When to utilize money (if you have it) in dating

[Tenacity]

Doesn't affect me anymore as I'm married but a topic that I've always had niggling doubts over.

When I was single, I took a fair amount of advice on this forum to heart about not spending too much on early dates. I would typically have gone to a bar for a first date. Wouldn't have gone to super fancy restaurants early. Most dates would have been split.

I think in hindsight that it wasn't the best strategy for me.
At the time I earned good money but wouldn't have been the smoothest guy ever.

I probably could have afforded to take dates to fancier restaurants that would have made a better impression. I'm curious what people think. At times you can be so worried about being taken for a ride that you downplay one of your biggest strengths (assuming you have the money to spend on dating)

I mean at an extreme, if you were say a millionaire and you wanted to get laid on a date.
Are you going to take the girl to a dive bar for a few drinks, or go to some super fancy restaurant that leaves her really impressed? I'm sure there's a few people on this board that are in the situation that I was in, earning good money but not great ladies men. What's the best way to use money to your advantage in that situation?

For me, it depends on the situation but in general, you shouldn't be REQUIRED to take a chick to somewhere "totally upscale/fancy" like that. You can if you want to, but when that is a requirement, there's something off with the chick, more than likely she is a gold-digging or a serial dater who using men for free dates.

But for me, I don't think a chick to any paid date (not even Panera Bread) unless I've done some telephone "caking" with her to see that there's a high chance this chick is going to fvck. If it doesn't seem like she's going to fvck or if she's coming off flakey by telephone, I'm not doing any paid date with her at all.

The reality is that we are dealing with a very low-quality market of women, to where sex and companionship is pretty much the two main things (benefits) that they have left. IF the girl is giving up no sex anytime soon, I'm sorry, I have no use for just a "companionship".

 

[Tenacity]

This discussion on SS has always been fascinating to me as a woman.

............I'm sorry but I never got the memo that you were a woman. I've had to sit through a lot of your advice that usually would be a little "touchy feely" though. I seriously HATE when you guys do this (LYD did this and I'm sure there are others doing it right now).

Why not announce to the forum that you are a woman when you participate heavy like that? It's one of the reasons I believe this forum is turning blue pill as hell, we have WOMEN giving advice far too often and nobody has a damn clue the person they are talking to has a vagina.

Or, Moderators you guys should add a required GENDER listing to all profiles that every member has to fill out. At least let the guys here know that a woman is giving them "advice". Not saying all advice from a woman is bad, but the source does need to be considered because it does annoy me with all of these "touchy feely" responses to various threads that I scratch my head asking, "why would a MAN write that?" Well, it turns out a MAN DIDN'T write it.

 

[Tenacity]

I agree. I have no issue with women posting here, but the truth still remains in my opinion....there's no way in hell a woman can TEACH a man how to attract women across the board. Women routinely talk about how they don't like thugs, players, and guys with money.....but the FACT remains these are the three types of guys that get the most attraction/action from American women across the board.

When it comes to dating/relating, I think women are fvcking retarded in this regard because they make their selection based on emotional "urges" rather than logical based ones.

This is why a woman can give you excellent advice if she's a stock broker, a dentist, or an Accountant, but for the LIFE of me do NOT listen to shyt she has to say when it comes to "attracting" women.

So BeExcellent can get up here trying to get guys to think that it's okay to be "broke" because the chick will "pitch in"..... well the truth is that unless you stay in an urban environment dating chicks named Tyquesha, being "broke" is NOT going to go over well for the most part.

I tell guys to try to be as efficient as possible in Looks, Personality AND Finances. When you are over a 6 (out of 10) in all three, you should be able to create an efficient rotation of chicks consistently as long as you put in the time/effort to going out and meeting chicks/playing the numbers game.

 

[l_e_g_e_n_d]

A bit off the subject, but congrats BeExcellent and Zekko on creating your passive income achievements. I live in Manhattan, and spend 12-13k monthly after tax to live, so it may take me quite some time to get there.

I have real-estate investments out of the city as the city is extremely overpriced, but in no way does that create enough passive income to meet my spending. Maybe a move to a different location and lifestyle is in order when I retire, or?

As you are young for retirement and have achieved your passive-income goals, you guys should create a tread in the Wealth forum, delineating the specifics that have worked for you.

