Just Be Yourself Is A Trap

[mikhailsadvice]

Hi everyone, today I discuss a recurring theme in over half my life - that 'just be yourself' is a trap, one that prevents growth particularly if who you are should change. Enjoy & discuss!

 

[Serenity]

Being yourself isn't the ultimate advice, but there is a very good point to it. Sometimes people act outside their normal, become not themselves because of something special. Like being a way in every other circumstance except when with a woman. To be yourself is to not put more effort into acting a particular way in a particular situation, instead just deal with it as you normally do.

This advice is more relevant to keep a girl than to attract one really. You can normally be a complete sh!t, but temporarily put up a good enough act to attract someone. However you won't keep them because you turn out to not be as good as they thought. You couldn't keep up the act indefinitely because it's not who you are, it's just a mask you put on.

There's no use being yourself if you are in fact not good, that's when change is nescessary, permanent change. However many people try too hard and do things they normally won't do, many of which are worse than the normal. They would benefit from calming down and just being themselves, they're good enough already but just doesn't believe it.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

There's no use being yourself if you are in fact not good, that's when change is nescessary, permanent change. However many people try too hard and do things they normally won't do, many of which are worse than the normal. They would benefit from calming down and just being themselves, they're good enough already but just doesn't believe it.

Exactly. If you change yourself SLOWLY, then your SELF will change slowly. So ALWAYS being yourself is a decent thing to do. So long as you are honest with yourself and USE YOUR ENVIRONMENT and how IT (girls, money situations, etc) respond to you as a MEASURE of yourself.

Too much too fast is fake, and everybody can smell it a mile away. Most people spend too much making their fake self seem real (e.g GAME) than improving their REAL selves.

Everything boils down to your level of SKILLS and your self confidence with those skills.

Conversation skills

Leadership skills

sense of humor skills

body language reading skills

empathy skills

money making skills

etc

 

[RangerMIke]

Just 'improve' yourself is the only advice I would give. I don't care how good you think you are, you can always be better. The better you are, the more women you will attract.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

It's not that it's a trap. They say to be yourself because people will like you for who you are. This is true. But what they don't tell you is that other people will also hate you for who you are, AND who you aren't.

As soon as you make friends, you also make enemies.

 

[Huffman]

There are threads on the forum with an extensive discussion on the subject from, what, 15 years ago!

I notice the forum has alot of people re-discovering the same content times and times again. Including me. But I always appreciate reflection through writing, as they call it, when you finally understand something you write it down. Good on you.

 

[mikhailsadvice]

There are threads on the forum with an extensive discussion on the subject from, what, 15 years ago!

I notice the forum has alot of people re-discovering the same content times and times again. Including me. But I always appreciate reflection through writing, as they call it, when you finally understand something you write it down. Good on you.

It never hurts to remind yourself of something you may have forgotten, or let slip. For instance, over the years I've read Greene's 2 main books (AoS/LoP) about 5 times a piece, just to keep it fresh.

 

[yungballa]

I can't see how being yourself is trap. Just my opinion though. Some of you might think differently. That's OK, we all think differently.

Why put up an act? Why try to be something you're not just to attract a woman, or get someone to like you? That person doesntly actually like you, they like the facade you put up. And in most cases, that facade won't be enough to keep that girl around.

Just be your authentic self. You were born an original, there will always be only one you. Why would you trade your soul for the approval of another human being? Fvck that. I'm shining my true colors in everyone's faces. If they don't like me they can always get the fvxk out my face, and its simple as that.

I rather have less girls who like for who
I am then have a bunch of females love me for a mask I put on.

In this day and age there's too many fake people. Everyone wants to be a copy, or something they're not.

You can say "being yourself is a trap" but if anything I think being yourself is a liberation. Youre just being yourself, regardless of what others think. And the only thing that matters is your self image. Being yourself means that you're comfortable in your own skin, unlike a lot of people nowadays who are insecure, and put up a mask just to feel accepted by society.

For some people, your true self might not be attractive to some women. All you have to do, instead of faking sh1t, is improve who you are as a person. Don't fake it, just improve yourself as a person.

 

[Konada]

The trap people always miscontrue as being yourself is stagnation. This is equivalent to the basement dwelling WoW nerd who keeps telling himself 'girls will like me for who I am' and basically remains a slob.

That's not being yourself, thats being a self delusional loser and expect pvssy to fall into your lap.

