Fell for my mistress.... Damn it !.....

[Dingo]

Whether your young and spinning plates or middle aged and having an affair YOU GOT TO GUARD YOUR HEART.... You have heard the cliche story before.... Just throwing it out there....

I'm in my 50's, good looking, successful. The wife is in her 40's, a very good looking Asian (Korean) woman but with a heart as cold as ice. The mistress is in her 40's, a little chubby but attractive but very kind, loving, nurturing.

I married young and for lust.... No real love... Never had children. Ups and downs like everybody. Good looks is not everything you have to have a good connection. Throughout the years I've had less and less feeling for my wife. Still together out of habit. I have stepped out several times... mostly one night stands while on business trips or short office affairs. Always looking for a fun distraction. Just sex.

Met my mistress at work. She was recently divorced and I saw her as a easy hit and run. Took some time but I got her in the sack. After a few times I started to see what a good person she really was... vulnerable... gentle... loving. I started to fall for her. She was so lost and in trouble after her divorce. I advised her in many legal and financial matters. She had some tragic deaths in the family and I was there for her. All greatly appreciated. As the affair progressed I realized how much I miss the love aspect of a relationship.... we truly enjoyed being around each other. Lots of fun. Truly happy. Not just sex but lots of loving. The affair has been going on for two years.

I'm not planning on divorcing... She understands.... We both know that we have to end it but neither one of us wants too..... Too emotionally connected. We are trying to figure things out.... the exit plan.

Time to embrace the suck.

 

[LiveYourDream]

You may have another forty years ahead of you! Forty years is a long time. No kids, you make good money, you are with your wife out of habit and her heart has become cold as ice, why stay? I get there is a financial cost to divorcing. When does the price become too high? Is there a dollar amount where that changes for you? Forty more years of living confined in a life that is not fulfilling vs forty years totally free with the opportunity to live authentically and happily, every single day?

I am in no way suggesting that you get divorced specifically to get any more involved with your mistress than you already are. I would advise against that. That is not a wise move in my opinion.

To me, when you know you are not truly happy, you are not going to be happy, and your staying perpetuates a lie, to the one you are staying with, why not choose freedom? Why not set both of you free?

Living a lie with someone is not loving. Cheating is not loyal. So don't say you are staying out of love or loyalty. Why are you staying, if it only hurts both of you?

 

[LiveFreeX]

Leaving IS actually a form of cheating when you are married but of course LYD you are a western women and probably had your share of Eat, Prey Lovecapades. I'm seriously in awe of the fact that women consistently frequent the forum and dish out their Loveshackian advice to men who were fvcked over BY women and still somehow manage to get some likes.

Dingo your behavior sucks and you are a pathetic excuse for a man.

 

[euclid]

Dingo,
I am also new at SS but understand the difference between sex, love and marriage. Without kids though it is difficult to fully comprehend. I'm in my fifties and after all of these years and life long lessons and came here looking for assistance. I am so glad to have found this group and all the reading I have done has really helped my attitude. Good luck dude

 

[Slickster]

Other than "habit" what reason do you have to stay with your wife? What a terrible life you have ahead being stuck with someone you have zero connection with.

Life is too short not to be happy.

 

[kenpiffyjr]

Am I the only one here that sees the clear outcome?

He's cheating with a woman that knows he's married. In my head, he's just replaying his first error.

Before this thread continues...I would sarcastically like to hear how your wife felt about you before you married her. Please do tell.

YOU dropped the ball and this story is one story I'm on the wife's side. YOU have all the ingredients to make a successful marriage. She growed cold to You BECAUSE OF YOU!

 

[LiveYourDream]

Leaving IS actually a form of cheating when you are married but of course LYD you are a western women and probably had your share of Eat, Prey Lovecapades. I'm seriously in awe of the fact that women consistently frequent the forum and dish out their Loveshackian advice to men who were fvcked over BY women and still somehow manage to get some likes.

Dingo your behavior sucks and you are a pathetic excuse for a man.

