Opinions on if No Contact is the right thing in my situation

[Building_and_Loan]

Hey guys, I was wondering if anyone could take a second to help me out, as I'm sure this has happened to many of us.

I've been dating this girl for about a month and a half now, basically since the first week of November. Everything was going really well, started out slow and built up to seeing each other 2 to 3 times a week. Took her to new places that she'd never experienced before, and she was having a great time, eventually told me she wanted me to meet her family ("my sister is crazy, eventually you'll meet her"), stuff like that. She NEVER turned me down when I asked her out, even when it was impromptu and on short notice.

A few weekends ago we spent pretty much the whole weekend together, took an hour drive to a quaint little town to do some Christmas shopping and we ended up banging that night for the first time. She held out for a while and I didn't mind, I was always respectful of her and said I was willing to wait for her to be ready. The next night (Sunday) we had a great time going to a concert, and Thursday we went to another Christmas show.

Here's where I get confused, because all of a sudden she just stopped talking to me after the Thursday show. We kind of had plans to get together this past Saturday, and I texted her Saturday afternoon to see what she had going on (it had been implied we'd get together), and she replied 4 hours later that she slept the whole day. I kept it playful and replied with some type of joke, and she's never talked to me since then.

So I decided to go No Contact, and I'm almost a week through. It's been tough, I'm not going to lie, but I feel like it's the right thing to do if I want to see her again. I feel like if she wanted to get in contact with me, hang out with me, she knows how to get ahold of me.

I'd appreciate anyone's advice on what they think happened. My feeling is that she was probably dating me while still playing the field and she probably found someone else. There were never any indications of that though, that's just me thinking. But maybe she's also just taking a break, maybe for the holidays or something? Maybe she's testing me?

Thanks for any help.

 

[Konada]

Seing her 2-3 times a week? Google cat string theory my friend.

In the meantime, find more stuff for yourself to do and you won't be thinking of how long you need to go ghost. The ball is in her court now.

 

[Poon King]

Yes, no contact is the right thing to do. No contact is always the right thing to do when a woman's attitude sucks.

Yes.. she either lost interest or wants you to chase her. Either way, if her interest is lower than yours then its time to downgrade her to f*ck buddy (if anything) and start looking for better options. The only satisfying relationships are the ones were the woman's interest is high and stays high.

Working to increase her interest is for chumps.

I strongly believe men should never chase women. Its demeaning. Sure.. you might have less women in your life.. but at least the women you actually date will only be women with high interest.

I had a similar situation occur two weeks ago. I met this girl who seemed to have interest through the roof. She was extremely responsive and texted me multiple times a day for a week. Then I set up a date and she flaked last minute saying she was sick. Checked up on her a few days later and she was friendly. Then asked her about holiday plans and she didn't respond.

I haven't contacted her since. Why? Because she has been downgraded to booty call. For me a woman is only relationship material if she kisses my ass. Any non-responsiveness, rudeness, or flakiness makes me lose interest. As it should. Because I don't believe in chasing.

If she ever contacts me again.. I will invite her to my apartment (because she blew her chance for an actual date). If she doesn't agree to come.. I will delete her number.

Basically the less a woman kisses my ass.. the worse I treat her. Women should kiss your ass. If they don't understand your value and superiority.. then you should treat them like the peasants they are.

 

[salinechow]

NC is the correct application here. However, sad to say it, not for the reasons you hope. It sounded to me like, before you even mentioned it, and was more confirmed that you indeed felt it in your guts, that she is seeing someone else.

I disagree though that she was playing the field. Actually, it sounds like she was cheating on someone else with you. Or, has an LDR and he came home for the holidays. Or, she was on a split from someone and ran back for the holiday sentimentality.

Nothing you could do. Probably not your fault. Just the way things are sometimes. Sucky. Been there.

I think if you take off the rose colored glasses and really, really, look at it, you’ll probably start to notice or remember certain things that might confirm our thoughts.

Sorry bro. Stay NC though. Dont screw up anything by begging or trying to satisfy curiosity. Just vaporize and see what happens. Its tough. Im doing it now. Here for you if you need. But defiantly stay NC. Maybe this "other" fool f^cks up and you can make a educated decision if you want to try again if or when she comes back. If you act butt hurt or pursue it will be DONE forever.

