Bullying - what would you do?

[Maximus Rex]

Rex would do this.

 

[Asmodeus]

@Mot1veProgress True... I see with this situation it requires more finesse, such as the action you proposed. Well, if he is willing to take this to the authorities and use that as a way to put pressure then perhaps that would be effective... Maybe that would twist their arm enough to have them stop. However, I think just waiting it out will not have them stop, not until he graduates and leaves them behind that is... Take it from me, a bully will NEVER stop because they get a high off the power they feel they have. It is human nature... By ignoring them they will only continue to try to poke for his weak spot until they hit it. Mark my words, they will not stop unless he does something... He must take some action and confront the problem in some way.

 

[Skyline]

Before you tried to say my advice was bad, maybe you should have read my post. I spoke about confronting them.. But not in the stupid silly middle school way you suggested.

If someone approached me uni with letters from lawyers and a wordy note, I don't think I would stop and my friends would make of of him even more... But maybe it's just where I'm from.

Gotta be smart at the same time man. He's singled out. He's going up against a group of friends who not only are from that town, while he's not.. But know everyone else.

Ignoring them is a better option then tryign to "break them" or destroy them in this scenario. They'll realize their attempts are in futility.. and the more they do things, they'll realize they are litterally wasting their own time.

It's senior year.. This stuff can only last so long.. He doesn't want to compromise his scholarship over this.

If he confronts them, then they, themselves will fear the consequences of his actions.. because they know they're caught. They know he knows what they've done.. From there, the balls in his court. He can go and tell the school administration, and it can jeopardize senior activities for the individuals or lead to disciplinary action. What he does, they won't know. They do know he's capable of doing something since he confronted them about it. Thus they'll probably stop.

It's all in how you let them know you know what they're up to, and that you won't tolerate it.. While not coming off as provoking, and keeping things civil.

This is Don Juan discussion.. All the middle school suggestions are uncalled for.

They're not "middle school" suggestions they're how to be confrontational and stand up for yourself. You cannot ignore a bully, maybe a thug in the streets but not a bully. Bullies are people you somewhat know.

If it has to come down to fighting then so be it. At least you got your *ss kicked standing up for yourself rather than hiding behind a man with a suitcase. Now if this was in a professional setting or on the streets, then yes call your supervisor or the cops.

Don't go up to them threatening that "my dads a lawyer he will sue you" rubbish, all he has to do is just go up to them and stand up to them. Call them out in why they're talking sh*t and tell them to stop. If he gets jumped then he can easily press charges on them.

It's only that one kid doing all the work anyways, if he stands up to him then he's friends will follow.

 

[Mot1veProgress]

If someone approached me uni with letters from lawyers and a wordy note, I don't think I would stop and my friends would make of of him even more... But maybe it's just where I'm from.


They're not "middle school" suggestions they're how to be confrontational and stand up for yourself. You cannot ignore a bully, maybe a thug in the streets but not a bully. Bullies are people you somewhat know.

If it has to come down to fighting then so be it. At least you got your *ss kicked standing up for yourself rather than hiding behind a man with a suitcase. Now if this was in a professional setting or on the streets, then yes call your supervisor or the cops.

Don't go up to them threatening that "my dads a lawyer he will sue you" rubbish, all he has to do is just go up to them and stand up to them. Call them out in why they're talking sh*t and tell them to stop. If he gets jumped then he can easily press charges on them.

It's only that one kid doing all the work anyways, if he stands up to him then he's friends will follow.

No doubt I get your perspective and In his position, if it were me, and there was no scholarship in question.. I woulda went to war.. broke some teeth, got suspended, all that. (and have in the past)

I'm your ideal alpha male tough guy .. Been locked up for alot of petty fights and stupid ****.. Used to be reckless AF and had a terrible reputation in the neighborhood. So don't get me wrong, I'm not opposed to those ideas.

However, when theres a scholarship on the line, and you're in athletics.. There's other ways to go about it.

