She got me

[Amilz]

I didn't listen. I met this girl for coffee and we hung out for awhile walking around town. Then I asked her if she wanted to get lunch. So I'm already spending money on her and she's a stranger.

We both like hockey and we talked about going to a game. After meeting I noticed she would not initiate contact. It was me the first 2 days after so I just stopped contacting her. A couple of days later she contacted me but the conversation dies down after work is discussed. My work situation is not good and I think she sensed that. I asked her if she has been to wine/canvas and she invited me to go, got the tickets and everything supposedly so I figured I'd get tickets to hockey even though I didn't have money to waste. We both enjoyed it although we had little to talk about. At the end of the game she asked if we were still going to wine/canvas and mentioned going to one of my games so I thought she was interested but I noticed she was still getting online.

Same thing on the phone the week following the game. When I asked her if she could hang out during the week she said she was busy every night. She was online an hour before she texted me to cancel blaming it on a relative being sick with no mention of rescheduling. She did mention this relative being ill the first time we met but the coincidence of needing to cancel and getting online....come on. I can't stand flakes and I thought about texting her to pay me back for her ticket but it's petty and I didn't have to pay for it. I learned my lesson. I will never pay for another women again unless we are in a relationship.

 

[pyros]

that's a lesson yes, but not just for money.

You should not spend/waste your money, time, and energy with a woman you barely know and a woman that hasn't invested a thing in you.


You invest very little, if she's into you, you invest a little bit more, and so on.

 

[dustmuffin]

Hard lesson to learn.. .they are always looking for something they precieve to be better. One of the reasons I will be going monk soon. I have had it with women in general.

 

[SgtSplacker]

This is why when I start seeing a girl I make sure to escalate early on. I focus conversation on her and me, kino, arm around waist, lots of eye contact. All of these things are putting the focus on your relationship. Talking about things in common too much blurs the lines of your intentions and makes things feel to friendy. And a girl will just sit there and call you a friend indefinitely while she's letting you pay for everything.

 

[RangerMIke]

(1) Since your work situation is not good you are putting out a vibe that you are not happy. Women can sence this like we can smell dung... NEVER talk about stuff that will but you in a unhappy frame.

(2) It's okay to invite her to a hockey game IF YOU ALREADY had the tickets and were planning to go with or without her. But you went out and bought tickets to impress her since you knew she liked hockey. This is approval seaking behavior and women can smell this a mile away... if she thinks you are trying to impres her she will deep down believe you are weak. Don't spend money on women that you can not afford to lose.

(3) Nothing wrong with coffee, and lunch afterwards as long as you are NOT TRYING to impress her. Everyone has to eat.... I know a lot of people will tell you not to do lunch dates... I don't think it's a problem if you have just met, but treat it like an interview... you are trying to figure out if she is right for you.

The fact that she was not touching you is not a bad thing, some women just aren't comfortable with that, or it could also mean that her interest in you is so high she does not want to do or say anything to screw things up, this will come off as shyness. But if you are good at reading body language you can tell. If she touches you that is always good... but no touching is not necessarly bad, especially in the first couple of dates... by the 3rd date if she is not trying to touch you, then this is a problem... you should back off and wait for her to contact you.

You better get used to flaking... and not let it bother you. ALL WOMEN do this, do not take it personal. You really have to get to a place where you really don't fvcking care if she flakes on you, because women ALWAYS know how you feel and if she is getting to you...... you just have to have the attitude that whatever you were planning to do, you'll do it without her.... because THIS is what you should be doing. If I have a woman cancel out on me on a dinner date, then I just say "Okay... I guess it's Sake and Sushi", or Japanese Stake House, where you sit around and eat with people you don't know. Just don't sit around and mope.

 

[RangerMIke]

This is why when I start seeing a girl I make sure to escalate early on. I focus conversation on her and me, kino, arm around waist, lots of eye contact. All of these things are putting the focus on your relationship. Talking about things in common too much blurs the lines of your intentions and makes things feel to friendy. And a girl will just sit there and call you a friend indefinitely while she's letting you pay for everything.

I like this... And I want to add that a lot of men tend to think that what they are saying and what the woman is saying is critically important. Nothing could be further from the truth when you first meet someone. The body language you are putting out and how you are reacting to her is MUCH more important. The conversation really isn't that important... in fact it can actually hurt you because guys tend to work too hard to try to build rapport early on through conversation... women can smell this a mile away.

It's much more important to let a woman know you are interested in her sexually with eye contact and body language, this keeps her from seeing you as a friend.

 

[Tictac]

You actually 'got' yourself.

Blaming her may make you feel better.

 

[dustmuffin]

Good info in this thread. My third date with a girl is tonight. She said she would treat so we are going to a steakhouse close to my home. After wards I will invite her over. If she declines I will have enjoyed a free steak dinner and will concentrate on me for at least 6 months.

 

[Tictac]

Good info in this thread. My third date with a girl is tonight. She said she would treat so we are going to a steakhouse close to my home. After wards I will invite her over. If she declines I will have enjoyed a free steak dinner and will concentrate on me for at least 6 months.