 

[logicallefty]

"Be yourself" is the worst advice and more propaganda if you are still living in blue pill wonderland. But once you swallow the red pill and become your own man, it's the best thing you can do.

 

[bigneil]

Telling a woman a flaw about yourself is like telling your boss a flaw about yourself. Telling a woman you got dumped by a previous girl is like telling your boss you got fired by a previous employer.

They will use it against you 100% of the time, yet we somehow feel that our new woman/boss will heal us and prove the other one wrong. They will not.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Telling a woman a flaw about yourself is like telling your boss a flaw about yourself. Telling a woman you got dumped by a previous girl is like telling your boss you got fired by a previous employer.

They will use it against you 100% of the time, yet we somehow feel that our new woman/boss will heal us and prove the other one wrong. They will not.

No they will not. Only if they hate the ways of the former woman will they heal you. Many of these women play the same games so they can validate a reason the ex did u dirty.

 

[bigneil]

I've found that the women will actually try to hurt you the same way you admitted having been hurt before.

 

[mikhailsadvice]

I think you miss the point a bit - self changes (and should change) throughout life, hopefully for the better. You can say that being 'fake' is awful but in many aspects in life you fake it til you make it - essentially modeling behaviors to slowly change yourself in the process. This is not just regarding women. I did hard sales for a couple years. Went into it not knowing anything. Crashed and burned many times, but after about 3 months I got really good and it became second nature - it was now genuine, part of who I am. That's what I'm getting at.

 

[logicallefty]

I've found that the women will actually try to hurt you the same way you admitted having been hurt before.

I have seen this too and would love to know the deep psychology as to why they do this. Other than my usual jaded opinions of women in general .

 

[yuppee]

If you're already great, why change? Improvement is not likely, degradation IS likely. Greatness is rare.

 

[Serenity]

From an objective point of view it's absurd and impossible to not be oneself, but I take it's not how it's meant in this discussion.

What if it's a large part of someone's self to try to be someone else, like it's a major feature of who they are?

Being oneself does as such not imply stagnation, because a core part of someones self could be to change. This means that whether someone thinks they can or not, they're right. If someone being themselves think they can't change themselves and think that's just the way they are, then that's what will be true to that person. However if someone think they can change themselves and part of who they are is to change, then that will be true to them.

I'm the type of person who knows I can change, to change is a part of being myself. It's infinitely more helpful than thinking I can't, stagnation is always self-inflicted.

 

[Poonani Maker]

I can be an "actor" and it's a shield to letting people see who I Really am. People enjoy the act, but I think that sometimes they eventually grow tired of it, but you just learn to calibrate it and bend it and it'll morph into who you really are. So you walk in and out of yourself bend and stretch and it certainly adds flare and fantasy into the mix in your interactions with women (and men, for that much, if the men you are speaking with aren't so "Male" that they see you as a faggot or something, which some do, but that's why John Wayne etc etc didn't really nail a whole lotta women because they didn't have a bit of female in them -- you have to be a bit feminine in order to score a Lot of women.., it confuses them, and confusion is good in getting women of ALL ages, to fall for you). Some people may (nowadays especially at 40, though still good-looking, though with grey hairs) think I'm going Mental, and how do I keep this up? It is getting harder to keep a youthful spirit because my eyes are getting old. It's not "creepy," just getting stranger and stranger. People know I don't givafvck, and that's good enough to make them see me as ultra-life or surreal in person. I am not like most others. I do not follow popular trends (and wouldn't even know them really that much), I despise cellphones and those who constantly dabble on them (women, every day, one right after another, in a line of cars, even in school zones, tapping away looking down).

Being a story-teller is vital to seducing women. Strength, vividness, unattainable demeanor, energy draws women to you like a little boy loves a stray dog.

 

[marmel75]

You have to be who you are, but you just have to learn to be a better version of yourself.

 

[jdb]

I'd rather be myself rather than applying game. From experience, game works wonders when you are dealing with women that have options. We 'have to' apply game because of the hypergamous nature of women.

Women who have options aren't worth your time, you are competing against the unknown. Game is just an easy fix to an unfortunate battle. When you know a woman has options, let go. Maybe they will come, maybe they will go. You don't know what her options can provide. Rather next a girl than to compete. It's not worth your time.

Having said that, when you go around daying, you find one that doesn't have those options. Hypergamy is never in play. That's the one you should pursue