 

[Alvafe]

passive income, from what I know, is the income you get without doing work(or at least normal kind of work) you are paid with your investment returns and with that alone you can live up, its almost like if anything happen and you want/need to retire you will not starve and can mantain your currently living (if your spences stay the same), and its not only stocks, there is several things you can try to invest and get return for it, course like all investments there are risks, so even if you are ok now that don't mean will stay like that, mostly it will depend on how much you want to invest and how much you are willing to risk

@Tenacity

well before she said it was female I was kinda guessing she was, or really a effeminate guy, still is kinda a good view to consider, I would hardly follow her advice but it can share a female view on things we work here

@l_e_g_e_n_d

serious 11k-12k month? I spend around 1k per month where I live, is that normal around where you live or is just you are spending a lot on things?

 

[l_e_g_e_n_d]

Espi, passive income is income generated from investments, not employment.

While, for many, wealth is not created merely by passive investments in the short-term, I do know a handful of people who bought their primary residences for 500-600k, and these properties are worth over 2 mil today. Also, long-term ( 20 years+) passive investing into the real-estate and stock markets can create wealth for many. Quantifying "wealth" is arguable, but I consider wealth to be subjective, often 2-3 tiers above what the individual is accustomed to.

Alvafe, in Manhattan, a mortgage of 2 mil and maintenance fees for a mid-size condo (1400-1500 sq ft) alone can be 12k+/monthly--and rents the same.

 

[Tenacity]

I will tell you guys upfront, that it's going to be significantly difficult to amass "wealth" from any passive investment. Study after study, research after research, shows that people who amassed "wealth" got it from starting their own profitable businesses or working in very high ranking positions. After making said monies and taking out expenses/taxes, they would then put their "excess savings" into various passive vehicles such as long term stock funds, bond funds, certain types of real estate, and/or creating a fixed income portfolio of individual bonds, annuities, and CDs.

As I told the guys over on the City Data Investing Forum, we can argue about "rate of return" on different passive vehicles all day long, if the person never makes enough money to SAVE in general, it really won't matter.

Damn near 80% of Americans are living paycheck-to-paycheck, what does that mean? That means that they make their income, then after expenses and taxes, they don't have ANYTHING LEFT to put away for all three side resource accounts including:

- An emergency fund
- A generic savings account
- Any passive or other investments

Taken from the same article, 27% of Americans have no savings at all, 50% have enough to cover about 3 months of expenses, and only 23% of Americans have enough to cover 6 months or more in an emergency fund/savings/investments.

So while I'm labeled as "too negative" a lot of times, the FACTS are that you do not have a lot of wealthy people in this country. Most people in this country (well over 70%) are struggling right now.

 

[l_e_g_e_n_d]

Study after study, research after research, shows that people who amassed "wealth" got it from starting their own profitable businesses ...

See Tenacity, I don't disagree with everything you write. I would also add that being self-employed, other than not being contained within a limited salary that an employer can afford to give you, creates significant tax advantages to the entrepreneur. A significant portion to amassing wealth is paying less taxes. My corporations own every asset (as well as expense): real estate, automobile, and my "corporate" dinners, drinks, and suits are written off as well. There is very little that I don't write off.

 

[Tenacity]

See Tenacity, I don't disagree with everything you write. I would also add that being self-employed, other than not being contained within a limited salary that an employer can afford to give you, creates significant tax advantages to the entrepreneur. A significant portion to amassing wealth is paying less taxes. My corporations own every asset (as well as expense): real estate, automobile, and my "corporate" dinners, drinks, and suits are written off as well. There is very little that I don't write off.

Correct, that's another important point. If one can create a profitable business, you are going to benefit (for now at least, who knows what will happen when Hillary gets in there smh) from many tax benefits. You get more deductions as Legend mentioned, but you also get to take advantage of other things such as HSA tax deductions, SEP IRA tax deductions, what you contribute to your social security account is a tax deduction, your car becomes a "commercial vehicle" so either the costs or mileage calculation determines that tax deduction, a percentage of your HOUSE becomes a tax deduction, etc.

To help reduce down the social security required contribution, you can setup an LLC and have it taxed as an S-Corp. It allows you to set a reasonable salary and only have the social security contribution be based on that salaried amount rather than the profits of the entire company.

 

[zekko]

As I told the guys over on the City Data Investing Forum, we can argue about "rate of return" on different passive vehicles all day long, if the person never makes enough money to SAVE in general, it really won't matter.

