The official Borderline Personality Disorder thread [Merged]

[wait_out]

As for the re-hashing of the war stories.....I can see where some might call that "circling the drain of victimhood". To me it is just part of the study of what I have learned is a very creepy and deadly mental disease. I am captivated by it now, after having realized how powerful of a hold it had on me. It is hair-raising to see the similarities in this mental illness among women from all across the world. The same brain-washing methods, the same denial, the same addiction, the same "medical conditions".....nothing short of amazing.

Maybe one has to experience the brainwashing to get it. Maybe not.....

Something to think about.

Well, you think "I can't believe I dated her! I must have been CRAZY!" It's a very emotional time in your life, as well as a very hard time. That's why it's so much fun to talk about. We drag out our most shameless metaphors to describe it, reminisce about the amazing sex, and laugh at our idiocy if we're pretty much recovered from it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JMoGj9QtZts

This series is pretty funny to me now. It brings back the FEAR

 

[Blue Phoenix]

The initial seduction is all a set-up

Imagine eating a daily serving of the sweetest, most delicious bee's honey that you ever tasted - pure ambrosia.Then two months later you start to feel ill.
One day, after your health has deteriotated over a year or so, you discover that you have been ingesting battery acid which has been cleverly been disguised as honey. That is a BPD woman.

Lol great analogy. They are selfish to the core.

Confessions from a vampire:

I once asked one of them why she had invited me to go out with her to buy some snacks. She said "because I´m afraid of going alone, it´s dangerous". In other words, I was the chump supposed to protect her, mind you, a girl who won´t even talk to me through msn because there´s a rich guy who´s online, and to this one she always answers, yet never stopped flirting with me and my friends. She flirts with you in order for you to do somehing for her and later makes fun of you behind your back with her girlfriends (she calls this a "gift").

Another time I was chatting with her and asked what she thought about cheating and she said "I don´t care". Mind you, this same girl had said before (in the seduction phase) that she always finished a relationship before dating someone else, lol. They´re full of sh!t.

Look out for this one. She said she "falls in love" easily. Actually her early interest in you is the same as the interest in a new toy. She will be all over you but soon she will grow bored and will be gone!

Fall in love fast = Idealisation Phase
Fall out of love fast = Devaluation Phase

Normally REAL interest level takes time to develop. Instant connection/rapport should be treated with extreme care as someone may be playing a trick on you (ego), mirroring you.

The girl´s here/go away tactics reflect typical BPD behavior. This is partly how she manipulates/controls you and the relationship!

In reality, a Borderline is primarily interested in obtaining narcissistic supply. This means, virtually anybody can become the next object of interest, to satisfy their ego needs. They might flirt with others or initiate romantic exchanges over the Internet, while they're involved with you! The only satisfaction/revenge you'll ever get with a BPD, is to shut them out/ignore them completely.

And some idiots think she´s flirting with them because she makes them believe they´re the great catch, lol. It´s like a spirit who needs a body to possess in order to be able to live.

 

[jophil28]

And some idiots think she´s flirting with them because she makes them believe they´re the great catch, lol. It´s like a spirit who needs a body to possess in order to be able to live.

They are often called "the great chameleons" because they possess an uncanny ability to become whatever,and whomever, you want them to be.

Think about that for a moment.- you meet, and start dating a woman, who is uber feminine and behaves in ways that are magnetically attractive. Every attribute, every small detail is close to perfect. Even those small actions that you would find not so great in another woman are somehow 'cute' in HER.

THis woman stepped right off your design page.

And you have no clue that everything she is doing with you and to you , every sexual act, is mostly contrived and calculated to snare you into her toxic web.

 

[jophil28]

"And it is no marvel, because Satan himself(or herself) is transformed into an ANGEL OF LIGHT."

2 Corinthians 11:14

Paul was a smart guy, his warning to the brothers back in Corinth was on the money.

 

[Die Hard]

"The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist"

From the movie "The Usual Suspects"

 

[Blue Phoenix]

"The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist"

It´s the best way to be tricked!!

