Can a Guy Have Close Female Friends?

[RecoveringNiceGuy]

Can a guy have a close\best friend who is female?

In my opinion, no. A man being sexual with a woman is masculine, but being platonic with a woman is feminine. My friend thinks that is stupid, and he said he thinks it is important to have platonic female friends you are close with, and by close I would mean you two hang out for an evening just the two of you with no intentions of any sexual behavior. Basically, hanging out like two females, which is why I say it is feminine.

I think it is good to have casual friendships with female, especially if your single, such as co-workers or large social events. However the caveat to that is that you should be in your masculine, teasing them, playful flirting, and having fun, not being their therapist, letting them vent about their boyfriend problems, etc.

Also, how do you guys handle when a woman in your social circle seems interested and keeps approaching you, but won't go out with you? This last time she came up to me it'd been a while since I saw her. She made a point of that, saying "we havent had a chance to talk in a while, how've you been?". My response was "you've got my number, give me a call" playfully while walking away. I asked her out the first time I met, but since then I've only ever alluded to going out on a date when she says she wants to see me or talk to me. I get the impression she's one of those women that just likes the attention, but how do you handle that kind of situation?

 

[fastlife]

Totally depends on your intent. As long as they have a perception of you as a high value man, girl friends can be awesome wingmen, good for a home cooked meal, the kind of nurturing you can't get from the girls you're actively gaming. Some women are awesome conversationalists, some are good for occasional arm candy, some are more like one of the guys. Plus, there's something about that kinda forbidden sexual tension that is back of some of these friendships. I don't see anything 'feminine' about any of that.

But if you want to bang her more than she wants to bang you--or she doesn't actively bring a ton of value into your life--it's absolutely the most pathetic thing a guy can do to himself.

Per you second point, that's a classic AW move. If you want her that bad, go direct & escalate like hell. Even if she rejects you, AW's (really all women) respond well to the odd text months or years later (assuming you make a strong impression & disappear).

 

[MountainSlide]

I have a girl that I'm friends with, friend zoned her, I often have a sneaking suspicion that she is thinking of non friend things.

 

[RangerMIke]

Can a guy have a close\best friend who is female?

Also, how do you guys handle when a woman in your social circle seems interested and keeps approaching you, but won't go out with you? This last time she came up to me it'd been a while since I saw her. She made a point of that, saying "we havent had a chance to talk in a while, how've you been?". My response was "you've got my number, give me a call" playfully while walking away. I asked her out the first time I met, but since then I've only ever alluded to going out on a date when she says she wants to see me or talk to me. I get the impression she's one of those women that just likes the attention, but how do you handle that kind of situation?

You can have female friends, like others have said, depends on what your purpose is. There are three kinds of attraction, emotional, logical, and sexual. emotional attraction without sexual attraction is 'friendship', so as long as you are not sexual with a woman, you can be friends..... I have MANY.

When a female friend starts catching feelings for you.... and you are interested in moving things to something romantic, then you better fvcking ACT ON IT. Because that window is going to close quick. This of course assumes you know when women are expressing interest... if not, then you need to learn. Fact is most guys are a bunch of clueless dolts that have no idea a women is making herself available.

Sometimes, female friends will give you false indicators of interest because she needs some emotional validation, be a friend and give it to her, just DO NOT EXPECT anything to happen. This usually happens if she is having trouble with a BF... This JUST happened to me recently. A friend of my pretty hot, told me a couple of years ago I'm too old for her (I'm 49 she's 30) but she's smart has hell, and knows money... she's a friend and I get advice from her frequently. She broke up with her BF and she's been reaching out to me more and more, looking for reasons to hang out. I know her, and know the men she likes, and I'm not one of them... her emotions are all over the place... so we've gone out a couple of times, I've given her some emotional support, but I'm not expecting sex and really don't want it, her friendship is TOO valuable to me. In a few weeks, she'll be fine... she'll find another dude more suited to her and everything will be back to normal.

The key to knowing when a woman is giving you REAL indicators of interest and false is in the body language.... and also contextually understanding the situation you are in when the interaction starts.... This comes with experience.

 

[bigneil]

It's ok to be friends with them if you're not trying or hoping to have sex with them.

