Invested in an unrequited love. I want to let go but I don't know how

[TheLost&Confuse]

I knew this girl for quite some time, she's my classmate and was really a newbie about relationship/love stuff. Eventually started to develop feelings for her, then again who wouldn't. She's really pretty 9/10. So no surprised that she was taken but I wasn't bothered about it and we continued as friends.

Classic case of being a nice guy and getting friendzoned. Throughout the semesters, we did help one another and hung out a few times. She would tell me her sob storied and I was stupid enough to entertain her. till this day, the one that really still bothers me is when she told me about her trip when she met this guy for barely a week and started kissing already. To make it worst, I would see him in uni some times cause she would ask him to accompany her. deep down it really stung me. The final blow was when she whatsapp me a picture of her in the guys room with petals on the doorstep and asked me what do I think about it

Anyway after that, I slowly started to distance myself from her. I changed myself, got fit, started to socialize more with others, joined some "illegal lustful sex parties" and just reflected and thought about the times I had with her throughout the semesters.

I was slowly starting to forget her. I prayed so hard during the final semester that I wouldn't have to see her for the final year project. But fate just loves to mess with people, lo and behold we worked under the same supervisor. I just acted accordingly and tried not let emotion get the best of me.

We worked more together and started to connect back again. Towards the end of the final semester, out of the blue she called me for help with her work. Got her to treat me for dinner and that day throughout the trip she was so playful and happy. It was really sweet seeing her that way after so long. She would lean her head against my shoulder and I took her hand, showing her how to use my car's manual shift stick. We just chatted about what to do after graduating, towards the end we played truth or dare. She got more intimate and we started asking more inappropriate personal stuff. Eg, who do you jerk of to, your first time, you like boobs or ass?, etc etc

Headed back to uni and continue with our little game. We dare one another more this time, which involve a bit of stripping. She asked why was I being cold to her all this while and finally told her that I hated seeing her with the other guy and felt jealous. We then hugged and kissed for the very first time after all this years. It felt so surreal, holding her around my arms while we gazed at one another. I really felt happy.

After that night, we got closer. Even did something random. Bought pizza and drove to her place to surprise her. That night, out of the blue she asked me whether I believe in true love? Then said that she's obliged to tell me something.

Her: I'm not really the dating kind right now, not now at least. I'm just so messed up right now and it's not easy dealing with someone as difficult as me

Me: Dunno how difficult you are but I'm willing to find out. I really like you.

After that incident, I went over her place a few times to study. There was once, she twirl her finger on my lap asking me "what do you want to do now", I knew what she meant but took a raincheck cause was trying to help her with studies. Before leaving, I hold her hips from behind and kiss her but it wasn't like last time. She tilted her head backwards and just laugh awkwardly when I kiss her.

She didn't quite make it through the exam. During this time, out of the blue she just message me and told me that she's not ready to date and thank me for being in her life. had a feeling it would come down to this.

Me : You never really felt the same for me, did you?

Her : Honestly, there was a time that I really like you but just keep telling myself that I don't? Finally realized that we were just so opposite one another. Just so confused right now.

 

[TheLost&Confuse]

tldr summary,

-A boy who's a newbie in love who had feelings for a girl. Ended up getting friend zoned
-Changed myself for the better and tried to forget
-Finally had my "chance" and fall back to the same old ways
-Felt happy for brief period but ended feeling worst
-Devastated and felt that I most probably lost her to someone
-All these happened in the span of 3 years

The aftermath,
We both graduated and I heard she's working as an air stewardess now. I know this is stupid but she's gonna be with another guy eventually and just can't stand thinking about it. The feeling like I lost to another guy just gets to me.

 

[Tictac]

There was once, she twirl her finger on my lap asking me "what do you want to do now", I knew what she meant but took a raincheck cause was trying to help her with studies.

When you do stuff like this, don't type a wall of text here looking for sympathy. You did this to yourself.

