Ways to Increase Actual and Perceived Value

[Atom Smasher]

We all know that in general a woman must perceive your value being higher than hers in order to be interested in you. A woman will almost never "downgrade" to a man who she sees as below her in value.

It's time for us to cull together our collective knowledge of how to convey value to ourselves, to women, and to the world-at-large.

I perceive that there are two kinds of value: Actual and Perceived. Each type is effective in attracting women, although of course only actual value will keep her unless a man can game her into addiction to himself.

So, please post here your thoughts on how a man can increase his actual and perceived value to:

Yourself

Women

The World (Business, social, family, etc.)

I think it's high time we seriously study the concept of "Value" and I'll probably sticky this thread if you guys provide some quality information (and I have no doubt that you will). I'm going to be pretty heavy-handed in keeping the thread pure and useful, so I'll be eliminating any clowning around that gets out of hand and any pissing matches. I want this thread to be genuinely useful to every man who wants to better himself and understand the concept of value.

Let's get this show on the road. Feel free to contribute your thoughts on the subject. Later on I'll chime in with my own thoughts. I don't want to infuence the opening posters with my own thoughts yet.

 

[HalfPUAHalfAFC]

It is hard to convey value right out of the gate, but it is not hard to downgrade your value in her eyes rather quickly and/or easily.

Conveying your value should develop naturally. While that happens, you should work on eliminating those things that degrade your value:

Some examples of degrading your value:

Poor body language, dress, eye-contact

Hovering around a group during conversation; if you are on the outside, don't just stand there listening, either join or leave and do something else for a while

Reacting awkwardly to pauses/silence in conversation

Apologizing

Blowing up her phone, especially with meaningless "How ya doing?" texts

Trying too make out with her in front of a group of people

Obeying all her orders

Following her around like a lost puppy

Failing to lead in conversation, walking, going through doors, ordering food, etc.

Indecisiveness

Getting angry at things you can't control: traffic, crowded bar, etc.

Treating the waiter/waitress like crap

Talking bad about people

Whining about your lot in life and blaming it on others

Not having goals, hobbies, interests

Having an empty refrigerator

Not taking care of your appearances; even if you like the disheveled, bad-boy image, that's fine. But, your appearance shouldn't look like you've given it no thought.

Dominating the conversation in terms of talking about yourself all the time; bragging, interrupting, etc.

Getting too drunk and losing control of your composure

Calling girls b!tches or sluts in front of her

Poorly timed kino; badly done, heavy handed kino

Always agreeing with her

Dropping your plans to see her on a moments notice

Doing favors for her you wouldn't do for a guy

Tell her about your sexual conquests

Bad breath/teeth

Overreacting to petty things

These are just some things off the top of my head. Eliminate these things and then when you can further engage a girl, IF you do have value, that will become apparent much more easily.

I am not saying there are not things you can do to facilitate your increase in value in her eyes. There are and I appreciate the attempt to start a thread on this.

But, if you have this value to give, you don't want to subvert it with things easily fixed that can decrease or even destroy the value you have in her eyes. You have to give her a chance to see your value and if you place too many obstacles in front of her to that, she'll never even get her radar attuned to what you have to offer.

 

[AlphaGhost]

Cool thread, I'm in business and work in one of the wealthiest areas in NYC.

I'm real big on perceived value, cause these rich mofos can tear apart someone who they feel isn't on their level.

Being dressed clean doesn't matter what your wearing, as long as your clean and put together right.

Posture, standing straight, chest out, head high.

When walking, walk like you feel you own the room, look at where your going, and don't look around all nervously.

Speaking, project your voice, speak confidently.
Also when speaking with someone, speak as if your the bachelor on that show lol, almost as if your interviewing them but more conversation like.

I'd post more as they come to me

 

[German Soldier]

What increases your value is having a connection to other people. Without that connection, there will never be hope for you.l

 

[Sonny Knight]

The (business) world is not a logical place. People will try to get at you out of jealousy, spite, pettiness or insecurity. Sometimes this will be in ways you will not be able to imagine, you would not expect someone to go "so low". But they will.


You are sheep among wolves and it is best that you educate yourself in order to combat them

 

[yougottaknow90]

Great thread.

Apologizing is a great way of lowering your value.