BPDs individuals cannot sustain emotional commitment. They change emotions in midstream and have difficulty holding on to feelings of love. Love turns to indifference, estrangement and perhaps back again to love. Borderlines have a strong and frantic need to control. For them, the loss of control signals the onset of some type of emotional or interpersonal abandonment or breakdown. BPDs often test their partner's level of frustration tolerance and anger.

The unspoken expectation of the borderline is for others to "be there" on demand at all times. Temporary commitment, withdrawal and the search for a perfect, all loving, non-exploitive love object is the continuous and dysfunctional emotional cycle of the borderline. It happens eventual transfer of negativity onto their mates; i.e., they lose love, withdraw, and become aversive to touch and sex. In many interactions, the BP is not emotionally present, relating from only pieces or parts of the self. To varying degrees, BPDs are able to be in a relationship while being partially or fully detached emotionally from the partner.

Many borderlines have a perfectly working, pleasant, alluring, seductive, competent, superman/woman facade and it is sometimes difficult to differentiate which self is being presented. However, the BP has an empty core at the center of identity. They are irritable and anxious much of the time. They experience cognitive distortions and accuse loved ones and others of doing things they haven’t done and of having sinister motives for the simplest of actions. They may have a deep-rooted secret belief that they are evil. Often Borderline’s may project their own feelings of inferiority on to loved ones whom they then devalue and abuse. Some BPDs physically abuse their loved ones, kicking punching, slapping and gouging their loved ones with their fingernails. They act verbally abusive to people they know well while putting on a charming front for other people, thus fooling coworkers, neighbors and therapists who may not believe family members stories of abuse.

These sites are the sh!t:
*http://www.toddlertime.com/dx/borderline/bpd-hanning.htm
http://www.essortment.com/all/borderlineperso_rnmc.htm

Books on Cluster B:

Emotional Vampires - Dealing with People who Drain you Dry
http://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Vam...=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1263765889&sr=8-1

That B!tch - Protect Yourself Against Women With Malicious Intent
http://www.amazon.com/That-*****-Pr...=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1263765994&sr=8-1

Say Goodbye to Your PDI - Recognize People Who Make You Miserable and Eliminate Them from Your Life for Good!
http://www.amazon.com/Goodbye-Your-...=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1263848932&sr=1-1

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Borderlines tend to fall in love quickly, their relationships develop fast and may burn out just as fast. They do not take the time to get to know the person they are attaching themselves to, their values or their character. They open themselves up to the other person quickly possibly having sex on their first date, moving in with their new partner within a few weeks and getting married within a few months. They will have an inflated view of their partner - that their new love interest is the best thing that has ever happened to them, good and true.

Not long after the relationship starts reality starts to creep its way in. A Borderlines partner may do something that shows they are not perfect and the situation does a complete 180 degree turn. The Borderline sees their partner as distasteful and unworthy, this is deflation. BPDs have the ability to affect other people's feelings and behaviours on the basis of the intensity and changeability of their feelings (projection/transference).

They are also impulsive and prone to partake in hazardous activities in order to escape negative feelings e.g. taking drugs, drinking heavily, having random unprotected sex, spending large sums of money they don't have. They may even binge eat or suffer from bulimia or anorexia.

The BPD can only see in black and white, someone is either "all good" or "all bad" at one time. This is known as "splitting". If a Borderline has been dumped (or suspect they will be) they will say and do anything to win back their ex. The periods of emotional roller coasters that will be experienced throughout your relationship can only make you stronger or break you.

When relationships end normal people grieve then accept that it is in effect over and move on with their lives. Borderlines will often "to and fro" impulsively ending a relationship then go on to regret their decision. They feel overpowered by emptiness and not knowing who they are and become desperate to go back to their ex who largely defines their existence. This can happen several times before the relationship finally ends. Most people involved, children and spouses, have PTSD due to the effects of the BPDs. After the passion of new love subsides they become bored, often moving on to a new partner. If they continue in the relationship "instead of deepening concern and communication, there ensues a struggle for control.

