certain ways of talking. I can talk about the most uninteresting thing if the person is interesting, but then there are those braindead people that are just that, living zombies. I prefer "deep topics" but some people you can talk about anything and it will sound curious and interesting, they will feed you with what you need to be happy, others are just those who seem to only be alive because it takes effort to suicide. Of course there are stupid topics, like when complaining about something that would take them no effort to fix, but I guess it's normally the way of discussing/talking that really hits my nerves.

You have to ask yourself: why do I want to be the popular kid? Is it because you want to excell and master social skills? Do you have a deep interest in how influence/seduction works? Why, what do you expect to do with such a powerful knowledge? Is it a worthy goal? Because if you are not interested in this, and only want to get laid, you can become a "popular kid" by selecting groups that mix well with you. If this is the case: go talk with artsy girls, girls interested in philosophy, movie-geeks...etc all of them will submit to your masculine frame if you play the "teacher" role with them. Tease them with your superior knowledge, they will crave your wise d¡ck in no time.

Honestly, a bit of everything, I wanna master social skills for my future. I want to understand humans in general, so I can achieve my dream of helping humanity to strive. But also want to get myself some fun in that department. Thing is, most of my interests in terms of physical appearence are in the most general, when talking to younger girls (1/2 years and not too "popular") it's like a like a hot knife through butter, I just talk to them and then simply lose interest, I think I want someone more complex, but quite hard to find.

 

[DocFaustus]

Who wouldn't want to be that "cool" kid in high school? It's basically the key to almost unlimited p*ssy as pre selection in high school is greatly exaggerated. It's the only time in life where I'd say it matters more than anything else. Strange, but I've noticed that the most popular people are generally the best looking and confident people. Ihey rule the social scene. You can also rise to fame by joining sport teams or becoming known for something, such as a musical ability. To be popular you just have to be very talented at something, enough for someone to respect you. That's my two cents..

I'm probably one of the smartest of the school (would bet me and my two friends are in top 5 at least), got good great (not the best, but close) and have a good body (fairly athletic) and while no Brad Pitt, I'd say I'm a 8. The only thing that brings me down is my height, 1,70m but since I'm from south europe it's not that unusual.
I don't think I'm living up to my potential (altough I only have 1month of highschool left so not really preoccupied with highschool anymore). In my country doesn't exist that habit of "sports team", but I'm generally know has one of the smart kids (and eccentric ones).

 

[CuddleJunkie]

That is the rational path, I'll probably try to follow it in those terms. Maybe I'll start writing about "social dynamics" (I wanted to get a writing habit) to act as another incentive.
That thing of the aristocrat of the spirit is really true ahaha I legitly lol'ed with that. Altough there is a strong need for my image around people, I seem bipolar regarding that because I then destroy it by making a fool of myself when I'm with my 2 friends (smart guys) we sing aloud, do stupid stuff, we almost seem like children because it's fun and thats it (and they are the most interesting people to talk to and that is the greatest thing about them).

I did that same sh¡t when I was in HS. You simply have too much energy, nothing wrong with expressing yourself by fooling around with your friends. As you get older you will be able to express that same high-energy in more "fashionable" ways.

Honestly, a bit of everything, I wanna master social skills for my future. I want to understand humans in general, so I can achieve my dream of helping humanity to strive. But also want to get myself some fun in that department. Thing is, most of my interests in terms of physical appearence are in the most general, when talking to younger girls (1/2 years and not too "popular") it's like a like a hot knife through butter, I just talk to them and then simply lose interest, I think I want someone more complex, but quite hard to find.

It's a very interesting path, I've been walking it for 3 months more or less and the amount of understanding I have now about social dynamics is just...mind blowing. And I know I'm only learning the basics, but I feel much more powerful than before, I can only imagine what the future will bring. The two objectives (mastering social skills and getting pvss) should come hand in hand, so I wouldn't worry much. As long as you push yourself you will get your dividends. You are only 17 and already walking this path, I would do some stuff to be able to go back to my teens with red-pill knowledge. Keep this on bro.

 

[NorwegianDJ]

Invite people to hang out and facilitate bridges between people and groups. http://www.sosuave.net/forum/index.php?threads/the-uniqueness-of-high-school.180552/page-2