ImTheDoubleGreatest!
Master Don Juan
I'm getting so sick of everything, mostly just school. I'm a senior in high school (I started school a year early though so I'm still 16). Up until 8th grade, I went to a private school with a 50-60 kid graduating class (they separated boys and girls from 6th grade and up though, hence why I had trouble with women). I left that hellhole and went to a public school where I knew absolutely no one. Over the course of 3 years, I built myself up over there from a nobody to being the kid that people knew without me knowing them. I had a good group of friends that I hung out with and we weren't the bad kind of kids who smoke and drink and stuff like that. We played soccer, built random crap, went to 6 flags and stuff, it was great.
Well, my dad decided last minute to move this past summer. We had already registered on school at my old school so I still could have been going there right now, but he didn't want me to. It's stupid because we still didn't sell the old house either yet, which even he admits is far nicer than our current house.
So 4 days before the school year starts, we move (I was in a weeklong camp in another state so I never witnessed the move though). The movers end up being thieves cuz they stole my wallet. I wasn't gonna bring it with me because what if someone stole it at the camp, right? So I hid it inside of a huge winter coat that was the same color as my wallet and put a bunch of stuff on top. Well, my box was busted when I came back and my wallet gone. They mailed my wallet back without money and without a sender's address either. The money I had was just an accumulation of birthday and holiday savings from about 9 or 10 years or so, needless to say it was quite a bit.
So I started off the year without knowing anyone all over again, and I do have friends here, don't get me wrong or anything, but I don't chill with them outside of school. We talk inside of school but we aren't close enough friends to do anything outside. We're are basically just mere acquaintances.
The school system in the US sucks because the Pythagorean theorem is supposed to help me pay taxes along with logos, ethos, and pathos teaching me about the cost of living expenses if I were to buy a specific house and whatnot (sarcasm). I know school is important, but it isn't even schooling anymore, it's just training, and I feel like another mindless pawn forced to participate. We don't learn true practical wisdom, rather just useless trivia. That's all school is nowadays. I've had to write about 13 essays and 3 powerpoints so far out of the 3 - 4 months of being in school. This excludes the 2 essays and powerpoint I'm currently working on. It's a lot of stress for something that I don't even care about. I mean, I want to be an orthopedic surgeon, but learning the inverse secant won't exactly teach me how to cut someone open and fix their bones, muscles, and ligaments. Even in college I know there are required courses to take to get accepted into medical school, which from what everyone has told me, is complete and utter bull****!t and has almost nothing to do with what you do in med school. I mean for God's sake, the medical advisors FOR med school are post graduate students who didn't even get accepted themselves, yet they are fit to give advice?
I have swim practice from 7:15 - 9:00 PM (5 days a week, Saturdays its from 1:00 - 3:00 PM). By the time I get home it's like 9:30 or 9:40 if my parents are late. The team practices at 2 different schools depending on the day of the week and age group you train with, and usually it's just one parent picking up me and my sister. We usually practice at different schools too so the coaches end up having to wait for us and they get mad after it happening on a consistent basis. I eat after swim practice to refuel my system, so that's like another 45 minutes. It's 10:15 by the time I finish eating and then I have to finish my homework if I have any left, but I usually just go to bed. I wake up at 6:15 everyday because me and my brother are the first to get picked up at school, but the last to get dropped off at home, which is dumb. The path the bus takes to drop people off is extremely convoluted so it goes within 200 yards of my actual house at one stop, yet if i wait for my actual stop thats an extra half hour on the bus. I just get off at an earlier drop off and walk through people's yards to get home cuz it's quicker. I get home at about 3:40 ish. The bus driver is annoying because even though she has a list of names of the people who take that bus, she only accepts the school IDs to be sure that I'm actually who I say I am. It's dumb because she won't accept my state ID which is even more official than a damn school ID. Sometimes I work out after school and take the activity bus to get home, but lately I've been demotivated to do so, plus I feel like I'm getting too bulky which is bad for swimming. If I do work out after school, I get home at ~5:15.
