Question On Recent Ghosting

[dingmachine]

Solo'ed at a nightclub on Thursday. Direct opened a HB9 by asking her if the guy she was with was her boyfriend. She said it was her brother, her brother's girl came up, they paired off, and it was me and the HB9 for the rest of the night. She's 20. I'm 32. She didn't care about the age difference.

Great conversation, lots of kino early, and my game was tight. 30 minutes in, I tell her to put her number in my phone while I go to the bathroom. I come back and she just puts her name in with some emojis, but no number. I tell her, "Yo, there's supposed to be a number here. I can't text a bunch of emojis." She says, "I just wanted to see how persistent you would be," and puts the number in.

At this point, I think she's just in it for a one-night lay, so I keep with the touching and sexual innuendo. As the place is getting ready to close, her brother and that girl tell HB9 they're going to bail, so it's just the two of us. We go back to her apartment to smoke and watch a little Netflix. She makes me eggs first, though, after I told her I was hungry. While we're watching I get the vibe she's going to give me some serious LMR (she initially didn't sit next to me on the couch, she wasn't as touchy-feely, etc.), so I drop a vulnerability: I say, "I'm going to be real with you -- I think you're cool, and I want to see you again." She gives me a big smile, says I'm cool as well, she wants to see me again, she's looking forward to me getting to know her better, and that she's really picky and doesn't normally go home with guys she just met. A little word vomit, but whatever.

Five minutes later, we're in the bedroom. Do everything but sex. She's fingering herself while I'm dry humping her, cums, and finishes me off with oral. I'm in no condition to drive, so I spend the night. Wake up at 830 a.m., quietly get dressed, wake her up and ask her if she needs a ride back to her car (she left it at her brother's). She says no, tells me to "text her later," and kisses me goodbye.

Yesterday afternoon, I send her a text asking her what her week looks like. No response.

What happened?

 

[fastlife]

The tighter your game is--the more direct and sexual you are--it becomes absolutely imperative that you seal the deal ASAP. Look at things from her angle: She meets a sexy guy at the club. He's bold and direct (He's gonna **** the **** out of me). She's excited. She sticks her neck out for you socially to make things happen (in front of her ****ing brother). She takes you home. She's nervous. She might not do this often. But you're this sexy guy who'll give her permission to let herself go.

But then you get into your head and turn into this nervous little dude who's like, What if she doesn't want it or rejects me? You don't hold up your end of the bargain--how does sex not happen in that situation? Do you realize how weird that is? But she has to rationalize it; she's undergoing major cognitive dissonance at this point (What's his M.O.? Did I do something to turn him off? What happened to the confident guy at the club?). The most convenient way for her to make sense of the episode is the following: Well, we didn't have sex, so I must not be that into him.

Cool down for a couple days. Talk to other girls. When you're feeling more confident and less needy, send her a text ~8pm on a random weekday inviting her to your place--for wine or Uno or to meet your pet goldfish. She'll either be in or out; but in the future, you usually only get one shot. There's a point of no return when it comes to escalation, where it's now or never. These days I won't make out with a girl or isolate her unless I'm confident that I'll be able to close that night.

 

[dingmachine]

Good points, but I pushed for the lay and she stopped me. Told me we were going too fast. I froze out, then she went down on me. Does that change your analysis?

 

[fastlife]

Good points, but I pushed for the lay and she stopped me. Told me we were going too fast. I froze out, then she went down on me. Does that change your analysis?

No, she needed you to take full responsibility. She needed you to say, "It's okay, I got this" (not in those words).

At that point, you kiss on her neck and whisper "Don't be weird." Get a little dominant, tease her, talk about how good it'll feel, how full she'll feel & wait til you sense she's given herself to you and then you say, "Tell me you want it." Never, ever, ever stick your penis in a girl without full consent; but don't settle for whatever scraps her ASD rationalizes it's OK to throw at you (Well, blow jobs don't count).

If she wouldn't comply at that point, I would've just gotten up and said: "You know what, you're being really weird. I can't do this." And gotten an Uber or a cab back to your car and crash in the backseat (except you never would've made it that far). But in your case, she knew you wouldn't walk away. If your car was 100% out of the question, you probably could've escalated the next morning--she'd be able to tell herself, Well, we spent x many hours together so it's not like I'm being a slvt.

I've had pulls that fell apart at the last minute through sheer logistics--totally out of my control. But if I escalated too far at that point, I never saw her again--or if I did, she had already placed me in the 'guy she makes wait for sex' box at which point I usually eject.

 

[Trump]

Five minutes later, we're in the bedroom. Do everything but sex. She's fingering herself while I'm dry humping her, cums, and finishes me off with oral. I'm in no condition to drive, so I spend the night. Wake up at 830 a.m., quietly get dressed, wake her up and ask her if she needs a ride back to her car (she left it at her brother's). She says no, tells me to "text her later," and kisses me goodbye.

Yesterday afternoon, I send her a text asking her what her week looks like. No response.

What happened?

Come on bro, you have sex with a "20 year old HB9" at 32, and then you think like this?

What happened was she was horny for that night, you satisfied her and now she is back to her regular life with her friends and family. She is 20, you are 32, you are "slightly" too old her, not to mention the fact that any 20 year girl will change her mind more than the weather.