Quoted for truth. You don't necessarily have to be an entrepreneur, but you have to make enough money so that you can put aside a considerable portion for investments/saving/whatever. It's not that you necessarily GET rich through the stock market, but if you can make good money you can invest it and/or set up various kinds of income streams.

I don't like to get into specifics because of privacy reasons, but I will say this: My plan was very individual to myself. I read a thread in the wealth forum, and Tenacity was saying that you have to have the network to be an investment banker. Now I know fvck all about investment banking, but that guy (BeTheChange, I think it was) was set up in a situation where he could take advantage of that. My situation was such that I had certain different advantages available to me, and I took advantage of them.

My advice would be this: Each individual has to look at what avenues and advantages he has going for him, what sort of career he would like, what sort of things he is willing to do, what kind of budget he is willing to follow, what he can accomplish - he has to educate himself, and make a plan. My path, BeTheChange's path, Tenacity's path, L_e_g_e_n_d's path, they will all be different, we all have different talents and skills. The main thing is that you have motivation.

It's unfortunate, but like Tenacity says, for some people in their present circumstance, they are stuck living paycheck to paycheck. People can improve - that's what this forum is about, after all - but they need to have a plan to get out of that cycle.

 

[BeExcellent]

Meh. I list my gender and my age accurately and have since day 1 in addition to mentioning my gender sometimes in my posts for the express purpose of full disclosure. I figure if anyone wants to know that information it's there for the observing.

Ditto my thoughts about OP. What I wrote is there to read, subsequent projections aside.

Appreciate the kudos. Congrats also to Zekko.

I plan to be living off passive income once I finish retiring debt for a few more years. Free before 50 is seared into my consciousness and affects every big decision I make.

I'm happy to start a thread in Wealth & Success perhaps this weekend. The keys I see are

1. Thinking
2. Habits
3. Choices

 

[Alvafe]

Meh. I list my gender and my age accurately and have since day 1 in addition to mentioning my gender sometimes in my posts for the express purpose of full disclosure. I figure if anyone wants to know that information it's there for the observing.

Ditto my thoughts about OP. What I wrote is there to read, subsequent projections aside.

Appreciate the kudos. Congrats also to Zekko.

I plan to be living off passive income once I finish retiring debt for a few more years. Free before 50 is seared into my consciousness and affects every big decision I make.

I'm happy to start a thread in Wealth & Success perhaps this weekend. The keys I see are

1. Thinking
2. Habits
3. Choices

I would add also willing to risk and how good you can read the market, all investments there risks involved, so like I said depend on how much you have and how much you are willing to risk.

@Tenacity

yes you need to have something saved to invest, if anything do happen to me I have enough to keep my living for at least 5 years, i'm even thinking in going to my bank and see what I can do to invest on more things, things I know who can give money in the long run, terrains and farms, both are in the long run, and like you said not everyone will have enough money saved for that, but if we come to think about most of us here are not like everyone, we are more likely know how the system works and we jsut need to start to make teh system work for us

@l_e_g_e_n_d

high cost even with a job who pay enough I wouldn't see me staying in a place like that for long, just curious though, plans to move out when you find another job? be it a new place or a new city?

 

[sodbuster]

I'd look at Mr money mustache blog.... He retired VERY early..... before 40 if I remember right.... He lives cheap on purpose. When your expenses are low, you save more money and your retirement number is lower......I've got some major bills to clean up, but I figure I could retire in 2 years.... I won't, because I like the flexibility of making money. But I could. I MAY cut down to 2 days a week... but the flexibility in life is worth a bunch...

 

[speed dawg]

I'm not convinced that your being married exempts you from the money situation. If you announced to your wife that you're quitting your job with no plans to resume working, she'd likely consider leaving you for good.

I personally think the best way to use money to my advantage is to HAVE it.

Agreed. In my experience if you blow all your money on the girls they lose respect quick. They just want to know it's in your pocket.

As far as for long-term quality - even those women want to know you've got a head on your shoulders and can provide. You may not be ballin' in a Mercedes but you better have your own ride, know what I mean?

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Here's a GREAT WAY to utilize money on a date (hopefully a first one).

When you pull out your freshly minted Harriet Tubman Twenty, show it to your girl and say:

"What do you think about this?"

Her answer will tell you A LOT about her.