girl change mind so fast?

[tilger]

So here is my story, I met this girl through language exchange, the first "date" was only to practice languages, however, i felt a connection between us, the 2nd was more like a date and she was flirting a lot so we end up hooking up. since then she was always flirty with me over text and initiating contact all the time (she even made plans to go to a concert together in a month from now) then she invited me over to her place for dinner and we were maybe about to have sex (although she was telling me that it was too soon) but we couldn't because her roommate came, after that she kept texting me but then i thought if she always initiated contact and invited me she will think i dont have interest, so i started to flirt over text to show my interest. however, after a few days texting and when i said i really wanted to see her she replied is better to be just friends becuase she did not have much time and did not want to cancel our plans. Its so strange because she was really into me before. don't know what made her change her mind, that i started to show my intentions? did she wanted something casual and i did not read it? (becuase she is going abroad in 6 months) any thoughts? I don't get this girl ahah I replied Okay lets be friends that anyways did not want anything serious with someone that leaves and didnt contact her since then

thankss

 

[dustmuffin]

You probably came across as needy with your texts. How many texts did you send? That was a good sign that she initiated contact. Somehow you blew it. Go ghost on her. It might help, but usually when you get the friend card that's where you will stay. Don't waste anymore time on her.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Your texting may need calibration. We don't know because you didn't quote any.

Relationships require momentum. When you start something up with a girl, you need to recognize the required momentum and keep the flywheel spinning. I think of it as a literal, heavy steel flywheel that I must not allow to slow down. Momentum counts for everything.

But women are fickle emotionally and a wildcard, therefore you only have a certain degree of control over momentum. You are the primary force, but she can kill the momentum any time on a whim at the beginning. Being aware of momentum increases a man's chances but doesn't guarantee it.

 

[tilger]

quoting texts here i sent, the ones i think i was needy the last week..

(this one after she initiated contact)
me: I want to tell you.. you, me tomorrow night, chineses restaurant. its happening, good idea?
her: tomorrow night im going to a frineds birthday, im sorry maybe thrusday eve?
me.ok yeah no problem, we talk during the week and see

the last one i sent on friday after thursday we couldnt meet for diff reasons.
me: how are you today? I wanna see you!
her: heyy im doing good and you? i have to tell you.. maybe we stay as friends? im very bussy right now and dont want to cancel our plans
me (i tried to play it cool) :i think you got me wrong girl, i dont want to get attached to any girl becuase my future is uncertain, just wanted to hango out because you seem interesting but okay we could be friends
her: okay so is mine thanks for telling me your point of view hehe


no contact after this which was a few days ago

 

[dustmuffin]

Saying you wanted to see her is needy. Asking for a date the following day of a date to soon..If she was asking you out you need to resist the urge to text. She is making your job easy when she does this. See this as a learning experience. Don't dwell on it.

 

[tilger]

yeppp but if i blow it up becuase of that i feel like ****, i should have continue as before, she had the qualities of a potential gf, im hoping there is a reason that does not involve my texts...

 

[tilger]

you dont think there is another way of get her back other than no contact?

 

[GS750]

Just back off. Girls are fickle. You agreed to the friendship thing...now its time to make yourself scarce.

 

[ubercat]

Yep if DJing was easy everybody would do it.

 

[tilger]

yes you are right bro, thanks, i dont have to think about it, on to the next one, if she texts i will just ignore it...the only thing that i still doubt is when i said this on the text
me (i tried to play it cool) :"i think you got me wrong girl, i dont want to get attached to any girl becuase my future is uncertain, just wanted to hango out because you seem interesting but okay we could be friends"

and she replied

her: "okay becuase so is mine thanks for telling me your point of view hehe"

by "so is mine".. did she mean she also wanted something casual or that refers to her future? becuase if its the first option maybe she was scared that i wanted something serious..(as i said she is going abroad and even though she was always the one telling me to hang out, she wanted only ones a week) thats why the just be friends.. i dont know

 

[G_Govan]

She was satisfied with the "attention" you gave her, didn't need anything more.

