Could a pic of me and her put her off!? She's lost interest.

[1ncredible]

Hi guys, it's been a while since I've been on here but need some advice about this particular plate.

Long story short(ish):

Dated this girl I met through a mutual friend briefly 4.5 years ago. Was only a few dates, but got intimate quickly and then decided to be friends. I got her into bed (3rd date), played around but wouldn't let me have sex. Never stayed proper friends though.

She's been on my FB the whole time and totally forgot all about her for 2 years - I've had 2 relationships in that time.

So in March 2014 I bought an apartment and told the mutual friend about it. I then decided to message the girl I dated about it and see how she was etc...she was into running and so was I so running was a common interest.

So over rest of 2014 a few brief messages were exchanged but very infrequently! Literally maybe a short conversation then a couple months go by before another. Kind of even who initiated the chats.

Start of 2015 I ended up meeting with her last minute to borrow her work pass to get into theme parks for free etc. (she had told me about it end of 2014 and that I could use it whenever). That was the first time I'd seen her in 3 yrs...just a quick drink in a pub with one of my mates and to get the pass.

So, 2nd time I see her was maybe April as she needed the pass back - again, just a quick drink and a hug.

3rd time, maybe few weeks later I suggested we go for a bike ride (both into sports). She agreed and we ended up going for a ride in the July. At the end, just a hug etc.

4th time - Weeks later she offered to come and support me at a half marathon I was doing end of September. She came down, cheered me, had a few drinks after, hug and left.

These 4 times (above) I was only seeing her as a friend as too much time had passed from when we dated back end of 2011.

I was away then in America for 3 weeks in November and she said we should go for a run/catch up when I got back. I agreed.

Got back from America end of Nov and 6 days later she sends me a message about something. I replied and used this opportunity to do that run/catch up. Agreed a date and said they were doing drinks at hers after which I could join them.

So 10th December 2015 I meet her, have run, then drinks and she got a bit drunk and made it obvious she was interested! I totally didn't see it coming and even said earlier I'd be leaving that night about 9ish. I didn't - I ended up staying the night with her and having sex! Couldn't believe it!!

Anyway after that and for the next 2 months, we'd meet for dates, dinners, had a LOT of sex. I could tell her IL was high as she did a lot more text initiating regarding meeting up, looked forward to seeing me, few naughty messages/pics etc! She offered to come to mine too. I definitely played it cool, not needy, went halves on everything etc. Few messages a day, not loads but enough to know IL was high.

We decided to have a night away in mid Feb just gone. End of the trip and after the first train back, we got separate trains home. She straight away sent me a pic she took earlier of something out of the train window that had me in the reflection. I then sent a pic of one that I took of me and her down by the river during the trip.

She didn't reply until later on the following day, made brief reference to the pic and asked me what hours I was working that week (showing she was keen to meet).

I said I was working normal office hours etc and got no reply which was unusual. That was on the Monday. No messages at all on Tues and wed. On Thursday I send her one seeing if work was ok and maybe about going to a particular bar (that we talked about previously) when she was free.

She replied 'Yes' and said what days she was free. We then agreed a date - following Tues. Very short and sharp though and no mention of anything. I could tell something was up.

I initiated couple brief texts over the weekend to which she replied.

On the Tues (day we were meant to meet) she got back to me late in the evening saying she was working late and drowning a bad day in wine after with colleagues. I'd already decided earlier in the day that I wasn't going to be seeing her. She said about maybe doing the drinks another night.

As it happens I was going away on the Thursday abroad for the weekend so I left my reply until the Saturday when I told her I was in Munich (she knew I was going), briefly what I was up to and asked about her weekend. I didn't make reference to meeting up though. I know it seems like a brushed her off by not replying until I was in Munich, but I could tell something had changed. I had in mind her actions speak louder than words and that she'd lost interest.

She replied back on the Monday, very brief message saying 'Sounds awesome' and that she went for drinks over the weekend etc.

Basically it's been left at we're meant to be going out for drinks again but she has just stopped talking to me, initiating any contact...no flirty messages etc. I know she'd reply if I text but know something is wrong.

A bit about the girl - she only texts! Doesn't do phone calls (even though I've tried ringing couple times when arranging the trip away)... All done by text. She is also a very independent girl and likes time to herself, which I'm currently giving. Basically something has caused her IL to drop literally over night, after the trip away.

******************************************
My Q is, could the pic of me and her I sent her put her off...somehow triggered an emotional switch into thinking that things have moved on, perhaps too quick!? Maybe we look like a couple on first look but it's nothing 'lovey dovey'!
******************************************
I get the opinion she is a bit commitment scared and only had 2 bfs. She's 28yrs old, I'm 32.

Thinking about it a lot has happened quickly in the last 2 months, compared to with how long I've known her. The fact that we briefly dated, lost contact, then we're kinda friends all last year.

What are your thoughts? I would actually be quite happy keeping her as a friend, but same time got feelings for her from getting intimate etc (I've never disclosed any feelings to her either). I know I need to give her time, but could that pic possible scared her??? Any normal girl who had a high IL should have actually liked the pic - that's what's confusing.