And you''re 28?

 

[TheLost&Confuse]

When you do stuff like this, don't type a wall of text here looking for sympathy. You did this to yourself.

And you''re 28?

actually no, just signed up rather hastily. Im way younger than that.
I dunno where to start and thought it would be best to start from the beginning, helps to understand better I suppose?

 

[Tictac]

actually no, just signed up rather hastily. Im way younger than that.
I dunno where to start and thought it would be best to start from the beginning, helps to understand better I suppose?

There's nothing to understand. You did nothing to attract or have this woman. You 'invested' nothing, you did nothing, for all intent, said nothing.

You occupied space near her for a while, that's all.

 

[TheLost&Confuse]

There's nothing to understand. You did nothing to attract or have this woman. You 'invested' nothing, you did nothing, for all intent, said nothing.

You occupied space near her for a while, that's all.

How could I make a move even if I wasn't a greenhorn back then. She was with someone else. It was only after when it was clear, I gave it a shot

 

[NSX-R]

Having only one girl in your life makes you having such reaction. Spin more plates , stop thinking about her , you did absolutely nothing to get her , consider yourself lucky and be happy for the experience you have obtained.

Read the dj bible .

 

[TheLost&Confuse]

What steps have you taken to replace her?

I have been keeping myself busy with job hunting and other stuff. It's only when I'm alone, thoughts of her will start creep back in and when it does, my entire day will be affected.

 

[TheLost&Confuse]

Having only one girl in your life makes you having such reaction. Spin more plates , stop thinking about her , you did absolutely nothing to get her , consider yourself lucky and be happy for the experience you have obtained.

Read the dj bible .

Well partly is because there was this guy that was usually with her from what I've seen throughout the years of knowing her. He would even accompany her to our classes and do stuff for her. He was like an on and off BF for her and even during our graduation he was still there eventhough she told that he is seeing someone else. I don't what exactly was going on but I didn't want to end up that way like him if that's what you mean by doing "something" hence the reason I did "nothing" other than helping her out with school work. The other reason was because I felt inadequate when we first met, I wasn't well groomed and was kinda fat. I thought I wasn't ready to make a move not till I improve myself, or so I thought

Spin plates like joining some threesome and gangbang fun? yea, done that but it doesn't really help.

I really don't know, man. We eventually did kiss at the end before graduating. I thought it meant something since she finally reciprocated after all these years.

You know, the funny thing is even after the text messages at the end saying that she's so not ready to date. I decided to go no contact but not before giving her a pandora charm. I just felt like doing so before her birthday and a way to let her know how I felt about her after all these years.

 

[marmel75]

When you do stuff like this, don't type a wall of text here looking for sympathy. You did this to yourself.

And you''re 28?

Yeah, I can't understand how guys have pvssy thrown in their face, then are too timid to make a move basically sealing their fate in the woman's eyes as a scared little boy and not a man, then wonder what they can do to fix the situation.

You had your chance..the girl basically was like "Fine, you really want this? I'll give you this pvssy...now what are you going to do with it?" In your case, you ran and hid under the kitchen table from it like it was Godzilla.

And when she said "We are just too opposite" it is code for "I like getting fvcked and dominated by a man, and you aren't a man."

 

[Tictac]

Well partly is because there was this guy that was usually with her from what I've seen throughout the years of knowing her. He would even accompany her to our classes and do stuff for her. He was like an on and off BF for her and even during our graduation he was still there eventhough she told that he is seeing someone else. I don't what exactly was going on but I didn't want to end up that way like him if that's what you mean by doing "something" hence the reason I did "nothing" other than helping her out with school work. The other reason was because I felt inadequate when we first met, I wasn't well groomed and was kinda fat. I thought I wasn't ready to make a move not till I improve myself, or so I thought

Spin plates like joining some threesome and gangbang fun? yea, done that but it doesn't really help.

