SadoMasochrist
Don Juan
- Joined
- Apr 14, 2016
- Messages
- 104
- Reaction score
- 42
Shortlist to determine they are likely borderline
I can control the cheating
Imagine a young girl, in the throes of puberty at a party populated entirely by clones of Brad Pitt and midgets. And until she talks to these people, they are a yet undetermined state just like in quantum physics. And when she talks to this person, if she subconsciously determines that she is both able to likely manipulate this person and that this person is emotionally unavailable, they turn into Brad Pitt. Regardless of social standing, job and income. Looks in this case are SMV0 or SMV10, and from a normal perspective SMV5+ = SMV10, and anything below = SMV0.
Now imagine any time you make this young girl feel loved, that in a moment of primal terror she is thrown into this party, where any man that she feels she's incapable of obtaining, yet able to be manipulated turns into Brad Pitt.
This is the creature you're dealing with.
Do you know what they called these women at a clinical level before it was formally called "borderline personality disorder?
Homewreckers. These were personality types that confounded clinicians because their behavior seemingly was the opposite of what should be expected. You build yourself up enough that a woman sees value in your, you guys arrange your life together, have kids etc. And then they burn it all to the ground? Why?
How long did your relationship with your borderline last? (What is your "prey" type)
To me then, the logical conclusion of a woman with BPD is they can have only one sustainable structure.
And even the most militant frame holders want to be able to experience the love of a tight family. And then, only then, after all those years of being the person you wanted to be, will you be destroyed from the inside out, for actually giving this person love.
Remember, when you actually LOVE this person and do loving things, this will send them into a state of panic which they will run from (self sabotage). They won't return back from that panic state until they feel that you are leaving, then they will HOOVER you back. There will be a meaningless display of COMPLIANCE not genuine interest in change.
Relationship requirements
If you want her to "love" you again, you can never love her again. She's now your PLATE. That being said, don't ever let her orbit you until you have another SOLID woman in your life and you've made peace that this woman will never love you. She will only love the idea, of loving you.
What is the point of loving this person then?
Only so long as this person provides some sort of positive value to you outside of love, can you remain in a relationship with them. And ultimately, they must be forced into the choice of the one sided (which is really just a mechanism for restoring respect to the treachery she's been doing) relationship OR you must go NO CONTACT and never return and stay away from validating her until you have a no solid girl. And then, NO VALIDATION. Only getting what you want, when you want it, on your terms.
And NEVER FORGETTING, she NEVER loved you and will NEVER love you. Only the IDEA OF LOVING YOU.
But I want to feel love!
You can love this person, but if you want it reciprocated, truly, you must find someone else to love you back.
What you MIGHT be able to get back is the woman that yearned for you, by demoting her to plate if she's under your frame. IF, and MAYBE.
That my friends, is what I will find out over the next year. And if in 6 months and a year I've tamed the beast, there might be hope, only for the most disordered and dysfunctional people, true sado-masochists. And not in the cheeky type of way, people that truly need some pain in their life. People that need to dish out and take some pain.
They say that a woman with BPD is the ultimate form of woman, perfectly feminine in your expectations of her emotional state. A slave to her emotions. The the mirror is a perfectly masculine man. Devoid of emotion or care, always ready to take care of his daughter and love her in the way a father must love his daughter.
Because you love your daughter, but you and your daughter are not in love. You play with her, you do nice things for her to make her happy, but you never supplicate and expect to get loved in return. Sometimes it happens, but your daughter won't make it a priority. Because that form of love, is uniquely adult and unique to healthy individuals.
Your gf\wife, ltr. She'll never be the girl that wants to please you or make you happy. Because inside, there is an emptiness that will never be filled. And all you can do, is give her the illusion that she can have you, without ever giving yourself to her.
This is, my goodbye. To the woman I loved, who gave me two beautiful children and a third child on the way. Who inspired me to become the man to keep up with her.
This is the woman, who I love with all my heart, after 10 years, who will be demoted to plate, because a real, honest relationship, is impossible from a physical level. Because you can never expect a child to honor something which is innately adult. She will never love you and never respect you, only act in ways to avoid the inevitable.
And so, it seems there is a resting place between two psychopaths in the end or a victory of BPD over NPD. The next 6 months will tell that story for me. What is clear, now, is what I thought was love was just a scared little girl, trying to desperately hold on to me for validation, who in my most militant times let her feel what she thought was love.
And that, is what I look forward to. A woman who will show me real love, as I show her a man that has fought on a battlefield way more dangerous than any man she's ever been with. Whether or not this woman will be an orbiter while I stay with this woman and the kids, or whether or not my SO decides she can not give the upper hand, we'll see. Everywhere from here is up for me.
- Intense honeymoon stage
- There were significant elements of her courting you
- Asks for commitment early in the form of ILUs
- The relationship takes a 180 once you start to commit to her
- She "hates you" but won't leave (only when under YOUR frame)
- Intensely returns after any "breakup" real or perceived
- Physically abusive and explosive
- Enormous and unreasonable jealousy
- An impulse addiction, pick one below.
- Shoplifts or engages in socially unacceptable behavior and "gets off" on it at ANY time.
- Drives recklessly
- Treated poorly by mother or sexually abused by father
- Emotionally maturity level of between 3-13 years old. How mature will determine if they are low or high functioning.
- Decision making based on a primary drive to both reenact incorrectly attached feelings of "love" and to avoid abandonment.
- Due to incorrect childhood attachment, "love" is instead the "yearning" or "wanting" that one might associate with orbiting. This is associated with the feelings that a child most experienced that was neglected. So to be close to love, but not able to attain it, reinvigorates feelings they had as a child that they came to associate with love.
