Getting over other peoples judgement of you in cold approach

[Mot1veProgress]

Thought I'd make this thread to help people who are self conscience of what others think of them in social situations or public situations when approaching women.

This is something I dealt with early on in doing cold approach and some of the SS'ers I skype with are currently dealing with.. Early on, It was always easy for me to approach a girl if she's with her friends or by herself and capitalize in those situations.. But the dynamic would be different when there were other people within the proximity.. ie: feet away.. or a question of social ettiquette

Situations that immediately come to mind would be:
-while waiting in line at the counter in any retail store, fast food place, coffee shop, govt agency with multiple people around,;
-on a 75% full seated bus/train, often when the girl is not even close but you want to walk up to her and she's sitting on a window side seat with someone else sitting on the near side
-at a bar you've been to for the first time or only a few times, where she's crowded by guys or patrons who you're not sure are her friends, or if one of them is her boyfriend, etc
-a place where the girl in question is an employee and busy handling customers or talking to other employees,
- a formal or professional event where you don't want to look like a douchebag trying to pull numbers

Some ways to tackle this:
-Of course one of the most easiest things to do is just walk up to her and say "I seen you drop this" .. hand her a note with your name and number.. The way a woman thinks, especially in certain social or professional settings , they'll appreciate the promiscuity/discretion.. because a woman will always put her reputation first in many settings.. which is why they're so quick to deny people their numbers around their friends and people they know. Business cards with a pen written " i like you, call me" on the back work too if you're into business.

-Start your approach with a simple lie.. Doesn't matter what it is. This will already make you feel like your own character is not in play, alleviate any anxiety, while making the interaction seem harmless.. Something like "Weren't you at that show @ (random venue)? I think we might have spoken but can't remember I'm always meeting new people" .. Once you geta few sentences going, then you can change the direction.. "Well that's funny.. maybe it's just that I find you very attractive and want to get to know you better.. my names Isaac *handshake*.. "Well I gotta run but it'd hurt me not to grab your number. " .. if she says she doesn't give her number "thats fine, take mine" . boom, move along.

-Do something funny. When we're doing something funny or being funny, we don't think as much When being funny in an approach with tons of people around, you often look like you're already friends with the chick you're interacting with, giving other elderly and other patrons/people the sense that you're being harmless.. Whereas alot of public approaches, especially the more rauncy, raw,no ****s given type look bad in the eyes of judgemental people. When I was a bit younger I had someone walk up and ask the girl I was approaching "is he bothering you?" "do you want me to call someone?".. It woulda felt bad had she not said something like "not at all hes a friend"

-Start with a compliment (this is something I tell all guys who are new to cold approach period.. the ones who have anxiety just approaching women to begin with.. to get used to just talking to beautiful women) (yeah its crazy .. that people in this day and age have issues talking to BEAUTIFUL women.. but lets not judge lol.. not everyone has a "natural" progression in life.. everyone's gotta start somewhere)


I originally had more to say but got caught up with other stuff while writing this.. This is why you guys gotta join our skype calls.. Much better place to share advice, tips, stories, experiences, laughs,.. we respect everyones perspective. Look out for the next skype call!

 

[zinc4]

Don't compliment, unless it's on her fashion sense or you are playfully begging with a false compliment.

IMO the key to cold approaches is turning them into insta dates.

I very rarely get a number that turns into a lay from a simple 5-10 minute interaction... It's just not enough for me to build enough rapport.

When I was younger and better looking I did have more success that way though....my looks probably triumphed over other guys.

So now, I try and shift the encounter into a quick drink or walk around and kino aggressively from there.

I have most successful at bars or clubs though just out and having fun.

And I don't think you ever truly get completely 100 percent comfortable doing this in front of others... Such as in a crowded line...but you do get a lot more used to it though and after about two warm up approaches eaxh day, I can approach anyone no problem...have just done it so much over the years. There's always an initial teinge of anxiety though unless I'm drinking and I've done over thousands of cold approaches sober in the day time.

Practice makes perfect. Don't be afraid of looking dumb or like a desperate loser. That's all in your head for the most part. And don't feel bad about being scared or nervous or awkward acti g initially. It's natural.

 

[Mot1veProgress]

Start with a compliment? No, don't do that.

She gets complimented all the time by losers trying to get in her pants.

A majority of other people aren't paying attention to you, so if you fall on your face...who cares?

It's a simple gesture. If you think of it in that way, then obviously you were expecting something out of the situation, and also fearing /caring about how she responded to it.. THat's more of PUA nonsense and less of Don Juan ****.

So many successful pickups start out with a simple compliment.. Why? because its honesty. You're saying whats on your mind.. What you think of the girl, what you like about her, what attracted her to you.. Now if you're faking a compliment, obviously theres no substance there because you're not saying whats on your mind.. you're simply trying to please the girl.

. It's up to you to escalate, not her.. You dont worry what she says or how shes going to respond.. You don't linger on the compliment either. IT's a gesture..

