Custody Battle Advice Needed

[Young OG]

I need to get some opinions before I proceed. I am most likely hiring a lawyer soon and going for full custody of my daughter. I already have her M-F but I think I need to set in stone.

The problem is that I have had my daughter M-F for close to 2 years now and her mom has claimed her on her taxes every year and is doing it again this year. She will not share any money with me and I am paying for everything. My parents and I buy all of her clothes and pay for everything else. I just paid $300 at the dentist last week and now she may need braces. I have no dental insurance for her. Her mom text me today and said she is claiming her again and when I argued with her she said not to pick my kid up on monday morning for school and if I pick her up from school shes calling the cops lol. Here are some important points:

-Her mom has a 6 month yr old baby and is pregnant again
-Her mom and boyfriend live in a 2 bedroom apartment, so my daughter has to share a room with a baby boy and now another kid is on its way
-Her mom and boyfriend have one vehicle that he takes to work so I don't see how they could take her to school and pick her up
-Her mom is a recovering drug addict who is prescribed methadone
-My kid has went to school in the city where I live since she was in kindergarten (shes in 1st grade) and her mom lives in another city
-I pay for my kids health insurance through my job and her doctor is close by my place
-My kid has her own room at my place

Should I take her to court for custody? What do you guys think my chances of winning are? I don't want to lose and have to pay her child support. I also want to add that she won't be able to afford an attorney. Opinions please. Thanks.

 

[Prime_Beef]

Having been thru this 20 yrs ago,...............1. You can take her to court for custody. 2. Your chances of winning are slim, the court will assign a feminist sympathising advocate for the child or court ordered mediator whose recommendation is almost almost ways followed. The court will not be concerned with ANY Financials of the situation since the family has resources. (Yours) So whether mom lives in a dingy apartment, has no car, room for your kid are not material. The court could see fit to take more from you to give to them, and likely will. Courts will change custody based on WHO THE CHILD is most bonded to. If the mediator is convinced it's you, lucky you! if not you will have to wait for a time when your ex screws up bad or demonstrable abuse and go at this again. 3. If you get the court involved you likely will pay some support. Document everything you do when you have the kid, especially day care puck up logs, etc. Get a good lawyer who knows the judge and how that judge operates. If possible sit in on a few cases so you get a feel, hire a decent lawyer. Her drug issue may or may not be an issue to this judge depending on circumstances. Food luck, ain't easy, ain't cheap.

 

[Prime_Beef]

Always remember there's 2 questions to ask the lawyer: how much to do x (in this case custody ) AND ...how much to win you might be unpleasantly surprised!

 

[glass half full]

You need to visit a few lawyers and find out what they have to say about all of this. And consider the other posters above, some good points. If you play it right you have a decent chance. Do you have older family members (parents, etc.) that can help in your favor also. Good luck.

The situations with drugs, and where her love life is headed now help you too.

 

[MOTU]

OP, what state are you in? Here in TX I think you would have a good shot. You need to begin documenting all of your interactions with her and all of the time your daughter spends with you.

If the judge believes they are just formalizing what is already actually happening it will be much easier. Also, her little ploy about trading money for visitation would not go over well with judges here in East Texas. If that was a text or an email make sure that you save it.

In my opinion, you should do what you believe is in the best interest of your child regardless of whether or not it will be easy.

 

[Tenacity]

It's threads like this from DECENT MEN that make me afraid to have kids. I mean who wants to have to fight in the Court and deal with some baby momma bytch like this? But of course I'm told I'm just "too negative" and "not all women are like that"....blahhh.

But Young OG I would get with a Family Law attorney immediately.

 

[Young OG]

Do you have any evidence/proof/email/texts which show that you have your daughter all the time and/or that your ex is a drug addict?

Not really besides my parents who could testify. I have an empty methadone bottle that says her name, the clinics and the doctors name on it.


Thanks for all the replies so far. I have an appointment with an attorney tomorrow afternoon. Some of you were wondering what state I'm in. I'm in Arizona.

Things have gotten worse since I posted. She would not let me pick up my daughter this morning for school. She called her out sick and now is telling me that she is taking her to school and having her during the week for now on. She says I get her only on the weekends now. I'm not sure what to do about this. All of a sudden she wants to change it 180 degrees from how we had it before. I want to call the police but I don't think they will be able to do anything.