Bummer man. Merry Holidays anyway. At least you have us to help you....

SPIN MORE PLATES!!!!!! Good luck buddy.

 

[mikey2012]

Yes, no contact is the right thing to do. No contact is always the right thing to do when a woman's attitude sucks.

Yes.. she either lost interest or wants you to chase her. Either way, if her interest is lower than yours then its time to downgrade her to f*ck buddy (if anything) and start looking for better options. The only satisfying relationships are the ones were the woman's interest is high and stays high.

Working to increase her interest is for chumps.

I strongly believe men should never chase women. Its demeaning. Sure.. you might have less women in your life.. but at least the women you actually date will only be women with high interest.

I had a similar situation occur two weeks ago. I met this girl who seemed to have interest through the roof. She was extremely responsive and texted me multiple times a day for a week. Then I set up a date and she flaked last minute saying she was sick. Checked up on her a few days later and she was friendly. Then asked her about holiday plans and she didn't respond.

I haven't contacted her since. Why? Because she has been downgraded to booty call. For me a woman is only relationship material if she kisses my ass. Any non-responsiveness, rudeness, or flakiness makes me lose interest. As it should. Because I don't believe in chasing.

If she ever contacts me again.. I will invite her to my apartment (because she blew her chance for an actual date). If she doesn't agree to come.. I will delete her number.

Basically the less a woman kisses my ass.. the worse I treat her. Women should kiss your ass. If they don't understand your value and superiority.. then you should treat them like the peasants they are.

Haha peasants

 

[Building_and_Loan]

NC is the correct application here. However, sad to say it, not for the reasons you hope. It sounded to me like, before you even mentioned it, and was more confirmed that you indeed felt it in your guts, that she is seeing someone else.

I disagree though that she was playing the field. Actually, it sounds like she was cheating on someone else with you. Or, has an LDR and he came home for the holidays. Or, she was on a split from someone and ran back for the holiday sentimentality.

Nothing you could do. Probably not your fault. Just the way things are sometimes. Sucky. Been there.

I think if you take off the rose colored glasses and really, really, look at it, you’ll probably start to notice or remember certain things that might confirm our thoughts.

Sorry bro. Stay NC though. Dont screw up anything by begging or trying to satisfy curiosity. Just vaporize and see what happens. Its tough. Im doing it now. Here for you if you need. But defiantly stay NC. Maybe this "other" fool f^cks up and you can make a educated decision if you want to try again if or when she comes back. If you act butt hurt or pursue it will be DONE forever.

Bummer man. Merry Holidays anyway. At least you have us to help you....

SPIN MORE PLATES!!!!!! Good luck buddy.

Thanks for the advice guys, however I know she wasn't cheating on someone else with me or anything like that. We both live in the state's capitol city but are from two different areas. She just moved to the capitol for work a few months ago and really doesn't know many people at all.

It sucks, but hey I'm almost a week through No Contact, so might as well continue on this path then. It's just weird, she brought up all of these future plans for us, such as going to nice restaurants for dinners, New Years Eve, other extended get togethers, and then BAM. Nothing.

I mean, what if she texts me this weekend or next asking to hang out? Is the goal of No Contact to completely ignore her, even if she calls me and asks to hang out?

 

[Mr_Maximus]

she could be withdrawing to sort her head out. She might be contemplating having a relationship with you.

Whatever, no contact is the right thing to do. let her come to you.

when/if she does you dont continue to ignore her, you have done that and that is what brought her back.

 

[Building_and_Loan]

she could be withdrawing to sort her head out. She might be contemplating having a relationship with you.

Whatever, no contact is the right thing to do. let her come to you.

when/if she does you dont continue to ignore her, you have done that and that is what brought her back.

Good point, hopefully that may be it, however I don't want to let myself get my hopes up.

The more I think about it this could be it, because honestly there weren't any signs of things going wrong or her screwing around at all.

We'll see.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Very likely that she had another "prospect" and decided on him.

Regardless of the reason, do you want someone with such lousy character as to start to bond with you and then disappear? She showed her true colors. The thing I hate about NC in cases like this is that it lets her get away with crappy behavior without consequence... It makes it easy for her. I still think NC is your only recourse at this point however.

