Messed up, BPD ex contacted me last nigh

[Infern0]

I was drunk as hell, we had our regional rugby finals yesterday afternoon which we won so the whole team got wasted in the club rooms, I was home at about 2am and my BPD ex called me (i've not spoken to her for months)

I looked at my call log this morning and we spoke for over 2 hours! I also have several nudes of her in my inbox.

I don't even remember much of the conversation other than me telling her she was bpd, her apologizing for being a ***** and saying she misses me and me saying some drunk philosipher stuff like "don't apologize just try to learn from it"

thats honestly all i remember.

Anyone know what to expect next??

 

[fastlife]

Hmmm could go several ways.

1.) You gave her the validation she was seeking and she'll disappear into the night.

2.) Her supply is super low and she's feeling you out for a re-entry so y'all can replay all your core wounds and dysfunction together.

I'd personally just ignore and show better self-control next time--but I don't really go in for the whole collection of exes throwback edition stuff.

 

[Infern0]

With a bit of luck it's option 1

Have no desire for option 2, learned all i need from her.

 

[LiveYourDream]

You got away so lucky on this!!!

A BPD who wants back into your world will do anything. I highly suggest you block her number.

She could purposely catch you drunk again, seductively offer you her pvssy on platter, specifically at a time when you are too drunk to think past how good it would feel, in the moment.

That time it may not a simple post here. Instead it could be finding out your BPD EX is now thrilled to be pregnant and planing on having your kid!!! Life time connection and financial support from you!! Her dream come true!

Don't think twice about blocking her! Be so indifferent and focused on your life moving forward, that you do not even care or need to know if she ever tries to call again.

She got to you this time. Insure that you don't ever receive another call from her.

 

[Infern0]

You got away so lucky on this!!!

A BPD who wants back into your world will do anything. I highly suggest you block her number.

She could purposely catch you drunk again, seductively offer you her pvssy on platter, specifically at a time when you are too drunk to think past how good it would feel, in the moment.

That time it may not a simple post here. Instead it could be finding out your BPD EX is now thrilled to be pregnant and planing on having your kid!!! Life time connection and financial support from you!! Her dream come true!

Don't think twice about blocking her! Be so indifferent and focused on your life moving forward, that you do not even care or need to know if she ever tries to call again.

She got to you this time. Insure that you don't ever receive another call from her.

Yeah well i think last night we were talking about hooking up because she was sending me the nudes while i was on the phone to her, so we were probably having phone sex. Thankfully i live a couple of hours away from her so it wouldn't have been practical with me drunk.

Lucky escape I think

 

[christoff522]

Dude, I know it's hard but for your own well being you have to reorganise this relationship. Yes relationship. What you are doing is a little emotional dance, keeping that connectivity going and for her it's wonderful..she gets all that validation and made to feel special and all she has to do is send some nudes.

If she contacts you again, either ignore her or tell her politely to leave you alone. I suggest you never answer the phone as that is how they get you. Send her a cold emotionless text.

Give it about two years, watch her get with someone else, end up pregnant with his baby, and still be trying to get into contact with you. Mine does..in fact she messaged me today. Apparently I don't put enough meat into my discussions with her and I'm sarcastic - she doesn't like that but idgaf.

I know what you're going through, they're like heroin. But you're only key to escape is to stop caring. Many suggest completely breaking contact. My suggestion is not to, have her on FB or something, keep up with her. But always keep a distance. Study the nuances in behaviour and eventually you won't want more.

It's all fake, her life, emotions, perfect relationship. You'll realise you were used. Suddenly relationship statuses change and you get a phone call as they cycle through their c0cktacts.

If drink causes you to lose self-control banish it from your life.

 

[LiveYourDream]

Yeah well i think last night we were talking about hooking up because she was sending me the nudes while i was on the phone to her, so we were probably having phone sex. Thankfully i live a couple of hours away from her so it wouldn't have been practical with me drunk.

Lucky escape I think

You think? (note sarcasm)

BEYOND lucky, in my opinion.

A two hour drive for a BPD on a mission is nothing!

 

[Infern0]

You think?

Like i say it's fuzzy i was drunk and had partaken in "other substances"

I didn't wake up until 3 this afternoon, i was a rite off

I remember saying "why am i talking to you" and her saying dont be mean and laughing and then something about going to a psych and thats about it.

 

[fastlife]

She could purposely catch you drunk again, seductively offer you her pvssy on platter, specifically at a time when you are too drunk to think past how good it would feel, in the moment.

My problem with this sentiment is it implies that Infern0 doesn't have agency. BPD isn't some mythical force that leaves men powerless to make their own decisions.

Infern0 would be choosing to sleep with her just like he chose to talk to her for two hours on the phone. It might be a dumb*ss choice, but he's not powerless and he'll only be a victim as long as he chooses to.