 

[kenpiffyjr]

I think it's the Oneitis bro

 

[1ncredible]

Unfortunately you're probably right. I admit I can't stop thinking about her!

 

[Technics]

Doesn't matter if you don't disclose your feelings to her because trust me, she can tell how much you're into her.

Sounds like you got too full on and she's backed off because of it. Either that or there's another guy in the picture.

 

[pyros]

Based on personal experience, when somthing like this happens it means more than likely that...:

she had broken up with someone not long ago when you started talking to her again.
she was feeling a bit down, and she wanted a replacement and there you were.
she enjoyed your company, sex etc for a while.
Then, the previous guy came again and she started dating, seing, having sex with him again.
Now she's not interested in you anymore, but of course she's not gonna confess what really happened, she just prefers to stop talking to you, and leave you hanging and questioning what happened. Nice...

That's pretty much it.

Nothing much you can do about this except text her maybe once or twice a month and wait until she's free again and wants a replacement again.

P.S.
remember, when a woman shows interest in you, and then, all of a sudden she stops talking to you, it means 90% of the time that she's seing another guy she likes more. Be it a boyfriend, ex, fwb, whatever.

 

[Yewki]

I would actually be quite happy keeping her as a friend, but same time got feelings for her from getting intimate etc.

Desperation at its finest. You have feelings for her, but would be happy just to be friends

could that pic possible scared her???

Your hamster is in overdrive. Who cares.

 

[RangerMIke]

Another dude.... just move on. Happens to all of us... there is nothing you could have done about it. Just go get other women and you will forget about her.

 

[Thundernuts]

Just go ghost on her and stop initiating contact, now that she has withdrawn a bit and is seeing how much of the work you are putting in on your own it isn't helping your frame at all. If she had any reason to think you were developing feelings you just proved to her that you are.

Don't be ashamed, just recognize where you went wrong. Your reply to her picture was one of you two together, I'm assuming looking like a couple, and it probably made her decide to take a step back. These things happen though and you sound like you already know what the problem is so keep that in mind as you move forward with dating and you should be alright. Its sometimes the smallest things that end up having the strongest impact. If you walk on glass with women they will know, be a bit too aloof and you drive them away. It's a strange balance. Goodluck man.

Remember, be a ghost, a shadow...

at night

 

[wifehunter]

Got girls? Spin plates!

 

[1ncredible]

Cheers all. I've barely responded to her since she went quiet. Attempted once to arrange a date, knew it wasn't gonna happen and then left her hanging for a few days. Sent her one final one and she's been the last to respond.

I'm definitely strong enough not to text her but was curious as to why she just upped and left. Probably another guy...if the picture then maybe inaction by myself over time would change that...not that I'll stick around to see.

 

[LiveYourDream]

I just posted this in another thread. It applies here too.

Strong men attract women. To women, strong men are the prize. Women prefer this dynamic, as it gets women wet and gets their fantasies going, about him.

On the other hand, weaker men pursue women. Women may be initially flattered by this attention. However, if a man does not immediately revert back to being the prize, he conveys the woman is the prize and the more weak he appears to her. If continued, his attention will no longer feel flattering, it will feel icky and yucky. It dries up women's pussies and repulses them. If men still continue pursuing anyway, women will lose all respect for him and he will be moved into the dreaded creepy category.

As a side category, there are women who like to play princess and be the prize. These women will play with weaker men, but generally only with men who she perceives increases her own value in some way. Never mistake a princess type woman's attention, for true interest. It never is. Her interest is only in what a man can do for her. Understand, while she may love his attention and gifts, she will never respect or truly care for the man who willingly places himself below her.

If you pursue a woman, very long at all, you dry up her pvssy. If you re-read what you wrote, the only time you were having sex was when you were coming across as a strong man. Your actions in the beginning and after sex convey weakness.

Become a strong man, whose strength does not waiver, from either the absence or presence of pvssy.

 

[raider87]

If you pursue a woman, very long at all, you dry up her pvssy

So to simplify things. You just let women come to you & make your move/ask them out swiftly when they do right?

 

[LiveYourDream]

So to simplify things. You just let women come to you & make your move/ask them out swiftly when they do right?

You could do that. However, I would not limit yourself to using only that approach. Men need to be careful in that simplification of what I shared. It's not simply the action that portrays strength or weakness.

Simply waiting for a woman to approach does not in itself make a man appear strong. A man who feels insecure and too hesitant to approach could also sit back and wait for a woman to approach. Women won't. The approach alone does not resolve his lack of strength (weakness). Simply sitting back and waiting does not by itself project strength. That simplification can perpetuate self denial or unawareness by men. Men be aware.

It is not simply the the action a man is doing that projects strength or weakness, it is who he is being while he does it, that matters the most.

If you want simplification:
Men embodying strength, naturally attract women and make their pvssies wet.
Men (continually) displaying weakness, repulse women and make their pvssies dry up.

 

[El Payaso]

Fvck other women.

 

[cola]

Another guy.

 

[dude99]

Hi guys, it's been a while since I've been on here but need some advice about this particular plate.