I go on my phone or computer and play a game or something for an hour and 15ish just cuz some games are fun for me then I go eat for 45 minutes to an hour. That's if I decide not to lift though. If I do, I usually eat on the bus and do my homework right away when I get home. As much as I hate to say it, I just look forward to playing games on the computer nowadays which I know is bad, but I can't help it. I hate this school, I don't get enough sleep, my dad always picks on me for stupid fvcking **** while he never does that to my brother, he talks out of his ass when it comes to college advice because he never went to college, my mom doesn't talk about her college days because she used to party a lot (but was somehow still a virgin according to my dad), my older sister is a complete idiot and asks ME for college advice when I'm not even in college. I need a car but I don't get my license until March because my irresponsible sister lost my parents trust through being an airhead. Why does her being dumb affect me getting my license? Well here's how the conversation went 2 years ago when:
"Mom, can I get my permit?"
"We can't even trust your older sister to get her driver's license. What makes you think you can get your permit?"
Like wtf man. I don't get it. But whatever, I finally got my permit, but can't drive cuz I don't have a car or license yet. That's why everything moves so much more slowly for me. To top it all off, I want to work. I want to get a job so badly. But I can't because of swim practice and the time it takes to get to places along with not having a car. I've never had a job other than random miscellaneous stuff for my dad's business or landscaping type work around our yard. I never got payed to do it either so I don't really consider that as a job.
I made this post because today I wanted to sleep in and just miss one day of school as a break cuz I'm getting sick of the bull**** of life. My mom kept and yelling at me and screaming and I couldn't fall asleep because of that so I just lost it and was like "Fine! I'll go to fvcking school!" and just had a meltdown and freaked out. The weird thing is, right after I was done flipping sh!t, I felt really good. Like the endorphins kicked in and adrenaline was actually pumping and I actually felt awake and alive for the first time in a while. Like normally I'm in a daze and just get through the day but its like I was finally out of that daze for the first time in a long long time. Then after a few minutes it faded and I went back to normal.
I just feel exhausted, physically but mostly mentally. If I get like 10 hours of sleep somehow (which rarely happens cuz even on my free days, we have construction workers making noises cuz my parents bathroom is being renovated), my body feels strong and powerful, energetic and everything but my brain still feels fried. I don't know what to do. Cuz I'm so tired and stressed nowadays.
Well, my dad decided last minute to move this past summer. We had already registered on school at my old school so I still could have been going there right now, but he didn't want me to. It's stupid because we still didn't sell the old house either yet, which even he admits is far nicer than our current house.
So 4 days before the school year starts, we move (I was in a weeklong camp in another state so I never witnessed the move though). The movers end up being thieves cuz they stole my wallet. I wasn't gonna bring it with me because what if someone stole it at the camp, right? So I hid it inside of a huge winter coat that was the same color as my wallet and put a bunch of stuff on top. Well, my box was busted when I came back and my wallet gone. They mailed my wallet back without money and without a sender's address either. The money I had was just an accumulation of birthday and holiday savings from about 9 or 10 years or so, needless to say it was quite a bit.
So I started off the year without knowing anyone all over again, and I do have friends here, don't get me wrong or anything, but I don't chill with them outside of school. We talk inside of school but we aren't close enough friends to do anything outside. We're are basically just mere acquaintances.
The school system in the US sucks because the Pythagorean theorem is supposed to help me pay taxes along with logos, ethos, and pathos teaching me about the cost of living expenses if I were to buy a specific house and whatnot (sarcasm). I know school is important, but it isn't even schooling anymore, it's just training, and I feel like another mindless pawn forced to participate. We don't learn true practical wisdom, rather just useless trivia. That's all school is nowadays. I've had to write about 13 essays and 3 powerpoints so far out of the 3 - 4 months of being in school. This excludes the 2 essays and powerpoint I'm currently working on. It's a lot of stress for something that I don't even care about. I mean, I want to be an orthopedic surgeon, but learning the inverse secant won't exactly teach me how to cut someone open and fix their bones, muscles, and ligaments. Even in college I know there are required courses to take to get accepted into medical school, which from what everyone has told me, is complete and utter bull****!t and has almost nothing to do with what you do in med school. I mean for God's sake, the medical advisors FOR med school are post graduate students who didn't even get accepted themselves, yet they are fit to give advice?