 

[Tictac]

Not really besides my parents who could testify. I have an empty methadone bottle that says the clinics and doctors name on it.


Thanks for all the replies so far. I have an appointment with an attorney tomorrow afternoon. Some of you were wondering what state I'm in. I'm in Arizona.

Things have gotten worse since I posted. She would not let me pick up my daughter this morning for school. She called her out sick and now is telling me that she is taking her to school and having her during the week for now on. She says I get her only on the weekends now. I'm not sure what to do about this. All of a sudden she wants to change it 180 degrees from how we had it before. I want to call the police but I don't think they will be able to do anything.

A log book documenting how much time your daughter is with you will be just about all you need. Any lawyer (and you need the Godzilla of family court lawyers in your jurisdiction) will tell you that. Don't hire any lawyer, hire the one that guys whine about having been cleaned out by in divorce proceedings.

If there are no court orders that apply to your daughter's custody, you are right, the cops can't help you.

It's trite but true - divorce is war. You are fighting for your daughter and yourself.

You can get the court to act in the interest of your daughter even before you have final custody arrangements specified in a divorce decree under the doctrine of parens patriae. Your daughter is entitled to independent representation in family court. You may look like the guy looking out for her if you go that route.

 

[Bible_Belt]

If you had a written custody agreement in place, this would not have happened. Any time a written agreement is violated, that is parental kidnapping, and you just keep filing police reports. But since you never had anything in writing, now you are in the position of having little proof of what has been going on the past two years. As the mother, the cops are always going to take her side, until you show them a valid court order that she is violating. It may take a while to get in front of a judge, and you're not going to be able to make her let you see your daughter until then.

You're going to have to go all-out and go for primary custody, so you don't have to pay child support. If you don't get primary or at least 50/50, they're going to to make you pay child support for sure. Arizona is notorious for being vicious about child support.

http://www.womenslaw.org/laws_state_type.php?id=108&state_code=AZ&open_id=625
http://www.superiorcourt.maricopa.gov/SuperiorCourt/Self-ServiceCenter/Forms/FamilyCourt/index.asp

 

[Desdinova]

Her mom text me today and said she is claiming her again and when I argued with her she said not to pick my kid up on monday morning for school and if I pick her up from school shes calling the cops lol.

One thing you need to remember when it comes to things like custody is if the woman has become accustomed to a certain lifestyle, you should NOT change anything without going through a lawyer first. Now that you've demanded money without anything legal to back it up, you and your daughter are going to suffer.

I'm going to take a wild stab in the dark and guess that your ex fvcking bossed you around like a slave when you were with her. She's going to think she can still do that with you.

 

[penkitten]

Document everything. Get an attorney asap. And remember the golden rule: it all boils down to who has more attorney money. If you get a ruling that you don't agree to, you can appeal it. Eventually she will run out of attorney money and you will wind up getting what you ask for. Stop waiting and get to it.

 

[Young OG]

I'm going to take a wild stab in the dark and guess that your ex fvcking bossed you around like a slave when you were with her. She's going to think she can still do that with you.

No, but she tried to. She is really bvtchy. We fought a lot because I wouldn't comply. Then she would break things in our house.

Document everything. Get an attorney asap. And remember the golden rule: it all boils down to who has more attorney money. If you get a ruling that you don't agree to, you can appeal it. Eventually she will run out of attorney money and you will wind up getting what you ask for. Stop waiting and get to it.

She has no money and cannot afford an attorney. I can easily afford one.


This woman is totally nuts. I already knew that though. She text me a little while ago and asked me to come pick my daughter up. My daughter is now home with me and I have her for the rest of the week like usual. My dad talked to his accountant for me. His accountant is going to do my taxes this year, he said that he can prove that I have my daughter 5 days per week and if her mom claims her too that she will get in trouble, not me. I'm still going to meet with the attorney tomorrow, but depending on what he says, then I may or may not go for custody. Its funny how she said I wasn't going to have her during the week anymore but then changed her mind in one day. wtf

 

[Desdinova]

My dad talked to his accountant for me. His accountant is going to do my taxes this year, he said that he can prove that I have my daughter 5 days per week and if her mom claims her too that she will get in trouble, not me.