LiveFreeX, if you disagree with what I write, feel free to respectfully disagree with what I write. Please quote what you actually disagree with rather than creating some imaginary negative projection and using it as a character attack. (How many posts did you specifically create just minutes after this one, specifically to troll me today--3 that I've seen.) Enough of the subtle and blatant personal attacks or comments trying to stir up drama around my presence here or my posts. I am not interested. I am fairly confident that most others here don't find value in attempts to stir up unnecessary drama here. It adds no value to the forum it only detracts. Take what works for you leave the rest. Enough of the personal attacks and convoluted projections. If you can't stand to see me here or what I write, put me on your ignore list. You have options that support the forum rather than detract from it.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

You may have another forty years ahead of you! Forty years is a long time. No kids, you make good money, you are with your wife out of habit and her heart has become cold as ice, why stay? I get there is a financial cost to divorcing. When does the price become too high? Is there a dollar amount where that changes for you? Forty more years of living confined in a life that is not fulfilling vs forty years totally free with the opportunity to live authentically and happily, every single day?

I am in no way suggesting that you get divorced specifically to get any more involved with your mistress than you already are. I would advise against that. That is not a wise move in my opinion.

To me, when you know you are not truly happy, you are not going to be happy, and your staying perpetuates a lie, to the one you are staying with, why not choose freedom? Why not set both of you free?

Living a lie with someone is not loving. Cheating is not loyal. So don't say you are staying out of love or loyalty. Why are you staying, if it only hurts both of you?

Out of all the reasons for cheating he is cheating for a "good" reason. He has a less attractive but more loving affair partner, and a very cold but very attractive wife. He needs love.

Personally I don't think its a good example for children to show them a lack of love in the household. If the wife doesn't want to show this, you can live separately.

Relationships formed from affairs usually do not last, it has to do with the karma at the beginning of it. However your story is a bit different, because you are neglected and abused in your current relationship and just want to feel love.

I don't know what to tell you.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Out of all the reasons for cheating he is cheating for a "good" reason. He has a less attractive but more loving affair partner, and a very cold but very attractive wife. He needs love.

Personally I don't think its a good example for children to show them a lack of love in the household. If the wife doesn't want to show this, you can live separately.

Relationships formed from affairs usually do not last, it has to do with the karma at the beginning of it. However your story is a bit different, because you are neglected and abused in your current relationship and just want to feel love.

I don't know what to tell you.

Get a divorce. Your wife has exhibited her coldness and selfishness for a long enough period of time for you to accept this is who she wants to be. Accept her for who she is and move on, that's not your partner. Back off the mistress and perhaps resume things after you are divorced.

A kind/loving/sexual/nurturing lady must fill your spirits and sails so full after coming behind that battle axe of a wife that you have.

 

[Tamura]

LYD has it right. What keeps you in your marriage? You have no responsibility for kids. The only reason would be financially and thats probably not going to hurt as much as living in chains for the rest of your life.

I see your problem is not your affair, it's the golden cage you built yourself. Get out of the comfort zone, pay off your current wife and part ways if you are not happy with her.

 

[kenpiffyjr]

Out of all the reasons for cheating he is cheating for a "good" reason. He has a less attractive but more loving affair partner, and a very cold but very attractive wife. He needs love.

Personally I don't think its a good example for children to show them a lack of love in the household. If the wife doesn't want to show this, you can live separately.

Relationships formed from affairs usually do not last, it has to do with the karma at the beginning of it. However your story is a bit different, because you are neglected and abused in your current relationship and just want to feel love.

I don't know what to tell you.

Are you guys serious?

Ok let's get past this guy's woe is me, my wife is so cold, I want out aspect!

I don't know the guy, so I'll refrain from jumping to concrete conclusions...but all I have is his story to work with so I'll work with that.

OP has deeper issues than his wife just being cold. He's impatient, maneuvers like a female, and I would bet my house on him reliving his life over again jumping into a new relationship.

"He needs love"...then he's finished out here. If he needs love from a woman and that's his mentality...then he is absolutely finished! Like I said I don't know the story, but if he came in here and told us the reasons why his wife grew cold...I bet it's centered around the fact that "he needs love." I bet it will all point back to that.

He says he's good looking. Makes a great living, and he "attracts" other females outside his marriage. Give that to any guy on here who is Red Pill to their core and it's Magic. Their wife would be tripping over sofas trying to get to them when they walk thru the door. Their wife would have dinner ready, bragging to her friends about him, and probably spit out like 6 babies because she loves that man so much. But that's not what OP wants. He wants to be skipping and tripping over sofas trying to get to her. OP wants to be bragging to his friends about how he fixed her candle lit dinners and can't wait to have a daughter that looks just like her.

