Should I bail before im in too deep??

[bunjy]

You are gonna end up too emotionally involved and eventually sh!t will hit the fan, leaving you emotionally damaged.

You can see it coming, you fear it will happen, deep down you even KNOW it will happen. And you know very well that the only way to prevent it from happening is by leaving her now.

Here's the catch: Right now, all this is just a notion in your head, it's something that will happen in the future and that's why you can't bring yourself to leave her right now!

It's kinda like thinking about the fact that you'll die some day. You know you'll die someday but if all goes well, it'll be yeaaaaars from now. So it's just a notion in your head, it doesn't make you feel concerned or really influence your actions right now.
But if you knew you were gonna die NEXT WEEK, you sure as hell would feel concerned and it would influence your actions right now! Coz the notion in your head is becoming reality...

So until the emotional damage becomes tangible reality, you won't feel enough of an urge to cut her loose. Of course, by then it'll be too late and you'll have to deal with the emotional scars...

There's no easy solution. I'd say you have to help yourself and actively force the situation. You say there are red flags and **** test that would cause you serious grievance if you were too emotionally involved.
Those things will eventually make you decide to leave her because of the emotional grievance... but like I said, leaving a girl once you got emotionally attached, will leave you with emotional scars...
So make an issue out of those red flags and sh!t tests RIGHT NOW! Force the situation.

She'll resist, you'll get into fights about it. She won't change and keep displaying the behavior... You'll "punish" her for it and do something she doesn't like, in order to force her to change. She'll "punish" you back and just display more bad behavior, things will get very negative between the two of you and eventually you'll get so angry and frustrated with her that you'll want to leave her.

It's kinda sick and this is actually what women often do, consciously or unconsciously. If they don't feel it for you anymore and want to break up, they will feel bad about it or feel sorry for you. So they start acting like bytches and instigate fights with you. Eventually they use those fights as justification to break up with you,it makes them feel like they had a legit reason to break up, even though they CREATED that reason themselves...

I think most guys are incapable of doing such a thing and it would be no surprise if you can't do it. All I'm saying is, this is the only way of preventing that scenario where you get emotionally involved too much and end up emotionally damaged.
You have to deliberately set into motion a chain of events that will ruin your relationship, so that things will get sour between the two of you fast and soon cause a break up between you and her. It won't feel right, but it will allow you to get away from her BEFORE the doomed scenario that made you start this thread can take place!

Good luck, man.

Yeah. This is the crux of it all really. Ive been here before and know how things go. I guess my problem is that I dont really want to waste time being in a relationship in which I will always have to keep my guard up and expect potential jealousy ploys etc.

On the other hand my friend has an interesting take on this whole thing. His advice was basically to just proceed as normal, let it take its natural course and see how it plays out. If I get more emotionally involved so what. As long as shes with me and nobody else who cares.

This does kinda make sense. Sure Im totally aware that women who are hardcore AWs will never really change and that need for validation will always be there but If she ultimately is with you what does it matter? I mean lets say I decide to take this further, let myself get more involved and attached but always keep any elements of jealousy/suspicion in check and pay no attention to any games she may or may not continue to play, hold the frame so to speak. Maintain a final criteria that if she goes wacko or is bedding other guys I leave, simple as that . Im grounded and observant enough to not be taken for granted and would certainly be easily onto her if she started seeing someone else. Would this work?

Afterall a womens games are only ultimately as powerful (or even relevant) as you let them be.

 

[bunjy]

In a strange way this has actually been a good confidence boost for me.

Im getting great sex of a hot chick, shes clearly interested in me and making the effort and I genuinely feel in control of the whole situation. My confidence in my ability to deal with silly tests and jealousy ploys is higher than its ever been. 10 years ago I would have been a wreck this far in with this kinda chick now Its a different story.

Never have the words 'whoever cares least has the power' seemed more true to me.

 

[Die Hard]

Sure Im totally aware that women who are hardcore AWs will never really change and that need for validation will always be there but If she ultimately is with you what does it matter? I mean lets say I decide to take this further, let myself get more involved and attached but always keep any elements of jealousy/suspicion in check and pay no attention to any games she may or may not continue to play, hold the frame so to speak. Maintain a final criteria that if she goes wacko or is bedding other guys I leave, simple as that . Im grounded and observant enough to not be taken for granted and would certainly be easily onto her if she started seeing someone else. Would this work?

Afterall a womens games are only ultimately as powerful (or even relevant) as you let them be.

If it's that simple, then do what you just wrote here and everything will be okay!

But if it's that simple, then why did you create this thread??

Let me remind you why... Coz you WON'T be able to act like this once you get more attached. That's what you said yourself at the start of this thread. You can handle her behavior NOW but you can't handle her behavior once you're in too deep. That's the whole reason why you started this thread.