 

[pyros]

Hey guys, I was wondering if anyone could take a second to help me out, as I'm sure this has happened to many of us.

I've been dating this girl for about a month and a half now, basically since the first week of November. Everything was going really well, started out slow and built up to seeing each other 2 to 3 times a week. Took her to new places that she'd never experienced before, and she was having a great time, eventually told me she wanted me to meet her family ("my sister is crazy, eventually you'll meet her"), stuff like that. She NEVER turned me down when I asked her out, even when it was impromptu and on short notice.

A few weekends ago we spent pretty much the whole weekend together, took an hour drive to a quaint little town to do some Christmas shopping and we ended up banging that night for the first time. She held out for a while and I didn't mind, I was always respectful of her and said I was willing to wait for her to be ready. The next night (Sunday) we had a great time going to a concert, and Thursday we went to another Christmas show.

Here's where I get confused, because all of a sudden she just stopped talking to me after the Thursday show. We kind of had plans to get together this past Saturday, and I texted her Saturday afternoon to see what she had going on (it had been implied we'd get together), and she replied 4 hours later that she slept the whole day. she may have fu-cked another dude I kept it playful and replied with some type of joke, and she's never talked to me since then.

So I decided to go No Contact, and I'm almost a week through. It's been tough, I'm not going to lie, but I feel like it's the right thing to do if I want to see her again. I feel like if she wanted to get in contact with me, hang out with me, she knows how to get ahold of me.

I'd appreciate anyone's advice on what they think happened. My feeling is that she was probably dating me while still playing the field and she probably found someone else. There were never any indications of that though, that's just me thinking. But maybe she's also just taking a break, maybe for the holidays or something? Maybe she's testing me?

Thanks for any help.

so it seems she hasn't contacted you for a week after you texted her some joke...uhm. She clearly has low interest now because she probably did something with another dude.

Anyway, if you do like her...just text her, ask her if she's ok etc, and if she replies with enthusiasm, good manner etc, then ask her out and resume from there. If she doesnt reply or something like it, just go no contact forever.

 

[Building_and_Loan]

so it seems she hasn't contacted you for a week after you texted her some joke...uhm. She clearly has low interest now because she probably did something with another dude.

Anyway, if you do like her...just text her, ask her if she's ok etc, and if she replies with enthusiasm, good manner etc, then ask her out and resume from there. If she doesnt reply or something like it, just go no contact forever.

Yeah I know, the thought she hooked up with someone else has crossed my mind, along with a million other thoughts as to what could be going on. Maybe she did something with another guy just to sabotage our relationship. Ugh, I wish I could just turn my mind off about this.

But I'm not going to text her now, I can't break the No Contact after almost a week just to see if she's ok. I'm kind of just hoping she is taking some time to figure things out over the holidays and we may resume in a little bit or something. I mean I don't think that's the case but who knows.

 

[Building_and_Loan]

Very likely that she had another "prospect" and decided on him.

Regardless of the reason, do you want someone with such lousy character as to start to bond with you and then disappear? She showed her true colors. The thing I hate about NC in cases like this is that it lets her get away with crappy behavior without consequence... It makes it easy for her. I still think NC is your only recourse at this point however.

Good point, what I hate is that it basically lets girls who go into "ghost mode" get away with being cowardly and flaky.

The more I think about it I don't think she hooked up with another dude just like that. She always maintained she likes waiting because sex before a relationship gets serious makes both people less interested as time goes on, so I doubt that's the case. However, it wouldn't be the first time a girl contradicted herself and made no sense, and it won't be the last.

Thanks for the advice though, helps having people weigh in.

 

[Atom Smasher]

What you're missing is that a woman's emotional interest and investment in another man is the very beginning of the sex act. The actual act is only the physical manifestation of that which is entrenched in her brain already.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

My take based on what you wrote is you scared her off by going from casually starting to date, to acting like you two were in an exclusive relationship.

Also, just going to mention the elephant in the room…. how was the shex? Did you bang her good? Bad shexx could def be another reason why she disappeared on you.

I agree with Pyros on this one; it doesn't hurt you at all to send a quick text and see if/how she responds.

Remember a man should always lead and if you think she has interest in you, then hit her up one last time.

Women have ridiculous levels of pride and even when they want to, they will refrain from initiating contact with a guy they really like because of societal standards.