*http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1345803/5_tips_to_deal_with_a_loved_one_with.html
http://www.echo.me.uk/bpd2.htm
http://www.associatedcontent.com/ar...t_aspect_of_borderline_personality.html?cat=7

You see, with BPDs the problem is not the guy acting AFC, it´s the person (bpd) not knowing that the heck she wants. Actually, they love AFCs (in the beginning) because BPDs are needy despite being very sexy. In the long run, the abusive ones get the upper hand, as they are the only ones able to tame the beast. Later some people here bash us saying it´s our fault, that AWs are an illusion or that it´s normal, with these people (BPDs) you cannot win. I wonder how many guys here fell into their arms thinking "Wow, my tactics worked, I seduced her", when It was probably she who was seducing you.

In the period of 7 years, I´ve been able to indentify 3 of them. IT`S THE SAME PATTERN, EXACTLY THE SAME. This girl went to a new friend of mine and asked "Did you sleep with me? Because I´d love to sleep with you!!!" rolleyes Mind you, this is the 4th guy in a row she´s trying to play. She goes from one to the next, it´s impressive. They use their own bodies as weapons of male destruction. I wonder how many men she has slept with (It´d not surprise me, 100 or more...).

 

[Bible_Belt]

Agreed. My bpd girl has moved on to shooting IV drugs, which means moving on to guys who do IV drugs. I can't compete with a needle. She probably has hepatitis by now anyway.

 

[DangNammit]

Newbie - BURNED BAD - Please Help!

Hi All,

I read through this entire thread and think I have finally found an answer to what the heck I got myself into. I have been searching for answers for the last 2+ months. Please help me out - I know this is gonna be long, but could really use your insights. I'm getting along, but have never been so gutted in my life.

BACKGROUND:
Met girl just over year ago (both of us on the tail-ends of our divorces). I was married 12 years, she was married 15. We sparked hard and fast. She came on to me quickly and layed it on thick (very seductive). We were in bed by out third time out (it was beyond amazing and frequent from then on). We got progressively more involved - she was everything I dreamed of... A very smart educator, beautiful, witty, kind, and caring. Within a couple of months she said things like "she was falling for me", "ILU", "I long for you" etc. Throughout this time it was constant push and pull though - she'd get close, then pull away emotionally. This continued on throughout our relationship.

About 4 months in I started to see some red flags (some lies, clingy, possible depression). In one of her episodes of pushing me away she told me "I deserved someone better than her, etc" I got pissed and walked out on her. I was done with the give and take game with her (I thought). 2 days later she called me in a panic, crying telling me she made the worst mistake of her life. We got back together. Things improved for sometime. But, after a month or so, the give and take thing continued. I tried to be patient with her thinking she was just scared (her ex cheated on her and left - so she says).

This whole time I continued to ignore my gut feeling that something was not quite right here - I did this because when times were good, I was flying high. More and more, I started to feel controlled by her though. She never acted outwardly evil to me - quite the opposite, sticky sweet, but she always played the victim role.

Come Nov 09 she began to question me more and more about if I was pulling away from her (I really wasn't). This was also a constant theme throughout the year we were together. I tried to reassure her of this often - again thinking she was scared due to her past and not wanting to get hurt. She started to freak one night when I didn't reply to a text (I had fallen asleep). Within a week, I could sense her pulling away - harder than she had in the past. This continued for a couple of weeks when I found out she had started talking to another guy behind my back (she denied all of this). I broke things off without really knowing if something was up with the other guy. The next day, I called her trying to work things out. She said she didn't want to get back together - she kept giving me vague reasons - "you deserve someone else, etc." She told me she loves me and has feelings for me... She was on a dating site within days. I have not heard from her since. Just weeks earlier, she was direly afraid I would leave her and seemingly in love with me.