If you are dating a girl and there a bunch of hot girls at her work, you will only be friends with them.

Sometimes a girl you are friends with will suddenly become interested. There is no mistaking it. This usually happens when they have a fight with their boyfriend as RangerMike noted. In that situation, if you are friends with her boyfriend as well as her, you really have to be loyal to him until they are officially over.

 

[G_Govan]

Can a guy have a close\best friend who is female?

If she's attractive enough that you'd have sex with her, no. If she isn't attractive to you, you may be attractive to her and she'll start acting weird and/or make things awkward. I also find women in general to be rather self-centered when it comes to friendships with men.

Notice how male friendships are an effortless endeavor. I've never had to think about it, it just happens. I don't have to worry about hurting a guys feelings or if he wants to f-ck me, vice versa. We relate to each other because we're essentially the same with an appreciation that only other men can fully understand.

 

[IASGame]

I still think it is possible.

Even though I am now on the Red Pill and do think the vast majority of women do indeed fit into "AWALT", even if a particular female friend has consciously or subconsciously have you as a beta orbiter or whatever, I don't necessarily think that means she isn't your friend. Male-male friendship has selfish aspects as well.

 

[Konada]

I think first and foremost why guys experience problems having close female friends is because they are not embracing the abundance mentality. I mean holy sh!t if you're jumping onto every girl just because she shows interest in you (including girls you are not attracted to.) means you're gonna lose alot of people who might add value to your life.

I've observed that all my closest female friends are those more into their masculine side so thats a point to keep in mind.

Ultimately, you can't have your cake and eat it too. There are some people in your life that bring too much value to be forsaking a friendship just to get your d!ck wet. Humans in general are pretty fvcking low value to be honest, its tough to find even a male friend who adds value to your life, much less females.

 

[narcissist]

Yes, it is not only possible but I recommend that every dude go out a build a hub of friends that are women. It is a great way to build a large network of social proof, that when it comes down to it can help you attract very gorgeous women for sexual intent.

Anyone that is not willing to have friends that are female, simply because it causes social cognitive dissonance, are not in a firm control over their self and ego, and to claim that it is feminine to have friends that are women is extremely black and white. "Oh i can only have guy friends, and I can only have girls for sex, because it follows the construct of femininity and masculinity," claiming this is the only combination is cutting social dynamics short. Hell, I have even gamed a couple gay dudes to get to their hot girl friends to fvck.

If you are going to take game seriously you have to be open minded and not allow social constructs (masculinity/femininity etc) to seize control over your person. Being scared to break social constructs is the most vagina thing to do ever, and in my opinion that is the most beta sh*t you can do. Its just another level of fear and resistance that will control you and keep you from reaching your goals.

SO, with that being said, go out an start breaking some social constructs and develop a hub/network of female friends. Don't let all this femininity/masculinity hype get the better of your autonomous action.

 

[blind_one]

Ultimately, you can't have your cake and eat it too. There are some people in your life that bring too much value to be forsaking a friendship just to get your d!ck wet. Humans in general are pretty fvcking low value to be honest, its tough to find even a male friend who adds value to your life, much less females.

The golden truth, I value my female friends, because I often cant be bothered going shopping for clothes/shoes . Their female opinion works well, they don't b!tch, We are goal oriented during the time of acquiring fashion crap, but I ask her opinion. Plus she's quite intelligent so the conversation is always refreshing.

 

[G_Govan]

Yes, it is not only possible but I recommend that every dude go out a build a hub of friends that are women. It is a great way to build a large network of social proof, that when it comes down to it can help you attract very gorgeous women for sexual intent.

Anyone that is not willing to have friends that are female, simply because it causes social cognitive dissonance, are not in a firm control over their self and ego, and to claim that it is feminine to have friends that are women is extremely black and white. "Oh i can only have guy friends, and I can only have girls for sex, because it follows the construct of femininity and masculinity," claiming this is the only combination is cutting social dynamics short. Hell, I have even gamed a couple gay dudes to get to their hot girl friends to fvck.

If you are going to take game seriously you have to be open minded and not allow social constructs (masculinity/femininity etc) to seize control over your person. Being scared to break social constructs is the most vagina thing to do ever, and in my opinion that is the most beta sh*t you can do. Its just another level of fear and resistance that will control you and keep you from reaching your goals.

