How to take it slow.

[Malcom redmon]

How to take it slow whn you are nuts about her. Well let me start by saying she already stated she likes me for me. But she wants to take it slow cause she always get cheated on and lied too and used. And i understand that and i think i messed up by telling her how i feel about her. And i dont know how to take it slow and i dont want to push her away either how do i take it slow from this point. Please help me

 

[marmel75]

Trust me...she doesn't want to take it slow if she likes you. She is simply seeing how much she can control you right off the bat and if you are going to bend to her wishes. And if you do, she likely will think you are no challenge for her and will dump your ass sooner than later.

Stop telling her how you feel about her. SHOW her how you feel about her. IF you want to have sex with her then do things that show her you want to have sex with her. This isn't middle school anymore. This is big boy stuff. Put on your big boy pants and act like you have a set of balls and testosterone running through your body.

 

[Malcom redmon]

Trust me...she doesn't want to take it slow if she likes you. he is imply seeing how much she can control you right off the bat and if you are going to bend to her wishes. And if you do, she likely will think you are no challenge for her and will dump your ass sooner than later.

Stop telling her how you feel about her. SHOW her how you feel about her. IF you want to have sex with her then do things that show her you want to have sex with her. This isn't middle school anymore. This is big boy stuff. Put on your big boy pants and act like you have a set of balls and testosterone running through your body.

so harsh but i got a pair. And very much a man i just asked a dam question

 

[marmel75]

so harsh but i got a pair. And very much a man i just asked a dam question

Don't tell me about it...show HER you have a pair when you are around her.

 

[Genos]

Malcom, welcome to the forum mate.

marmel's a bit harsh (and grumpy or something), but his advice is on point...I wouldn't ever verbalize your feelings for a girl until after you've slept with her AND she's already said her feelings for you.

Don't worry about her past, it is not your responsibility to walk on eggshells around her. If she has problems, she needs to work them out on her own (though if they are really serious you may want to reconsider if she's really relationship material). She's not your girlfriend or anything, don't go out of your way to be her white knight! Meet with her as you would any other girl, see her once or twice a week (keeping texting to minimum and used primarily to set up the dates/meetings), and during those meetings be sure that you're making a move to be physical with her. You obviously don't have to have sex on the first meeting, but you need to be progressing. Each meeting you should be getting more physically intimate in some way. This is how a Don Juan "takes it slow". But if she likes you, sex will happen fairly quickly...that's not disrespecting her, that's you being a man and going for you want, and her wanting (from what you've told us) you to do just that.

Feel free to ask if you have any more questions, and let us know how things go.

 

[Serenity]

Progress like usual, but just take each step slower. You didn't mess up by telling her that, she just has a hard time believing it just like that because of her past experiences. She needs to see it in action rather than words, basically have a good time with her and don't lie, cheat or repeat her past negative experiences.

You'll have to hold back and at the same time move things forward, but not create too much pressure, just a little. You'll need a good amount of self-control and patience with her, she'll be more willing when she's comfortable with you not being like the previous idiots.

 

[Desdinova]

she already stated she likes me for me. But she wants to take it slow cause she always get cheated on and lied too and used.

Her interest is above 50%, but not by very much. Women who are highly interested don't want to "take it slow". She has just told you that she wants to be in control of the progression of the relationship. That means no sex until she says so. It's also entirely possible that there are other men she sees as prospects.

The key to getting around this is to go slow yourself, but playfully tease the 5hit out of her. You have to make her WANT to speed up the progression of the relationship as opposed to slowing it down.

 

[Tictac]

The key to getting around this is to go slow yourself, but playfully tease the 5hit out of her. You have to make her WANT to speed up the progression of the relationship as opposed to slowing it down.

I don't doubt for a single second that this is true. But your statement begs the question how men 'make her want to speed up the progression'.

 

[marmel75]

Lol...I'm harsh because we have been inundated the past month or two by super basic questions or asks for help that are answered simply by reading the DJ Bible.

Or searching other threads. It's literally the same 3 or 4 questions asked over and over and over.

 

[fastlife]

Pro-tip: I've never lost a girl for escalating too fast; I have lost them by moving too slow.

Even if she's not ready for sex, there's something exhilarating for women about a man who unabashedly wants her. She'll tell you when/if you've crossed lines and you just tell her, "Sorry. Couldn't control myself." Or if she accuses you of being a player/or only wanting to get in her pants say, "I'm a virgin." So be ready if things move at her pace, but you should always be asserting yourself and trying to see just how much you can get away with (in a fun, misbehaving boy type of way).

You're not showing her (as a girl you want to sleep with) or yourself (a guy who wants to sleep with her) any respect by desexualizing yourself.

But she wants to take it slow cause she always get cheated on and lied too and used.

But don't listen to me. If a girl told me those words (again), I'd be out ASAP. But I've done the whole BPD thing a couple times too many and have poured too much time, energy, and emotions into unappeasable insecurity.

 

[stevo]

Lol.

To be honest with you, there's a small chance this will work out with this girl. Two reasons, you're over invested too quick,way more than she is. You are also not in the right frame or control to direct the ship.

The only way to guarantee something does work right now will be for you to take it slow but do not confuse taking it slow to mean the same as "we cant get sexual". Always be sexual, Always Fondle A Beech.

I used to think both meant the same, novice mistake.

In simple English, taking it slow means you continue to escalate but don't expect a relationship (anytime soon).

This is always the case when there's another dude lurking around. In most cases these situations do not go past FBs.

 

[nismo-4]

For starters, would you take it slow with Katy Perry? Would she take it slow with Channing Tatum?

The answer is obvious.

Anyways, a woman who pulls a take it slow just wants you as a friend until that Abrecombie & Fitch model or millionaire returns her phone calls and messages. She'll have control over when you get laid, which is likely never.

Expressing your emotions is a no no, until you had sex already. Moving too slow is also bad, as it desexualizes you and makes you just friends. Always be moving forward.

Alas, taking it slow is another way of saying not that interested. Just move on and escalate faster with the next one.

Case closed.

 

[FCB]

Its weird all my life I've been 2 people. In regular interactions or with girls I knew or were in the same social circles I was the nice guy, when I'd go on road trips out of town even at 17 I was a complete natural. I'd pull more girls then any guys I knew, I was pulling 19 year old hot girls over 20 year old older guys I played sports with because I was chill and aggressive sexually at the same time. Then I'd come back to relationships and normal dating and I'm much more reserved, the times I've teased and kept pushing girls to go further they loved it. Have to find ways to harness that, going to slow is much more a relationship killer then the other way, but the key is the balance to not come off thirsty/needy and just be the misbehaving boy that can't help himself.