Preparing for a LTR Burial

[LiveYourDream]

do you know what a woman should be for a man?

First, let me explain that certain words trigger me more than others. "Should" happens to one of those triggering words. To me it implies constriction, minimizes choice, as well as the sense of freedom. I am not sure if you chose it here with great intent or not. I am not sure to respond as such or not. Bear with me here. Freedom is one of my highest values. Any sense of "should's" impinges on my sense of freedom. I am most happy, joyful, productive, creative and loving, etc, when I feel free. The belief in 'should's' diminishes my sense of freedom and thus just adds a sense of constriction to my Being. I prefer not to live that way. I am happier when I do not.

A reframe that feels massively different in my body, my Being and my experience, is "Am I aware of what my man (when I am in relationship) would prefer? I could say, absolutely with all that I am, I open to learn, understand and know his preferences the best I can. I've done my best to understand men's preferences overall. I know each is individual too.

If there is some special list of should's, I don't know anything about it.

do you know what a woman should be for a man? And are you ready to accept that?

This may sound petty, but doing something as a should, in my experience, often diminishes the outcome. If I am told I should do something to please my man, it implies a lack of choice and instead a sense that something is done out of obligation or based on expectation. That may seem meaningless to you if you assume the result is the same so who cares. The result is not the same. Not even close.
I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE doing whatever I can to brighten my man's life, day, Being, whatever, in whatever way I can. It brings me happiness and joy and good feelings. Doing something for my man because I have the freedom to choose it and inherently would because it pleases him, results in a delivery of whatever that is from an open, caring, happy, joyful heart. If something is relegated to I should do something for him. It takes away the choice, it creates a sense of obligation, it becomes a 'to do' rather than a joy of giving.

The words sound nit picky, I know. The energetics are an entirely different experience, if you can understand the distinction I am making. The relationship is a whole different world as well. A woman making a man his favorite breakfast, giving him a back rub, making a yummy dinner, wearing his favorite sexy clothes, respecting his need for some cave time, how she shows him physical affection and a billion other things, are done with love and affection and the joy of expressing care for this one you love. A woman whose world is driven by I should make breakfast, I should make dinner, I should rub his back, I should wear some sexy clothes, I should show him some physical affection...becomes one without choice, but simply obligation to the should's. I suggest that eventually all those should's become resentments and irritations, even if she once liked them, because you took away her choice to choose them and to choose to please him.

To drive the point home, consider a BJ or sex with a woman who REALLY wants to please you and is happy to please you vs a BJ or sex with a woman who is told she should give you a BJ, she should have sex, but isn't really choosing or therefore freely having the space to want to. Maybe some men are just thrilled to get a BJ or any sex period. In a LTR, sex with a woman who is happy and free to and excited to please you vs a woman who is relegated to believing she should will have a whole different frequency and passion.

To finally answer your question, am I ready to accept the list of should's, I would say not as should's but I would absolutely want to know and understand his preferences. Will I accept all of them without question, regardless of my own preferences? I am willing to go to great lengths to please a man in my life. Will I sacrifice my own well-being, integrity, self-respect or alignment? No, not for anyone. I won't lie. I won't steal. I don't do drugs. I won't participate in the harm of another. Etc. In my experience, a man who truly loves me will not ask me to do things that sacrifice my well-being, integrity, self-respect or alignment. I have no idea what kinds of things are on the list you speak of. I am curious and would appreciate if you'd share it, please. That's the best I can offer with what I understand in your question.

P.S. The sharing about my experience of should's vs choosing from preferences, applies to everything for me. It's not a female/male relationship power trip or something. It just happens that we are discussing men and women when it came up.

 

[LiveYourDream]

What's true femininity?

Femininity to me are traits like; softness, vulnerability, gentleness, receptivity, sensuality, kindness, empathy, nurturing, caring, loving, affection, beauty, radiance, light, playful, creativity, intuitive, warmth, acceptance, compassion, yielding, allowing, understanding, flowing, sexual, erotic, devotion, patience, grace, sensitivity, emotionality, authenticity, humility, sharing, caring, generosity, connection, sweetness, passion, loyalty, flexibility, intimacy, appreciation, gratitude, and love, love, love....

 

[LiveYourDream]

I don't personally believe this idea that if you don't keep a woman's emotions going back and forth like a ping pong ball, she's going to leave you. I know Desdinova says this is a favorite tactic of his, and is something that he is good at, but I seriously can't be bothered to spend all that time manipulating my girlfriend's emotions like that all the time. Better things to do, you know?

I don't think it's necessary to use emotional fluctuation is necessary to keep a woman around. It certainly isn't anything that I have used. I think that if you do this early on in an interaction, yeah you can probably get a girl excited, and she might associate that excitement with you. I also suppose that if a woman isn't attracted to you in a very long term sort of way, you might delay her leaving by keeping her confused and off guard with these scrambled emotions. But I don't think you are ultimately going to convince a woman to be with you long term by manipulating her in this way. She's either going to want to do that on her own or she isn't.