That letter /note thing is just an additional step. It's not a must do. Again, read my post.. I mentioned confronting them face to face on some man to man ****.

The reason I mentioned that note thing.. is because I known dudes who had some serious serious issues with whole frat's of students /jocks and were singled out.. and the issues escalated beyond school grounds too.. and my guy used that technique.. He targeted the top 3 perpetrators , had lawyer notices and PI (private investigator)'s show up at their cribs..

Next week... DEAD SILENCE... NO one messed wit him again and he went on to completing his degree and having fun while doing it.

I wouldn't suggest anything that I didn't know worked from experience.

You might have been thinking a smaller scope of situation.. Me, I've left the spectrum to anything can happen and it can get alot more serious.. ie find your house door broken into, windows broken.. parents recieving threats, etc.. Never know where things can lead

 

[LiveYourDream]

I

At some point in life everybody is given a choice to stand up or accept. I know that there has ALWAYS been risk as I go through life, but I personally believe that the rewards of standing up for myself far outweigh accepting certain situations.

Make the decision to stand up to them. It'll set the best precedent for life.

To me, indifference does not mean you accept. To me it means, you know who you are and have no need to prove it to any one.

Just because a bully vies for one's attention, through any means possible, does NOT make it worth one's time, energy and attention to stoop to their level to acknowledge it.

"If someone is trying to pull you down it means you are already above them."

Edit--Acts of violence and the bullying of minors are a different story and understandably may require another approach.

 

[LiveYourDream]

Bullies always want to see whose skin they can get under and how they can toy with someone and bring them down. Any engagement at all, gives the bully's ego a hit as you must look downward and acknowledge them to engage them. You acknowledge their significance by believing you have something to prove to them.

Bullies prefer to target successful people. If the brother in this scenario goes onto be successful in college, in sports, in the corporate world, in the board room, in the world with women, anywhere and everywhere, he will again find himself at some point the target, of a bully trying to toy with him. I personally think it is a waste of his energy to bother with all the bullies he will encounter.

I think he will be better served to pay no attention and focus on his success. Bullies get bored and move on when they get no response. Should someone hit him or damage his property, then respond accordingly and as needed. Otherwise, I believe it's best to be so busy leading your life, that you don't give them a second thought.

I think he is best served to learn now, that he has nothing to prove. Bullies inherently come from a place of weakness. He is already above the bully. He needs to be reminded of that!!!

The mistake would be, in my opinion, to reinforce the ego's FALSE belief, that because he's been challenged, he therefore has something to prove. He doesn't. He has nothing to prove! Really knowing that, is his proof!

 

[thatfeel]

In four months he is out of there and onto college.
If he compromises or loses his scholarship, the bully wins, forever.
Indifference is not a sign of weakness. Indifference is a sign of great strength.
The best revenge is a life well lived.

oh GOD such a perfect ending quote.

"The best revenge is to be unlike him who performed the injury"

Marcus Aurelius and later said again by Cesare Borgia.

 

[Building_and_Loan]

I would have no problem talking to the coach, school administrators, whoever is in authority there.

Chances are those dumb hicks messing with your brother have been in trouble plenty of times before, and the school officials won't be at all surprised to hear they're back at it again.

 

[DonDraper7]

He must confront them, not physically but verbaly. Let them know he won't be tolerating that kind of treatment from them. If his scholarship is at stake here, which is probable, then no fighting. Unless the bully hits first, then go all out to teach them a lesson.

I had this happen to me like when i was 12-13, so i know it can be tough. I tried to ignore it, it got worse so then i confronted them telling them to stop and it stopped. For a while anyway, it ended up with a fight going my way ironicaly so the bullying stoped completly. Discusting feeling, wouldn't wish it on anyone. So tell him to stand his ground firmly, let him act like he can tear them all apart but won't do it cause he is smarter then them.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Self-respect is more valuable than a college degree. If he had that in the first place, he would have snuffed out this problem immediately. You know the three second rule with women? That's how long you have to punch a bully in the nose after the bullying takes place. After that time passes, and the victim does nothing, it cements him into the eternal role of victim, and changing things gets a lot harder. Bullies are pvssies; make them bleed a little, and they will go find an easier target. It doesn't take much. Fighting back is something that should have been over within a matter of seconds the very first time.