SO, with that being said, go out an start breaking some social constructs and develop a hub/network of female friends. Don't let all this femininity/masculinity hype get the better of your autonomous action.

Masculinity and femininity are not "social constructs." That sounds like a page straight out of the feminist handbook. There are very clear differences between men and women at a biological level.

This doesn't mean you have to reject the idea of having a female friend. I'm sure some of the women I consider "acquaintances" believe we are good friends, I don't have a problem with that nor would I tell them otherwise, but I don't see them as such. I know who I can rely on when the rubber meets the road.

I couldn't possibly relate to a guy who's willing to game gay dudes to get to their female friends. I'm a live and let live kind of guy but I'm certainly not interested in hanging out with gay dudes. It's hard enough having to deal with being hit on by them.

You sound like the kind of guy who chases p-ssy a lot. To each his own I guess.

 

[Trump]

Can a guy have a close\best friend who is female?

Also, how do you guys handle when a woman in your social circle seems interested and keeps approaching you, but won't go out with you? This last time she came up to me it'd been a while since I saw her. She made a point of that, saying "we havent had a chance to talk in a while, how've you been?". My response was "you've got my number, give me a call" playfully while walking away. I asked her out the first time I met, but since then I've only ever alluded to going out on a date when she says she wants to see me or talk to me. I get the impression she's one of those women that just likes the attention, but how do you handle that kind of situation?

What do you mean "how do you handle it?" You ask her out once, maybe twice. If she says go to hell, you move on. Not rocket science.

You can be friends with a girl, but why would you want to be if you are not sleeping with her? For her to say "you have nice eyes?" For your ego? To complain to someone? For company? If you are not having sex with her she will think of you as her brother, someone who is gay, or a guy who has too much time on his hands. Her ONLY use is for sex. You lean on her for anything else, she will absolutely DESTROY you.

How do you guys sleep with hot girls and get so confused over simple simple things?

 

[narcissist]

Masculinity and femininity are not "social constructs." That sounds like a page straight out of the feminist handbook. There are very clear differences between men and women at a biological level.

This doesn't mean you have to reject the idea of having a female friend. I'm sure some of the women I consider "acquaintances" believe we are good friends, I don't have a problem with that nor would I tell them otherwise, but I don't see them as such. I know who I can rely on when the rubber meets the road.

I couldn't possibly relate to a guy who's willing to game gay dudes to get to their female friends. I'm a live and let live kind of guy but I'm certainly not interested in hanging out with gay dudes. It's hard enough having to deal with being hit on by them.

You sound like the kind of guy who chases p-ssy a lot. To each his own I guess.

Fair enough, I agree (its a fact) that there are clear biological differences between males and females, but the construct of masculinity and femininity has been socially influenced to sh*t.

Also, to each his own. I have no social inhibitions. Currently I am in the process of approaching large numbers of women for social development and personal development. As such I will find myself in situations where I can say "no I feel uncomfortable in this sitatuation" (which I consider a limitation) or I can say "yes, lets try it out and see if I can adapt." So maybe some of my approaches are weird and some guys wouldnt feel comfortable being in to social dynamics, but i am secure enough in myself to be able to put my self in as many obscure and different social encounters as i can in order to develop social intellect. For me, its part of the developmental process to be in uncomfortable situations and adapt to them.

 

[RecoveringNiceGuy]

A lot of good points have been made, but to clarify, I was looking to draw a distinction between casual female friends and close\best female friends. My best friend and I hang out just to hang out and be guys and have fun. Sometimes we workout, sometimes we go out to the mall to meet women, sometimes we play sports, talk business, whatever. However, if my best friend was female, what would we be doing? It's one thing to have women you ask for opinions, or have playful banter with, or invite to parties, or whatever, but at least in my mind, it's something completely different to have a close or best female friend you hang out with just hang out and be... girlfriends?

Maybe I'm wrong, but if I see a guy who has a best friend who is a female but he's not sexual with her, then my first though is that's he's feminine. If I had a girlfriend who started hanging out with another guy all the time, my first though would be either she's cheating, unless I met the guy and saw he was feminine. I'm sure we've all met guys like that, guys that are so feminine it wouldn't bother you one bit if he was alone with your woman for an entire night because there zero chance she would ever be attracted to him sexually, or that he'd even have the balls to try anything in the first place.

