She came on strong, mentioned a guy she's dating once, then never mentioned him again.

[bdbee]

Girl and I hit it off, and we exchanged details, but due to certain issues we couldn't go on a date she suggested till now.

Either way, she always replies back to texts, but at one point it went from responding timely to anywhere from hours to....get this...over a week? So I got cold with her, and she told me she's sorry she was busy dealing with things (errands/chores/studies/the guy she's dating) almost as if he was a chore.

At this point, I should note I made sure not to do anything clingy/needy/etc. If she didn't reply, I waited it out. When she did reply I took command of the conversation.

Now since then she's never mentioned this guy again. So it was once, and since then never again brought up, alluded to, nothing. That said, now she's coming on super hot again (partly because I think she saw some stuff on social media that made her jealous - me posting pictures, seeing other girls saying they want to go out with me to parties, etc.) Now she's trying to figure out my schedule, trying to arrange things, inviting me to go out with her to all day/all night events where she made it clear it's just the two of us.

So now that she's done this, since she messed up on the date we were supposed to have before she went super hot again by playing hard to get, I told her I'll let her know closer to the date, and she said that's fine I can tell her anytime, even the day of.

So the question is, was this dude just a jealousy sh*t test? Was this all a series of tests to see if I went beta?

 

[Tictac]

Girls spin plates too.

She said she was dating him, that's all.

 

[bdbee]

Girls spin plates too.

She said she was dating him, that's all.

Okay, so do I carry on as I have without paying any attention to it? I was kind of tempted to tell her to not really tell me about her problems (she did clump together in the same category as her school tests and errands lol)

 

[Tictac]

Hell no you don't mention him.

 

[bdbee]

Hell no you don't mention him.

Ya that's what I meant by saying I carry on as I have without paying any attention it...I mean when I replied I didn't mention it, I didn't even acknowledge it and figured that was the best methodology. Every time she's sh*t tested or made comments like this I've just ignored and carried on.

 

[dustmuffin]

Ya that's what I meant by saying I carry on as I have without paying any attention it...I mean when I replied I didn't mention it, I didn't even acknowledge it and figured that was the best methodology. Every time she's sh*t tested or made comments like this I've just ignored and carried on.

Good plan

 

[EyeBRollin]

When you care about other dudes, you have already lost.

This guy has nothing to do with you. Unless she is your girlfriend, you have no business knowing how many other dudes are ****ing her.

 

[Serenity]

Carry on and ignore her mention of other guys. She's single and free to choose dating and talking about whoever she wants, it's unreasonable to have a problem with that. Jealousy is major turn-off, especially before there's even a remote reason to be jealous.

I don't think women consciously mentioning other guys to sh!t test a guy, and if they do I find it pretty pathetic. However I understand how it feels like a sh!t test, because how you deal with the situation legitimate or not reveals something about your character. So it should still be treated as a sh!t test even though it's likely not meant as such, that means don't react to it.

 

[bdbee]

Well I tried to follow up with plans and told her let's get our tickets and now I am not sure what her deal is, if she's being flaky, testing or what.

She asked if I know I'll be around, said I would
Said yes, (insert time when I arrive)
She comes back saying she works the next day though..
Asked what does that mean then? I still want see the band so I am going to get a ticket either way.

 

[bdbee]

back off and make her chase, she might just be out for attention anyway

Okay planning on disappearing act/no contact (I never double text or re-approach again anyway unless the conversation was left on a good note but got stagnant).

That said, was the response the best way to go about it? Figured it caused an ultimatum situation without verbalizing an ultimatum situation, where she's now in a spot where she shows her interest by how she acts next.

 

[RangerMIke]

She's letting you know up front that she is only interested in causal dating.... she likely said this because you were giving off signals that you were really into her.

Remember... you can not hid sh!t from women unless you are REALLY good. They always know when you are more into them they they into you.

 

[bdbee]

She's letting you know up front that she is only interested in causal dating.... she likely said this because you were giving off signals that you were really into her.

Remember... you can not hid sh!t from women unless you are REALLY good. They always know when you are more into them they they into you.

Mmmm I don't think that's the case. She's been acting super desperate, begging me to go out with her, double and triple texting me, freaking out when I don't respond, freaks out if I talk to other girls/finds out other girls are involved, and then she'll get drunk and it's even worse....

