Picking up girls in bookstores

[lougv22]

hi guys,

has any of you here tried to pick up girls in bookstores, let's say Barnes & Noble or Borders? I go to Barnes & Noble once a week every week, i like to hang out there, look at books, get a cup of tea or something and i have noticed there are many good looking girls there, either just looking at books or hanging out in one of those big love chairs and reading. Just once, so far, I attempted to talk to a girl there, she was looking at books so i said something dumb like 'So you like reading books?' to which she replied 'yeah' and looked at me like i was weird.

but anyway, i am having a hard time coming up with things to say to girls there. Any advice?

 

[Yapper]

lol, 'so you like reading books?'

hey loug. so you like posting on internet forums?

 

[Freddy1]

Maybe instead comment on something she is wearing?

 

[Brak86]

hi guys,

has any of you here tried to pick up girls in bookstores, let's say Barnes & Noble or Borders? I go to Barnes & Noble once a week every week, i like to hang out there, look at books, get a cup of tea or something and i have noticed there are many good looking girls there, either just looking at books or hanging out in one of those big love chairs and reading. Just once, so far, I attempted to talk to a girl there, she was looking at books so i said something dumb like 'So you like reading books?' to which she replied 'yeah' and looked at me like i was weird.

but anyway, i am having a hard time coming up with things to say to girls there. Any advice?

yes, i have been approaching girls in B&M for the past like 5 or 6 weekends.....check my journal and you'll see.

Ask her for any recommendations or just go up, tell her you wanted to meet her and intro-damn-duce yourself!

 

[March]

Hey man, book stores are awesome places. Not once have I opened a chick at Barnes & Noble and it not turned into a conversation.

What I like to open with is, "If you were my sister and it was your birthday, what kind of book would you like me, your brother, to get you?"

And after a bit of discussion (making sure not to stay entirely focused on my sister, but rather working on attracting her and building rapport) I ask her if she's got a good imagination and then take her to a seat somewhere and do the Cube on her.

(I always chicken out with number closes or instant dates, though; I'm only a couple months into the game so it's taking me a lot of practice at getting comfortable with that)

But yeah, you'd be surprised at how social an environment a book store is. It's not at all like any other day time environment.

 

[Delta]

i've tried several approaches at book stores (borders, barnes and nobles).... none of them worked out.

check out the body language of most of the chicks there... they are NOT looking to meet anyone. they hardly look up. especially at the cafe section.

it's not really the bytch shield either. they've just got blinders on, they're not there to meet anyone.

it's odd but the idea that we djs are trying to fight - that it is unusual for a stranger to go up to a stranger to talk - well surprise surprise, we didn't get that idea from nowhere - it exists in our society at large and it exists in women too! women definitely do not seem open to talking to someone new in places like this.

and an overt pickup i think may really be the wrong approach.

-------------------------------------------

in any case, i think approaches SHOULD be attempted but perhaps more neutralized for daylight hours:

- eye contact (see if you can get one....)
- smile. get a smile?
- create ANY kind of INCIDENTAL INTERACTION. (you're pinging them)
- see if they pong your ping... do they try to "keep it going" or let it drop. if they hit it back, you're in business.

but it's tough going cuz they're not necessarily consummate "players" either and they may let it drop unintentionally cuz they're nervous, etc.

anyhoo, hope you have better luck than i do.

delta

 

[Brak86]

i've tried several approaches at book stores (borders, barnes and nobles).... none of them worked out.

check out the body language of most of the chicks there... they are NOT looking to meet anyone. they hardly look up. especially at the cafe section.

it's not really the bytch shield either. they've just got blinders on, they're not there to meet anyone.

it's odd but the idea that we djs are trying to fight - that it is unusual for a stranger to go up to a stranger to talk - well surprise surprise, we didn't get that idea from nowhere - it exists in our society at large and it exists in women too! women definitely do not seem open to talking to someone new in places like this.

and an overt pickup i think may really be the wrong approach.

-------------------------------------------

in any case, i think approaches SHOULD be attempted but perhaps more neutralized for daylight hours:

- eye contact (see if you can get one....)
- smile. get a smile?
- create ANY kind of INCIDENTAL INTERACTION. (you're pinging them)
- see if they pong your ping... do they try to "keep it going" or let it drop. if they hit it back, you're in business.

but it's tough going cuz they're not necessarily consummate "players" either and they may let it drop unintentionally cuz they're nervous, etc.

anyhoo, hope you have better luck than i do.

delta

I agree and disagree. Girls aren't LOOKING to meet anyone, but if you come and you are confident/funny they will wanbt you. I don't think it matters really where you are...you can always do pick up successfully. Having said that, depending on the setting, you might have to change your strategy a bit.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Pay attention to what she is reading, and it gives you an opener. It also lets you avoid the women reading wedding, baby, and lesbian books; conversely, the women who are reading sex books are just begging for male attention.