- Spending
- Food
- Drugs
- Sex
I can control the cheating
Imagine a young girl, in the throes of puberty at a party populated entirely by clones of Brad Pitt and midgets. And until she talks to these people, they are a yet undetermined state just like in quantum physics. And when she talks to this person, if she subconsciously determines that she is both able to likely manipulate this person and that this person is emotionally unavailable, they turn into Brad Pitt. Regardless of social standing, job and income. Looks in this case are SMV0 or SMV10, and from a normal perspective SMV5+ = SMV10, and anything below = SMV0.
Now imagine any time you make this young girl feel loved, that in a moment of primal terror she is thrown into this party, where any man that she feels she's incapable of obtaining, yet able to be manipulated turns into Brad Pitt.
This is the creature you're dealing with.
Do you know what they called these women at a clinical level before it was formally called "borderline personality disorder?
Homewreckers. These were personality types that confounded clinicians because their behavior seemingly was the opposite of what should be expected. You build yourself up enough that a woman sees value in your, you guys arrange your life together, have kids etc. And then they burn it all to the ground? Why?
How long did your relationship with your borderline last? (What is your "prey" type)
- Only as long as the honeymoon stage, then she discarded me. AFC
- Hung on a little bit after the honeymoon, then was systematically destroyed. r-AFC
- Made it to marriage, kids. (Years and years) You have your own mental illness, likely NPD.
- Got painted black and somehow making it work. You have ASPD or are a masochist.
To me then, the logical conclusion of a woman with BPD is they can have only one sustainable structure.
- Male (overtly) requires the relationship open on one side (his)
- Female (covertly) "triangulates" (cheates)
And even the most militant frame holders want to be able to experience the love of a tight family. And then, only then, after all those years of being the person you wanted to be, will you be destroyed from the inside out, for actually giving this person love.
Remember, when you actually LOVE this person and do loving things, this will send them into a state of panic which they will run from (self sabotage). They won't return back from that panic state until they feel that you are leaving, then they will HOOVER you back. There will be a meaningless display of COMPLIANCE not genuine interest in change.
Relationship requirements
- Militant frame
- Absolute indifference to betrayal
- View her strictly as a means to obtain what you want (sex)
- Can not be actually LOVED
- Enjoyable to be around
- Care about her or your family
- etc. Basically everything you'd associate with why you want to be with someone.
- This is something that took root in CHILDHOOD
- You are confronting someone who feels "love" in a completely different a dysfunctional way
- After YEARS in therapy, they will "mostly be the same."
- You're trying to rationalize, as an adult, as someone probably more mentally healthy, with a child.
If you want her to "love" you again, you can never love her again. She's now your PLATE. That being said, don't ever let her orbit you until you have another SOLID woman in your life and you've made peace that this woman will never love you. She will only love the idea, of loving you.
What is the point of loving this person then?
Only so long as this person provides some sort of positive value to you outside of love, can you remain in a relationship with them. And ultimately, they must be forced into the choice of the one sided (which is really just a mechanism for restoring respect to the treachery she's been doing) relationship OR you must go NO CONTACT and never return and stay away from validating her until you have a no solid girl. And then, NO VALIDATION. Only getting what you want, when you want it, on your terms.
And NEVER FORGETTING, she NEVER loved you and will NEVER love you. Only the IDEA OF LOVING YOU.
But I want to feel love!
You can love this person, but if you want it reciprocated, truly, you must find someone else to love you back.
What you MIGHT be able to get back is the woman that yearned for you, by demoting her to plate if she's under your frame. IF, and MAYBE.
That my friends, is what I will find out over the next year. And if in 6 months and a year I've tamed the beast, there might be hope, only for the most disordered and dysfunctional people, true sado-masochists. And not in the cheeky type of way, people that truly need some pain in their life. People that need to dish out and take some pain.
They say that a woman with BPD is the ultimate form of woman, perfectly feminine in your expectations of her emotional state. A slave to her emotions. The the mirror is a perfectly masculine man. Devoid of emotion or care, always ready to take care of his daughter and love her in the way a father must love his daughter.
Because you love your daughter, but you and your daughter are not in love. You play with her, you do nice things for her to make her happy, but you never supplicate and expect to get loved in return. Sometimes it happens, but your daughter won't make it a priority. Because that form of love, is uniquely adult and unique to healthy individuals.
Your gf\wife, ltr. She'll never be the girl that wants to please you or make you happy. Because inside, there is an emptiness that will never be filled. And all you can do, is give her the illusion that she can have you, without ever giving yourself to her.
This is, my goodbye. To the woman I loved, who gave me two beautiful children and a third child on the way. Who inspired me to become the man to keep up with her.
This is the woman, who I love with all my heart, after 10 years, who will be demoted to plate, because a real, honest relationship, is impossible from a physical level. Because you can never expect a child to honor something which is innately adult. She will never love you and never respect you, only act in ways to avoid the inevitable.
And so, it seems there is a resting place between two psychopaths in the end or a victory of BPD over NPD. The next 6 months will tell that story for me. What is clear, now, is what I thought was love was just a scared little girl, trying to desperately hold on to me for validation, who in my most militant times let her feel what she thought was love.
And that, is what I look forward to. A woman who will show me real love, as I show her a man that has fought on a battlefield way more dangerous than any man she's ever been with. Whether or not this woman will be an orbiter while I stay with this woman and the kids, or whether or not my SO decides she can not give the upper hand, we'll see. Everywhere from here is up for me.
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