Unplugging with eyes wide open.

[Killakittie]

You know my whole life i had my eyes open, seen the patterns in front of me, and disregarded it, and my gut instinct telling me it was wrong, because i had been conditioned to ignore. you know, find a girl, treat them "fair" aka invest without any return. Placing my bets on the idealism that beta, behavior would win me the girl of my dreams "oneitis"

Please bear with me here, i know i am all over the place, but i have had an extremely rude awakening in the last two months since i discovered the whole manosphere, frame, onitis, red pill, blue pill...

I've always had this sway over women since highschool. I thought pretty high of myself and always had a dont give a s*** attitude, started banging hot women in my early twenties and never had an issue getting laid. I think i was a sex addict for awhile as i was sleeping with mutiple women every week and for me it was the chase and then the attention i was receiving that added to my ego. I actually got off turning attractive women down and making them chase me, i despised how all my friends would do literally anything to get some pu**y.

Since highschool i have not been single....I can not seem to stay out of a relationship. I never get really emotionally attached, it's different. it's like i want something else out of it, some kind of sub-conscious security maybe? I can't see it for some reason, it eludes my self perspective. I just love female attention my problem is not getting attached.

I've left every girl i have ever been with. The first time a girl ever cheated on me i cried, tried all the pathetic crap every other guy does to make it better. Then from that point on i no longer gave any power to it, when a girl cheated i simply shrugged it off and encouraged her to go be with him, while making it known i was now moving on. Funny enough when you act in that manner the women always try to cling on and try harder..."Dead game?" I've been doing it for years.

Ugh i just reread what i wrote and it's awful and all over the place...Thanks to the manosphere i can not go anywhere or do anything without seeing hypergamy being acted out in real time. I have been acted as an AFC for years even though i display a lot of alpha qualities, i am still Beta by default due to a lifetime of social conditioning.

I'm pissed and treating women worse recently which is to my amazement has been making them treat me better! This makes me sick! I am newly married " about a year in" and holy crap i honestly can not believe i put myself into this situation, i am seriously going to be getting a divorce soon as all the red flags are there and i played right into hypergamy's agenda. "Single mom with two kids, ex still around, lying, me being an idiot and pretending she was worth it, ignoring my instinct"

How the hell do you guys in your unplugging stage not go crazy and become extremely cynical?

I've been treating my wife differently, like in a negative way compared to how i used to, and you know how she is responding? She's NICER, she's cleaning, cooking, not nagging, being like the sweetest person on earth! All because i do what i want now, i don't ask for permission, i am no longer a doormat or a punching bag. I treat her like i would anyone else.

I sound crazy i know...How long will this take to digest?

 

[parkthebus]

To be honest I don't get what's wrong. You do what you want and she is nicer.

 

[Killakittie]

I'm feeling a little overwhelmed man that's all. This is all hard to swallow, and since learning about all this i have realized i've made some bad mistakes in the last two years regarding women.

 

[parkthebus]

Lol I think everyone looks back they're like "ahh I ****ed up bad with that girl". It'll process in time mate.

 

[sodbuster]

just don't knock her up...... then you are stuck for 18 years. Otherwise, not sure how a guy who gets lucky all the time would pick a pre-made family with the drag of 2 kids

 

[Glumix]

How the hell do you guys in your unplugging stage not go crazy and become extremely cynical?

It's really hard to not get cynical. Cynism is one of the 5 answers people give when they suffer from treason. The 4 others are revenge, denial, self-betrayal and paranoia.

We all suffered from treason because our dreams of nice women who could love us as we would like to vanished when we swallowed that red pill. We were betrayed by our own mothers, father, sisters, wives, the people we share our life with.

Actually, to overcome this, my personal preference go to cultivating my sense of humor and self-mockery and attachment to my own worth, self-compassion and the authority I have on my own life.

It's the subtle art of not giving a sh!t, of forgiving others while holding them accountable and allowing yourself to enjoy life even though you are not perfect and you understand that you can and will fail at some point and to understand that other people are not perfect themselves, including women.

Regarding your post here, you should perhaps try to understand what you were looking for when you dated multiple women a week and why you ****ed up with women lately.

Guys who get hooked by BPD girls (not telling you are one of them, but I am one of them) spent the rest of their life throwing sh!t on their ex-BPD and women, but they often forget that most of the time they themselves have deep narcissistic personality and that is the reason why they got hooked by those kinds of girls.

External validation must be replaced by internal validation otherwise you become dependent. Dependency is some kind of auto-mutilation. When your basic needs are not fullfilled you start some sort of auto-mutilation, like addiction to sex, love, hate, smoke, food, shopping, sport, video game, etc...