Come on bro, you got to be smarter than this at 32.

 

[dingmachine]

What happened was she was horny for that night, you satisfied her and now she is back to her regular life with her friends and family. She is 20, you are 32, you are "slightly" too old her, not to mention the fact that any 20 year girl will change her mind more than the weather.

I actually thought this was what was happening during the pickup. See below.

30 minutes in, I tell her to put her number in my phone while I go to the bathroom. I come back and she just puts her name in with some emojis, but no number. I tell her, "Yo, there's supposed to be a number here. I can't text a bunch of emojis." She says, "I just wanted to see how persistent you would be," and puts the number in.

At this point, I think she's just in it for a one-night lay, so I keep with the touching and sexual innuendo.

What threw me off was all the garbage about wanting to see me again and blah blah blah, but it's not the first time I've had girls drop that line to justify going to bed with me the first night only to turn it off like a light switch the next morning. Part of The Game.

I ask these questions here when I can't figure out why something went wrong on my own, because a third party's perspective is pretty insightful, and most dudes have no game whatsoever so asking them is as useful as eating my own vomit. I'm also not interested in repeating the same mistake twice, so learning here is better than constantly falling on my face over and over again before I realize my shoelaces are tied together.

It sounds like my mistake was not having sex with her that night, as fastlife said above. No problem. I didn't have a rubber on me anyway, Gator always uses jimmies with new tricks, and if she's not going to respond to my text, I have other plates in my life. She won't be missed.

 

[fastlife]

@dingmachine If you don't have oneitis and aren't invested in the outcome, invite her over & see what happens. It'll be good practice--and who cares if she thinks you're desperate. Let's be honest--you still want to sleep with this girl or you wouldn't have made this thread.

I'd try this Thursday. If she doesn't come through, so what? But she might. Don't invite her out, invite her over. I've reopened girls months, sometimes years later, with good results. It's different for every girl, but a lot of the time you can get an emotional reset at some point & it'll be like meeting her for the first time. You literally have nothing to lose, unless you care about some 20 y/o's perception of you.

 

[dingmachine]

@dingmachine If you don't have oneitis and aren't invested in the outcome, invite her over & see what happens. It'll be good practice--and who cares if she thinks you're desperate. Let's be honest--you still want to sleep with this girl or you wouldn't have made this thread.

I'd try this Thursday. If she doesn't come through, so what? But she might. Don't invite her out, invite her over. I've reopened girls months, sometimes years later, with good results. It's different for every girl, but a lot of the time you can get an emotional reset at some point & it'll be like meeting her for the first time. You literally have nothing to lose, unless you care about some 20 y/o's perception of you.

Funnily enough, she texted me last night, apologized for the delay, and said things were "crazy" the last couple of days. She then gave me the full slate of her schedule for the work week without my asking (working during the days, busy on Thursday) and asked, "How about you?" Due to the delay, I waited until this morning to hit her back up, told her that my week filled up fast but I'm briefly free Friday after work and we should meet up then. She responds quickly this time to say she's going to a neighboring state this weekend with a yikes emoji. I did not respond. I'll either hit her up when she gets back, next her completely, or respond if she responds once she's figured out I'm not responding.

IME, this is typical behavior for a hot 20-year-old toward an older man who's made an impression on them -- BUT the end result is usually a split decision. Sometimes they have me chase them around town and then fully surrender, and they're mine until I say otherwise. Other times, they have me chase them around town and then flake out once they feel validated enough and have accumulated enough text message conversations to show their friends after they've showed them my pictures on social media. The rationale is common between the two, however: They know they can't smoke me out with the typical, dumb, "Are you a player?" routine because they correctly anticipate that I've heard that before and know how to handle it. Thus, they hang back and watch how I act as an indication that I'm either (a) the player they thought I was, or (b) truly interested in them. Trouble is, girls don't think logically, so while expressing an interest would appear to work to the logical male, she's already made up her mind as to whether I'm (a) or (b).

Accordingly, the only way I know how to counter this is to just ghost out for a while and circle back later if I feel like it. The ones who were going to surrender anyway realize that I called their bluff, and then understand that I value my time, I don't play games, and they can either sh*t or get off the pot.

Trouble is, and as mentioned before, I have other plates in my life, and she or any other hot 20-year-old can't guarantee I won't find someone hotter and better this Friday on the date she missed out on. That's the unfortunate price a girl will sometimes pay when she doesn't express strong interest early, at least as far as I'm concerned.

Bottom line: If I feel like hanging out with her when next Monday rolls around, I'll hit her up. If not, she goes to the curb with the rest of my nexted prospects.

 

[HeadLightsOn]

Ding Dong I say. Nice to have those tight 20 yr old options. But as youve said - chasing her endlessly isnt going to work. I agree with you though - hit her up this week. If its a no go move on. Immediately.

 

[Bingo-Player]

yea you'd be surprised at how many guys actually fvck things up at the last hurdle

you do all the work in the club , get her into bed and then somehow dont end up fvcking her , for whatever reason

and the problem is that the more nervous you get the more nervous she gets and the more LMR starts building

women like fluidity , they dont like complications or awkwardness if you want to fvck her and she obligies then you better make damn sure your fully equipped to go through with the deal

anyway yea you fvcked up you'll probably have to let this chick be on her way and just correct your mistake next time