I agree your texts were a bit much but if that was a deal breaker than she wasn't all that interested to begin with. Girls are "fickle" when interest is low.

 

[penkitten]

Based on the text messages, she was trying to let you down softly. It doesn't appear that she is into you. ... it's better to find out early on so you don't put anymore effort into hooking up with her and allows you to start looking at other prospects.

 

[tilger]

Based on the text messages, she was trying to let you down softly. It doesn't appear that she is into you. ... it's better to find out early on so you don't put anymore effort into hooking up with her and allows you to start looking at other prospects.

she was flirty in all the other texts, trust me until last week she was very interesting, she was the one who proposed all the dates and when i always said "i cant tomorrow" she was saying "what about the day after", and making plans such as "we should watch this series together" but yes you are right she cannot flake over a few texts that i sent, i will never do that on a girl, will keep seeing her and judge her when im together. do you think that after the last text she sent there is a chance to contact her again or she implied something different?

 

[penkitten]

I think she just isn't into you or was into you but has maybe got her eye on someone else now. You are pretty clear that you want to see her in the text you posted. If she wanted to see you, she would find a way. Instead she lets you down gently saying she thinks it would be a good idea to just be friends. You say of course you aren't looking for a commitment etc. She says yah me too hehe.

 

[penkitten]

Whether you believe me or not, there are times it is hard to be female. It is not easy to let someone down gentle where they don't hate or distrust you.

 

[Yewki]

she was always flirty with me over text and initiating contact all the time...

Girls who skyrocket in interest level...

...just friends becuase she did not have much time and did not want to cancel our plans,

Tend to crash just as fast. They're emotionally immature and desperate for attention. Her interest in you was based on little substance and blown out of proportion. While your texting was probably a mistake, it was just a catalyst to her realizing this.

It's too bad you didn't bang her before she realized this, but you're better off without her. I wouldn't sweat it.

 

[synergy1]

I will agree that the OP's messages seemed needy. Having been there myself, there is very little you can do if she is not interested in you. You can either attempt to get them to meet up, or simply move on. No amount of texting will change their mind for the better, and will likely result in coming off as desperate. Its a heads - she wins, tails- you lose.

best bet is to move on. good luck

 

[ztas]

Interesting just how quickly a woman's mind can change... I was going to post a separate post about my latest failure... I had been texting (through whatsapp) a girl I met recently. We had some great late night chats which were fun, witty, in which I often teased (and was teased in return). She even met for lunch. A few days later I kinda felt that a distance had come between us after some of my texts had become a little more 'intrusive'. Then I sent one saying I'd like to hear her voice instead of texting. And that was the end.

What was interesting for me here, is that I could clearly sense that I should have stopped texting at one point but instead just kept doing it....almost like watching a train wreck from the outside. I could see my AFC behaviours coming out, but despite all my readings/practice of making myself better, I just repeated old mistakes. As someone above said it is not easy being a PUA/Alpha Male.

 

[sodbuster]

I wouldn't over think it. I'd just make sure you don't over text Depending on the girl, MOST don't want you flirting too much . THEN they KNOW what you have in mind, and you don't give her the "I don't know,it just happened excuse" That's the one when they decide to tell someone about you 2 banging....

OR there was just another butterfly she wanted to chase around the field. Get used to it. I was messaging a woman about 5 years ago. I was driving through her town, and asked if she wanted to meet up.Well, it didn't "work out", so I forgot about her. About 3 years later, she was "cleaning out her phone", saw my name and started up the conversation again. We actually MET this time, but after meeting and some light necking and WAY too many texts from her, it dropped off again. SO, a year later, she called again. this time, I didn't know her name..... pissed her off. BUT she called again. I think she's done, but not sure.

I don't spend time thinking about her, wondering about her, or caring why she did what she did. Once you've been as good a man you can be, forget about what stupid **** women do.