Answer Her? Or nah?

[gravityeyelids]

Background: the girl i've been dating/seeing since like last summer. Super hot/ great in bed, but a pain to deal with. Tried to remain "friends" after breaking up, even though we were kinda still sleeping together. Went out one night, got drunk, and hit her up to pick me up because she lives 5 mins away and i've picked up her drunk a$$ dozens of times. Shes being stupid and saying no, and "but then i'd have to drive you all the way home", etc. Basically gaming me because i told her we were just friends, and getting back at me for this. Implying and saying that i cant sleep in her bed with her but if i really need,i can sleep on the couch. This is a weekend night when she's not even doing anything. Fvck that. I'm not sleeping on her couch like a desperate orbiter. Went no contact with her the next morning because i don't really want to be friends with her and being in contact with her isnt allowing me to move on.(sidenote: she's also pretty "clingy" and is one to text CONSTANTLY)

Like legit no contact. Total ghost mode. Removed from facebook/snapchat, put her on my "straight to voicemail" setting on my phone. She's quiet for two days, then shoots me a couple texts. I stay strong. That was like a week ago. Then i get this last night:

"I know that you hate me for not picking you up but i really do miss you and hope you are doing well with your business. And i wish you could at least answer me"

I'm honestly surprised that she's being this civil. I expected a blow up after the angry text she sent me last week. I will admit that she's playing the sweetheart angle and it's affecting me a bit. I'm done with her but i feel like a total a$$ not acknowleging her at all. She was someone i shared my life with for the better part of the last like 7 months. She can get lonely and has been struggling with stuff lately, and has told me a lot that in addition to dating i'm one of her closest friends and someone she can tell anything to when she cant tell her girlfriends.

Thankfully i almost never think of her anymore. But there are times when i catch myself unconsciously thinking things like "That was so funny! I have to text [the girl] this! She'll think it's hilarious...Oh wait."


Help me stay strong men of SoSuave. Is it a bad idea to respond to her in any way? The problem is that if i respond, she won't leave it at that. She'll see that as it being okay for her to keep contacting me, when i need her out of my life so i can focus on other things and girls. The pu$$y is powerful and tempting.

 

[dustmuffin]

Background: the girl i've been dating/seeing since like last summer. Super hot/ great in bed, but a pain to deal with. Tried to remain "friends" after breaking up, even though we were kinda still sleeping together. Went out one night, got drunk, and hit her up to pick me up because she lives 5 mins away and i've picked up her drunk a$$ dozens of times. Shes being stupid and saying no, and "but then i'd have to drive you all the way home", etc. Basically gaming me because i told her we were just friends, and getting back at me for this. Implying and saying that i cant sleep in her bed with her but if i really need,i can sleep on the couch. This is a weekend night when she's not even doing anything. Fvck that. I'm not sleeping on her couch like a desperate orbiter. Went no contact with her the next morning because i don't really want to be friends with her and being in contact with her isnt allowing me to move on.(sidenote: she's also pretty "clingy" and is one to text CONSTANTLY)

Like legit no contact. Total ghost mode. Removed from facebook/snapchat, put her on my "straight to voicemail" setting on my phone. She's quiet for two days, then shoots me a couple texts. I stay strong. That was like a week ago. Then i get this last night:

"I know that you hate me for not picking you up but i really do miss you and hope you are doing well with your business. And i wish you could at least answer me"

I'm honestly surprised that she's being this civil. I expected a blow up after the angry text she sent me last week. I will admit that she's playing the sweetheart angle and it's affecting me a bit. I'm done with her but i feel like a total a$$ not acknowleging her at all. She was someone i shared my life with for the better part of the last like 7 months. She can get lonely and has been struggling with stuff lately, and has told me a lot that in addition to dating i'm one of her closest friends and someone she can tell anything to when she cant tell her girlfriends.

Thankfully i almost never think of her anymore. But there are times when i catch myself unconsciously thinking things like "That was so funny! I have to text [the girl] this! She'll think it's hilarious...Oh wait."


Help me stay strong men of SoSuave. Is it a bad idea to respond to her in any way? The problem is that if i respond, she won't leave it at that. She'll see that as it being okay for her to keep contacting me, when i need her out of my life so i can focus on other things and girls. The pu$$y is powerful and tempting.