She and I spoke everyday for the last year - I was completely blown away by her and she seemed to be by me. I have since concluded by the criteria, that she is most likely BPD. Here are some of the things I noticed:

*I would catch her in lies frequently
*I feel like I've been manipulated and controlled
*She would often tell me how trapped and empty she felt - very lonely
*She told me on a couple of occassions that she was "damaged"
*All my friends thought she seemed fake or like she was acting
*VERY seductive and would always seem to know what to tell me
*Push and pull dynamic
*Very afraid of abandonment
*Would talk about how great her family and friends were to others, but her family was a mess - constant fighting and ignoring each other and she would tell me that her friends don't relate to her at all
*She complained/hated her life, job, situation, etc (and she's got it pretty good)
*I'm pretty sure she was acting out with sex behind my back now, and know she drank too much frequently to escape
*She would seem content then go to depressed and sad often
*She seems to have just flipped the switch and cut me out of her life (I have not tried to contact her again - I did twice post breakup).
*In hindsight, her words and actions never lined up

I too feel like I'm addicted to her. I've never been so crushed in my life - I am much better than I was. I am in total shock and confusion. WTH happened here???? We seemed to be getting to a point of getting closer just weeks earlier too.

1. Does this sound like BPD to you?

2. I'm afraid of her coming back around in the near future (as much as I miss her etc, I know better now) - Should I change my phone #, etc. I don't want to go back to hurting like I was or to her. Since she seems to have just disappeared, do you think I need to be concerned that she will come back around and contact me?

Thanks so much - sorry for the long post.

 

[jophil28]

*I would catch her in lies frequently
*I feel like I've been manipulated and controlled
*She would often tell me how trapped and empty she felt - very lonely
*She told me on a couple of occassions that she was "damaged"
*All my friends thought she seemed fake or like she was acting
*VERY seductive and would always seem to know what to tell me
*Push and pull dynamic
*Very afraid of abandonment
*Would talk about how great her family and friends were to others, but her family was a mess - constant fighting and ignoring each other and she would tell me that her friends don't relate to her at all
*She complained/hated her life, job, situation, etc (and she's got it pretty good)
*I'm pretty sure she was acting out with sex behind my back now, and know she drank too much frequently to escape
*She would seem content then go to depressed and sad often
*She seems to have just flipped the switch and cut me out of her life (I have not tried to contact her again - I did twice post breakup).
*In hindsight, her words and actions never lined up

1. Does this sound like BPD to you?

I had a year long relationship with a BPD woman a few years ago, and I recognize all of the behavior that you describe above.

You feelings of being 'addicted' are also familiar to me.

Stay away from her even if she contacts you.

Know this- she has recruited her next victim ( she probably did it in the last few weeks of her relationship with you) and his mindfvck is well underway.
IF she contacts you, it is because he was wise enough to dump her before she infected his soul.

 

[DangNammit]

jophil28 - Thank you for your input... I wish I had found this site before meeting her. I had no idea about this type of person. I thought I finally found "the one" - I thought I was lucky... I thought all my dreams had finally come true. I am a dumba$$ for believing... I will never second-guess my gut again. I have never known such pain as this before - I feel like everything I ever believed was wrong. She was so good at mixing me up and making me feel crazy. I feel like a fool... I know better now.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Dangnammit, 99% she is one. This push/pull crap alongside "not being able to take her out of your mind (aka maddening one-its)", feeling in a fog, seeing a lot of contradictions, etc.

Mine has tried to "hoover" me back today!! She was all girly saying "I miss you baby". She made all effort to talk to me wherever I was. After her comment I said "you want me close so you can punch me uh, lol". She bursted laughing "You´re very smart baby". lol. She said I should stop playing games with her because I was tearing her apart, I´ve been distant with her. We "work" together. When two 2 men (employees) started working there she said "two new toys".

I´ll not overload this thread with this case. I´ll post later all her tactics. She´s getting desperate, she´s going nuts too. She´s found her match!

 

[DangNammit]

I really don't think I'll hear from her again - I think I may be clear on this. She has not tried to contact me in 2 months (which is very unlike her). I read something that said that I may have triggered her abandonment fears and that she is likely not going to come back around once that happens. Sound right?

