I Dumped My GF Today On Her Birthday

[soulforge]

I will try keep this as short as possible..

this has been an on going situation, that has finally come to an end..

she is 46 has her own house, car, and a good income.. and she has come out of a divorce around 2 years ago!

i'm 39 years old, we was dating for around 6 months and it was a committed relationship, things was fine between us, other than one ISSUE

she used to go out drinking quite allot in bars, me on the other hand are not a big drinker and do not like bars, clubs etc

anyhow i felt like i should let her know, that i do not want a relationship that revolves around bars and drinking and clubs all of the time..

i spoke to her about it, calmly, without anger or putting pressure on her or making demands.. i just let her know firmly and calmly about how i feel about the situation.

i explained i am perfectly fine with her going out for a few drinks, on occasions, family events etc.. but i don't want the whole bar scene being part of the relationship..

we spoke about this around 2 weeks ago, and she seemed fine about the conversation and agreed with what i was saying.


this week we both booked some time off work and decided to go stop for a few days at one of her friends luxury apartments in Scotland.. She told me that her friend would like us to join her for a meal on one of the days.. i was perfectly fine with this!

so we decided to go for a meal then pop into a bar or two for some drinks.. earlier that day we had been walking all day sight seeing and had done quite allot of driving too.. so i was feeling quite exhausted and had only slept 5 hours

i suggested to my GF that i don't fancy staying out too late tonight... at this point she TURNED on me

Her - You need to get over it, this is my friend who i have not seen in ages, whats your problem blah blah blah


i was quite shocked to hear her reaction..


ME - Hey i'm perfectly happy going out with your friend, i just didn't want to be out too late (i.e) all night or very late in the morning because its been a very long day.


Her - Well my friend needs to be back home for around 9.30pm or 10.00pm anyway


ME - Well that's fine.. Why the rudeness and attitude, i didn't like that outburst


we then spent most of the day walking around, site seeing and hardly speaking to each other.. we didn't hold hands etc, like we normally do.. i felt quite miffed off with her outburst


later that night we got together for a meal.. i spoke to her friend as nicely as possible, even tho she is rather annoying!

during the meal, her friend told my GF that she has bought a villa in Malta, and they should fly out to Malta for a girls holiday, nights out, drinking etc

my GF jumped at the chance, and agreed to it straight away.. she even suggested March this year, even tho this was the month me and her was supposed to go on holiday.

I found it strange she agreed to this GIRLS holiday straight away, without even discussion with me, about the holiday me and her had already planned together.

so we was sat around the table chatting, and i noticed my GF was drinking a hell of allot.. half way into the meal, she was pretty much DRUNK!!

and her friend was quite tipsy.. i decided to use the toilet, when i came back to the table, they was both talking to each other quietly, but stopped as soon as they saw me.. it looked a bit suss to me!

this coming Saturday me and the GF was supposed to be going out to a bar/diner in Manchester with her two daughters.. we had planned this meal and drinks over a week ago, was meant to be for her birthday.

all of a sudden her friend who i have know for around 2 hours tells me...

Friend - you seem like the cool, laid back, chilled out type.. i don't think you would enjoy this bar your going to at the weekend, its quite upbeat party kinda place..


Me - Why wouldn't i enjoy it.. i don't mind places like that sometimes, it makes a change..


Friend - Maybe you should both try work something else out


GF - This might sound disrespectful, but i think i will drive you back home tomorrow, i don't think u would enjoy this bar..

Me - Well i think i'm old enough to make that decision for myself, but i think i will leave it.. i won't be coming to the bar with you.. its not a problem


I could clearly tell my GF did not want me there with her at the weekend, and this was her and her friends idea of trying to convince me that i should not go.. Hint taken!

An hour later, my GF is still quite drunk, and we pay the bill for the meal.. i then suggest i will call us a taxi to get me and my GF back to the apartment.

my GF then states we don't have a number for a taxi, and we can't google the number on your phone because its crap.. i then tell her, my phone is not crap.. i can make calls, i can send text messages, that's all i need..

i don't need facebook and whatever else u get on smartphones.. at this point my GF starts to argue with me.. she angrily shouts your phone is rubbish, get google on it then, prove it...

I tell her.. your tone right now is quite rude, and your making a scene and you are DRUNK.. i felt like i was being disrespected in front of her friend.

it was getting quite embarrassing.. so i called a taxi and we both left.. we hardly spoke to each other on the way back, when we got back to the apartment she headed straight for the spare room, and went to bed and left me stood there like an idiot

so i slept in the bed without her... i was furious all night long and could not sleep.. felt so disrespected..

i was in a strange place, and stuck with her for another 3 days... so during the night i packed my things, and first thing in the morning i left.. and caught a Train costing me £110 back to my home town.. the train journey took 4 hours


when i got home.. i sent her this simple text message..