So my point was, in order to stay in your masculine it is important to be around other guys who are also masculine. If your closest relationships are with females, that's just not going to be the case. You are always going to be influenced by the people you associate with, and if those people are primarily feminine you are going to be feminine too.

Thoughts?

 

[pyros]

Of course it is possible, but highly unlikely.

In order to have a true female friend, you must not find her attractive, this is number 1. Besides, she must not find you 'really' attractive, so there is no mutual attraction going on. Besides this, you must like each other as buddies, have similar interests etc.

I have a good female friend. She is like my little sister or like another buddie of mine. And I've had another one in the past.
It turns out well if there is no mutual attraction, or at least, the guy doesnt find her attractive.

So yes, your real female friends must be average to below average girls so you dont want to fvck them.
You can't have a real female friend if you you are attracted to her sexually, no no.

 

[Jaylan]

A mature man can have female friends. I used to think it wasnt possible until I did have a good friendship or two with a couple females. I even tried to fantasize about them to see if some sort of attraction could be there, because we got along so well. But nope, wasnt attracted to them sexually. And they werent terrible looking women neither.

Once youve gone through the drama of hooking up with your friends, you grow up a bit and learn a bit. And as you mature, youre not always trying to bed just any OK looking woman.

This all said, in most cases of male-female friendships, there usually is one person attracted to the other. But this wont happen in all cases.

 

[Jaylan]

If she's attractive enough that you'd have sex with her, no. If she isn't attractive to you, you may be attractive to her and she'll start acting weird and/or make things awkward. I also find women in general to be rather self-centered when it comes to friendships with men.

Notice how male friendships are an effortless endeavor. I've never had to think about it, it just happens. I don't have to worry about hurting a guys feelings or if he wants to f-ck me, vice versa. We relate to each other because we're essentially the same with an appreciation that only other men can fully understand.

I wanted to touch on your last paragraph. My experience with female friends is that usually there is some kind of tension. And in the cases where there was no tension, I still had to alter my behavior to be suitable for her personality. Even women who try to tell you they "can be one of the guys" still dislike certain male behaviors or habits. Like I noticed I couldn't talk to them about my sex life in the same manner, or joke around in the same way I do with the guys.

What do I mean? Well lets say Im busting chops with my bros. If I make fun of his appearance or a behavior of his, there's a lot I can say before its crossed the line into making a bro feel bad or disrespected. What Ive noticed with women, is that even if youre a platonic friend, she'll take certain jokes more seriously even if she says she's fine. Or that its easier to cross the line with a girl friend than a guy friend. Its sorta like because youre a guy saying certain things about her, she starts to get self conscious about other guys possibly thinking these things. Par for the course since she dates people of your sex.

Also, when it comes to discussing your dating life, some women will get personally offended by the way you talk about sex or how you date. I lost a friend because she couldnt handle how I dated or the way I spoke of the women I dated. Despite the fact that she knows Im a rather progressive guy, she still felt I was rather misogynistic lol. Because I was into casual sex, would insult certain women, and call women b!tches when casually speaking...ie..."I dont know what this b!tch's problem is. Silly gal". Granted its not the most mature way of speaking, but she was a conservative girl. So my "sleeping around" and "talking down" of women bothered her.

And the funny thing is that I still have a rather average partner count, and a lot less sexcapades than some other people we knew.

But all this said, having female friends takes a little work sometimes, more so than guy friends.

 

[fastlife]

Konada and narcissist hit the nail on the head. Being masculine isn't about having some set of rules you have to live up to--where if you don't do x, y, or z in a certain situation you're not 'being a man.' **** that. Masculinity is all about living life on your terms. It's a presence. It isn't defined by your choice in environment or your actions; your actions and environment are defined by your masculinity. I can go shopping with a girl without it doing a damned thing to affect my masculinity or her perception of it.

Life is about having options and spending time with people who add value to your life. I'm not going to impose self-limiting beliefs on myself regarding what I can and can't do or who I spend my time with.

