Reignite contact with ex

[Peterholm]

Hey guys

I got dumped by my ex-lover 9 months ago and it was a rocky on and on relationship, 3 months ago she basically updated her status on facebook into "in a relationship" and I blocked her and went complete NC.

I met another girl, unfortunately its more of a rebound but I have kept her around although I know I have to break up soon. Last months ive been focusing on myself, going to the gym and make sure I look good and feel good and it definately worked .

Yesterday I saw my ex at the gym, she came to the threadmill next to me and said hi smiling etc, I just said hi and said "long time no see" and kept it cool and keep doing my stuff. A bit later she came around when I was training and asked how im doing and how my work is etc, I kept conversation short and friendly and left it at that, unfortunately I didnt pitch a meet for anything to happen.

To my question now, I am thinking to send her a text saying: "hey, was nice to see you its been a while. You wana grab a drink next week and catch up?"

Or something similar to this, my question is, would this come off as needy? remember she dumped me and ran me over like a doormat in the past, ive been going NC and im a diffrent person today but I still have some oneitis feelings for this girl which makes it very easy for me to realise that i MUST break up with my current girl (another problem, shes an amazing girlfriend and I will break her heart and feeling extremely bad about it).

My gameplan: send a text to ex, try and ask her to meet up and have sex, if fail I keep ignoring her and move on. Break up with current girl and get single and working on my game and improve myself.

Am I doing anything wrong here, anyone have ideas? I get the feeling my ex was definately missing me otherwise I dont think she would come up like that at the gym but maybe this is just games?

I have her blocked on fb I dont know if shes still in a relationship or not but I dont think that matters, women cheat all the time and I dont care about her bf im looking to get her into bed again.

Thanks for your time and input.

Best regards

 

[cola]

Forgive her bro and wish her the best, but move on. If you are a better you than you were then why give her the pleasure of being around the new you?
If you want to dump the new girlfriend go for it but move on from the old one. Sometimes women like to see if they still "got you".. It strokes their ego, dont give her the pleasure of knowing she does by initiating any contact.

If someone can walk out your life let them, and don't let them return

 

[wifehunter]

Plates, you spin them.

 

[LiveYourDream]

You get run over by a car. You survived. You healed. You are finally back up on your feet again. What do you do? Life is wide open, choice is yours...

What you don't do, is go chase after the car that ran you over, and ask if it wants to do it again.

 

[Desdinova]

The pool has been pissed in. Move on.

Every time a woman becomes an ex for ANY reason, I immediately see her as having a major red flag. It didn't work out the first time, and it probably won't work out the next time either.

 

[dude99]

Hey guys

I got dumped by my ex-lover 9 months ago and it was a rocky on and on relationship, 3 months ago she basically updated her status on facebook into "in a relationship" and I blocked her and went complete NC.

I met another girl, unfortunately its more of a rebound but I have kept her around although I know I have to break up soon. Last months ive been focusing on myself, going to the gym and make sure I look good and feel good and it definately worked .

Yesterday I saw my ex at the gym, she came to the threadmill next to me and said hi smiling etc, I just said hi and said "long time no see" and kept it cool and keep doing my stuff. A bit later she came around when I was training and asked how im doing and how my work is etc, I kept conversation short and friendly and left it at that, unfortunately I didnt pitch a meet for anything to happen.

To my question now, I am thinking to send her a text saying: "hey, was nice to see you its been a while. You wana grab a drink next week and catch up?"

Or something similar to this, my question is, would this come off as needy? remember she dumped me and ran me over like a doormat in the past, ive been going NC and im a diffrent person today but I still have some oneitis feelings for this girl which makes it very easy for me to realise that i MUST break up with my current girl (another problem, shes an amazing girlfriend and I will break her heart and feeling extremely bad about it).

My gameplan: send a text to ex, try and ask her to meet up and have sex, if fail I keep ignoring her and move on. Break up with current girl and get single and working on my game and improve myself.

Am I doing anything wrong here, anyone have ideas? I get the feeling my ex was definately missing me otherwise I dont think she would come up like that at the gym but maybe this is just games?

I have her blocked on fb I dont know if shes still in a relationship or not but I dont think that matters, women cheat all the time and I dont care about her bf im looking to get her into bed again.

Thanks for your time and input.

Best regards

Stop wasting your time with ex's. It's pointless. Even if you happen to briefly get her back it will end badly.

 

[Peterholm]

Thanks guys for the quick replies.

