Own worst enemies

[Pandora]

Ive been realizing lately that most of our problems are because of ourselves. We lack the discipline to be able to improve ourselves. This extends to all areas of life, not just dating. The vast majority of us in the Western world have the ability and freedoms to pursue most of our goals. We can theoretically get in great shape. We theoretically have the ability to learn that new instrument, or to learn that new language. We can pursue that vision of an ideal man. What stops us is our own lack of discipline. This is a frustrating realization to come to.

Because we are not able to work on ourselves, we either use women as a crutch to make us feel validated or we chase after them because they wont chase after us. What i am getting at is that we have the ability to be greater than we are. We have the ability to be the man that men want to be and women want to do. Its our own lack of discipline that holds us back.

Once we can master ourselves, most things in life fall in place. This is especially true with dating. Go to the gym an put on 30lbs of lean muscle, get good with that guitar, go pick up a new hobby, meet your professional goals and you will never really have any real women problems again. Obtaining discipline is the hardest thing to do in life.

 

[The Duke]

Go to the gym an put on 30lbs of lean muscle, get good with that guitar, go pick up a new hobby, meet your professional goals and you will never really have any real women problems again.

Totally agree with you, however I am a highly disciplined individual who has got the total package you speak of and things just dont' work how you claim they do. Get some more years on ya and you'll understand this. The problem becomes the more you have to offer, the higher your standards, and the less willing you are to put up with the type of women you dated in your past. You'll require much more out of a female partner and quite frankly few match up.

 

[squirrels]

Both very true.

Discipline in the face of fear and doubt will help you expand beyond your comfort zone. The "downside" to this is that when you try to share that experience with others, they too are trained to rationalize. They will think you're crazy...you will think they are cowards. You won't be able to get along with them.

What's worse, if you hang around them long enough, any tentative gains you have made in your self-discipline and initiative will be undermined by their reinforcing your own bad habits.

So yes...the higher you go, the higher the mountain rises in front of you. Once you finally get used to being a "guy who gets laid", just getting laid alone won't satisfy you.

 

[runner83]

So yes...the higher you go, the higher the mountain rises in front of you. Once you finally get used to being a "guy who gets laid", just getting laid alone won't satisfy you.

Dang nammit, so that's what wrong in my life!

But in the end:

It is not the mountain we conquer but ourselves.

Onwards and upwards, fellow DJs.

 

[AFCToDJSlowButSurely]

repped for truth, everyday is a struggle against myself

 

[Colossus]

Self improvement and self-OWNERSHIP is really the cornerstone of being a "DJ". However, it is a double-edged sword in some respects. One, because the more you realize you are STUD and you have tangible value, the higher your standards will become. This is good, for sure, but it does narrow the selection pool. Two, be careful of putting all your improvement efforts into external things. Adding 30 lbs of muscle is an awesome achievement and will do much more than just improve your look. It will improve your self-discipline, baseline confidence, and athleticism. That said, make sure your development is balanced. No one cares how muscular you are if your social skills suck or you're a total bastard, lol!

One of the goals I set for myself (not so much a discrete goal, but more of a continuing improvement) is to just be a better guy in general when it comes to relationships. It's not enough for me to just be a good-looking, muscular guy. Those are a dime-a-dozen. I want to be a guy who treats his women AWESOME...so they know it, I know it, and essentially my side of the street is clean. I have the power to walk in good conscience if I dont feel I am treated the same. And I guarantee you I wont be the one regretting the walk.

 

[Pandora]

Totally agree with you, however I am a highly disciplined individual who has got the total package you speak of and things just dont' work how you claim they do. Get some more years on ya and you'll understand this. The problem becomes the more you have to offer, the higher your standards, and the less willing you are to put up with the type of women you dated in your past. You'll require much more out of a female partner and quite frankly few match up.

Now that i am a little older and have improved alot, i see that this is very true. Only a few women match up or have that burning desire to build good habits. They don't have to. For men our survival depends on our drive and discipline to stick to a goal. The more disciplined i become the more frustrated i get at the lack of discipline in others (esp those that i date). I need to work on that.

 

[Pandora]

Both very true.