If she's reading cosmo or romance novels, tease her for having a dirty mind. If she's in the travel section, ask her where she has been or is going. If she is in a section of the store that is not typically frequented by women, tease her for that. If she's looking at computer books, ask her if she is one of 'those computer people.' If she's in the home improvement section, tell her she looks like she needs a man.

The bookstore gives you an insight into what she is thinking, and a premise for your opener. This method is also a high-percentage guess at exactly what is on her mind as she is standing there. When you can walk up to a girl and essentially tell her what she is thinking, she is taken aback, and her defenses drop. When you really nail the opener and click with a girl, she never sees you as a stranger, but as someone who seems to know her from his very first words.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I agree and disagree. Girls aren't LOOKING to meet anyone, but if you come and you are confident/funny they will wanbt you. I don't think it matters really where you are...you can always do pick up successfully. Having said that, depending on the setting, you might have to change your strategy a bit.

I agree with this. I also agree with what Delta said about women having their blinders on but face it, have you ever seen anyone reading a book who doesn't seem to be focused on the book itself? Unless you're in the checkout line, don't expect to easily gain eye contact with them without breaking their connection. Also, I'd be surprised if a woman would actually expect to be picked up in a bookstore. It's not a typical place where guys sarge, but that can be used to a guy's advantage (if he's willing to make the first move).

 

[de silva]

i've tried several approaches at book stores (borders, barnes and nobles).... none of them worked out.

check out the body language of most of the chicks there... they are NOT looking to meet anyone. they hardly look up. especially at the cafe section.

it's not really the bytch shield either. they've just got blinders on, they're not there to meet anyone.

it's odd but the idea that we djs are trying to fight - that it is unusual for a stranger to go up to a stranger to talk - well surprise surprise, we didn't get that idea from nowhere - it exists in our society at large and it exists in women too! women definitely do not seem open to talking to someone new in places like this.

and an overt pickup i think may really be the wrong approach.

It's not really about you (or I, or anyone) think though. It's about what experience has demonstrated. So unless every guy that claims he has picked up a bookstore, or that bookstores (or any public place) are his preferred environment, is lying through his teeth, you have to accept that it's doable.

(Personally, I don't even remember seeing any remotely good looking girls at the Borders I used to frequent. But I'll trust that other people do see them. I've never felt comfortable with day game much, but if people are doing it, I've got to assume there's something there, and it's me that's missing it, not that everybody else is wrong.)

 

[Brak86]

It's not really about you (or I, or anyone) think though. It's about what experience has demonstrated. So unless every guy that claims he has picked up a bookstore, or that bookstores (or any public place) are his preferred environment, is lying through his teeth, you have to accept that it's doable.

(Personally, I don't even remember seeing any remotely good looking girls at the Borders I used to frequent. But I'll trust that other people do see them. I've never felt comfortable with day game much, but if people are doing it, I've got to assume there's something there, and it's me that's missing it, not that everybody else is wrong.)

Every time ive been to Barnes and Noble here in Boston, I've seen at least 1 cutie.

But why are we limiting ourselves?!?! There is surely something in day game. There is a lot, as a matter of fact. I will refuse to believe that night game is that much better than day game (of course, I AM more comfortable in low-energy environments )

 

[Delta]

hey brak,

you make a fine but interesting distinction and i agree. i guess it would be the equivalent of not expecting to have a bag of money hit you on your trip to the bank but if it happens, you're kinda glad!

so i guess in every way, you have to be perceived to be as much of a windfall benefit as a bag of money.

in my mind though, that's a he11 of a demanding part to play. and you may even have more to prove than in a night-time pick up where people are more open to it and less inclined to require a "remarkably good surprise".

de silva,

i agree... it's not subject to "thoughts" about it. but as i said, i'm operating from personal experience.

sure, there may be lots of guys who say that it can be done and easily too but there are an awful lot of claims that i'd actually like to see play out in real life.... a lot of times, i'm left unconvinced and desiring some proof.

francisco,

yeah, if there's an angle here that can be exploited that'd be great. i'm familiar with the idea of operating where not everyone else is operating.... but then again, i can see the disadvantage too:

if you dance at a disco, you're good and fine and doing as you ought.

if you dance at a funeral, sure, you've got less competition from other dancers but it's not likely to net you an advantage.

this issue of VENUE is a genuinely good topic i think.... hope you lads got more thoughts on it.

delta

 

[david90]

yes, i have been approaching girls in B&M for the past like 5 or 6 weekends.....check my journal and you'll see.