Yes I do agree with what is said here, same time I am trying to live my life and be happy and not get too emotionally involved, this is a girl I would love to have sex with again so what im looking for is the best way to reignite the passion and take it from there.

I dont expect much from her but I would love to get her in bed again so at this point should I just wait and see if she reaches out/makes an effort again and try and move on from there then?

So what you guys are saying is basically contacting her at all is pointless, I should simply skip it? Just curious what other guys have done to re-spin the plate again. I am just about to break up with my current girl, im not looking for a relationship at the moment im looking to have fun and to bring in new and old hot girls in my life and this is definately someone I would love to rekindle with and im simply curious if I should take the gym contact as her initiating contact and spin on or should I just leave it and let her do more work.

Either way, I dont expect much from her anymore and as stated before she is an ex lover who left me but same time I am in a place in life where I dont really give a **** about anything anymore, she can do whatever she wants I dont expect anything but I would love to get her in bed again and thats why I made this thread to see which technique is best here.

Usually when an ex contact, from what I heard the basic rule is:

- set up an date
- escalate to sex
- rinse repeat

However I should never ignite any contact, what im trying to see if her reaching out to me at the gym is counted as contact or if its just womens mind**** and shes trying to feed her ego and I should leave it. As stated before, I have improved myself ALOT on the mindgame and physical apearance but ive been in a relationship for the last 7 months and I havent focused anything on dating or game.

But as it seems I should just leave it as it is from the comments here.

Thanks

 

[kenpiffyjr]

I know u say u don't care, but from experience...just walk away man. I know that's tough because it will be eating at you, but imo...that's what you need to do.

 

[LiveYourDream]

im a diffrent person today but I still have some oneitis feelings for this girl

You tell yourself and us here you just want sex another time or two or three. It's NEVER just sex with an old oneitis or a current oneitis. If you think you can make it that you are lying to yourself.

If you want to stand in the road and get hit by the car again, the car is reved up and pointed right at you. It you think it will hurt less, you are likely mistaken there too.

Why not just move on and go down a new road and try out all kinds of new rides, rather than getting run over again. There is lots of variety and new models to explore. Move forward and have fun and don't look back.

 

[Peterholm]

Appreciate it, you guys make me feel like an idiot .

But its true words, and yes I should move on and look forward I guess its difficult since as mentioned before there is still small oneitis feelings left and even if I tell myself now that I will be fine once I step infront of the car and get hit it might hurt quite alot.

I know the reasons for getting dumped, and I was extremely beta and low at that time but I think things would be diffrent this time around and part of my ego cant let go of this one either.

I think I will do this then, continue live my life and pretend nothing happened and IF she contacts me again or make an effort I will try and spin it onwards, take a date and see what happens. I will simply not make an effort myself then but if she throws herself infront of me then I dont see a reason to ignore and move on etc.

I know the easiest thing to do is cut her off, move on meet new girls but alot time has passed and I live in a small town and this girl is basically my neighbour and we have mutual friends. And I am obviously still focusing on improving myself and meeting other people, but I dont see a reason to completely ignore someone I loved very much and still today care and love, as long as she proves herself.

I will simply ignore her attempt this time and move on then.

Thanks for the replies.

 

[LiveYourDream]

Appreciate it, you guys make me feel like an idiot .

But its true words, and yes I should move on and look forward I guess its difficult since as mentioned before there is still small oneitis feelings left and even if I tell myself now that I will be fine once I step infront of the car and get hit it might hurt quite alot.

I know the reasons for getting dumped, and I was extremely beta and low at that time but I think things would be diffrent this time around and part of my ego cant let go of this one either.

I think I will do this then, continue live my life and pretend nothing happened and IF she contacts me again or make an effort I will try and spin it onwards, take a date and see what happens. I will simply not make an effort myself then but if she throws herself infront of me then I dont see a reason to ignore and move on etc.

I know the easiest thing to do is cut her off, move on meet new girls but alot time has passed and I live in a small town and this girl is basically my neighbour and we have mutual friends. And I am obviously still focusing on improving myself and meeting other people, but I dont see a reason to completely ignore someone I loved very much and still today care and love, as long as she proves herself.

I will simply ignore her attempt this time and move on then.

Thanks for the replies.

The intent is not to make you feel like an idiot. The intent is to help you see so clearly that you don't choose to behave like one.

You don't have a "little" oneitis. You have massive oneitis. The more you write, the more it seeps through with your creative rationalizations.