Block her on all formats and go nc. Then you can focus. Stay strong.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Block her on all formats and go nc. Then you can focus. Stay strong.

Like dustmuffin said, BLOCK her on phone and social media. If she wants you bad enough she knows where you live or work or where to find you. Frame it so that sex is the only way to keep it going.

 

[DonDraper7]

The problem is that if i respond, she won't leave it at that. She'll see that as it being okay for her to keep contacting me, when i need her out of my life so i can focus on other things and girls. The pu$$y is powerful and tempting.

I think you already know the answer bro. If she keeps you from focusing on other stuff just cut her out of your life like you started to. Better things and girls to come in the future. Stay strong and stay always focused.

 

[gravityeyelids]

Do what you want. But it does sound like she is manipulating and using you. You said "I've picked her drunk ass up dozens of times".

Why? And she can't do it once? So yah, I'd get rid of her. But if you still want her, don't be afraid going for her.

Because she lives close to downtown and i live with my parents. And i didn't like going out with her friends on weekends and usually worked late, so i did my own sh!t typically until she would booty call me.

But yea, she's still affecting me enough to where i'm thinking about it, so i think the no contact needs to continue. God knows she's not capable of letting me go without me going ghost on her.

 

[Yewki]

a pain to deal with.

Read the part in bold over and over until it sinks in.

You've already figured her out. Her reaching is a result of her own self serving mechanism to cope with the situation she's in. She doesn't really care about you, except to make herself feel better. Don't let her waste anymore of your time. Ignore.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Read the part in bold over and over until it sinks in.

You've already figured her out. Her reaching is a result of her own self serving mechanism to cope with the situation she's in. She doesn't really care about you, except to make herself feel better. Don't let her waste anymore of your time. Ignore.

He's playing butler and making her super star.

 

[Genos]

This is contrary to much of what others have advised you, but I personally don't believe in this kind of hard NC where you don't contact her even if she reaches out to you. True, you absolutely must withdraw your emotions from the interaction, but ignoring her attempts to reach out is, at least for me, too cold to actually implement with a peace of mind. I dunno, I'm not sure what perspective is right (as I haven't been in such situations all that often or with many women), but I'll submit this old post for your consideration: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/index....games-mixed-signals.16905/page-3#post-1726094

If you withdraw your emotions from the interaction, stop initiating, etc. she'll get the message. You can also make it clear verbally that it's best for you to limit contact with each other (politely of course, but firmly). Do it without malice and keeping in mind that you had good times with this girl, and she'll likely feel that you have good intentions and aren't stopping contact out of spite, but so both of you can move on.

Again, I'm not saying that this perspective is absolutely the thing to do...in the end, we're all giving you different ideas, advice, and viewpoints on the situation. I feel like this particular position (against absolute NC) needs to be stated, and it's what I would do. Do what you feel is best gravityeyelids.

 

[salinechow]

This is contrary to much of what others have advised you, but I personally don't believe in this kind of hard NC where you don't contact her even if she reaches out to you. True, you absolutely must withdraw your emotions from the interaction, but ignoring her attempts to reach out is, at least for me, too cold to actually implement with a peace of mind. I dunno, I'm not sure what perspective is right (as I haven't been in such situations all that often or with many women), but I'll submit this old post for your consideration: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/index....games-mixed-signals.16905/page-3#post-1726094

If you withdraw your emotions from the interaction, stop initiating, etc. she'll get the message. You can also make it clear verbally that it's best for you to limit contact with each other (politely of course, but firmly). Do it without malice and keeping in mind that you had good times with this girl, and she'll likely feel that you have good intentions and aren't stopping contact out of spite, but so both of you can move on.

Again, I'm not saying that this perspective is absolutely the thing to do...in the end, we're all giving you different ideas, advice, and viewpoints on the situation. I feel like this particular position (against absolute NC) needs to be stated, and it's what I would do. Do what you feel is best gravityeyelids.

In this particular case.... I agree with some form of what @Konduit is saying.

 

[El Payaso]

She's baiting you because she's seeking reassurance. The moment you respond, she will get all the validation she needs.