 

[jophil28]

I really don't think I'll hear from her again - I think I may be clear on this. She has not tried to contact me in 2 months (which is very unlike her). I read something that said that I may have triggered her abandonment fears and that she is likely not going to come back around once that happens. Sound right?

I have a sense that you are still living in hope that she will call you, admit that she made a mistake, and beg you for another chance, right ?

 

[DangNammit]

I have a sense that you are still living in hope that she will call you, admit that she made a mistake, and beg you for another chance, right ?

NO! I want nothing to do with her. I am, however, afraid of being weak in the event she does... I'm trying to determine if I should go through the hassle of changing my phone #, email, cellular, etc. I think I'll just do it regardless... I don't want a late night call 2 months down the road and make a mistake.

 

[DangNammit]

C/S - Wow! I'm in the exact place as you! I've had plenty of breakup with girls I've been totally into - I was heartbroken over some of these, but NOTHING has been remotely close to this pain and confusion after this girl.

 

[jophil28]

You know what the sad thing is that when she told me literally to my face that she is cheating on me I kind of expected it but I wouldn't be surprised that she had been doing it for some time behind my back but managed to cover it up nicely. What boggles me is that she says we can still be friends?? You have to be out of your fukin mind to say some dumb sh** like that after hurting someone and when I declined it she seemed shocked . I shouldn't be so naive.

That is familiar.

You see, her cheating was not so much an attempt to date another guy she liked .It was an irresistible opportunity to 'snare' another fly into her web of deceit so that she can the play her favorite game in which she reveals to you that you have a rival. She then wants you to HURT.....she enjoys the feeling of POWER that she derives from watching a man squirm in pain.
IF you doubt whether a woman could be so callous and conceited, ask yourself why she told you. If she just wanted to date another guy , she could have done that in secret .
She revealed her cheating as a tactic.
And the more that you tolerate this mindfvck the more she will visit it on you. These evil baitches know how to "hooK" a man at the core of his emotions and then she will mindfvcking him right at that core for as long as he stays around.

A relationship with one of these creatures is essentially one giant confidence trick.
What you initially saw and fell for was nothing like what you actually got.

 

[DangNammit]

A relationship with one of these creatures is essentially one giant confidence trick.
What you initially saw and fell for was nothing like what you actually got.

So true - as I've found out the hard way. Mine was always acting sticky-sweet, but I started to see through it with the way she would put others down (for no reason whatsoever).

I feel so stupid about the whole thing because I bought her hook completely. I had three close friends tell me (of course after the fact) that she seemed 'off' or like she was a phony - trying too hard. Wow do I see it all clearly now. I'm truly terrified of her and what she put me through.

She was always the victim. I read up on the 'waif' and she fits that to a T. She was never the outwardly angry/abusive type, but I once overheard her on the phone with her ex-husband and couldn't believe her behavior / words. Scary stuff...

 

[jophil28]

She was always the victim. I read up on the 'waif' and she fits that to a T. She was never the outwardly angry/abusive type, but I once overheard her on the phone with her ex-husband and couldn't believe her behavior / words. Scary stuff...

Sounds familiar to me,
Mine was a "waif" type too- all sugary sweet, coy and demure - like a mature Princess Diana.
She had a breathtaking ability to slide responsibility across to others for every one of her life decisions. She perfected the "lost child" persona to the extent that she recruited her g/fs to give her advice on every issue. She initiated nothing, decided nothing, and was never accountable, BUT still tried to covertly control everyone around her via her well crafted 'helplessness'. The "lost child" in an adult body.

 

[DangNammit]

She had a breathtaking ability to slide responsibility across to others for every one of her life decisions. She perfected the "lost child" persona to the extent that she recruited her g/fs to give her advice on every issue. She initiated nothing, decided nothing, and was never accountable, BUT still tried to covertly control everyone around her via her well crafted 'helplessness'. The "lost child" in an adult body.

OMG! This is mine EXACTLY! She played this role where she acted so independent and strong, but couldn't decide on anything. She would always depend on everyone else to do things for her (friends, family, etc.). She had this expectation that they do things for her to help.