Discipline in the face of fear and doubt will help you expand beyond your comfort zone. The "downside" to this is that when you try to share that experience with others, they too are trained to rationalize. They will think you're crazy...you will think they are cowards. You won't be able to get along with them.

What's worse, if you hang around them long enough, any tentative gains you have made in your self-discipline and initiative will be undermined by their reinforcing your own bad habits.

Yeh man, i feel ya man. The more disciplined you get, the harder and harder it gets to find people that will reinforce good habits in you. You look at people around you that are reflections of the old undisciplined you, and its hard not to dislike them. In them you see wut you didn't like about urself.
I feel like this is another type of matrix. The matrix of the being lazy and not fighting life back. Once you wake up and realize that discipline can get you much of what you desire in life, it is difficult to go back to that laziness matrix.

You see this esp when you hit fitness goals becuz of your discipline. You start to look at your friends that are fat slobs becuz they are lazy with alot of disdain. I know its wrong but thats how u start to feel.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Well it is especially hard because you as self-improve, not all others around you do (groups of friends, etc). It can sometimes be hard to maintain a common ground with those who are not excelling in the same ways -- but after going through many phases in my own life, from the bottom of the social ladder to a higher place -- I can say that even if you self-improve, you ought to be careful who you start thinking you are "better than", etc -- because you may fall someday, and you would be surprised as to who those are who will give you support. It's often the people you wouldn't have expected.

Self-improvement should definitely be the goal for all of us -- and I believe really is the undercurrent of a lot of this information. Struggling with women? Work to better actualize the person YOU want to be for YOU, take care of YOUR BUSINESS, and the rest seems to fall into place.

We have to continually be seeking a better improvement of ourselves -- that's the only way we really are able to effect others -- and it is from that place of self-improvement that we are also the best for those around us.

 

[AttackFormation]

Ive been realizing lately that most of our problems are because of ourselves. We lack the discipline to be able to improve ourselves. This extends to all areas of life, not just dating. The vast majority of us in the Western world have the ability and freedoms to pursue most of our goals. We can theoretically get in great shape. We theoretically have the ability to learn that new instrument, or to learn that new language. We can pursue that vision of an ideal man. What stops us is our own lack of discipline. This is a frustrating realization to come to.

Because we are not able to work on ourselves, we either use women as a crutch to make us feel validated or we chase after them because they wont chase after us. What i am getting at is that we have the ability to be greater than we are. We have the ability to be the man that men want to be and women want to do. Its our own lack of discipline that holds us back.

Once we can master ourselves, most things in life fall in place. This is especially true with dating. Go to the gym an put on 30lbs of lean muscle, get good with that guitar, go pick up a new hobby, meet your professional goals and you will never really have any real women problems again. Obtaining discipline is the hardest thing to do in life.

This insight is connected to the two different ideas of what liberty is.

Positive liberty is the ability to control decisions and consequences to the degree they affect you. This is what you are talking about and what left-libertarianism is about. But our culture embraces the concept of negative liberty, which is absence of violence and which is the basis of right-libertarianism. Under negative liberty, your lack of discipline doesn't threaten you with violence, so you are "free"... but under positive liberty you are unable to control your self discipline which is of great consequence to you, and so you are not free. This means that our whole lifestyles that tug at us in every direction with distractions, some of which are even engineered to hook the brain on instant gratification, make us less free and not more.

What humans need is a total social and technological environment that ingrains and nurtures self discipline into the hardwiring of their brains alongside developing the skills and habits you need to be a successful and attractive adult, especially as a man (mentally strong, interesting hobbies, fit with good posture, good grooming, educated, making enough money, charming, dancing ability, a marketable skill)... left to our own compulsions, impulses and instant gratifications, you end up with dysfunction. And now more than ever the bar is high for what you are supposed to become. You have to be so much, know so much - and yet never has our ability to self discipline been more challenged than today. This marketed high bar means that you are also painfully aware of your own lack, and it becomes a vicious cycle where the distractions are a medication used to numb the anger and suffering but which only makes it worse in the long run. Just like a woman being promiscuous to medicate her void of self esteem, but over time her self esteem actually gets worse from it.