But now you are trying to convince yourself that maybe you'll be able to handle her behavior even when you're in too deep.
Which is wishful thinking. You know you can't handle it once you're in too deep, you just don't want to admit it coz it means you have to save yourself by leaving her now.
And leaving her is something you really don't want to do right now, coz honestly you're too damn happy about her being your girl.

And that's the irony... You're concerned that you won't be able to handle things when once you become too attached, but in fact you are ALREADY too attached.

Honestly, this sounds like many of the BPD stories. I'm not saying she's BPD, I'm saying the situation you find yourself in seems similar to the situation guys find themselves in when dealing with a BPD.

And I've been there. I had her in the palm of my hand, I controlled the frame, I had her chasing after me, I effortlessly dealt with her sh!t tests and her AW behavior. Then one day "BAM!" she accidently revealed some stuff which indicated she was cheating on me. It hit me out of nowhere and I was devastated. I felt like a king, she was desperate to be with me up until that very day and she was also devastated when I broke up with her because of the situation. But even though she was that crazy about me, it didn't prevent her from being a cheating wh0re. It's their nature, they can't help themselves...
Anyway, because I was in control all the time and had her chasing after me all the time, I felt so confident about being able to leave her if necessary. But that was a false impression... I had become way too attached to her, which I only realized when I broke up with her. I was an emotional wreck for months after... This emotional attachment had crept up to me along the way, almost secretly, like the boiling frog which never realizes that the temperature was being raised.

Looking back, I kinda saw it coming. That is, my gut told me so. But my ego overruled my gut feeling and I rationalized it away, just like you're doing right now. In fact, I had the exact same fvcking thought that you just explained:
"So what if I become too attached? As long as she's mine, it doesn't matter. And I can keep her mine obviously, look at how crazy she is about me, she wouldn't do anything to lose me."

Your gut is telling you the same thing mine did. Don't make the same mistake... You think to yourself that even if you have to leave her someday, then it will just be rough for a little while but you'll get over it, no biggie. Sure, go underestimate it... Just wait till that moment is actually there, you'll eat your words and experience that the emotional pain is not something to take lightly. Don't try to act tough, it will hurt you badly, my man...

Anyway, nothing more to be said. You either give in to your weakness and end up getting badly hurt or you listen to your gut and begin setting things in motion to leave her, so you can prevent the accident that's waiting to happen...

 

[exhausted]

Agreed. The thing is however, I already know how that will play out. She will absolutely come running to me. Infact Id even go as far to say that she would be very upset. Despite everything and all her games I do think she genuinely likes me. I do think to some extent a lot of this has to do with her disbelief that Im not like the other chumps shes used to dealing with. I feel as if In some way shes trying to actually make me jealous or get me to slip up and she feels a bit 'WTF why isnt my usual crap working here'.

As it stands at this point she is making most of the effort and is has done most of the chasing. I passed (inadvertently) her silly tests, shown no jealousy at all and been a challenge without really trying. Its not really a case of me needing to reframe as I solidly have the frame, Im not particularly bothered by all her nonsense and as long as Im still getting some Im happy.

Insofar as her exes/orbiters. Im pretty sure the distance plays a large part in this. Lets say I call her out on it all, more than likely she would be like 'Ok I will put a stop to it' but Id have no real way of ever really knowing as we dont spend enough time together for me too see with my own eyes whats going on. She could easily carry it all on and Id have no real way of being certain whether she is or not. I suppose the problem would be whether or not she actually would put a stop to it if in the future I did call her out for it. Presently I dont have any real issue with her exes/orbiters, its not ideal but as long as I feel shes still making the effort and shes still coming home with me Im happy enough to let her carry on her attention seeking. My main concern is how this would effect me if I go any deeper. Its not about me trying to control the frame now, its more about would I still be able to control it if I went further with her.

Shes even now invited me to meet her parents in a few weeks and is starting to make more of a big deal about our relationship. I guess one of the issues here is to do with my attitude, Ive been seriously burnt in the past and over the past few years have been very suspicious about getting too involved with chicks. This certainly isnt an typical AW dilemma with some guy (me) being head over heels for an AW and having to now deal with all her crap. In a weird way this is concrete proof that genuine nonchalance does infact work in your favour with chicks.

A part of me does think I should just proceed as usual, keep enjoying the company, attention, great sex. Keep my head level and see how it plays out.

Remember bud this has nothing to do with how well you are doing, passing her tests and being a higher quality than she is used to. I am not putting you down as it sounds you have your **** together, but remember this is about her and her faults, those red flags are flashing and can be seen from outer space. This has trouble written all over it, for you, in the end her selfish shallow disrespectful self wont care to wound you deeply. Hit and stay emotionally distanced and you may be ok, but if you start to care or become attached you are in trouble.