 

[DonDiscovery]

actual value=money, permament social status (i.e. in life), looks (to some extent), friends

perceived=game, temporary social status (i.e. in one club), perceived wealth, social skills

 

[floydb25]

The (business) world is not a logical place. People will try to get at you out of jealousy, spite, pettiness or insecurity. Sometimes this will be in ways you will not be able to imagine, you would not expect someone to go "so low". But they will.


You are sheep among wolves and it is best that you educate yourself in order to combat them

Strange... You just described my last social crowd, and most people I associated with in general. 'Tis the price of attracting *******s, and being a (former) pushover, easy-going, fair-weather friend. The two go hand in hand.

 

[nismo-4]

actual value=money, permament social status (i.e. in life), looks (to some extent), friends

perceived=game, temporary social status (i.e. in one club), perceived wealth, social skills

Fake it till you make it. We all know that men value love, but women love value. Being that hypergamy and Briffault's law are major factors with women, they tend to "date up" more, as opposed to men who often tend to "date down".

 

[bigneil]

Perceived value is normally a sign of debt. That road can lead to servitude, especially if it lands you the type of woman impressed by that.

Real value starts with health, and there are no medical short-cuts to achieve it. It requires natural foods, discipline, detoxification and regular exercise. Once you have health you will naturally be motivated, and that is where you can start to generate wealth in your career. The women follow at that point.

 

[playa99]

The key to having actually value, is doing things for you, and improving yourself to be happier. Whether that be in career or relationships, socially etc.

Perceived value is doing things to be seen or great/cool by others.


The difference is subtle, but actual value maintains interest in women, as you as not just doing something for show!

 

[Darth]

^^That is my secret weapon.

Want to have value?

Add an S. Values.

Have values- where do you stand on life? What are your positions on things? Do you have good, solid, upstanding values or do you have corrupt, lame values?

That's part of what gives me confidence- when you have razor sharp, crystal clear values, then everything I think and do stems from that. So it is then very hard to fool me with bullsh!t.

Many people don't know what their values are or don't have faith in their own views about things- they are easily defeated.

Some others have very strong values- however these values are crappy values (example: It is better to blend in with the norm than to be your own man because other people are more powerful than me and they could fire me) and are easily defeated not because I am superior but because the values I hold are superior.

How do you work on your values? You have to be real. You have to look within. You have to introspect and say what do I believe and why do I believe it.

And is there a superior belief to the one I hold that would "beat" my current position?

That's how to find confidence.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Good stuff guys. Keep it coming.

Later I'll add some of my own brain eruptions into the mix.

 

[HalfPUAHalfAFC]

In a thread like this, it is perhaps important to point out that what MEN think and perceive as value--and as an important corollary what they think women perceive as value--is often what men value in men.

The question, for this thread and board, is what women perceive as value.

To convey value to a woman, you must be:

Fun (incredibly important, for both short and long-term interaction)

Interesting (you should spike her emotions and her intellect)

Experienced (you've done things in life)

Comfortable in your own skin (whether that be bad-boy sloppy or GQ)

Non-needy (ever had a needy girl chasing you?)

Confident (you know what you are doing and have faith in yourself)

Sexual (you give off the impression that a roll in the hay will be worth her time)

A little dangerous (this is exciting for women)

Friendly to others (don't be a dcik to people, though girls like a little crap from you)

Independent (you live life for yourself)

Adventurous (this goes back to fun and dangerous)

Not-too-easy to get (drives them crazy and makes them chase)

Unshakable (you are not easily moved by distractions and hurdles)

Kind to children and the elderly (she'll see this as an indicator of the "real" you, the one you only slowly let out in front of her)

Skilled (you should know how to do something, preferably several things)

Care free (you don't burden her with stuff, especially your own problems)

 

[j0504s]

The way I differentiate both is simply like this:
Actual value: Permanent change to your person
Perceived value: Temporary change to your person

ACTUAL VALUE
To add to your actual value, the focus must be on YOURSELF. This is what Pook was all about, and I find that this should be one of the main goals of every person on here. You can add to your actual value through self-improvement. This can take many forms. I made a thread yesterday about hobbies / interests / passions, and that is one way to add to your value. However, there are other ways. I will list a few that come to mind.

