Key behaviors

[SayWhat]

Hi

I've been without a 'normal' girlfriend for almost 7 years now, I had a short affair with a married woman (see other threads on this), but I don't count this.

Something obviously is not right with me if it takes this long, I'm decent looking, have a good physique. But that is were my list stops. I'm the quiet guy in every group, I don't make new friends (or very very difficult), if I didn't have my friends right now, I guess I would have no others and I feel like I am losing them as well.

My body language must be way off as well as the way I speak. I've read some stuff about this, noticed my own body language and tone, but I think I'm still applying the wrong stuff.

What are the things I really must notice on?

 

[dustmuffin]

Hi

I've been without a 'normal' girlfriend for almost 7 years now, I had a short affair with a married woman (see other threads on this), but I don't count this.

Something obviously is not right with me if it takes this long, I'm decent looking, have a good physique. But that is were my list stops. I'm the quiet guy in every group, I don't make new friends (or very very difficult), if I didn't have my friends right now, I guess I would have no others and I feel like I am losing them as well.

My body language must be way off as well as the way I speak. I've read some stuff about this, noticed my own body language and tone, but I think I'm still applying the wrong stuff.

What are the things I really must notice on?

Read the DJ bible...practice being social..
Read the rational male.

 

[Alpheta]

confidence.

 

[ubercat]

Confidence comes from experience. When your dating everyone goes through bad patches. What gives you perspective is the knowledge that you ve been successful many times in the past.

Start somewhere other than your dating life.

Choose a hobby or sport that you're into hang out with other like minded people and become really good at it. I used to be hopelessly uncoordinated. Now a lot of people know me as quite a good sportsman. It took years of patient work to build that up so whatever you choose has to be something you like.

You might be hunting a girlfriend but it's kind of like the old saying. When the student is ready the teacher will appear. When you renovatie your life to the point where a girl is going to be interested in sharing it she will appear.

 

[ubercat]

Since meetup.com took off there is really no excuse for not being social anymore. Simply go there and start talking to people. Some will be receptive Some Will Not.

Ask the friendly ones questions about themselves. But try and get in the habit of anchoring the conversations to people's feelings. So if a guy is telling you about his new car ask him why did you love that 1. Or what was your best car ever the one that you were sad to see you go. If you can hook into people's feelings they will talk a lot believe me. Then you just have to get good at keeping the conversation going. Learn Little phrases like wow that's really interesting tell me more or what's the story on that.

And don't be 1 of those annoying idiots you see at meet ups all the time who are only interested in talking to the girls. Of course those guys never get laid because the girls don't see them being fun social guys and they always come across as too thirsty.

But honestly it all comes from hard work and accomplishment. And the secret is that if you follow what your passionate about and are into it's not hard work..

I just picked up a Chinese girl from a badminton meetup because I could tease her in Mandarin.

Did I need that probably not. But it sure as heck is going to make me stand out from all the other thirsty guys. Before the beta b**** brigade busts my balls let me add that I've always been into languages. The DJ part is that I like Chinese and Latinas so of course I learn those languages.

And honestly basic body language is basic. Don't make this some big thing in your head that's you blame every time you flame out with a chick. Stand tall make a good eye contact with everyone as you walk in initiate Kino with the chick straight away. Do fist bumps high fives Little hugs and push aways.

This is more than enough to get you started. Remember it's always the best of times and the worst of times depending on who you ask. Don't limit yourself by saying I'm like this or I'm like that . You are who you decide to be.

 

[logicallefty]

Humor.. Learn it.. Look up stuff about comedy online or go to some comedy clubs. Hang out with other funny people. It's not about "stealing their lines" its about learning to make your own. You can make humor out of anything.. Humor is everywhere.. Once you learn to do this, you will never run out of conversation and it will build her interest because she will always be wondering "What is that guy going to come up with next!"

 

[NSX-R]

Get a Hobby .

 

[dustmuffin]

Humor.. Learn it.. Look up stuff about comedy online or go to some comedy clubs. Hang out with other funny people. It's not about "stealing their lines" its about learning to make your own. You can make humor out of anything.. Humor is everywhere.. Once you learn to do this, you will never run out of conversation and it will build her interest because she will always be wondering "What is that guy going to come up with next!"

I'm going tobstart improv classes in Jan. They have 4 levels so I will be doing it a long time. It will help with confidence and comedy. I also do the meet ups they are great.