This doesn't look like a case of another guy in the picture, it looks to me like either the shex was disappointing to her and/or she got scared off by the amount of time you two suddenly started spending together.







PIMP

 

[Harry Wilmington]

...I'm sorry, but I just really can't stand when people give advice making assumptions about things that haven't been proven to be true. "Oh, she cancelled your date? Probably because she's riding some other guy's d*ck right now!" "Oh, she hasn't been texting you 24/7?? Must be because she has a list of other orbiters contacting her..." All this crap to get dude worried about stuff she MIGHT be doing when he's really given NO evidence!

The only thing we know here is that she flaked on a date. ONCE. Even the most cynical guys on these boards will, at the very least, give a girl TWO flakes before he gets all irrational about stuff. So, here's the reality of the situation:

1. You didn't make definite plans for that Saturday
2. She ended up "flaking" on plans you hadn't made

That's ALL WE KNOW. Oh, and:

3. It's the holidays.

So, as far as I'm concerned the "no contact" isn't currently warranted because you freaked out about this whole thing after she semi-flaked on you this ONE time, during a week of the year when most people are spending time with family and friends and LESS time with a guy they started dating. My advice? Wait til Monday to call her, ask how her holiday was, and then make ACTUAL PLANS to do something with her. Hope this helps!

 

[Building_and_Loan]

My take based on what you wrote is you scared her off by going from casually starting to date, to acting like you two were in an exclusive relationship.

Also, just going to mention the elephant in the room…. how was the shex? Did you bang her good? Bad shexx could def be another reason why she disappeared on you.

I agree with Pyros on this one; it doesn't hurt you at all to send a quick text and see if/how she responds.

Remember a man should always lead and if you think she has interest in you, then hit her up one last time.

Women have ridiculous levels of pride and even when they want to, they will refrain from initiating contact with a guy they really like because of societal standards.

This doesn't look like a case of another guy in the picture, it looks to me like either the shex was disappointing to her and/or she got scared off by the amount of time you two suddenly started spending together.







PIMP

Yeah I thought about that too, the sex wasn't that great because we finished 2 bottles of wine and were tired from Christmas shopping all day, she was on her period (I've never banged a chick on her period before, it was gross after because it came back out and made my sheets so nasty, I'm still trying to get the stain out). I also came pretty early because I hadn't had sex since the end of August, so there's that.

I know if she gave me another chance I could do better. I would have banged her again that night but having to change the sheets because of her period just grossed me out too much.

Dang, now you guys have me second guessing myself on the No Contact haha. Maybe I'll let a few more days go by and follow up with her just to see how her holidays were.

It just doesn't make sense how this all transpired, given that we were set up by a guy who is a very good friend of both of ours. I don't think she would just go and hook up with some other dude without ending it with me first, given the repercussions it would have within our friend group. I realize it doesn't matter though, girls can be downright cold without realizing it.

 

[Atom Smasher]

...I'm sorry, but I just really can't stand when people give advice making assumptions about things that haven't been proven to be true. "Oh, she cancelled your date? Probably because she's riding some other guy's d*ck right now!" "Oh, she hasn't been texting you 24/7?? Must be because she has a list of other orbiters contacting her..." All this crap to get dude worried about stuff she MIGHT be doing when he's really given NO evidence!

The only thing we know here is that she flaked on a date. ONCE. Even the most cynical guys on these boards will, at the very least, give a girl TWO flakes before he gets all irrational about stuff. So, here's the reality of the situation:

1. You didn't make definite plans for that Saturday
2. She ended up "flaking" on plans you hadn't made

That's ALL WE KNOW. Oh, and:

3. It's the holidays.

So, as far as I'm concerned the "no contact" isn't currently warranted because you freaked out about this whole thing after she semi-flaked on you this ONE time, during a week of the year when most people are spending time with family and friends and LESS time with a guy they started dating. My advice? Wait til Monday to call her, ask how her holiday was, and then make ACTUAL PLANS to do something with her. Hope this helps!

Harry, I see where you're coming from, but something isn't right here. When a woman is truly interested she'll move mountains to see you. If she had interest she would have contacted him in order to smooth things over.