Hi sorry i will not be seeing you again, goodbye

i could have explained more, about why i am ending it.. but i felt there was no point in explaining, as she should already know why i have done this.


she sent a text back..

I Totally agree with it..

but since then she has been blowing up my phone.. she has called 4 times and left answer phone messages, but i have ignored every call


i'm not sure what to do now.. i liked her allot, and felt like ending it was the only choice i had left, otherwise i would be accepting bad behavior from her, and things could get even worse


i'm not sure if i should let her know exactly why i ended it.. plus i feel a little bad for dumping her on her Birthday.. but i felt it had to be done, i fell so angry and upset by her actions

 

[blind_one]

I think you did the right decision. I feel she was trying to pull some sneaky sh!t.

 

[RangerMIke]

Women getting attitudes and b!tchy is a sign of low interest... flush and move on.

Your request was NOT unreasonable. She isn't making you happy and giving you what you want, so move on.

 

[soulforge]

I won't lie.. its hurting me that i had to dump her.. but..

I just cannot see anyway way back with her, especialy over that level of disrespect.

If i got back with her now, she would walk all over me.. i was burning with anger the way i was treated last night

 

[soulforge]

I have a question.. should i give her a clear reason why i have dumped her?

After last night, she should know why i did it.. should i tell her that she treated me like crap, or just leave things be and let her work it out for herself!!

 

[RangerMIke]

Absolutely not. You don't owe anyone anything. You need to learn how to be more of a sh*t to be honest.

If she's a decent (high-interest) girl with whom you just didn't click, it would be different. But, when someone disrespects you, they deserve nothing but contempt.

Correct. Trust this.... women always know EXACTLY why you are upset. Many men believe women are idiots and you have to 'correct' them and set 'boundaries', when it comes to relationships, women pretty much know EXACTLY how for they can push you... that is why you always get tested. If you have been seeing a woman steadily for 3 months, she likely knows you better than you THINK you know yourself.

Women THINK men are just like they are, we ARE NOT. Have you ever gotten into an argument with a chick when she INSISTS you should know EXACTLY why she is upset? When you really don't have a fvcking clue? THIS IS WHY, a woman WOULD know, and she thinks you should be naturally intuitive like she is. Truth is men do have the ability to tune into things, but it takes effort and it isn't natural for us.

Why would you point something out that she already knows? You shouldn't because it's a waste of time.

 

[soulforge]

Correct. Trust this.... women always know EXACTLY why you are upset. Many men believe women are idiots and you have to 'correct' them and set 'boundaries', when it comes to relationships, women pretty much know EXACTLY how for they can push you... that is why you always get tested. If you have been seeing a woman steadily for 3 months, she likely knows you better than you THINK you know yourself.

Women THINK men are just like they are, we ARE NOT. Have you ever gotten into an argument with a chick when she INSISTS you should know EXACTLY why she is upset? When you really don't have a fvcking clue? THIS IS WHY, a woman WOULD know, and she thinks you should be naturally intuitive like she is. Truth is men do have the ability to tune into things, but it takes effort and it isn't natural for us.

Why would you point something out that she already knows? You shouldn't because it's a waste of time.

This is why i did not bother giving her a reason or an explanation.. i know deep inside she knows why i did this.. her friend also knows exactly why..

I know for a fact, in typical woman fashion she will lay all the blame on me, and bombard me with text messages to make me fill guilty or try to get one up on me.

Since i dumped her, she has texted me twice and called me 4 times.. and left 3 answer phone messages!

I have deleted everything unread...

I really cannot see any way back from this with her? Getting back with her, after the level of disrespect she has shown me, seems like the worst thing i could i ever do.

Its hurts man.. i,m going to miss all the good times we had.. this is the one relationship that i really wanted to work out

 

[wifehunter]

She's too old anyway, and with loads of baggage... she'll probably be all dried up in menopause soon enough!

Just a suggestion... Find a fresh one, or six!

 

[fastlife]

No offense bro, but good riddance. I've gotten exhausted just from reading about this broad!

On another note, I'm sorry things didn't work out for you; but you really need to take this time to reexamine your mindset. You have a scarcity mindset for a girl 7 years older than you are--you're letting her be the prize when in reality if she's even still a part of the sexual marketplace, she's hanging on by a thread. No **** she can't respect you. She knows something is very wrong with you and your options just for valuing her to the extent that you do/did.

Date younger. You can't win against half a century's worth of baggage and bad habits. Totally a losing proposition--I can promise you you can find any of the good qualities she had in a younger model that'll be more likely to follow your lead instead of making an ass out of you.

 

[wifehunter]

Date younger.

Agreed, all of my plates are 18-25... seems to be the sweet spot. They love older guys!

 

[El Payaso]

46 years old? Drunk? Bar scene? Disrespect? Possibly hooking up with other men? C'mon, man you can do better than that.

She's low quality. She's only reaching out to you to get closure so she can move on from you peacefully.

DO NOT GIVE HER THAT SATISFACTION. Let her hamster spin into overdrive.