But along the way his wife grew cold because she had to realize how wishy washy this cat is. How truly beta he is under all this materialistic BS that clouded her NATURAL hypergamous judgement. How he stepped out on her because he's searching for this Disney story love...not even allowing her a spot on the track to put her sneakers on and CHASE HIM FOR ONCE. How can this all be so obvious? How do we know his wife is more than likely really legit and a down female who probably has more balls than OP? Because shes MISERABLE AND STILL WITH HIS ASS.

Females only grow cold to men because of the men's lack of character. Losing attraction is different...but cold? Somewhere within his paragraph he forgot the words "I was acting like a pu$$y" and he knows it.

I'm with everyone here...if he's miserable, just axe it. Show your wife for once that you can maneuver like a man and make the decision she won't.

But i doubt it. Based on what he's given us, OP doesn't have it in him. He'll either read this or his side chick will do something irrational that has him circle back around and become wishy washy yet again.

I see it! Surprise some of y'all don't.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Are you guys serious?

Ok let's get past this guy's woe is me, my wife is so cold, I want out aspect!

I don't know the guy, so I'll refrain from jumping to concrete conclusions...but all I have is his story to work with so I'll work with that.

OP has deeper issues than his wife just being cold. He's impatient, maneuvers like a female, and I would bet my house on him reliving his life over again jumping into a new relationship.

"He needs love"...then he's finished out here. If he needs love from a woman and that's his mentality...then he is absolutely finished! Like I said I don't know the story, but if he came in here and told us the reasons why his wife grew cold...I bet it's centered around the fact that "he needs love." I bet it will all point back to that.

He says he's good looking. Makes a great living, and he "attracts" other females outside his marriage. Give that to any guy on here who is Red Pill to their core and it's Magic. Their wife would be tripping over sofas trying to get to them when they walk thru the door. Their wife would have dinner ready, bragging to her friends about him, and probably spit out like 6 babies because she loves that man so much. But that's not what OP wants. He wants to be skipping and tripping over sofas trying to get to her. OP wants to be bragging to his friends about how he fixed her candle lit dinners and can't wait to have a daughter that looks just like her.

But along the way his wife grew cold because she had to realize how wishy washy this cat is. How truly beta he is under all this materialistic BS that clouded her NATURAL hypergamous judgement. How he stepped out on her because he's searching for this Disney story love...not even allowing her a spot on the track to put her sneakers on and CHASE HIM FOR ONCE. How can this all be so obvious? How do we know his wife is more than likely really legit and a down female who probably has more balls than OP? Because shes MISERABLE AND STILL WITH HIS ASS.

Females only grow cold to men because of the men's lack of character. Losing attraction is different...but cold? Somewhere within his paragraph he forgot the words "I was acting like a pu$$y" and he knows it.

I'm with everyone here...if he's miserable, just axe it. Show your wife for once that you can maneuver like a man and make the decision she won't.

But i doubt it. Based on what he's given us, OP doesn't have it in him. He'll either read this or his side chick will do something irrational that has him circle back around and become wishy washy yet again.

I see it! Surprise some of y'all don't.

So now we are blaming women that use a man as a tool or utility no matter of the "value" is the mans fault? Keep in mind, many women LOVE to tear down a well established and strong man and it would be a field day to be married to one for all the little silent and not so silent attacks she would get to make on a daily basis.

As a fact, the more successful and independent he is, the more her hatred for him grows. Let him be a smooth, extremely capable lover, she will try to kill that with cutting him off from sexual engagement and cuckholding him.

 

[kenpiffyjr]

If that's the first question you ask I can understand you don't realize how this thing works.

The problem with cats in here is they hold resentment to women. The REAL DJs out here feel absolutely no resentment to female behavior at all and understand that's who they are.

ITS ALL HIS FAULT.

A woman applies hypergamy because that's who women are! Complaining about a woman using a man for the tools and resources he can provide is like blaming a 3 year for needing his mother to feed him! Stop complaining about things women can't control within them!!

So let's get this right...you honestly believe the more independent and successful he is the more her hatred grows? Seriously dude? NO!

The more independent and successful he is, the more she will try to fight for his time. She will grow resentment to his passions and do things to compete with it, but she will never HATE him. A females LOVE and/or HATE is circumstantial for the man they are with. It's not real to the core. It's all about how he responds to everything that sways their emotional feelings for him at the time. If a female you're with hates you, ITS ALL ABOUT YOUR RESPONSES.

Stop blaming women...work the game...and be Men!

 

[mrgoodstuff]

If that's the first question you ask I can understand you don't realize how this thing works.