Don't be mistaken, you'll feed her ego. You already are. She WILL reach out. It's guaranteed. She wants you to pursue her but NOT because she wants to be with you. Don't kid yourself. She wants all the ego feed you'll give her. Nothing more. As soon as another man with potential looks at her, he will be her priority.

The car is coming at you. What are you going to do?

I am all for happy endings. She is not one for you.

 

[LiveYourDream]

I know the reasons for getting dumped, and I was extremely beta and low at that time but I think things would be diffrent this time around and part of my ego cant let go of this one either.

I realize your ego is like a magnet to metal right now. I get your mind sees a potential happy ending and likely is not going to let go till you get hit again.

Let's try another approach...

Give the honest details...what were HER reasons for dumping you. What did she say and what's the deeper truth? What have you done that make you think it will be different now?

 

[dustmuffin]

There are more women to be had. Throw this fish back. She will kick you in the nuts again and this time it will be more painful than the first. You can find better.

Do you think her ***** is so great that you have to have it one more time? You want validation from her that you changed and are now desirable to her. That is all it is. It is your ego speaking.

 

[Peterholm]

Fair enough, I will leave things and if she makes more effort I will try and make a date and if not I leave it.

"Give the honest details...what were HER reasons for dumping you. What did she say and what's the deeper truth? What have you done that make you think it will be different now?"

We were on and off for almost a year, more FBs/friends than actual relationship which I should have mentioned earlier too so shes never been my serious girlfriend but an ex-lover.

Although at the end we were starting to become serious since I started taking her out on dates but she was being a bit wishy washy and I simply said **** it and booked a trip to cancun for 4 weeks. The night before the trip she wanted to come over, we had our best sex and she said she loves me and I left.

We kept contact a bit over skype in the beginning but then stopped, I started to develop my oneitis when I was abroad and away from her, fantasy took over and when I got back she changed and I went from being my normal self to loosing control and acting very needy/beta. I had alot of chances to fix things but I simply couldnt handle my emotions and alcohol was involved alot.
I can easily say that my oneitis is not on the same level now, I know when im writing here it might seems like im an absolute loser but trust me when I say I have developed and seen things from diffrent angles but most importantly realised not to expect too much of people and avoid myself of getting hurt or let myself down. I have lost 6kgs this year already and I will keep going, I look good now and I see how girls are checking me out and it gives a confidence boost and a feeling of abundance which clearly is key in life in general.

I want this girl back as an FB to begin with and then see how it developes, sure I might get hurt but truth said even if I approach new women and find another hot girl in the end she will hurt me. In these modern era breakups are almost always going to happen but I think the reason im still a bit stuck on this one girl is that we never really "started" and I would love to see what would have happened if we actually got back together and started something serious together since she really is a cool girl and someone I can see myself together with.

She cut it before we actually became a serious bf/gf and her reason was that she felt we are in diffrent phases of life (her attraction dropped when I went away and she wanted me to invite her over to mexico or atleast make an effort, she probably felt I didnt give a damn which was far from true but thats the impresson I made).

We still hooked up a couple of times after this, but since she found another boyfriend I simply cut her out but now she made somewhat contact again I thought I will try reel her in again but I wanted to know which way is best to do so.

My current girl is more of a serious relationship, we even basically live together (she stays at mine) but I dont feel that im in love it feels more like im living with my best friend who happens to have a vagina. Its an amazing girl though, shes good looking, caring etc but has a hot temper and gives alot drama at times and even if I handle it very good (shes clearly still in love) I cant see myself live like this and need to breakup in order to not hurt her more (cheating) and be honest and appreciate what shes done for me up until now.

Im not breaking up with my current girl to try get my ex back if thats how it came out as, and LiveYourDream: "The intent is not to make you feel like an idiot. The intent is to help you see so clearly that you don't choose to behave like one." Yes im well aware and I appreciate it alot bro .

Thanks again for the input guys just thought I share the story a bit better, but it seems pretty clear that the best action to do is still play it cool and let her work a bit and if she works hard enough to try reel her in again. Since I live in a small town I will see her out again and will take it from there, if she doesnt make an effort I will continue to approach it as ive done already in 3 months and keep growing and keep living strong.

 

[Lozboss]

Forgive her bro and wish her the best, but move on. If you are a better you than you were then why give her the pleasure of being around the new you?
If you want to dump the new girlfriend go for it but move on from the old one. Sometimes women like to see if they still "got you".. It strokes their ego, dont give her the pleasure of knowing she does by initiating any contact.

If someone can walk out your life let them, and don't let them return

Cola speaks the truth. With Exs it's always best to close the door.