Thank you for stepping up sharing your perspective on this. I had felt so shocked and disheartened before. I feel some relief now. Thank you.

You want to be a rock, a place of refuge in her emotional storms. Women want a man to be strong, not to just be jerking her around all the time.

1,000% THIS!
Her emotional storms are just like stormy weather (wind & rain). Don't let them take you off your center. Stand strong like a deeply rooted tree. Know the stormy weather will pass. Do not take the stormy weather personally. (just as wind and rain is not personal). Remind yourself the clouds will pass and the sun will shine again. Stand strong and just remind yourself that "this too, shall pass."

It is a HUGE gift to her, when you remain steady, regardless of what her emotions are doing with her!

Words can't even touch how significant and meaningful, it is to a woman, for you to be totally rooted, steady, and strong, regardless of how hard the wind blows or how much rain comes (her emotions).

 

[LiveYourDream]

It takes ba11s to be an intentional jerk because you're going to feel guilty about it. After a while, you realize that it's actually just relationship maintenance. You're not doing all these things because you don't care, you're doing them because you actually DO care.

In my observation, these two things don't logically go together.

I hope you haven't actually convinced yourself that they do.

 

[Desdinova]

In my observation, these two things don't logically go together.

I hope you haven't actually convinced yourself that they do.

The relationship goes better when these two go together.

I know as a woman it's difficult to wrap your brain around this idea. It's much like how women don't believe that PUA tactics work, but they still fall under the spell of them. The thing is, none of this is actually noticeable when it's happening. It comes out as something completely natural.

It's also not something that I do constantly. Women generally don't need that much maintenance unless they're highly addicted to drama. The amount of emotional fluctuation you need to inject is highly dependent on the woman. Some require very little to maintain their attraction while some need it on a constant basis. The women I date generally need it once in a while to keep things interesting. I dated one who needed very little, and I actually had to tone things down a bit because it was a bit too much for her. The women who need it on a heavy and constant basis are not worth dating and are better left for the real jerks to play with. There's a happy medium where I've settled with it and seems to fit the women I enjoy dating.

Again, it's not something that's noticeable while I'm dating her. If you and I were to date, you wouldn't even realize it was happening. For you, trying to understand this is like trying to understand how eating chocolate is pleasurable.

 

[Tenacity]

I always feel like laughing when I see your random bulls**t posts about raising your voice about how things are unfair. Nothing will change and I guarantee it. You might as well cut your balls off and join a monastery if you really wanna make a statement.

I get what you are saying, but to me YOUR way is the easy way out.

I believe in walking and chewing gum at the same time, that is, striving to achieve the most I can out of life WHILE trying to fix whatever wrongs I can in this world for "the next generation". You don't have to join me, that's your prerogative.

I have plans in place to begin different types of grassroots efforts, working with current MRAs, Divorce Corp, etc., to try to do whatever I can to make some progress within areas like Family Court. Will I make any progress? I believe I will, MRAs and associations like Divorce Corp have ALREADY made a lot of changes to the system, so these efforts are not going to the wayside like you proclaim.

Your faulty notion of, "The world is just how it is, you can't change it, just accept it...." is exactly that, faulty. The world is what we make it to be, and when you see injustice but sit back, say nothing, do nothing, don't fund organizations that are fighting it, don't lend your voice to fighting it, then in my opinion you are in support of the injustice. Like Plato said, in your silence you are giving consent.

It's why I told TicTac (which caused him to flip the hell out) that he might as well throw on a cape and be a white knight. Because when you sit up here, having gone through the Family Court and been ripped off like he says, but NOT spend more time helping MRA related associations implement change in this screwed up system....in my opinion, you are consenting and in support of the bullshyt in the system.

Furthermore, when MGTOWs and MRAs are continually attacked BY OTHER MEN for calling out women on stupid behavior and trying to get them to accept responsibility, to me, those other men are consenting that the behavior of said women was in some part "okay".

 

[Tictac]

I get what you are saying, but to me YOUR way is the easy way out.

I believe in walking and chewing gum at the same time, that is, striving to achieve the most I can out of life WHILE trying to fix whatever wrongs I can in this world for "the next generation". You don't have to join me, that's your prerogative.

I have plans in place to begin different types of grassroots efforts, working with current MRAs, Divorce Corp, etc., to try to do whatever I can to make some progress within areas like Family Court. Will I make any progress? I believe I will, MRAs and associations like Divorce Corp have ALREADY made a lot of changes to the system, so these efforts are not going to the wayside like you proclaim.