I really don't know, man. We eventually did kiss at the end before graduating. I thought it meant something since she finally reciprocated after all these years.

You know, the funny thing is even after the text messages at the end saying that she's so not ready to date. I decided to go no contact but not before giving her a pandora charm. I just felt like doing so before her birthday and a way to let her know how I felt about her after all these years.

My favorite 'plate' was seeing someone (not an ex) when I started going out with her. But she continued seeing me anyway. She left him over a year ago and is (I think) 'exclusive' with me even though she knows that I occasionally go out with other women.

You spent THREE YEARS around this chick. And all you had (past tense) is a thought that "it meant something since she finally reciprocated after all these years".

It's not her, it was you.

 

[marmel75]

Well partly is because there was this guy that was usually with her from what I've seen throughout the years of knowing her. He would even accompany her to our classes and do stuff for her. He was like an on and off BF for her and even during our graduation he was still there eventhough she told that he is seeing someone else. I don't what exactly was going on but I didn't want to end up that way like him if that's what you mean by doing "something" hence the reason I did "nothing" other than helping her out with school work. The other reason was because I felt inadequate when we first met, I wasn't well groomed and was kinda fat. I thought I wasn't ready to make a move not till I improve myself, or so I thought

Spin plates like joining some threesome and gangbang fun? yea, done that but it doesn't really help.

I really don't know, man. We eventually did kiss at the end before graduating. I thought it meant something since she finally reciprocated after all these years.

You know, the funny thing is even after the text messages at the end saying that she's so not ready to date. I decided to go no contact but not before giving her a pandora charm. I just felt like doing so before her birthday and a way to let her know how I felt about her after all these years.

Your the dude her and her friends laugh about when she shows them all the "things" you have done for her and gotten her with nothing in return.

You wanted to show how you felt after all that time...you dumbass. YOU HAD YOUR CHANCE TO SHOW HER WHEN SHE THREW THE PVSSY IN YOUR FACE BY FVCKING HER SENSELESS. THAT'S HOW YOU SHOW WOMEN HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT THEM!! NOT BUYING THEM SOME PANDORA CHARM LIKE SOME FAGGOT ASS BETA CHUMP.

All these young guys acting like this further solidifies the research showing that every generation has less testosterone than the generation before due to all the endocrine disruptors out there. Sad state of affairs...pretty soon we are going to have guys on here talking about how they cried themselves to sleep watching Lifetime Movies and eating ice cream after getting dumped...Unbelievable...

 

[TheLost&Confuse]

Your the dude her and her friends laugh about when she shows them all the "things" you have done for her and gotten her with nothing in return.

You wanted to show how you felt after all that time...you dumbass. YOU HAD YOUR CHANCE TO SHOW HER WHEN SHE THREW THE PVSSY IN YOUR FACE BY FVCKING HER SENSELESS. THAT'S HOW YOU SHOW WOMEN HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT THEM!! NOT BUYING THEM SOME PANDORA CHARM LIKE SOME FAGGOT ASS BETA CHUMP.

All these young guys acting like this further solidifies the research showing that every generation has less testosterone than the generation before due to all the endocrine disruptors out there. Sad state of affairs...pretty soon we are going to have guys on here talking about how they cried themselves to sleep watching Lifetime Movies and eating ice cream after getting dumped...Unbelievable...

it was the final semester before you grad and she has this habit of failing most semester, just wanted her to focus abit more to avoid that. Yea whatever, call me beta or what. That's why I didn't acted upon immediately eventhough I knew what she meant. Planned to do it right after we finish up and when I kissed her she wasn't that into it. Honestly, if she really meant it then she would had reciprocated after that.

I really like her and don't people do crazy little things for someone they like?

 

[RangerMIke]

Don't create imaginary relationships in your head. NEVER think too much about any women that you are NOT sleeping with. You think too much about a women and that gets stuck in long term memory... once their your brain kids itself into thinking there is a history with this otherwise completely disinterested chick.