I know you're asking for help, but obviously he has already made his choices. He's going to put up with it. I hope he never ends up in prison; he'll have a very rough time of it.

 

[raider87]

Fighting back is something that should have been over with in a matter of seconds the very first time.

Give them an inch and they'll take a mile, or something like that.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Another fallacy of the "wait it out" plan is that it assumes bullies exist only in high school, as if bullying doesn't happen in college, or at a workplace...or even in relationships. Kids who are bullied in high school and embrace that victim mentality are setting themselves up to get bullied for the rest of their lives.

 

[Tenacity]

I agree with Bible Belt and Skyline's line of thought on this one.

Bullying occurs everywhere, not just in high school but also in the workplace, just ask this guy. I've seen all types of inaccurate assessments on bullies such as they come from broken families or they just have low self-esteem, look, the reality is that some people are a.ssholes and like to fvck over others.

You fight power with power, that's the only way you will get an a.sshole to show you the respect you deserve. Bottom line, expos, your brother does not show enough POWER. Something about him comes off as weak and the group of a.ssholes see it, are bored, and want to test him. When they fvcked with him initially and nothing happened, this verified to them that he's weak, thus, they continued it.

So your brother has to fight power with power, here are my suggestions:

- He needs to make friends FAST and SURROUND himself with these friends. These friends need to be guys who are as big, strong, etc. as the bullies fvcking with him.

- Your brother needs to learn how to roast. When the bullies start trying to roast him, your brother will come back with some swift, fast, lines that will get everybody laughing at the bullies and embarrass the fvck out of them.

Doing this, I'm telling you, is going to make the a.ssholes pull back. They know that your brother (and his new crew) will roast the fvck out of them on site, and if they try to "throw hands" your brother and his crew will be more than willing to get down. Because this POWER is shown, the a.ssholes are more than likely not to fvck with him (unless they want a real fight and they really don't).

A.ssholes are in the world, the only way to stop an a.sshole from fvcking with you is to number one...have the ABILITY to put him down and number two....if he tests you...put his a.ss down. I don't like to use the word "bully", I prefer the word "a.sshole".

The US Army takes this approach, which is why nobody FVCKS with the US Army unless they want to do a pvssy a.ss sneak attack. Trust me, if we didn't have a strong Army, we would have been kicked the fvck down over 100 years ago.

 

[Serenity]

I would become

I talked to my brother about all of this over the holidays. It's a strange predicament because the kid isn't doing anything physical that warrants a punch. If my brother got into a verbal confrontation with him (which he hasn't) it would let the fat kid know that he matters (which you don't want).

Back in the 90's you could get away with pounding the crap out of someone after school. These days, people will film the fight and the loser of the battle gets to press charges.

I don't know how being verbally assaulted is positive unless this fat kid is a masochist. Anyways random insults will go nowhere, hitting the soft spots however will sure set this bully straight. This requires your brother to know his enemy, know the weaknesses and abuse the fvcking sh!t out of them until this fat fvcker stops. Continuing beyond the point where the bully stops reverses the roles however, so it's important to yield when the bully yields or else it can't be justified as self-defense.

You're right that the bully doesn't do anything that warrants physical defense, it's unwise and could easily be taken out of context if your brother doesn't attack in direct and immediate response to the fat kid doing something bad. If the bully can do sh!t like that and get away though then so can your brother, that is if he wants to take the fight and is determined to take it to the point the bully yields.

I know I would personally make a bully's life so fvcking miserable treating them as they treat me, because that's how I operate. The golden rule, treat others as you want to be treated. If someone treats me like sh!t then they're basically giving me permission to treat them likewise, if they better themselves then I will stop.