I have swim practice from 7:15 - 9:00 PM (5 days a week, Saturdays its from 1:00 - 3:00 PM). By the time I get home it's like 9:30 or 9:40 if my parents are late. The team practices at 2 different schools depending on the day of the week and age group you train with, and usually it's just one parent picking up me and my sister. We usually practice at different schools too so the coaches end up having to wait for us and they get mad after it happening on a consistent basis. I eat after swim practice to refuel my system, so that's like another 45 minutes. It's 10:15 by the time I finish eating and then I have to finish my homework if I have any left, but I usually just go to bed. I wake up at 6:15 everyday because me and my brother are the first to get picked up at school, but the last to get dropped off at home, which is dumb. The path the bus takes to drop people off is extremely convoluted so it goes within 200 yards of my actual house at one stop, yet if i wait for my actual stop thats an extra half hour on the bus. I just get off at an earlier drop off and walk through people's yards to get home cuz it's quicker. I get home at about 3:40 ish. The bus driver is annoying because even though she has a list of names of the people who take that bus, she only accepts the school IDs to be sure that I'm actually who I say I am. It's dumb because she won't accept my state ID which is even more official than a damn school ID. Sometimes I work out after school and take the activity bus to get home, but lately I've been demotivated to do so, plus I feel like I'm getting too bulky which is bad for swimming. If I do work out after school, I get home at ~5:15.
I go on my phone or computer and play a game or something for an hour and 15ish just cuz some games are fun for me then I go eat for 45 minutes to an hour. That's if I decide not to lift though. If I do, I usually eat on the bus and do my homework right away when I get home. As much as I hate to say it, I just look forward to playing games on the computer nowadays which I know is bad, but I can't help it. I hate this school, I don't get enough sleep, my dad always picks on me for stupid fvcking **** while he never does that to my brother, he talks out of his ass when it comes to college advice because he never went to college, my mom doesn't talk about her college days because she used to party a lot (but was somehow still a virgin according to my dad), my older sister is a complete idiot and asks ME for college advice when I'm not even in college. I need a car but I don't get my license until March because my irresponsible sister lost my parents trust through being an airhead. Why does her being dumb affect me getting my license? Well here's how the conversation went 2 years ago when:
"Mom, can I get my permit?"
"We can't even trust your older sister to get her driver's license. What makes you think you can get your permit?"
Like wtf man. I don't get it. But whatever, I finally got my permit, but can't drive cuz I don't have a car or license yet. That's why everything moves so much more slowly for me. To top it all off, I want to work. I want to get a job so badly. But I can't because of swim practice and the time it takes to get to places along with not having a car. I've never had a job other than random miscellaneous stuff for my dad's business or landscaping type work around our yard. I never got payed to do it either so I don't really consider that as a job.
I made this post because today I wanted to sleep in and just miss one day of school as a break cuz I'm getting sick of the bull**** of life. My mom kept and yelling at me and screaming and I couldn't fall asleep because of that so I just lost it and was like "Fine! I'll go to fvcking school!" and just had a meltdown and freaked out. The weird thing is, right after I was done flipping sh!t, I felt really good. Like the endorphins kicked in and adrenaline was actually pumping and I actually felt awake and alive for the first time in a while. Like normally I'm in a daze and just get through the day but its like I was finally out of that daze for the first time in a long long time. Then after a few minutes it faded and I went back to normal.
I just feel exhausted, physically but mostly mentally. If I get like 10 hours of sleep somehow (which rarely happens cuz even on my free days, we have construction workers making noises cuz my parents bathroom is being renovated), my body feels strong and powerful, energetic and everything but my brain still feels fried. I don't know what to do. Cuz I'm so tired and stressed nowadays.