My advice to you is to go out and date as many women as you can. Don't even worry about if you like them or not, just get out and get some practice. Whenever you find yourself thinking about this one chick... stick yourself with a needle.... I'm serious about this... you have to STOP thinking about her... if it takes negative reinforcement then so be it.

 

[NSX-R]

Well partly is because there was this guy that was usually with her from what I've seen throughout the years of knowing her. He would even accompany her to our classes and do stuff for her. He was like an on and off BF for her and even during our graduation he was still there eventhough she told that he is seeing someone else. I don't what exactly was going on but I didn't want to end up that way like him if that's what you mean by doing "something" hence the reason I did "nothing" other than helping her out with school work. The other reason was because I felt inadequate when we first met, I wasn't well groomed and was kinda fat. I thought I wasn't ready to make a move not till I improve myself, or so I thought

So you tried to improve yourself for her sake. Many people fall for that , it's very good for themselves but when they go back to the female and she reject them sometimes the hit is not repairable.

Also you lost a lot of valuable time ( because you thought you weren't ready to get her) and ended up in friendzone. The kiss was only a " thank you " from her because you helped her as you could .

Spin plates like joining some threesome and gangbang fun? yea, done that but it doesn't really help.

Having more options. See more women . The woman that brought me here flaked on me then I stopped caring about her , gave her a friendzone status , we went out sometimes with some of her female distant friends and i lost my virginity from one of them. If someone asked me now if I want her I would say " I have many other options better than her "( face 7/10 body 8,5/10) . I was feeling exactly the same as you,couldn't take her out of my mind till I realized the lake has plenty of fish.

And also big mistake was that you tried ( after when you kissed) to show her how you feel. You have already done that by kissing her, you showed your interest in her and she rejected that. A male should never do that. It makes them look weak without options.

Go no contact, find more women to have fun with . End of story.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Having only one girl in your life makes you having such reaction. Spin more plates , stop thinking about her , you did absolutely nothing to get her , consider yourself lucky and be happy for the experience you have obtained.

Read the dj bible .

No, I think he actually did GOOD letting her buy him the lunch or whatever meal she bought him. He did bad talking about his feelings. He did good taking her by the hips. He did bad not letting her get her some while they were studying, they could've studied later. He messed up a few times to escalate it greater or to hit the panties in this scenario.

And he still might have a chance if he see's here again, doesn't over persue and to take it when he has the shot.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Don't create imaginary relationships in your head. NEVER think too much about any women that you are NOT sleeping with. You think too much about a women and that gets stuck in long term memory... once their your brain kids itself into thinking there is a history with this otherwise completely disinterested chick.

My advice to you is to go out and date as many women as you can. Don't even worry about if you like them or not, just get out and get some practice. Whenever you find yourself thinking about this one chick... stick yourself with a needle.... I'm serious about this... you have to STOP thinking about her... if it takes negative reinforcement then so be it.

so you understand the tricks your mind can play on itself. when you get the disinterested one out of the forefront of your mind are you able to have more "fun" with the other ladies who do want to spend time with you?

 

[Yewki]

Yea whatever, call me beta or what.

You're in denial.

The first step to solving a problem is to acknowldge it. Being beta with girls isn't the end of the world. But if you want to stop being beta, you have to acknowledge it first.

 

[TheLost&Confuse]

You're in denial.

The first step to solving a problem is to acknowldge it. Being beta with girls isn't the end of the world. But if you want to stop being beta, you have to acknowledge it first.

Right, right. Silly me because caring for someone else just seem like a beta thing to do.

 

[Ronaldo7]

Right, right. Silly me because caring for someone else just seem like a beta thing to do.

If the sacrifice is your dignity, it is indeed a rather foolish thing to do.

Act rationally, leave all emotions back home & go after her in the most nonchalant way.

Don't let her see the hunger. Sometimes the best thing to do is let it boil for a while. You are too out there and too giddy.