@RecoveringNiceGuy

Maybe I'm wrong, but if I see a guy who has a best friend who is a female but he's not sexual with her, then my first though is that's he's feminine. If I had a girlfriend who started hanging out with another guy all the time, my first though would be either she's cheating, unless I met the guy and saw he was feminine.

I've had best female friends at times in my life. If you saw us together, you'd assume we were sexual. If you found out I wasn't hitting that, you'd assume there was something wrong with me. But that's you projecting your own lack of options onto me and assuming that sex is a valuable. For me, a woman offering me sex doesn't bring any additional value into my life. Sex is cheap--and it's zero sum; she gets more out of that exchange than I do. I define my own value; she derives a sense of value from being able to sleep with me.

Now a girl that will cook for me, clean for me, give me good conversation, or make my time with her more enjoyable? That's value--doesn't mean I'm gonna sleep with her.

You are always going to be influenced by the people you associate with, and if those people are primarily feminine you are going to be feminine too.

Is that it? Or is who you are going to influence the people you associate with? Basically, if you're 100% comfortable with who you are, people are going to adapt to you.

If I had a girlfriend who started hanging out with another guy all the time, my first though would be either she's cheating, unless I met the guy and saw he was feminine.

Still looking at things through a lack of options. I'm not the guy you'd want to see hanging out with your girlfriend. But if I was friends with her and you met me and spent 5 minutes with me, you'd be OK with it. Why? It wouldn't be because I'm "feminine"--you'd be able to sense that I have options, that I am at ease with myself, and that you don't really have a choice. Security's contagious.

@Jaylan
Once you're 100% comfortable with yourself, and people can sense that their opinion of you won't really affect you, it becomes really hard to offend anybody. They don't have any choice except to accept you at face value. You feel that level of comfort around your friends; you don't feel that level of comfort around women; that's the only difference in those interactions.

 

[G_Govan]

Konada and narcissist hit the nail on the head. Being masculine isn't about having some set of rules you have to live up to--where if you don't do x, y, or z in a certain situation you're not 'being a man.' **** that. Masculinity is all about living life on your terms. It's a presence. It isn't defined by your choice in environment or your actions; your actions and environment are defined by your masculinity. I can go shopping with a girl without it doing a damned thing to affect my masculinity or her perception of it.

Life is about having options and spending time with people who add value to your life. I'm not going to impose self-limiting beliefs on myself regarding what I can and can't do or who I spend my time with.

By this logic, a man can walk around in high heels, lipstick and a dress and call it "masculine" simply because he believes it to be. If we're going to make up our own definitions what's the point of using the word?

I'm sure plenty of us have been shopping with chicks (to the point of boredom) but unless we're also trying on dresses or walking around with a turned up, limp wrist, gossiping about what Sara wore to work that day, I don't see this as a good counterexample.

I don't think anyone objected to hanging out or socializing with women they aren't currently f-cking. I personally consider them good acquaintances, not good/best friends. Is it impossible? No, just unlikely given the competing interests men and women tend to have in relationships.

 

[fastlife]

By this logic, a man can walk around in high heels, lipstick and a dress and call it "masculine" simply because he believes it to be. If we're going to make up our own definitions what's the point of using the word?

I'm sure plenty of us have been shopping with chicks (to the point of boredom) but unless we're also trying on dresses or walking around with a turned up, limp wrist, gossiping about what Sara wore to work that day, I don't see this as a good counterexample.

Bit of a straw man, but I'll bite. Masculinity is a mindset. Masculinity acts, femininity reacts. Hypothetically if a man dressed like a woman with the 100% conviction that he was doing what he damned well wanted to and didn't give a **** what anyone else thought--in terms of the sexual market, he would be projecting masculinity. It'd take one helluva frame and I wouldn't have the inner-game to pull it off, but hypothetically that could be done. Closest IRL example I can think of are the superficially effeminate rockstars of the 70's that pulled like no one's business and were the standard-bearers for male sexuality.

Following your example, the guy who lifts weights, drinks a six pack with his dog when he gets home from the gym, and hangs out with his bros is innately masculine--even if he acts like a total ***** around women. Outwardly he appears masculine, but really he's just reacting to societal standards of male (not masculine) conduct. He might can fool the boys, but the sexual market doesn't lie--assuming we're not giving up the premise that the sexual market is driven by polarity.