Physically: Treat yourself well physically. That means, work on flaws you might have, whether it is being too lanky or too fat, having a poor clothing style, a poor haircut/facial hair style, etc. I believe this adds both perceived and actual value, but my focus is on actual value. Once you have improved yourself physically, in theory it should stay with you. If you gain 20 pounds of muscles, you should work on maintaining that. Body language is another important one that can be seen as both perceived and actual value, but I believe once you have implemented it in your manners and it becomes second nature, it will become actual value. And this is, in my opinion, very important, as first opinion are often formed based on body language.

Emotionally: Again, work on yourself emotionally. If you are an emotional wreck, work on improving it. If you are emotionally dependent of others to feel happy / complete, learn to love yourself and to appreciate your company in moments of solitude.

Time spent: This relates to interest / hobbies / passions. Invest your time in experience-building pastimes. It doesn't have to be the one that will make you seem the most "alpha", but something that you will truly love, and that you can somehow benefit physically and intellectually. For example, although I have nothing against video games, and I find they can be quite fun, if you dedicate eight hours per day to video games, I do not find this is a good way to increase your actual value. However, if you dedicate one hour per day to learn a new musical instrument, that will increase your actual value. New experiences are gained through this.

Socially: I'm not saying that you should become a social butterfly, especially if you are like me and a more introverted kind of guy, this will not be natural and a huge source of discomfort. I have tried in the past, and gave up on it because it made me too miserable and was giving me too much pressure. However, learning more about social dynamics and how to interact with people is very important, and this will add much to your value, if you are able to walk up to any stranger and have a fun / interesting conversation.

That's it for now, running out of time!

This is all great stuff...

The section for emotional is something I feel that people overlook...and honestly should be the starting point...people can feel out through conversation and body language how you are emotionaly, this is the root of sucess b.c emotional stability can stem ambition as well as stuff to offer other people. This is where you can gain self value and self whorth, and people will see this. even better this goes towards your actual value rather then percieved. +1 rep for brining this point up.

 

[twistedi]

One word that is not in this post that I think should be is...
MYSTERY
...if you bear all early on then your value goes down, the mystery is part of the romance and the necessary soft lighting

 

[ArcBound]

Physical: gym, whitening teeth, dressing better, right hair cut, little things that add up

Being able to small talk, lead conversation at times, be able to convey emotions and get the woman or man excited. Control the tone and control their emotions and you will be on their mind even after you've left.

Money career helps.

Having a skill or talent. In a group of friends we have the guy that can play drums, guy that is great at basketballs, girl that cooks amazing dishes and etc. If you have certain skills or hobbies it adds another dimension to your character. Girls are always impressed by my drawings.

The thing about value is that it is something that no one or most people have. If everyone had it, it wouldn't be valuable. You need to have something or many things that define and separate you from the chaff.

 

[xdreamz]

just to add to the conversation, the point is not to really create a checklist; we all do low value things. certainly i have made numerous 'fouls', i am for sure positive that guys that actually got women **** up on a grand scale one way or another. the other day i was smelling like donkey ****, but can we make it so that we can sell that? ... i say the one thing that can help is not being overly kind to people. doing a favor for someone that you can't do for them seems a little misguided, to be more giving of ourselves is the right attitude.

 

[muscleman]

This isn't new, but it's something I'm in the process of writing in-depth about, so your value or 'alphaness' is derived from 5 main traits (not in specific order) :

1) fame - celebrity %
2) status - a localized subset of fame (bartender is high status at a bar, CEO is high status at a company, etc)
3) looks - both genetic (height, race, face) and built (body)
4) wealth - $
5) game - attitude, social dominance, social skills, etc

Actual value is how high you measure in these metrics.

Perceived value is a combination of:

a) how well you portray this aggregate value
b) how well you portray the potential for higher value (how highly you think of yourself, so for example you may not be very high status but if you act like you are people will assume you are to some degree)
c) how well others portray your perceived value (social proof, reputation, preselection, etc)

Here's an example of high perceived value vs. low actual value in regards to fabricated fame: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XYU1a0lTTTw

Of course this shortcut can't hold for any extended period of time, so over the long haul it's not worth it to focus all your efforts on perceived value vs. actual value.

 

[Darth]

"actual" value is repugnant to the modern woman. Do you think Jesus would be attractive to a chick today? Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, and goodness?

I don't know about today, but in the Bible it specifically mentions how all the women loved Jesus and how they were crying at his crucifixion.

Actual value is underrated these days...