 

[Sprayarc]

Mmmm I don't think that's the case. She's been acting super desperate, begging me to go out with her, double and triple texting me, freaking out when I don't respond, freaks out if I talk to other girls/finds out other girls are involved, and then she'll get drunk and it's even worse....

But that doesn't mean she isn't spinning plates. Maybe she is acting that way so you get really into her. Like she's trying to get her hooks in. Women are devious. If she is doing that, once you fall for it watch her back off and wait for you to chase. It's a possibility.

 

[RangerMIke]

Mmmm I don't think that's the case. She's been acting super desperate, begging me to go out with her, double and triple texting me, freaking out when I don't respond, freaks out if I talk to other girls/finds out other girls are involved, and then she'll get drunk and it's even worse....

Women can change on a dime. When she told you this, this is how show felt... now apparently things are different. I have a date tomorrow night with a women who pushed me away a month ago, she flaked on me, told me she had a BF, and I just told her to have a great life. Never looked back, this week she sent me a text asking me how my Thanksgiving was... took this as a sign and told her great... will tell you all about it over dinner tomorrow, at XYZ at 7pm. She said yes..... this is how it is with women, they are emotional and make emotional decisions.... I have no idea what is going on inside her head... did she break up with her BF? Was that all BS, and these past few weeks was some kind of test? I don't know and I don't care. I just want to have a good and try to get sex, because this is what men do.

Don't waste your time trying to analyze what is happening because all that can change tomorrow.

 

[bdbee]

Women can change on a dime. When she told you this, this is how show felt... now apparently things are different. I have a date tomorrow night with a women who pushed me away a month ago, she flaked on me, told me she had a BF, and I just told her to have a great life. Never looked back, this week she sent me a text asking me how my Thanksgiving was... took this as a sign and told her great... will tell you all about it over dinner tomorrow, at XYZ at 7pm. She said yes..... this is how it is with women, they are emotional and make emotional decisions.... I have no idea what is going on inside her head... did she break up with her BF? Was that all BS, and these past few weeks was some kind of test? I don't know and I don't care. I just want to have a good and try to get sex, because this is what men do.

Don't waste your time trying to analyze what is happening because all that can change tomorrow.

I see what you mean. Okay, either way at this point I am more concerned about the correctness in my reply, i.e. with the current situation, where I let her sit on the back burner and made sure the ball wasn't in her court, but now she's flaking out on a date she INSISTED we go on.

 

[bdbee]

But that doesn't mean she isn't spinning plates. Maybe she is acting that way so you get really into her. Like she's trying to get her hooks in. Women are devious. If she is doing that, once you fall for it watch her back off and wait for you to chase. It's a possibility.

Ya I am not fussed about whether this guy does or doesn't exist anymore as I told RangerMike, I am now concerned with the correctness of the reply to her flaky behavior on the date she INSISTED we go on.

 

[Sprayarc]

I see what you mean. Okay, either way at this point I am more concerned about the correctness in my reply, i.e. with the current situation, where I let her sit on the back burner and made sure the ball wasn't in her court, but now she's flaking out on a date she INSISTED we go on.

Ignore her for a while. If that doesn't change her attitude ignore her forever. Sounds like an attention wh,ore

 

[RangerMIke]

What do you do? You do not let what she is doing get to you. You ask her out, she flakes, and doesn't try to reschedule or make it up to you assume that at the moment she is not into you. Move on.... if she comes back try to make a date... if she won't thank her for calling but you are busy and have to go but tell her to be in touch... at that point you are done, unless she makes all the effort. You don't ask her out anymore.... She has to ask you out, or come to your place for sex.

Meanwhile you have to date other women... it will help you NOT be too concerned about this one women is doing.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I see what you mean. Okay, either way at this point I am more concerned about the correctness in my reply, i.e. with the current situation, where I let her sit on the back burner and made sure the ball wasn't in her court, but now she's flaking out on a date she INSISTED we go on.

She might have too much going on. Some girls don't flake on you behind guys but will behind their girlfriends. It's the same. A lack of respect and not caring about your time.

There has to be a repercussion.

 

[bdbee]

Well now she's messaged me multiple times today, with a flake, no counter, and no apology....just saying she has to work too early the next day to make it, and some crying faces.

Just ignored it, felt it didn't merit a response and I am just going to NC her.