BPD isn't the issue. Alcohol isn't the issue. Sure, being drunk might surface core mindset weaknesses--but his mindset is the only issue here.

Emotional enmeshment is a b*tch, but it's a choice. BPD's don't go back to where they know there's no supply (and yes, anger, hatred, etc. are every bit as much of a vulnerability as love was). When you're totally detached the only thing left for them is fear--you won't be hearing from them again unless you want it on some level.

 

[LiveYourDream]

My problem with this sentiment is it implies that Infern0 doesn't have agency. BPD isn't some mythical force that leaves men powerless to make their own decisions.

Infern0 would be choosing to sleep with her just like he chose to talk to her for two hours on the phone. It might be a dumb*ss choice, but he's not powerless and he'll only be a victim as long as he chooses to.

BPD isn't the issue. Alcohol isn't the issue. Sure, being drunk might surface core mindset weaknesses--but his mindset is the only issue here.

Emotional enmeshment is a b*tch, but it's a choice. BPD's don't go back to where they know there's no supply (and yes, anger, hatred, etc. are every bit as much of a vulnerability as love was). When you're totally detached the only thing left for them is fear--you won't be hearing from them again unless you want it on some level.

I did not intend to imply he is not responsible. Absolutely he is responsible for his choices (drunk or not).

BPD's are master manipulators, never to be underestimated. I am suggesting he WAKE UP and realize he is playing with fire. It's potentially far more dangerous than some late night phone sex and naked photos.

In my opinion, blocking her number would be a way for him to take responsibility, for his OWN potential lack of awareness and/or pvssy hypnosis, should she re-appear again, when he is so drunk.

Drinking less would be a smart option too.

Blocking her would also be a smart move to avoid her drama and pull even when he is sober.

Absolutely his life, his choices and his responsibility.

The possibility of his BPD EX getting pregnant and having his kid is nightmare HE SHOULD insure never becomes his reality.

 

[Infern0]

I think my biggest problem is when i havent talked to her for ages and i'm doing well i tend to think "she's not THAT bad" or i think that i can control the situation and just have some fun sex

but yeah tend to forget the dangers of going there. this is why i posted for some positive reinforcement

 

[LiveYourDream]

I think my biggest problem is when i havent talked to her for ages and i'm doing well i tend to think "she's not THAT bad" or i think that i can control the situation and just have some fun sex

but yeah tend to forget the dangers of going there. this is why i posted for some positive reinforcement

Plenty before you thought they too could dip back in for some sex and stay in control and out of the drama. Go have a read on the BPD thread and see how well that worked out for them.

Many thought they were above it to, only to be incredibly humbled. Just trying to offer you a wake up call, if you care to take it.

 

[SmooveMooves]

My problem with this sentiment is it implies that Infern0 doesn't have agency. BPD isn't some mythical force that leaves men powerless to make their own decisions.

Infern0 would be choosing to sleep with her just like he chose to talk to her for two hours on the phone. It might be a dumb*ss choice, but he's not powerless and he'll only be a victim as long as he chooses to.

BPD isn't the issue. Alcohol isn't the issue. Sure, being drunk might surface core mindset weaknesses--but his mindset is the only issue here.

Emotional enmeshment is a b*tch, but it's a choice. BPD's don't go back to where they know there's no supply (and yes, anger, hatred, etc. are every bit as much of a vulnerability as love was). When you're totally detached the only thing left for them is fear--you won't be hearing from them again unless you want it on some level.

If I could have sex with a post, this would be the one. This is my exact sentiment. And its the exact reason I'm against the 'BPD' circle jerk we have running rampant on SS.

Men talk about BPDs here like they're vampires or gorgons or chupacabras that ------ completley against their will ----- use their awsome BPD mind control powers to enslave them to permenant relationships.

Completely ignoring the fact that THEY *gasp* have free will. And that the only way to get taken advantage of is THEY allow it.

Not to mention, according to our many local SS psychologists, the next woman will be BPD too! Since the BPD percentage must be somewhere around 80% just going by their victims.

\rant

*Not directed at OP

 

[LiveYourDream]

If I could have sex with a post, this would be the one. This is my exact sentiment. And its the exact reason I'm against the 'BPD' circle jerk we have running rampant on SS.

Men talk about BPDs here like they're vampires or gorgons or chupacabras that ------ completley against their will ----- use their awsome BPD mind control powers to enslave them to permenant relationships.

Completely ignoring the fact that THEY *gasp* have free will. And that the only way to get taken advantage of is THEY allow it.

Not to mention, according to our many local SS psychologists, the next woman will be BPD too! Since the BPD percentage must be somewhere around 80% just going by their victims.

\rant

*Not directed at OP

In my experience, BPD is often used here by men simply describing a woman who doesn't act in a way he expects, too emotional, unpredictable, whatever. He calls her BPD to primarily to add emphasis and sometimes to vindicate himself, somehow. I too take the casual use of BPD with recognition than many using the term clearly have no depth of understanding of the personality disorder they refer.