Ask her for any recommendations or just go up, tell her you wanted to meet her and intro-damn-duce yourself!

If you ask for a recommendation, will the girl think that you're hitting on her?

 

[LA_Chico]

Just say "hey baby, like Hardbacks?"

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

francisco,

yeah, if there's an angle here that can be exploited that'd be great. i'm familiar with the idea of operating where not everyone else is operating.... but then again, i can see the disadvantage too:

if you dance at a disco, you're good and fine and doing as you ought.

if you dance at a funeral, sure, you've got less competition from other dancers but it's not likely to net you an advantage.

this issue of VENUE is a genuinely good topic i think.... hope you lads got more thoughts on it.

Good analogies. Dancing at a funeral should resonate with guys as to what not to do, they're incongruous. Approaching seems to be a regular stumbling block for guys; not having an "opener" being one of the biggest problems, gaining rapport being another.

This is where venue comes into play to alleviate these issues. Rapport is having general comfort while engaging in conversation. It's usually formed establishing and sharing a commonality. The venue that the two are in is that commonality. The opening is the actual action she is doing pertaining to the venue.

Too often guys project themselves to the outcome, typically them walking away with a telephone number or being rejected. For me I'm in the moment. I'm focused on where I am and what I am doing. Those are the things that I use when engaging women, I don't let the outcome cloud the moment. Attention is given to the environment, the woman and conversation. If it progresses to something more, great. Until then I am in the moment.

 

[Delta]

what's a good opener?

situational is basically the only thing i ever do. the "survey" kinda stuff seems too artificial and hokey to me.

actually, i think what i was getting at was that "pickup" in the day is like dancing in the funeral... unexpected and inappropriate. i don't really believe that fully but sometimes, it feels like that - and it does seem that for whatever advantage there is in the day pickup, you incur a lot of penalties too.

as for commonality by way of venue... meh, it doesn't seem like there's much of one. "oh, you know how to read? ME TOO!"... also most attractive girls don't read things i can relate to.

it's either stuff like PEOPLE which is just so vacuous that it can't qualify as current events or its some pretentious "look at me i'm sophisticated and smart" thing like the new yorker. they don't just read TIME or newsweek or men's health or even psychology today.

there was one UNBELIEVABLY HOT CHICK that ended up looking at interior design/better homes and garden mags and really... what can i do with that? "sooooo... you redecorating? sooooo... houses eh? sooooo... that's quite a gazebo...." i would be distressed by the inanity of the words as they were passing my lips. it'd be more honest if i just said, "the railing on that deck looks strong enough to hold up if i bent you over it and fvcked the living daylights out of you. what do you think?"

yeah, "no attachment to outcome"... that's the zen state to aim for but it's tough. i'm already fvcking her in my head before i say "whatup".....

delta

 

[Bible_Belt]

i'm already fvcking her in my head before i say "whatup".....

That only matters if she can tell that you are. Look her in the eyes, not the body. The only way is to make her think that you don't notice she's beautiful.

The home improvement section is great. Ask her, "Are you a handyman? Well then, are you handy? You look like you need a handyman..." She'll either tell you about her husband or bf, or she will complain about how difficult the task is without a man.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

what's a good opener?

situational is basically the only thing i ever do. the "survey" kinda stuff seems too artificial and hokey to me.

This can be true unless you ask a specific and personal question. How would you react if a woman comes up to you and asks "So, you're a man, huh?" You'd probably give her a "DUH" look. This is why you'll be hard pressed to find a single opener that works. Every woman has something special about their personality and she will be more interested in a guy that recognizes that.

as for commonality by way of venue... meh, it doesn't seem like there's much of one. "oh, you know how to read? ME TOO!"... also most attractive girls don't read things i can relate to.

C'mon, you gotta put forth some effort. Yeah, you're in a place that sells books so both of you read. No sh1t Sherlock! Guys who hunt well learn the terrain in which they are hunting. If you were hunting for walleye are you going to go into the forest with a 12 gauge Mossberg?

The great thing about book stores is that the books are grouped by subject.
Taking your example, say you approach a woman who's in the interior design section, are you really going to ask her if she's a designer? (DUH) Why not grab her attention with something a bit absurd?

