Yea, ashamed of my recent AFC behavior...

[tinctrar]

Id like to start off with a big thanks to this forum. Ive been reading for a long long time and used alot of advice here.

However, recently I fell for this chick. Long story short I became an AFC. She started talking to her old "friend". She told me she wasnt gonna hang with him anymore and I caught them hanging out together. I get the "im confused - not sure what I want" talk today. So what did I say?

Im ending this relationship.

Plain and simple - it hurts...but it always does in the beginning. Just wanted to vent. Id love to give more details but lets be honest here - she was doing stuff behind my back.

 

[jophil28]

I get the "im confused - not sure what I want" talk today. So what did I say?

Im ending this relationship.

IF this ever happens again in future with any of your women, try this -

She says," I'm confused, I'm not sure what I want ."

You say," No problem because I know exactly what I want - a woman who does not lie and cheat...bye. "

And then you walk away.

 

[Kailex]

Whenever a woman says: I'm confused, I don't know what I want...

It's usually code for:
I want to keep both the men in my life, but I'm going to act like this situation puts me under emotional duress and let THEM decide what to do next, BUT I will still try to seem emotionally victimized so that they feel the need to console me through my tough time.

It's their way of taking the spotlight off of them and making them seem like the victim in the situation and not the perp.

Problem is... it usually works... but NOT on DJs!

 

[tinctrar]

IF this ever happens again in future with any of your women, try this -

She says," I'm confused, I'm not sure what I want ."

You say," No problem because I know exactly what I want - a woman who does not lie and cheat...bye. "

And then you walk away.

This is exactly what happened - except I didnt say cheat because I couldnt prove it. I would never accuse a woman of cheating unless I had solid proof - and lets be honest even with the proof what difference does this make?

And yes - the confused line does work with most guys. Not me. I already know that if she is confused her interest level is not high for me.

Weird thing is she didnt dump me and this has been going on for a month or so - not the lying and stuff but just the IL change. I became more distant and stop seeing her as much - didnt call or text etc. It was working -and then I get hit with this.

Kinda glad I was able to do the breaking up and not get dumped - puts me in a more favorable position for myself. Its still a bit raw but this woman is most likely not LTR material. No Contact is my friend - im pretty good at it. I always delete texts, voicemails, emails, and put all thier stuff in a box.

Hate to say it but the ego is bruised. Gonna hit the gym in a bit.

 

[Capodeciña]

I fail to see how you became an AFC.

Needy, interrogating, arguing and clingy behaviour would have been - What was her initial response?

 

[Ease]

Indeed, it has happened to the best of us.

You became AFC and killed the illusion of being a real man when you showed that you were insecure. When she mentions another guys name or you catch her talking with another guy, you show no reaction. Say hi and laugh along. Encourage that they talk and have a good time, completely genuinely.

You might hate the guy, but dont show. When you are in competition, you Must speak positively of the guy. Any comment other than a positive one is assumed to be jealousy and insecity- you lose. 'Yea he seems nice', or if you want to out alpha this guy and squash your competition, 'i like him, hes a cutie'. Turn up your game when you need to in times like this, be extra *******, make her jealous. The rule of thumb is do exactly back to her as she does to you.

Your AFC and non alpha swagger has caused you to lose the competition with the guy.

Good call though, dump her before you she dumps you. Its pain but you have saved yourself from the worst.

 

[tinctrar]

Indeed, it has happened to the best of us.

You became AFC and killed the illusion of being a real man when you showed that you were insecure. When she mentions another guys name or you catch her talking with another guy, you show no reaction. Say hi and laugh along. Encourage that they talk and have a good time, completely genuinely.

You might hate the guy, but dont show. When you are in competition, you Must speak positively of the guy. Any comment other than a positive one is assumed to be jealousy and insecity- you lose. 'Yea he seems nice', or if you want to out alpha this guy and squash your competition, 'i like him, hes a cutie'. Turn up your game when you need to in times like this, be extra *******, make her jealous. The rule of thumb is do exactly back to her as she does to you.

Your AFC and non alpha swagger has caused you to lose the competition with the guy.

Good call though, dump her before you she dumps you. Its pain but you have saved yourself from the worst.