Your faulty notion of, "The world is just how it is, you can't change it, just accept it...." is exactly that, faulty. The world is what we make it to be, and when you see injustice but sit back, say nothing, do nothing, don't fund organizations that are fighting it, don't lend your voice to fighting it, then in my opinion you are in support of the injustice. Like Plato said, in your silence you are giving consent.

It's why I told TicTac (which caused him to flip the hell out) that he might as well throw on a cape and be a white knight. Because when you sit up here, having gone through the Family Court and been ripped off like he says, but NOT spend more time helping MRA related associations implement change in this screwed up system....in my opinion, you are consenting and in support of the bullshyt in the system.

Furthermore, when MGTOWs and MRAs are continually attacked BY OTHER MEN for calling out women on stupid behavior and trying to get them to accept responsibility, to me, those other men are consenting that the behavior of said women was in some part "okay".

Humina, humina, humina.... Gynocentrism.... Humina, humina, humina.... Feminism... Humina, humina, humina.... White Knights....

This is what you consider "doing something" - whining like a little girl. You do NOTHING but gripe. Now THAT is some bullshyt.

You 'have plans'. You will do nothing because all you do is shirk and whine.

 

[Tenacity]

You 'have plans'. You will do nothing because all you do is shirk and whine.

I will post updates on this forum on my grassroots efforts and participation efforts for all to see. Hopefully it will inspire more of you (especially people like YOU who have been ripped off) to participate as well.

 

[l_e_g_e_n_d]

Tenacity, I admire your passion but on one breath you create a thread "I have anger issues/I don't know what to do" where you profess that you need serious help or else ... Then on the other breath you want to orchestrate for men's rights. Do you see where you have already lost 90% of your audience?

Coming to SoSuave without working out your kinks won't fix your anger issues.

Orchestrating a revolt for men's rights won't fix your anger issues.

Fixing a misaligned court system won't fix your anger issues.

Because ... when it is all said and done, the smoke is clear, and it's quiet again, who are you still left with ...

YOU.

 

[LiveYourDream]

What are you doing, as a woman, to better yourself, for your man?

There is a tremendous amount of focus in my life that "my man" will benefit from.

The truth is, I am (really/primarily) doing it for me. I am doing it to be the best version of myself I can. Will the man I next partner with, benefit? Absolutely! Am I happy for him. Tremendously!

I am excited for me (too). I am excited to partner from a place of wholeness rather than subtly seeking for another to fill some perceived void. I am excited to share love from overflow rather than subtly seeking to be loved, from a perceived sense of lack. I am excited to revel in and be all that is feminine like never before. I am excited and grateful to truly enjoy the dance of the feminine and the masculine. I am excited for the next lover in my life, on so many levels. I am excited for all kinds of sex. I am excited to explore life and play together. I am excited to love. I am super excited to receive, as well. I am excited to surrender like never before. And much more...

Are there aspects of me that still feel scared, apprehensive and vulnerable, as I move forward? Absolutely!

I am not interested in living life from the perspective of a victim. I choose to move beyond that perception. As a result, I deeply see and understand why all that occurred, did. I understand without a shadow of a doubt that there was purposefulness for my growth and expansion in every bit of it. I have chosen to maximize all that was offered and squeeze every drop of wisdom from it that I can. As odd as it may sound, I have come to be grateful for the experience, for all that it has taught me and is now allowing me to become and experience.

Is the man in my life going to benefit? My happiness, my joy, my loving, my freedom, my peace, my gratitude, my playfulness, my surrender, my trust, my wholeness... all benefit him. That makes me even more happy, as well.

(If you were asking because you wanted specifics, I can go there too, if needed. I thought this might better handle the essence, without listing all the specifics.)

 

[LiveYourDream]

I will post updates on this forum on my grassroots efforts and participation efforts for all to see. Hopefully it will inspire more of you (especially people like YOU who have been ripped off) to participate as well.

For the greatest tangible and lasting results, both in yourself and out in the world, move beyond focusing on what you are against and instead focus entirely on what you INTEND, to ACTUALLY, create more of.

Words will not touch how MASSIVELY this will change your entire experience and the RESULTS you ACTUALLY experience.

The benefits are waiting for you, if you choose to have them. Or not, if that is what you prefer instead.

Choose YOUR FOCUS wisely!

 

[mrgoodstuff]

For the greatest tangible and lasting results, both in yourself and out in the world, move beyond focusing on what you are against and instead focus entirely on what you INTEND, to ACTUALLY, create more of.

Words will not touch how MASSIVELY this will change your entire experience and the RESULTS you ACTUALLY experience.

The benefits are waiting for you, if you choose to have them. Or not, if that is what you prefer instead.

Choose YOUR FOCUS wisely!

He's right. Focus on what you are trying to achieve, it's very hard when you have things in your life causing you stress or pain or use a lot of time. But it must be done.

Most of our focus gets distorted focusing on the things we are upset about, instead of focusing on forging forward and making new progress.