But often, people became dependent so long ago that they forgot the why and it takes a really long time to rollback and reset their mindset. That's part of the process of swallowing the red pill I think. Probably the hardest to swallow.

 

[Tictac]

How do you not get all cynical?

Easy. One day you begin to get that years of television and movies about women and relationships were written by some schlub working a formula, masquerading as creativity and 'art' (what a joke) that got you to sit still so that the people paying the schlub could sell you something.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear ***** Killer,
"How the hell do you guys in your unplugging stage not go crazy and become extremely cynical"
Simple answer,we spin Plates!

 

[Killakittie]

just don't knock her up...... then you are stuck for 18 years. Otherwise, not sure how a guy who gets lucky all the time would pick a pre-made family with the drag of 2 kids

This was my reasoning. I told myself and other people i wanted to "settle down" and have a family, that i had grown tired of being alone, and i missed having some genuine female companionship outside of just hooking up with my regulars. I also felt pressure because i was 30 and non married. When i met her the fact she had two kids was not too much of an issue because i had a son myself. I figured she would be a help with my boy, at this time i was completely plugged in and had no idea what her hypergamy was looking for. She even told me the first day we met that her plan was to finish med school, find a single man with NO KIDS, and settle down. In my ignorance i believed i had struck gold...sigh

 

[Killakittie]

It's really hard to not get cynical. Cynism is one of the 5 answers people give when they suffer from treason. The 4 others are revenge, denial, self-betrayal and paranoia.

We all suffered from treason because our dreams of nice women who could love us as we would like to vanished when we swallowed that red pill. We were betrayed by our own mothers, father, sisters, wives, the people we share our life with.

Actually, to overcome this, my personal preference go to cultivating my sense of humor and self-mockery and attachment to my own worth, self-compassion and the authority I have on my own life.

It's the subtle art of not giving a sh!t, of forgiving others while holding them accountable and allowing yourself to enjoy life even though you are not perfect and you understand that you can and will fail at some point and to understand that other people are not perfect themselves, including women.

Regarding your post here, you should perhaps try to understand what you were looking for when you dated multiple women a week and why you ****ed up with women lately.

Guys who get hooked by BPD girls (not telling you are one of them, but I am one of them) spent the rest of their life throwing sh!t on their ex-BPD and women, but they often forget that most of the time they themselves have deep narcissistic personality and that is the reason why they got hooked by those kinds of girls.

External validation must be replaced by internal validation otherwise you become dependent. Dependency is some kind of auto-mutilation. When your basic needs are not fullfilled you start some sort of auto-mutilation, like addiction to sex, love, hate, smoke, food, shopping, sport, video game, etc...

But often, people became dependent so long ago that they forgot the why and it takes a really long time to rollback and reset their mindset. That's part of the process of swallowing the red pill I think. Probably the hardest to swallow.

Admittedly i tried to forget about all this once i realized everything i thought was a lie formulated by the female imperative. But as the days went by one by one i started seeing hypergamy, ****-tests, beta and alpha males, white knights, oneitis, and AFC's EVERYWHERE!

I cringed watching the movie "Step-Dad" that just came out in theaters because the part actor Will Farrel plays is a classic beta white knight who is literally for all intents and purposes the house doormat. Then here come the bad boy alpha male that had got her knocked up in her earlier 20's, it was brutal. When i look at my mom's and my step-dads relationship i see that my stepdad was the beta white knight. my mom was married at the time to this dude named John, well John got her pregnant and then he jumped ship and moved out of state to have 6 more kids with 5 different women. My step dad happily moved in and supported my mom and her first child "my sister" and you know what appreciation my mom had for all his sacrifice? When John would come into town periodically she would sleep with him, well she got preg again, pretended it was my step dads, and then when they realized it wasn't after i was born he left the state and was heart broken.

This is a harsh reality and i wish i was not so aware of it all but i know knowledge is power. I think how i am going to overcome this is by working on raising my SMV, getting into better shape, and finishing up school. I have my own house, good credit, decent to okish job, but ive worked for years to get to that point and me getting married to a women who has serious flaws has placed me into a situation where i could lose most if not all of that hard work for some *****.

 

[Paintballguy]

Listen to all the horror stories from married or divorced dudes. I hear them pretty much daily at my work.

I think it just takes awhile for all of it to sink in. Eventually you just really won't care. I'm at the point now where I can walk away from a LTR and not even give a ****. See my thread.

I value my independence over any woman. If that means I'll never get married, so be it. I won't be getting raked over the coals in divorce court.

 

[Sprayarc]

Two things I was told after my last really bad break up was "don't give her to much credit"(for how things ended) and she herself told me "Get over yourself".

Both good advice. I mean as human beings we have to take responsibility for our side of the street, because we can't control anything but our selves.