This is what happened. I exhibited DJ behvior when this guy first came into the picture. But he was hiding him from me since day one - she would tell me they are just friends but he would buy stuff for her and constantly text her and call her.

Eventually she lied about taking a trip with him and her friends. Before she left it was just her friends...when she came back she told me he was there as well.

I did have the alpha swager for a while...lost it...got it back and still no luck.

Funny thing is she was great - until said friend came around. They have been friends for years and he has been an orbiter for a long time. She always told me nothing has ever happened between them....but if this is the case why would she lie about hanging out with him and seeing him? Doesnt add up.

 

[Lord Sidious]

You´ve done well, dude! Forget about her.


Take care.

 

[tinctrar]

You´ve done well, dude! Forget about her.


Take care.

Thanks for the kind words buddy.

I know I have done well...and the right thing.

Still raw though. I wont contact her at all. I know she will contact me. Initiating the breakup does that. But I wont answer. Try to find some new strange in the meantime and keep it strictly sexual.

Miss her a bit. Normal during this time. Funny thing is how do you miss someone who has lied to you repeatedly? I guess we just hold on to the hard work and effort that we put into our relationships. (When they seem like they are worth it)

 

[Lord Sidious]

Bro, it´s normal for you to feel that way.

You acted like a man and you´ll continue acting as one. No woman is more important than you.


Take care.

 

[zekko]

Weird thing is she didnt dump me and this has been going on for a month or so - not the lying and stuff but just the IL change. I became more distant and stop seeing her as much - didnt call or text etc.

Just to be clear, did her IL drop and then you became more distant in response? Or did you become distant and then her IL dropped? Because sometimes on this forum you see where guys start playing this indifference game (that's widely advocated here) and the girl figures he's not interested so she picks up on some other option who is.

You became AFC and killed the illusion of being a real man when you showed that you were insecure. When she mentions another guys name or you catch her talking with another guy, you show no reaction. Say hi and laugh along. Encourage that they talk and have a good time, completely genuinely.

While I agree it's best not to show insecurity, I don't see where this advice changes the outcome any. If this girl was determined to see this other guy on the side, I don't see how encouraging her to do so is going to put a stop to it. If you tell me she will be so impressed by his "alpha" behavior that she will not want to see the other guy, I'm not buying it. That sounds like a fantasy to me. If she wants to see this other guy, she's going to do it. UNLESS the OP is more important to her and she knows she risks losing him if she continues.

In any case, kudos to the OP by doing the right thing and nexting this duplicitous girl. I know it's difficult, but time will heal.

 

[tinctrar]

Just to be clear, did her IL drop and then you became more distant in response? Or did you become distant and then her IL dropped? Because sometimes on this forum you see where guys start playing this indifference game (that's widely advocated here) and the girl figures he's not interested so she picks up on some other option who is.


While I agree it's best not to show insecurity, I don't see where this advice changes the outcome any. If this girl was determined to see this other guy on the side, I don't see how encouraging her to do so is going to put a stop to it. If you tell me she will be so impressed by his "alpha" behavior that she will not want to see the other guy, I'm not buying it. That sounds like a fantasy to me. If she wants to see this other guy, she's going to do it. UNLESS the OP is more important to her and she knows she risks losing him if she continues.

In any case, kudos to the OP by doing the right thing and nexting this duplicitous girl. I know it's difficult, but time will heal.

Good words zekko. I played the distant card once her IL level dropped. But thats what im tring to say as well. Honestly if she wants to do something she is gonna do it unless the IL is there. Sad to say I let it go too far. I honestly think my ego is really whats hurt here - cause I couldnt go back to a woman who lies like that.

I guess here character was the problem here. Not much I can do about that.

I always look back to a quote my grandmother gave me before passing - "People only show you what they want you to see"

 

[tinctrar]

Hate to drag up an old post - but just wanted to share the last month's experiences.

Started spinning plates fairly early - and of course the ex tried to call text all that. Still havent responded to her but I did see her out with her other dude.

Gave me great relief to know that im out of that relationship. If it stinks then walk away!

 

[Prodigy746]

You are doing great man keep it up!

I am glad to see some people that have actually read the forums and learned . Many times you see posters with 1000+ posts still asking the most basic questions and than when given advice dont act on it.