Either she's testing him in order to get him to chase (a bad sign) or she's not interested (i.e. has another love interest). Both are putting him in an uncomfortable situation that he shouldn't have to go through.

These damn games make us dance around like monkeys, constantly wondering and strategizing, when it should be that a man is reasonably sure that the woman he is investing himself with has a similar interest level.

But then I'm in the Anti-Dump camp... Only invest in women sho show obvious interest.

 

[Building_and_Loan]

I'm kind of with Harry here, but I see both sides of the debate. Seeing as how she has not contacted you, I think it's safe to assume she's going to move on. If a girl is truly interested, she WILL text you. Or call. Whatever. Maybe she's ashamed of what she's done, or embarrassed as you mentioned the whole sheet situation and wants to get another guy / already found one.
Two situations I see:
Most likely: Found another guy and wanted to forget you for whatever reason
Less likely: Is with family / out of town for the holidays and is, for whatever reason, unable to contact you.

Either way, do NOT text her. I've had a girl I went NC with for 4 months who text me out of the blue wanting intimate relations. So stay strong and who know what'll happen man. Go out and try to find some other cuties to take your mind off of this particular one. Sitting in, getting cabin fever and thinking of her will only make this worse and better for her. Plus, do you really think a girl who refused to talk to you for a whole week is someone you want to date, or go even further with? No way. She feels entitled for you to chase her, that's a fact. No matter what excuse she gives.

Good luck mang.

Yeah I hate to think about it but ultimately, the most simple explanation is usually the most likely one, which is what I bolded.

I feel like even if she was still interested but wanted some distance, she would have at least sent me a Merry Christmas text or something like that, because she did as much on Thanksgiving a few weeks into the relationship. She helped me pick out a few gifts for family/friends too, so I assume she'd want to know how they liked them and everything. But nothing so far.

Ugh, I'm honestly torn now as to whether or not to hit her up. Because honestly she only "flaked" on semi-tentative plans one time, when a female friend of hers was in town (last weekend). So basically I think I got "bumped" from her plans last weekend. Of course the friend could have been a cover for something else, but I have no reason to not trust her or not believe her.

She does have these Rules of Dating she posted to Facebook a year ago that I read recently, and basically all of them say "let the guy come to you," "don't text him too much," stuff like that.

 

[Nn877]

Actions bro actions, after your drunken bloody sex she stops responding? That should tell you something. Prob two things: she feels very embarassed since she got drunk and let you smash while on period(which should be in ltr not just month in) or she's thinking you're coming on waaaay too strong. Which sounds like you are. I really see no chasing on her part whatsoever.

Did you know she was on her period? Sounds like you have no options or even prospects besides her which is okay but if you're prone to onietis then it's a problem for you.

You need to work on your inner game a lot if you're this worried after a month in imagine being with her for a year and she all of sudden stops replying or gets too busy to respond. Stop trippin man you're worried mindset is making you subconsciously not the prize and making you chase her. Just have some self restraint and pull back a little.

More you care and pursue further will push her way....sprinkle it once in awhile but all day everyday will have her knowing your huge investment and won't be worried she flaked because she knows she can hit you up and you're be so happy to hear from her and make plans asap. Keep things light text her to set up a date and go from there any more hesitation and you know what to do.

 

[Building_and_Loan]

Oh my... Don't fall for her trap! Obviously she wants you to chase her, now that you've added that post!
I was not going to respond, but please, don't 'hit her up'. That will only make things worse, trust me. Just go ahead and play it cool with NC. Then she'll have to change HER rules. And if she's willing to do that, then she probably really likes you.
This is all the hypothetical IF statement. IF she's not with another guy.

Yeah that's a big IF, but I suppose I have to take a chance here and bank on her not being with someone else. Or maybe she is with someone else but I can wait to see if he screws up or blows her off, then she may realize how great she had it with me.

She did say repeatedly I've taken her on the best, most interesting dates she's ever been on. I'm pretty sure she used to go for "bad boys" and guys who treated her like crap.

I should probably just play it cool and not say anything to her, maybe it'll screw with her mind that I'm not hitting her up. Another one of her rules is to "not make yourself too available to a guy," and that's exactly what she's done to me. She's never turned me down or flaked on DEFINITIVE plans, she's actually even said yes to a spur of the moment impromptu date one night a few weeks ago.