Keep everything as it has been - including not claiming your daughter until you get a legal agreement. Setting your ex off will only mess up yours and your daughter's life.

 

[Tictac]

No, but she tried to. She is really bvtchy. We fought a lot because I wouldn't comply. Then she would break things in our house.
She has no money and cannot afford an attorney. I can easily afford one.


This woman is totally nuts. I already knew that though. She text me a little while ago and asked me to come pick my daughter up. My daughter is now home with me and I have her for the rest of the week like usual. My dad talked to his accountant for me. His accountant is going to do my taxes this year, he said that he can prove that I have my daughter 5 days per week and if her mom claims her too that she will get in trouble, not me. I'm still going to meet with the attorney tomorrow, but depending on what he says, then I may or may not go for custody. Its funny how she said I wasn't going to have her during the week anymore but then changed her mind in one day. wtf

Get this woman out of your life and away from your daughter. The only way to do that is to waste her in Family Court. She will listen to court orders and that's what do to protect your daughter.

Anything else and you are just jerking off and waiting for her to fvck you and your daughter over.

The only wtf is why you don't think this is important.

 

[Young OG]

Get this woman out of your life and away from your daughter. The only way to do that is to waste her in Family Court. She will listen to court orders and that's what do to protect your daughter.

Anything else and you are just jerking off and waiting for her to fvck you and your daughter over.

The only wtf is why you don't think this is important.

I did say I was going to meet with the attorney still. If he doesn't think that I have a good chance at winning, then its not worth spending the money to end up paying her child support. I'll keep you guys posted.

 

[BeExcellent]

This is long so forgive me. I really hate seeing responsible people messed over by the stupid and/or the irresponsible. My Dad practiced family law in TX for many years. He was a tough dude to beat in court as was his legal partner. This is what I would do having been around plenty of good lawyers (but this is NOT legal advice from a lawyer):

1. Keep a handwritten record of everything regarding your daughter on a day-to-day basis. That means when she is at your house in your care, when you take/pick her up from school, when you take her to the doctor, including cost, when you buy her clothes, when you go to birthday parties, play dates, parent-teacher meetings, everything. This is called a "contemporaneous record" and you need to do it daily. This is something an experienced attorney would tell you to do as it shows on a daily basis over time what you are doing to take care of her. It needs to be handwritten (not typed on a computer) so it is obvious that the entries are done in real time, over a period of time.

1A. If your ex does something like insist to keep your daughter and then changes her mind and drops her back with you, like what occurred recently, this shows your stability and her instability. Document it in your daily diary. The court cares where the most stable environment for your child is more than which parent (or in some cases grandparent) it happens to be.

2. Keep all records of texts, emails and any written correspondence between you. Back your files up regularly. You are now building a legal case to persuade the judge. Print them out hardcopy as well showing dates/times. Ditto emails from her school to you etc. showing you as the parent in the loop.

3. There are divorce attorneys and then there are divorce attorneys. You need a mean tough SOB not someone who is into "collaborative law". I prefer an AB rated attorney who is also in the American College of Trial Lawyers. You want someone experienced and recognized by their peers as being excellent. Your daughter is worth it. You will have to put up a steep retainer (think 5 figures) to get the very best so be prepared for that and interview several good prospects. The importance of good representation cannot be overstated. You want someone the other attorneys know and respect highly.

4. Stop having telephone conversations with her insomuch as that is possible, interact via email only. You can print out/keep your email. And/or if AZ allows, record your telephone conversations with her WITHOUT HER KNOWLEDGE. This is not legal in all states but it is legal in TX with only one party knowing the conversation is being recorded. Ask your attorney about this.

5. If drugs are an issue (or her drug history) this is pertinent. Keep the bottle you have to build your case. During discovery your lawyer can subpoena this type of information and she will be legally required to provide it (or her doctor will with some exceptions). This can be discussed with your attorney.

6. I don't know if she is an ex wife or an ex gf. Ex spouses typically have greater legal status than unmarried couples with kids who break up. Your lawyer should be able to advise you depending on your situation.

