Should I ask out Restaurant Bartender?

[Reyaj]

The reason I am even bringing this up is because she really hasn't shown me any IOIs. Heck I'd only be willing to do it in order to see if it disproves the theory of "A girl can be interested in you without showing overt indicators or interest"

Basically I stopped in to this local chain restaurant late last night and sat at the bar. The bartender was friendly, although there were about 3 other guys at the bar she was also being chatty with. Anyway she recommended that I try this new local craft beer they had a special on so I did. I initiated some conversation around her tip jar etc... but she really did nothing to indicate she was into me. Then some other guy came and sat down on the other side of the bar from me. She basically ignored everyone else and started talking to this dude for like a half hour straight. At first I thought he was a regular but then based on her body language and the amount of time they were talking I thought it could actually be her boyfriend. I was actually getting kind of mad cause she wasn't being a good servant attending to me lol.

Anyway finally she comes back and asks me if I want another beer. I said no I just want to close up. Anyway she goes back to chat with this guy and then comes back and gives me another beer. I said "I wanted to close out" while showing her my credit card. She was like "oh I'm so sorry, here take it on me" I was like are you sure and she said yeah don't worry about it. I then asked her opinion on a photo I had of myself and she asked if it was me lol.

Here is where I did something that maybe makes this interesting.... I said to her "Are you and that guy related?" Referring to the guy she was talking to and joking with the whole time. She said nooooo he's my best friend. I smiled and said ah ok you look alike

I then closed out my tab and I said "I'll see you next time" She said "I'll be here tomorrow"

So should I even bother? I was thinking of going later for a beer and maybe asking her out for the hell of it. Although I have to admit it will put me out of my comfort zone a bit as I never visited the same place two days in a row like that to ask someone out. I feel like it shows supplication and betas me. Then again everything I do is an experiment so who cares right?

 

[Tictac]

If she's even half decent, she gets hit on multiple times EVERY shift she works. That doesn't mean you shouldn't try. But she's seen it all a hundred times.

That said, why the hell not?

 

[blind_one]

Hello Reyal, point is why should you care ? You find her attractive , you approach her/innitiate, what happends happends. You miss 100% shots you don't take.

 

[Reyaj]

Lol so I'm here now as I type this. She wasn't real friendly when she greeted me but I just tried some small talk. The irony is I got her number but just from overhearing it lol

She was talking to this older couple next to me who tried to set her up with someone and she gave them her # I overheard it and logged it in my phone. There's 3 other people here macking to her. You were right lol

 

[Reyaj]

As soon as I typed that she came by and asked me how my day was lol I think she probably knows how to play the game

 

[sodbuster]

ask her out, either it happens or it doesn't, then you don't need to waste your time thinking about it.... But barmaids are hard to date for men with a normal schedule. they get off at 3, sleep till noon. Go back to work at 7ish when you are finally ready for a date..... AND staying up till 3 to see her raises hell with your day on 2 hours sleep

 

[raider87]

she gave them her # I overheard it and logged it in my phone.

 

[Darth]

It would definitely show you are supplicated and "beating" her don't do it

 

[Darth]

Yeah I remember I was at this bar once and this bartender girl was really friendly to me and giggling and I was like Why are you hitting on me so hard? Her hair was perfectly combed and brushed..probably hiding something. Like you said mostly strippers probably in all likelihood

 

[Kailex]

Female bartenders are a rung up or so from single moms for me. If you search deep enough in my past posts on these forums, you'll see that I actively tell men to avoid these women.

As a former bartender who used to work with a female bartender (and a rather attractive one too), I know exactly what goes through their minds. I'd stay away.

 

[Darth]

I think any man that goes out with a female bartender needs to really examine himself and why he would do that with a woman who he THINKS he knows really well but really there's probably a lot more she ISN'T telling in her particular case . . .

And then of course there's the string of guys who she probably has waiting but won't talk to any of them...cold-hearted bastards

 

[Reyaj]

Yeah and this is just a local chain restaurant and she seems to have a ton of regulars! There was this other guy she started talking to for a while and ignoring everyone else. I sense these guys are orbiters. I played it cool though made just some small talk here and there but didn't telegraph much interest.

She told me she went to college but wanted to get into Sales and do the bar tending part time. I ended up giving her my business card with my cell on it as the company I am with sometimes DHVs me.... plus has potential opportunities. I'm not holding my breath on her at all though.

Kailex, working in the industry what would you say is the typical mindset of these girls?