 

[BeExcellent]

Bullying is a serious problem in schools and needs to be taken seriously by the school administration. I would ignore the bullies. Don't stoop to their level. Fighting back gives them more ammunition to use against your brother to punish him more.

Expos...Where are your parents? Where is the coach? Are they aware this is going on with your brother? If they don't know then tell them so they can advocate for your brother and exert pressure on the school administration, the school board and so forth. The school has potential legal liability for the situation IF THEY HAVE BEEN MADE AWARE OF IT IN WRITING.

Read Bradd80's post again. Get your own egos out of the way for crying out loud and listen to how reckless some of the advice is. It is February. Graduation from high school folks is in 4 months. If this young man was my son I would handle it with the school and also advise him that this is a situation that has a built in time limit, and SERIOUS life altering consequences if the he (Expos brother) handles himself poorly.

Poorly in the D-1 school's judgement.

How sickening a feeling to get that phone call that your brother's disciplinary record has come to the D1 school's attention and they are no longer comfortable with offering the scholarship because of his conduct record. Not good. A scholarship opportunity has many people competing for it folks. How easy for the D1 school to just pass over your brother and pick someone else if your brother reacts to the bullies? The scholarship also means a FREE RIDE college education gentlemen. An investment worth tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars depending on where it is...

But no let's throw down instead. REALLY? Come on now y'all are smarter than that.

Yes bullies are everywhere in life. Many fights are not worth getting into. Discretion is the better part of valor and this hill is NOT worth the fight. Your brother has way too much at stake. Tell your parents and get the school potentially on the liability hook...that will get people's attention and that will get it handled.

 

[Ronaldo7]

The envious die not once, but as oft as the envied win applause.

Only a fool would jeopardize his own self to abide by the ignorance of other people.

 

[dude99]

Here is this situation. This has to do with my brother, who is a senior in high school.

My brother is on the varsity basketball team at a new school. He is attending this school because my mother and father built a new home just on the outside lines of his old high school district zone. Long story, but he can’t attend his old high school after a lengthy fight with two school districts.


My brother has had a good senior year until now, when he has become a target of bullying. What happened was that he apparently took the spot and made the team over a guy who played varsity basketball last year. The kid was overweight and slow and played post – my brother is nearly 6-4 and FAST, can dunk, and played varsity at our old school.


Because the fat kid got cut, he has been taking his anger out on my brother who is the new guy in town. He’s been sneaking into the locker room and pouring shampoo into his basketball shoes, taking piles of snow and stuffing it into his school locker. He and his friends constantly talk trash about my brother and one of them even keyed his Jeep Wrangler. These are small-town hicks and they are nuts. Half the basketball team doesn't like him because he's good and he scores a fair amount of points.

My brother is targeted because he is good looking, the ladies love him, and he is good at basketball. He’s dealing with hardcore jealous haters.

My brother has just signed a D-1 scholarship to do pole vault and the maybe some mid-distance events. He can’t punch the guy out because he’ll lose his track scholarship and get charged with assault or suspension, he can’t rat the guys out because they will deny it. He can’t ignore it, because they will persist.

If you were my brother, what would you do?

If your brother is 6 foot 4 and athletic then he sould have no troubles holding his own against what you called a fatter enemy. Tell him to kick the crap out of the guy off of school property. If he does this word will spread and they will sto messing with him. Highschool bullies only respect who carries a bigger stick.

 

[dude99]

I talked to my brother about all of this over the holidays. It's a strange predicament because the kid isn't doing anything physical that warrants a punch. If my brother got into a verbal confrontation with him (which he hasn't) it would let the fat kid know that he matters (which you don't want).

Back in the 90's you could get away with pounding the crap out of someone after school. These days, people will film the fight and the loser of the battle gets to press charges.

Keying his car and damaging his other personal property does warrent a punch.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Rex would do this.