In my experience a true BPD leaves a wake in their path. Someone who has known a BPD, has lived this. Someone who has never met one, hopefully will never truly understand.

Not sure which the case is with the poster. He speaks of it so lightly, it seems unlikely she's truly a BPD. If she is, I hope for him, he choses wisely.

 

[Infern0]

In my experience, BPD is often used here by men simply describing a woman who doesn't act in a way he expects, too emotional, unpredictable, whatever. He calls her BPD to primarily to add emphasis and sometimes to vindicate himself, somehow. I too take the casual use of BPD with recognition than many using the term clearly have no depth of understanding of the personality disorder they refer.

In my experience a true BPD leaves a wake in their path. Someone who has known a BPD, has lived this. Someone who has never met one, hopefully will never truly understand.

Not sure which the case is with the poster. He speaks of it so lightly, it seems unlikely she's truly a BPD. If she is, I hope for him, he choses wisely.

My ex has been diagnosed by a Psycologist and has undergone DBT for a couple of months before quittiing

she's also on about 5 different medications, she is the real deal.

 

[LiveYourDream]

My ex has been diagnosed by a Psycologist and has undergone DBT for a couple of months before quittiing

she's also on about 5 different medications, she is the real deal.

Run!!! Never look back, except with gratitude that you got away!!

 

[fastlife]

Not to mention, according to our many local SS psychologists, the next woman will be BPD too! Since the BPD percentage must be somewhere around 80% just going by their victims.

I will add a stipulation here. For those of us that are susceptible (usually based on replaying some childhood dynamic) it can seem like every girl has BPD--they're the ones that most consistently pop up on our radar. Before I knew what it was and made a conscious effort to change that pattern, I was running through Cluster B's left and right; girls who were more or less healthy and emotionally available, even if they're attractive, used to trigger a massive flight instinct (I've gotten better, a little bit). But even now if I feel an extreme pull towards a girl, there's a good chance she'll open the DSM-IV playbook shortly thereafter.

On the other hand, none of my close friends--who are all solid dudes, pretty much the epitome of 'well-adjusted--would ever get wrapped with that type of girl and probably wouldn't believe those types of women existed if they didn't know me. That said, every girl in the right circumstances shows BPD-behavior; either way it doesn't abnegate our responsibility for our behavior and the type of behavior we allow into our lives.

 

[Infern0]

I will add a stipulation here. For those of us that are susceptible (usually based on replaying some childhood dynamic) it can seem like every girl has BPD--they're the ones that most consistently pop up on our radar. Before I knew what it was and made a conscious effort to change that pattern, I was running through Cluster B's left and right; girls who were more or less healthy and emotionally available, even if they're attractive, used to trigger a massive flight instinct (I've gotten better, a little bit). But even now if I feel an extreme pull towards a girl, there's a good chance she'll open the DSM-IV playbook shortly thereafter.

On the other hand, none of my close friends--who are all solid dudes, pretty much the epitome of 'well-adjusted--would ever get wrapped with that type of girl and probably wouldn't believe those types of women existed if they didn't know me. That said, every girl in the right circumstances shows BPD-behavior; either way it doesn't abnegate our responsibility for our behavior and the type of behavior we allow into our lives.

I can attest to this

"normies" even if they are HB10 i will find a HB7 bpd girl far more attractive, they all have the same "aura" around them, while it'll repel guys who don't have all that emotional baggage, it draws me like a moth to a flame

working on improving this

 

[Speculator E]

BPD relationships can work but you have to be a sociopath. If you're not a sociopath just leave. A BPD wants love. A sociopath can't love. It makes them natural partners.

I would block her number but I get the feeling you won't do it because you would have done it already. It's kind of obvious common sense advice. Good Luck. Sorry I can't help you more then this.

 

[Glumix]

I think my biggest problem is when i havent talked to her for ages and i'm doing well i tend to think "she's not THAT bad" or i think that i can control the situation and just have some fun sex

but yeah tend to forget the dangers of going there. this is why i posted for some positive reinforcement

Good thread.

I currently experience the same thing as my WhateverPD-ex wrote me 1 week ago. She texted a nice message wanting some news saying it's odd not knowing anything from me anymore. Like nothing happened before.

And from that day I kept wondering if I should text her back or not. For now I decided to not text back.

Pump and Dump? Sounds very risky to me. I really fear emotional attachment to emerge from this. I sure would love to destroy her one more time. But I know that with those girls, as far as manipulation is concerned, they play in Premiere League and you are last in the 4st division.

Sure her as$ is attractive but everthing that surrounds it is not. I try to remember who she really is, her face turning evil from one second to another and the infinite list of other reasons why I dumped her.

Before I knew what it was and made a conscious effort to change that pattern

I would be really interested by you sharing the work you have done on yourself to change that pattern.