 

[Darth]

"didn't telegraph much interest"

That's good stay out of her way they tend to only be interested in certain types

 

[Kailex]

@Reyaj - typical mindset is that you are just another source of income giving her attention. The nicer she is to you, the more likely you are to sweeten up the $ pot. She'll never be serious and if she is, she expects you to never be jealous. You'll come second to her job, by the way, and you'll probably have to witness her "flirt" with other men if you were to ever become serious.

It's a terrible way of testing your jealousy and resolve. Most of them just want to mess around and "have fun", but straddling the line between serious and not. They'd be quick to discard you too.

Honestly, I saw many a men lose their favorite bar/hangout spot just because they got involved with a female bartender. As far as my co-worker was concerned, she routinely had MANY men throw not only their admiration, but money, drinks, and invitations to go out and get on their yachts... never a dull moment for her in her life. And where one man disappeared, she could quickly replace with another. She had a boyfriend for all of two weeks, who eventually had to get escorted out by security and banned because he couldn't "control" her flirting.

The only way I'd ever engage a female bartender is if I didn't know she was one - in other words, if I met her off-duty somewhere else. And if I found out, she's automatically discarded from LTR potential or even plate potential unless she was Plate Z. So, as I said before, just about a rung above single mothers.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

Female bartenders are a rung up or so from single moms for me. If you search deep enough in my past posts on these forums, you'll see that I actively tell men to avoid these women.

As a former bartender who used to work with a female bartender (and a rather attractive one too), I know exactly what goes through their minds. I'd stay away.

I don't understand how these good looking girls that make minimum wage probably can have the confidence to turn down some of these dudes. Can you explain to me the psyche of these women lol.

I've seen some nice bartenders/workers in my past and I was able to get the number all the time but I tell you the next day when I text them it's almost always a no-text back. Never understood it.

 

[Tictac]

I ended up giving her my business card with my cell on it as the company I am with sometimes DHVs me....

Unless your business card says Microsoft and Bill Gates, it doesn't DHV Jack Sh*t.

It went out in the trash with the bottle caps that night.

NEVER do that again. It's a chump move

 

[Dust 2 Dust]

Unless your business card says Microsoft and Bill Gates, it doesn't DHV Jack Sh*t.

It went out in the trash with the bottle caps that night.

NEVER do that again. It's a chump move

My ex girlfriend was a ****tail waitress at a casino. She went home each night with a handful of numbers that went in the trash. They flirt with every guy because they want big tips. It's all just a game to them. If she's attractive believe me she's not making minimum wage. My ex brought home 700 dollars a week in cash from tips in addition to her hourly wage and she was a HB7.5.

 

[Kailex]

I don't understand how these good looking girls that make minimum wage probably can have the confidence to turn down some of these dudes. Can you explain to me the psyche of these women lol.

I've seen some nice bartenders/workers in my past and I was able to get the number all the time but I tell you the next day when I text them it's almost always a no-text back. Never understood it.

Imagine that bartender chick is given MAYBE at the minimum 5 numbers a WEEK - she's making minimum wage but she's getting tipped well and she gets to choose who she can go out with because that's about 20 guys a month she can pick from. And that's JUST when she's working.

They psyche of these women is the supply of men is vast and more susceptible to "female encouragement". A lot of men will see how "nice" they are to them as something more than just a customer transaction. Now imagine this REALLY nice checkout chick at Target smiles at you and takes care of you well and borderline flirts with you, wouldn't that pique your interest just a little - regardless of wage?

Now imagine that and include the fact that you might give her 20% of your tab plus your including alcohol into the equation. Them giving you their number is a small price to pay in the short-term. They'll turn you down just because they can, and they will.

 

[Reyaj]

Thanks for the insight Kailex, you are definitely one of the best posters here.

Unless your business card says Microsoft and Bill Gates, it doesn't DHV Jack Sh*t.

It went out in the trash with the bottle caps that night.

NEVER do that again. It's a chump move

No shvt sherlock. I had already decided that she wasn't worth asking out. I don't for one minute think the business card is going to get me in her pants and would never rely on that kind of a move to try and get someone I was interested. I was more curious if she'd try to use me for a business opportunity.

I think the character/mindset of bartenders is pretty accurate. That being said if the opportunity presented itself I wouldn't mind laying them. I would have no other interest in them besides that trust me. However perhaps a place where one works with a small amount of traffic could be fruitful.

I'm going to travel to different spots to get a beer and food, I'll post my findings in this thread.