7. Be aware of things that she might try to do or tell the court to discredit you. If it goes to court before a judge, the person who comes off as more stable has the advantage. The court's job is to implement the best solution for your daughter in a family law case. Be the best solution. If she calls you every name in the book, or lies outright about x, y and Z, expect she will. Do not react. The judge will watch you while you are on the stand and while you are seated before the court. Do not let her attorney (or legal aid attorney) rattle you under any circumstances. Let your attorney get her completely rattled. This is a good attorney's job in court.

8. Make a list of "character witnesses" that can be called to substantiate who you are and who she is. Expect her to do the same if she has counsel.

9. Depending on what she qualifies for she may get legal aid, she may get pro bono assistance, she may have a lawyer friend up her sleeve. My Dad would volunteer pro bono (free) on occasion. You could end up against good counsel possibly. You need a good enough lawyer that this is not of concern.

10. Have your attorney prepare papers to present the court. The attorney should be familiar with the judge and should be able to advise you about what sort of things the court and the individual judge takes into consideration such as who pays for what, visitation or lack thereof, what happens with your daughter if you or your ex moves away (residency considerations), etc. Who decides where she attends school etc. Things you may not have thought about.

11. Remember it is about your daughter first. It is not about getting back at your ex or anything else.

12. Be the plantiff, not the defendant. Make her have to refute your assertions rather than the other way round. Good Luck! I think you have a strong case based on what you have stated. Find an experienced tough attorney and proceed.

 

[YawataNoKami]

http://forum.mensdivorce.com/

READ THIS AND MAKE YOUR OWN LIST:
http://forum.mensdivorce.com//viewtopic.php?t=13374

Do not waste time READ THE LIST RIGHT NOW.

 

[Bible_Belt]

This woman is totally nuts. I already knew that though. She text me a little while ago and asked me to come pick my daughter up. My daughter is now home with me and I have her for the rest of the week like usual. My dad talked to his accountant for me. His accountant is going to do my taxes this year, he said that he can prove that I have my daughter 5 days per week and if her mom claims her too that she will get in trouble, not me. I'm still going to meet with the attorney tomorrow, but depending on what he says, then I may or may not go for custody. Its funny how she said I wasn't going to have her during the week anymore but then changed her mind in one day. wtf

I've seen this pattern a lot in situations like yours. Irresponsible Parent throws a tantrum to get the child...wins....and then a day or so later realizes that parenting is work, so they call Responsible Parent to come take the kid back.

 

[Young OG]

Thanks for all the replies guys.

I just met with the attorney and hired him. From what he says, I have a strong case. He does not see anyway a judge would allow my ex to have my kid during the week because she goes to school by my house and the distance from her moms place to the school. He calculated all different scenarios. In worst case I would have to pay her $100 a month but most likely it will be nothing. We going to have her served with an agreement (offer) first. It will say she gets our daughter Friday night till Monday morning and I get our daughter Monday morning to Friday night. If she doesn't sign it, then it will go to court. I think she will be angry at first, but end up signing it. She will most likely be scared that I hired an attorney and not want to go to court. He also said that since we have no custody agreement, that if she doesn't sign the agreement (offer), I can refuse to let her see our daughter and there is nothing she can do.

I'm feeling a lot better now. I'll keep you guys posted.

 

[Tictac]

Thanks for all the replies guys.

I just met with the attorney and hired him. From what he says, I have a strong case. He does not see anyway a judge would allow my ex to have my kid during the week because she goes to school by my house and the distance from her moms place to the school. He calculated all different scenarios. In worst case I would have to pay her $100 a month but most likely it will be nothing. We going to have her served with an agreement (offer) first. It will say she gets our daughter Friday night till Monday morning and I get our daughter Monday morning to Friday night. If she doesn't sign it, then it will go to court. I think she will be angry at first, but end up signing it. She will most likely be scared that I hired an attorney and not want to go to court. He also said that since we have no custody agreement, that if she doesn't sign the agreement (offer), I can refuse to let her see our daughter and there is nothing she can do.

I'm feeling a lot better now. I'll keep you guys posted.

If all goes okay, you may reach the end of the beginning soon. And your daughter will benefit. Without court orders a lot of crap can go sideways with your daughter being used as the rope in a tug of war.

Make sure that your daughter is with you when your STBX gets the offer. And watch carefully what she does with your daughter.