Long story short(ish):

Dated this girl I met through a mutual friend briefly 4.5 years ago. Was only a few dates, but got intimate quickly and then decided to be friends. I got her into bed (3rd date), played around but wouldn't let me have sex. Never stayed proper friends though.

She's been on my FB the whole time and totally forgot all about her for 2 years - I've had 2 relationships in that time.

So in March 2014 I bought an apartment and told the mutual friend about it. I then decided to message the girl I dated about it and see how she was etc...she was into running and so was I so running was a common interest.

So over rest of 2014 a few brief messages were exchanged but very infrequently! Literally maybe a short conversation then a couple months go by before another. Kind of even who initiated the chats.

Start of 2015 I ended up meeting with her last minute to borrow her work pass to get into theme parks for free etc. (she had told me about it end of 2014 and that I could use it whenever). That was the first time I'd seen her in 3 yrs...just a quick drink in a pub with one of my mates and to get the pass.

So, 2nd time I see her was maybe April as she needed the pass back - again, just a quick drink and a hug.

3rd time, maybe few weeks later I suggested we go for a bike ride (both into sports). She agreed and we ended up going for a ride in the July. At the end, just a hug etc.

4th time - Weeks later she offered to come and support me at a half marathon I was doing end of September. She came down, cheered me, had a few drinks after, hug and left.

These 4 times (above) I was only seeing her as a friend as too much time had passed from when we dated back end of 2011.

I was away then in America for 3 weeks in November and she said we should go for a run/catch up when I got back. I agreed.

Got back from America end of Nov and 6 days later she sends me a message about something. I replied and used this opportunity to do that run/catch up. Agreed a date and said they were doing drinks at hers after which I could join them.

So 10th December 2015 I meet her, have run, then drinks and she got a bit drunk and made it obvious she was interested! I totally didn't see it coming and even said earlier I'd be leaving that night about 9ish. I didn't - I ended up staying the night with her and having sex! Couldn't believe it!!

Anyway after that and for the next 2 months, we'd meet for dates, dinners, had a LOT of sex. I could tell her IL was high as she did a lot more text initiating regarding meeting up, looked forward to seeing me, few naughty messages/pics etc! She offered to come to mine too. I definitely played it cool, not needy, went halves on everything etc. Few messages a day, not loads but enough to know IL was high.

We decided to have a night away in mid Feb just gone. End of the trip and after the first train back, we got separate trains home. She straight away sent me a pic she took earlier of something out of the train window that had me in the reflection. I then sent a pic of one that I took of me and her down by the river during the trip.

She didn't reply until later on the following day, made brief reference to the pic and asked me what hours I was working that week (showing she was keen to meet).

I said I was working normal office hours etc and got no reply which was unusual. That was on the Monday. No messages at all on Tues and wed. On Thursday I send her one seeing if work was ok and maybe about going to a particular bar (that we talked about previously) when she was free.

She replied 'Yes' and said what days she was free. We then agreed a date - following Tues. Very short and sharp though and no mention of anything. I could tell something was up.

I initiated couple brief texts over the weekend to which she replied.

On the Tues (day we were meant to meet) she got back to me late in the evening saying she was working late and drowning a bad day in wine after with colleagues. I'd already decided earlier in the day that I wasn't going to be seeing her. She said about maybe doing the drinks another night.

As it happens I was going away on the Thursday abroad for the weekend so I left my reply until the Saturday when I told her I was in Munich (she knew I was going), briefly what I was up to and asked about her weekend. I didn't make reference to meeting up though. I know it seems like a brushed her off by not replying until I was in Munich, but I could tell something had changed. I had in mind her actions speak louder than words and that she'd lost interest.

She replied back on the Monday, very brief message saying 'Sounds awesome' and that she went for drinks over the weekend etc.

Basically it's been left at we're meant to be going out for drinks again but she has just stopped talking to me, initiating any contact...no flirty messages etc. I know she'd reply if I text but know something is wrong.

A bit about the girl - she only texts! Doesn't do phone calls (even though I've tried ringing couple times when arranging the trip away)... All done by text. She is also a very independent girl and likes time to herself, which I'm currently giving. Basically something has caused her IL to drop literally over night, after the trip away.

******************************************
My Q is, could the pic of me and her I sent her put her off...somehow triggered an emotional switch into thinking that things have moved on, perhaps too quick!? Maybe we look like a couple on first look but it's nothing 'lovey dovey'!
******************************************
I get the opinion she is a bit commitment scared and only had 2 bfs. She's 28yrs old, I'm 32.

Thinking about it a lot has happened quickly in the last 2 months, compared to with how long I've known her. The fact that we briefly dated, lost contact, then we're kinda friends all last year.

What are your thoughts? I would actually be quite happy keeping her as a friend, but same time got feelings for her from getting intimate etc (I've never disclosed any feelings to her either). I know I need to give her time, but could that pic possible scared her??? Any normal girl who had a high IL should have actually liked the pic - that's what's confusing.

You are one of her plates.

 

[Lozboss]

Damn I couldn't read that whole novel, but the advice is universal: back off

ANOTHER example of why we should enforce a tl;dnr section.

It works for reddit- why can't our mods enforce it?