This ^^^^

I do what I want to do anyway. If I have a 'date' - even if I pay, I'm not doing what I wanted by myself. Blowing her off if she doesn't fvck you after she buys dinner seems extreme to me. But - to each his own.

 

[SgtSplacker]

I like this... And I want to add that a lot of men tend to think that what they are saying and what the woman is saying is critically important. Nothing could be further from the truth when you first meet someone. The body language you are putting out and how you are reacting to her is MUCH more important. The conversation really isn't that important... in fact it can actually hurt you because guys tend to work too hard to try to build rapport early on through conversation... women can smell this a mile away.

It's much more important to let a woman know you are interested in her sexually with eye contact and body language, this keeps her from seeing you as a friend.

If you think about it, it's also the most sincere way to be with a girl. Most people when they see each other at first are physically attracted to each other first before anything. Why would you want to cancel this out by getting all chummy and chatty with a girl you just met? Keep your initial conversations on target man. Talk about what she looks like, how you feel about her, things you can do together. Talking about stuff like "Hockey" just seems like you are drawing attention away from the man/woman experience and more towards a buddy experience.


The intention of this approach is mostly to qualify her for more of your time. If she's not with it now you know not to burn any bread on game tickets or something like that. Some girls are going to feel uncomfortable with this kind of thing and this is what you are looking for. Get this going early on and you know not to waste any more of your time on her sooner rather than later. After you bone a couple times and things get a little more consistent THEN you spring for the game tickets and talk about hockey to show her it's not all about seex and there's something real here. Always be honest with yourself check the body first, then the mind after because that's how most dudes think anyways.

 

[dustmuffin]

This ^^^^

I do what I want to do anyway. If I have a 'date' - even if I pay, I'm not doing what I wanted by myself. Blowing her off if she doesn't fvck you after she buys dinner seems extreme to me. But - to each his own.

Its the third date. Should I wait longer?

 

[Amilz]

Lots of good advice in here. I am to blame. I didn't have to buy the tickets, I chose to. The way I look at it is that I wanted to go anyway but just disappointed that she didn't reciprocate the interest. I was seeking approval. I was understanding when she was telling me how sick her relative was but I feel foolish for even playing that role to be a shoulder to lean on. She sent me a text this morning that the relative passed and she was going out of town. I didn't even respond and don't plan to. It's kind of cold to ignore it but I'm not her friend. I don't care if most women are flakes. That's one thing I don't tolerate. It's just a little more touchy if their family concerns that are the reason for cancellation. She's cold otherwise she wouldn't have gotten back online. Definitely a big learning experience.

 

[ubercat]

It's natural that's your reactions would flip alot. none of us like rejection it's unfortunately just part of the game. but yeah you do need to separate out the games that girl's play from just sharing some common decency. I don't care if she's an hb2 I ll still listen to her talking about her sick relative.

 

[ubercat]

Nah DM 3rd date is definitely put out or push off time. But maybe escalate slowly ie get your steak dinner first.

 

[ubercat]

Curious about this "Talk about
what she looks like, how you feel about her, things you can do together."

 

[ubercat]

I thought
telling her compliments and planning future activities. Was a bit anti-challenge. Can u give a bit more detail?

 

[Amilz]

Curious about this "Talk about
what she looks like, how you feel about her, things you can do together."

The more I thought about it, I probably don't have much in common with her. Just a physical attraction. I kind of liked that we were different.

I thought
telling her compliments and planning future activities. Was a bit anti-challenge. Can u give a bit more detail?

In retrospect, yea. I was trying too hard. I never complimented her but I did plan, she did too. That's why I thought she was interested but she could have just been saying that.

 

[Amilz]

Now you are sounding like an Ahole, what more of a valid reason do you need? Nevermind, don't bother responding.

Why should I respond? Let's say you were on a date and you just bought dinner for her. On the way out she hits on another guy right in front of you. You have to think. I was being emotional and not thinking just like you are now. Of course I sound like an Ahole. That's the point. I'm being an Ahole to someone who just got done venting to me to turn and talk to other dudes right after canceling. She wasn't sad, she was being manipulative. Now she's sad and still wants to vent. She can't have it both ways. I don't hate her, I just don't want to be supportive. Did you not read that she got online before and after canceling after I just got done being supportive? That's incredibly inconsiderate which is why I'm no longer being considerate. Okay, I'm a jerk. Then I'm just a jerk.

 

[Sprayarc]

Chalk it up to a learning experience.

 

[dustmuffin]

This ^^^^

I do what I want to do anyway. If I have a 'date' - even if I pay, I'm not doing what I wanted by myself. Blowing her off if she doesn't fvck you after she buys dinner seems extreme to me. But - to each his own.

Had date...she is a therapist.
Anyway invited her over and she said that she wanted to get to know me better in public places. Said she had had bad experiences...
Um ya...
Anyway got a free tasty rib eye...
She mentioned something about a triva night. So I said you check into that and call me...if she does I go because I like triva. I'm not real enthused about it. One date Monday with a 29 yo....will see how that goes...