 

[Asmodeus]

It all depends on the situation... Never one size fits all to any approach, especially a cold approach.
Negative hits can have some girls walk away calling you @$$hole, but on the flipside compliments may boost the ego of some girls so high that they assume themselves better than you and do not give you the time of day. It all depends on the circumstances... You must judge your approach based on the situation. Not long ago I saw a girl looking at her reflection and fixing her hair, I sense this as her being conscious about her looks and that was something on her mind. Thus, seizing on this situation I offered her a compliment to open up the conversation. Of course it worked, because she was already going through her own head about appearances. For other instances, like in a club where girls get hit on and complimented all the time one may have to be a bit creative... Open up with something to catch their attention, a challenge, or a witty line, even a negative hit to knock them off their high horse a bit.
It is all situational, I do not think it is possible to prescribe any single method to something that is so dependent on the circumstances..

 

[zinc4]

It's a simple gesture. If you think of it in that way, then obviously you were expecting something out of the situation, and also fearing /caring about how she responded to it.. THat's more of PUA nonsense and less of Don Juan ****.

So many successful pickups start out with a simple compliment.. Why? because its honesty. You're saying whats on your mind.. What you think of the girl, what you like about her, what attracted her to you.. Now if you're faking a compliment, obviously theres no substance there because you're not saying whats on your mind.. you're simply trying to please the girl.

. It's up to you to escalate, not her.. You dont worry what she says or how shes going to respond.. You don't linger on the compliment either. IT's a gesture..

Not to get into a pissing match here, but if you truly could give a crap less and are just out to chit chat any random person I agree. But on that token, would you ranfomly compliment some random dude? No, it would be weird....why...because compliments to random strangers come across as flirtatious and the dude might think you are odd or gay.

That being said, girls know this.

So if you are aiming to get in her pants, which ofcourse you ultimate are... and she's a 7 or above, I disagree.

I have a sister who's a model and she always says she's naturally more attracted to guys who hit on her that don't use compliments right off the bat.

Says it comes across as cheesy and manipulative and just about every single guy she encounters on a daily basis does it. Obviously, if you look like Brad Pitt or are just oozing with supreme confidence, it will likely be percieved positively. But if not, compliments label you and take away mystery.

These are women we are dealing with here...not men.

 

[fastlife]

Better to just say the first thing on your mind and correct from there. I'm a firm believer that what you say doesn't matter at all--it's all about how you say it, which comes down to mindset. If you feel creepy, anything you say will come off as creepy. If you feel playful, anything you say will come off as playful. If you feel needy, anything you say will come off as needy. If you're feeling sexual, anything you say will come off as sexual. Etc.

"Hey, beautiful," can be needy and supplicating, offhand sarcasm, ambiguous, a genuine compliment, or anything in between.
"You're such a b*tch," can be a raging insult or an endearing joke.
"God, it's hot today," can be boring small talk opener about the weather or it could mean "You're hot and I want you."

It all comes down to how you say it. I focus on eye contact and just being in touch with my body--and let whatever I'm feeling communicate naturally through my speech. Keep it simple--i.e. human lol.

But if your mindset isn't there and you need an opener just go up to a girl, look her in the eye, and say, "Seriously?" While she's like WTF and trying to figure out a context, you wait for her to say whatever to diffuse the situation and introduce yourself. By creating so much awkwardness and pressure upfront, anything from that point will offer relief and a sense of normalcy--chances are she'll forget that it was a cold approach in the first place.

As for fear of being judged, as someone who was super self-conscious it helped me to train myself to always think, "In a year will this even matter? Will I even remember this? Will anyone else?" Out of all human emotions, discomfort is the one with the shortest shelf-life--human memory, over time, naturally prioritizes the good and dissociates itself from the bad. Make an ass of yourself, and as soon as you walk out of Starbucks and sit in your car the sense of relief will naturally overpower any discomfort you felt at the time. And chances are the worst part of the whole thing was what you anticipated going wrong (imagined rejection is worse than real life rejection every single time).

 

[Asmodeus]

Thank you @KingofPuss ... It is essential knowledge… One must understand that no one single method or even set of methods is always appropriate. There are always situations and circumstances to consider. It does not make these methods useless, because they are situational... No… These methods simply give you more tools to deal with different circumstances. That is the benefit here, learning new techniques to apply when you see the right opportunity to apply them.
Use these tools in the wrong circumstance and it will be like trying to use a hammer to unbolt a lug nut, as an analogy of sorts. A hammer is a tool, it is a useful tool, but it is not useful to unbolt a lug nut in that circumstance you need a socket wrench. This goes for more than just cold approaches, this goes for EVERYTHING. Gain the tools, learn the techniques… You thus gain more ability to deal with different women and different scenarios. But one also must have the awareness of how and when to use these tools. Otherwise, all these tools and techniques are worthless.

 

[Tenacity]

Urgh, I don't do cold approaches in that sense to where I'm just going to randomly walk up to a chick and try to "game her". To me it's an invasion of privacy, invasion of space, I have no idea if her "thug baby daddy" is around the corner, etc. etc.