She clearly did not respect you what with how she talked about you and to you in front of her friend, the way she verbally abused you in public so there is no reason to feel bad just because you dumped her on her birthday.

She's not a good match for you. Period.

 

[soulforge]

I will keep this in mind.. date younger.. well i am nearly 40 years old myself.. so i'm no spring chicken!

I feel really angry today, feel like sending her a message and letting her know what a i think of her.. but i know this will not achieve anything..

I grew fond of some people in her family.. I feel sad and disappointed

 

[soulforge]

46 years old? Drunk? Bar scene? Disrespect? Possibly hooking up with other men? C'mon, man you can do better than that.

She's low quality. She's only reaching out to you to get closure so she can move on from you peacefully.

DO NOT GIVE HER THAT SATISFACTION. Let her hamster spin into overdrive.

She clearly did not respect you what with how she talked about you and to you in front of her friend, the way she verbally abused you in public so there is no reason to feel bad just because you dumped her on her birthday.

She's not a good match for you. Period.

I know my friend.. she isn't a raving alcoholic, but what i have learnt is, every ocassion leads to her ending up inside a bar..

Then her rude attitude towards me, and i was made to feel embarrassed infront of her friend.. i felt like shouting abuse at her, and walking away

 

[soulforge]

I also believe her bieng drunk did not help.. she probably get more rowdy because of the drink... but i don't except that as an excuse..

Also I believe she deliberately was trying to rebel.. why? Because when she spoke to me earlier in the day in a rude agressive manner... i told her straight, that your out of order speaking to me like that.. i don't appreciate bieng spoke to in a rude manner..

So i believe she did it intentionally as in to prove to me, that she will and can speak however way she wants.. and she does not have to answer to me

 

[Atom Smasher]

Her next move is that she will desperately try to manipulate a conversation out of you for the purpose of blaming you for everything and finding closure. Any dumped woman is desperate to be able to walk away saying what a "jerk" he was. She may well try to sweet-talk you into that conversation. Don't engage.

The reason a man should never give a woman closure is that she absolutely, positively walk away with perfect peace about everything, thinking that she "dodged a bullet" with that "jerk". It's the only way she can live with herself peacefully.

She absolutely knows why you dumped her, and there is no need for explanation. The pain you feel right now is not about missing her specifically, but rather it is about missing the non-existent, idealized version of what you wish she was. You are experiencing something similar to a drug withdrawal. It will dissipate quickly as you realize how bad she really was for you.

 

[soulforge]

Her next move is that she will desperately try to manipulate a conversation out of you for the purpose of blaming you for everything and finding closure. Any dumped woman is desperate to be able to walk away saying what a "jerk" he was. She may well try to sweet-talk you into that conversation. Don't engage.

The reason a man should never give a woman closure is that she absolutely, positively walk away with perfect peace about everything, thinking that she "dodged a bullet" with that "jerk". It's the only way she can live with herself peacefully.

She absolutely knows why you dumped her, and there is no need for explanation. The pain you feel right now is not about missing her specifically, but rather it is about missing the non-existent, idealized version of what you wish she was. You are experiencing something similar to a drug withdrawal. It will dissipate quickly as you realize how bad she really was for you.

Thank you Atom, we spoke about this relationship in private some weeks ago, you gave me some great advise.

I agree with you.. any response from me, will give her the peace of mind that she desperately requires now..

The first text message she sent to me, just agreed with the break up... but i am certain that is a bit of a put on, so it looks like she isn't bothered because i was the bad guy..

Why 2 more messages after, and 3 calls and voice mails.. obviously the hamster has gone into spin mode.

And yes its true.. i had a idealised version of her, and the dissapointment comes from realising she wasn't the great woman i was hoping for in my life..

Just going have to accept its over and try to let it sink in that i probably dodged a world of pain here in the future

 

[wifehunter]

well i am nearly 40 years old myself.. so i'm no spring chicken!

I'm 42, I look 35. It doesn't matter, ladies don't care!

Take a look at Sean Connery or Harrison Ford... They're really old, doesn't matter to the ladies!

Go fish!

 

[wifehunter]

i probably dodged a world of pain here in the future

Yes, Sir!!!

 

[CuddleJunkie]

Man, you did the right thing. You are awesome-looking for you age, no homo (lol), you can score much younger. I already told you what I thought about this woman on the other thread you made weeks ago. She's not worth this much trouble. Take the NC if you think it would help you and go find some younger girl. Good luck friend!

 

[soulforge]

Have had numerious text messages and messages on whats app from her..

I know i must keep ignoring.. is it ok to block her on whats app? Or will i come across as bieng butt hurt?

I keep having doubts about dumping her.. but i know there can't be any going back after she has treated me in such a way..

Maybe it was the drink.. but still not acceptable behaviour..

When she kicked off with me during the day, when i said i did not want to be out really late, she was sober.