"Hey, aren't you on that designing show on cable? The one that fixed up that guy's apartment that looked like he was still living in his mom's basement, you rocked!"

Of course she's going to say no but you are on your game, you could take the opener and flirt a smile out of her and some insight into what she's working on. The way to make it work is not to use one sided, bland, open end questions; they're fvcking boring. Ask to take a look at what she's reading and comment on it. Give her your opinion, give her something to comment on for the two of you to discuss.

I met a woman who was proud that she upgraded her kitchen herself and painted it avocado green, I told her that I hadn't met anyone who had a kitchen the color of a Skittle. She laughed and told me that I was mistaking it with LIME green. So I got her into a debate about the difficulty that naming colors after foodstuff is completely a woman thing just to confuse men. She ate it up.

The thing is, you need to make a real effort if you want to be successful in approaching. Don't say the obvious, it takes no effort and it's boring. Say something that would foster communication (back and forth). This does not mean treat it like an interview and play 20 questions. Share some insight about yourself with each nugget that she shares about herself, how else do you expect to build rapport?

Finally, don't forget that being successful does not necessarily mean walking away with a number. For most guys I say that they were successful if they just initiated a conversation, it's may be only one step but it's an important one. Don't dismiss the win of making the first move.

 

[Brak86]

If you ask for a recommendation, will the girl think that you're hitting on her?

I used to aqnd still somewhat have this problem. But the fact is, I dont think it really matters if the girl thinks you are hitting on her. At least you're a)confident/honest enough to exude your interest and b)you're not using some stupid, cheesy line.

But if you are worried about whether she thinks you are hitting on her or not, why dont you just go direct? Since this is the most honest, I feel the most comfortable with it. Even if it is very hard to do, i prefer not asking for an opinion on something if I it's jsut a way to talk to her.

 

[Brak86]

what's a good opener?

situational is basically the only thing i ever do. the "survey" kinda stuff seems too artificial and hokey to me.

Alright then, what about using direct? Or using an assumption/cold read?

actually, i think what i was getting at was that "pickup" in the day is like dancing in the funeral... unexpected and inappropriate. i don't really believe that fully but sometimes, it feels like that - and it does seem that for whatever advantage there is in the day pickup, you incur a lot of penalties too.

It's inappropriate to try and talk to someone whom you are interested in? I totally understand your rationale, it is the rationale that I had/still somewhat have when approaching women. But you have to realize that this reasoning is completely irrational. It's not like you are forcing anything upon the woman, she can turn you down if she wants. I actually love the fact that women are not expected to be talked to. Plus, concerning night game, women are so much more on guard and wary. You really need to get this thinking that day game is inappropriate. The unexpected part is good!

as for commonality by way of venue... meh, it doesn't seem like there's much of one. "oh, you know how to read? ME TOO!"... also most attractive girls don't read things i can relate to.

it's either stuff like PEOPLE which is just so vacuous that it can't qualify as current events or its some pretentious "look at me i'm sophisticated and smart" thing like the new yorker. they don't just read TIME or newsweek or men's health or even psychology today.

I am not trying to offend you in any way, because I have this feeling too (now that i think of it, we seem pretty alike), but judging like this is very bad. You have to empathize and be open-minded towards other people. Just because you might find the new yorker pretentious or people vacuous, does not mean that the people reading them are. That is a very judgemental way of thinking.

there was one UNBELIEVABLY HOT CHICK that ended up looking at interior design/better homes and garden mags and really... what can i do with that? "sooooo... you redecorating? sooooo... houses eh? sooooo... that's quite a gazebo...." i would be distressed by the inanity of the words as they were passing my lips. it'd be more honest if i just said, "the railing on that deck looks strong enough to hold up if i bent you over it and fvcked the living daylights out of you. what do you think?"

HAHAHAAH. that was funny.
Anyways, be honest. Alright, alright, don't be TOO honest. But women (especially women as hot as the one you described) know that guys ogle over them. They know you want them. It's ok to be/show interest. As a matter of fact, that is better that being cowardly and trying to hide your interest. As long as you are smooth with it, its alright.

yeah, "no attachment to outcome"... that's the zen state to aim for but it's tough. i'm already fvcking her in my head before i say "whatup".....

It eventually comes the more you approach. I dont know exactly what to tell you, because I have not formulated my opinions on this yet, but i have a suggestion. There are a lot of hot girls, but make her show/tell something about herself first before you deem her "attractive" and reward her with a complement. I suggest you read juggler, by the way.