I use a couple of different methods to meet women:

- I use OLD and other types of Social Media

- I use social circle gatherings, where I'm with friends and she's with friends, we introduce each other and we all are talking. I would start flirting in general, she responds well, then I just let it progress.

The randomly walking up to a chick in public to "approach her" is just tired out and can come off VERY creepy.

 

[RedBear]

Urgh, I don't do cold approaches in that sense to where I'm just going to randomly walk up to a chick and try to "game her". To me it's an invasion of privacy, invasion of space, I have no idea if her "thug baby daddy" is around the corner, etc. etc.

The randomly walking up to a chick in public to "approach her" is just tired out and can come off VERY creepy.

Hmm... meaning you're too chicken to hit on a girl in real life and you need plausible deniability

With cold approaches there is no "initiation phase", you have done this before and you know the game. Think of the smoothest character that you know. Now believe that you are this person. I'm sure you want to have a general guide on how to proceed but the truth is, it all happens on a subconscious level and you are communicating your personality. The simplest way to get comfortable with this is initiating small talk everywhere you are. While doing this, focus on the overall message (read feeling) you're conveying instead of a bullet list because that might cloud your judgment by over analyzing. Reflect and calibrate as needed.
Focus your attention on her and do not let thoughts about the peripheral "spectators" enter you mind. Remember to isolate once there is comfort.
If you're calm and cool, she will be calm and cool and so will the other nearby people be.

BTW compliments are great icebreakers

 

[zinc4]

Urgh, I don't do cold approaches in that sense to where I'm just going to randomly walk up to a chick and try to "game her". To me it's an invasion of privacy, invasion of space, I have no idea if her "thug baby daddy" is around the corner, etc. etc.

I use a couple of different methods to meet women:

- I use OLD and other types of Social Media

- I use social circle gatherings, where I'm with friends and she's with friends, we introduce each other and we all are talking. I would start flirting in general, she responds well, then I just let it progress.

The randomly walking up to a chick in public to "approach her" is just tired out and can come off VERY creepy.

Sounds like you feel too self conscious and "creepy," which is a term chicks use, by the way, to do it.

Cold approaching will take your confidence and game to a new level.

It's sales 101. If you have a serious sales gig...cold approach becomes easy.

If you watch someone really good at cold approaches in action, you will feel silly about what you just said.

I used to know a dude who would holler at any good looking chick he saw anywhere and would pull lays from broad day light approaches....a real natural just dgaf about anything accept what he immediately wanted.

I'm OK myself, but not as good as I used to be for a variety of reasons and I have had a handful of bfs not seen pop up on me, but that's life.

 

[Tenacity]

Sounds like you feel too self conscious and "creepy," which is a term chicks use, by the way, to do it.

Cold approaching will take your confidence and game to a new level.

It's sales 101. If you have a serious sales gig...cold approach becomes easy.

If you watch someone really good at cold approaches in action, you will feel silly about what you just said.

I used to know a dude who would holler at any good looking chick he saw anywhere and would pull lays from broad day light approaches....a real natural just dgaf about anything accept what he immediately wanted.

I'm OK myself, but not as good as I used to be for a variety of reasons and I have had a handful of bfs not seen pop up on me, but that's life.

Dude, I used to cold approach chicks left and right. The strategies I laid out are more efficient, saves time, and allows you to reach MORE women in less time. Cold approaching limits you significantly. You can't go from girl to girl or formulate conversations with multiple women at one time, you will look stupid. Plus, again, it takes a lot of time.

Also I'm in sales as well, been in sales for nearly 10 years and started out doing "cold-calling" as well. There are MUCH better and more efficient strategies for acquiring sales than cold-calling.

Cold approaching is similar to cold-calling though, it's something that's GREAT for a newbie/rookie to do so they can build up confidence, learn how to spark conversation, and just get over their internal "fear" of the process in general. Once they have developed some level of "skill", it's time to use much more EFFICIENT methods.

 

[skinnyguy]

Last week I cold approached hot chicks with "why are women so stupid?" They were caught super off guard because they are used to random men telling them how beautiful they were. I didn't do it to get laid I just wanted to see their reaction. Most of them agreed with me and said "yes many are stupid but there are still good ones" or some crap like that.

 

[RedBear]

Cold approaching is similar to cold-calling though, it's something that's GREAT for a newbie/rookie to do so they can build up confidence, learn how to spark conversation, and just get over their internal "fear" of the process in general. Once they have developed some level of "skill", it's time to use much more EFFICIENT methods.

Yes but no. Girls want prince charming to seduce her in a romantic setting. Online Dating is not efficient and should not be advised to newbies because it can become a very efficient time sink. I agree with social circle game (to me this is next level cold approach).
What methods do you use in social gatherings?

 

[Glumix]

Once they have developed some level of "skill", it's time to use much more EFFICIENT methods.

Yeah so, kill the suspense, what are your methods?