The problem with cats in here is they hold resentment to women. The REAL DJs out here feel absolutely no resentment to female behavior at all and understand that's who they are.

ITS ALL HIS FAULT.

A woman applies hypergamy because that's who women are! Complaining about a woman using a man for the tools and resources he can provide is like blaming a 3 year for needing his mother to feed him! Stop complaining about things women can't control within them!!

So let's get this right...you honestly believe the more independent and successful he is the more her hatred grows? Seriously dude? NO!

The more independent and successful he is, the more she will try to fight for his time. She will grow resentment to his passions and do things to compete with it, but she will never HATE him. A females LOVE and/or HATE is circumstantial for the man they are with. It's not real to the core. It's all about how he responds to everything that sways their emotional feelings for him at the time. If a female you're with hates you, ITS ALL ABOUT YOUR RESPONSES.

Stop blaming women...work the game...and be Men!

Ok. So one of my friends. A 6'3" perfectly sculpted Alpha male whose a salesman. Impeccably dressed, suave, demenour, charisma, knows how to carry himself, makes $300k a year as a salesman.

His wife, a ice queen sexy sultry Latina who refuses to acknowledge his power and goes out of her way to undermine him. He's been sexless for years with her, and has the body of a male stripper. There are plenty of women who would love to just suck on his pipe, but all he wants is his wife.

His wife resents his success and views him as her slave because he provides and takes care of her. There are women who resent their males success and superiority and will even cuckhold him against a "lesser" man.

 

[kenpiffyjr]

Yada yada yada.

You still don't see the real problem. Reread back your paragraph and focus on the REAL ISSUE.

You think she resents his success? No she resents the fact that he's out here faking to the world that he's this top of the line alpha male but secretly at home he's a chump! Your friend is not alpha. He just wears a alpha costume.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Yada yada yada.

You still don't see the real problem. Reread back your paragraph and focus on the REAL ISSUE.

You think she resents his success? No she resents the fact that he's out here faking to the world that he's this top of the line alpha male but secretly at home he's a chump! Your friend is not alpha. He just wears a alpha costume.

Nice. He shoulda put her out years ago or got rid of her!

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Dingo,
Yeah!....Should make a good yarn...Dude?come now Dingo you're fifty something remember.......So Dingo?....I didn't appreciate that you were a Dinki Di Aussie?

 

[Colossus]

Some gold medalists here in the jump to conclusion Olympics...

No one knows anything about the OP other than what he told us in 1 small post. There is always more to a marriage than meets the eye. Everyone is so itchy to pass their judgment on him they cant even wait until this guy gives us more info.

 

[Desdinova]

I'm not planning on divorcing... She understands.... We both know that we have to end it but neither one of us wants too..... Too emotionally connected. We are trying to figure things out.... the exit plan.

I'm going to sit on the opposite side of the table of everybody and say this.... If you don't want to end your marriage, then don't. If you don't want to end your affair, then don't. Your mistress is providing something that your wife isn't. In all honestly, it sounds like you're actually satisfied with how your life is with your wife and your mistress. It also sounds like your mistress is a good fit for your situation.

The affair has been going on for two years.

That's a long time. So I have to ask, why are you wanting to end it? Because it's "wrong"? Because you feel guilty?

I have no clue if you've read the Cheat Manual. If not, I would highly recommend it. You can get it here.

You probably already know a bunch of this stuff, but if you want to keep your affair going, it's probably the best thing you could read.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I'm going to sit on the opposite side of the table of everybody and say this.... If you don't want to end your marriage, then don't. If you don't want to end your affair, then don't. Your mistress is providing something that your wife isn't. In all honestly, it sounds like you're actually satisfied with how your life is with your wife and your mistress. It also sounds like your mistress is a good fit for your situation.



That's a long time. So I have to ask, why are you wanting to end it? Because it's "wrong"? Because you feel guilty?

I have no clue if you've read the Cheat Manual. If not, I would highly recommend it. You can get it here.

You probably already know a bunch of this stuff, but if you want to keep your affair going, it's probably the best thing you could read.

Yeah, but why "prop" up the wife if someone else has to do the job that she should be doing? That's why we are talking about divorcing her, the wife brings nothing to the table and makes his life more difficult, and because of her unwillingness to perform her duties he has to find someone else who WANTS to do it for him.

Why continue to help the "wife" out? She's not performing in a "wife" role anymore.