Women's "strengths" in relationships -

[jophil28]

This thread is a follow-on from Heroshima's thread.

I am inspired to also include my recent observations of the experiences of a close acquaintance who is recently divorced from a "strong woman".

In both cases (in particular, my acquintance's) the woman was acknowledged as a "strong woman". She was a social worker who graduated at age 40 and quickly advanced professionally in a local government career position.

What he ( and perhaps Heroshima) probably meant by "strong" was that she was a competent woman who took the initiative and 'took care of business' both at work and at home.
Now, surely that is an attractive and desireable quality in a woman and a wife ?
A woman who has the skills and confidence to solve problems, initiate action when it is required, and divide the labor is surely an asset , right?
So he thought.
HE was grateful that she seems more that willing to take on all tasks that came her way. That freed his time and energy. He cameto rely on her to be 'the fixer" .
She even started to do things for him , unasked, to make his life more pleasant.
He could take his hand off the wheel because she was steering that wagon, and it was moving forward quite nicely.
Over the next 20 years they accumulated some considerable real estate and he retired at age 48. The real estate was written in her name for a tax break.
He lived a life of ease and comfort. Fishing, TV, reading, stock trading online and so on.
SHe continued to advance in her 9-5 career, and waited on him hand and foot at home.
HE was convinced that he was living the dream - who wouldn't?

And then she disappeared one day, without a word, for two months.
He was distraught.
He tried to contact her at her office but she had blocked his calls with the help of the harpies there.

The short version of the end of this movie -
She eventually called him in tears and they met to talk.
She confessed that she and a male coworker had been involved in an office affair and had purchased a ranchhouse together a few months before she bailed.. However, her B/f and she had a huge fight and now she wanted to come "home" to hubbie because she claimed that she realized that "It is you who I really want."
He took her back in a flash. She cried for a few months to show her gratitude..

Hubbie still left all their real estate holdings in her name.
He personally renovated and eventually sold the 'love ranch' that she and b/f bought but took a $100K loss on the deal.
They finally resumed their married life.

Three years later she cheated again - he broke down and was hospitalized for many months. She moved her new B/f into the matrimonial home and the hubbie is now living in a back room of his brothers house waiting until she sells one of their houses so that he can afford to live again.
HE is now 60 years ald and faced with starting over.

She and new B/f have recently purchased another $1.5 m property by using the equity in the marriage homes as collateral.

You have to love those "strong" women , right ?
So what did he do to bring all this down on his head?

 

[zekko]

So what did he do to bring all this down on his head?

I agree you should not give up the leadership role to your wife.

However, I think the way the culture is these days, you can't really expect marriages to last forever. There are no expectations or standards on people these days, there is no public shaming in divorce. It's the moral equivalent of buying a car. Add in the temptations and corruption in society, along with the media enabling every bit of it, and you have the current climate.

So a strong proactive woman is likely to find a way to make her affair happen when it comes along. As will a woman of weak morals and character.

I hope the guy has a good lawyer. Hopefully if there are children they are grown and out of the house.
I'm sure he's hurting over it, but he should get a good settlement out of it. I'm worried about all that real estate being in her name though. I know it shouldn't matter since it should all be community marriage property (Lord knows it would be considered thus if it were in his name). But you get a judge with the wrong sympathies and he could be in trouble.

He had a good run. His life isn't over, unless he gives up in his head.

 

[Jitterbug]

So what did he do to bring all this down on his head?

He gave the control of his life over to a woman and expected her to not use that power to fvck him up?

 

[logic1]

So what did he do to bring all this down on his head?

\ / \/ \/

He lived a life of ease and comfort. Fishing, TV, reading, stock trading online and so on.

The guy lost ambition and drive in his life. He became too comfortable. He did good for himself and this was attractive to his wife. He had desire and it kept her interested. Then he got too comfy. He took the easy life too far. The excitement left. He was a bore to his wife.

She looked elsewhere to keep her zest for life flowing.

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

Women are not strong, nor are they dominant.

Any wealth or power they acquire is almost always given to them by the government or wannabe White Knights who say it's "the right thing to do". They don't create anything or make things happen; things just happen to fall in their lap, then everybody claps for how strong they are.

 

[PokerInTheRear]

He fully trusted a woman.

 

[logic1]

He fully trusted a woman.

Ummm....... You might have summed it up with 5 words.

 

[jophil28]

Apparently, a month ago, he and his wife went to trial to settle their property.
In court she consented to cash out their houses from the marriage, and the judge entered this agreement as a consent order.
The husband was happy with this deal until she then listed them with a local realtor at prices way above market value to prevent them being sold.

In this state, the person who hold title to real estate is the only party who can list it . When it is sold, the proceeds are divided equally, or in accordance with a court order.

THis woman is a F"ing tyrant. Her reasons for listing above the market value are greed, and the vicious satisfaction she feels by having ongoing control over the husband's life by keeping him impoverished.

He can do nothing about this situation except whine to her in pain and frustration.
To date, he has legal bills over $80K and has taken a loan at the bank to pay them.

Choose your wife wisely, men.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Julius Seizeher,
"Any wealth or power they acquire is almost always given to them by the government or wannabe White Knights who say it's "the right thing to do". They don't create anything or make things happen; things just happen to fall in their lap, then everybody claps for how strong they are."Oh Julie Baby come off the Oyster bed.....Look at your name sake....God Fathers,where did he fit Boadicca in the scheme of things?what a handful she was,read your History.....and that't before we mention Cleopatra!....Then his successor and eventual Conqueror of Britain Claudius....Sure he brought Caratacus back in chains to a remarkable parade in Irons through the streets of Rome,where he and his nobles stole the show,but just who put the chains on Caratacus?Cartamandua,Queen of the Bregantes thats who.....Plenty of Women with bvalls even today....Your Palin Lady,Maggy Thatcher,lots of examples.

 

[bmp2cpm]

Women are not strong, nor are they dominant.

Any wealth or power they acquire is almost always given to them by the government or wannabe White Knights who say it's "the right thing to do". They don't create anything or make things happen; things just happen to fall in their lap, then everybody claps for how strong they are.

I suppose this statement is correct for the type of women you see. But there' a type of woman out there that you clearly haven't met yet.

 

[Kailex]

The husband was happy with this deal until she then listed them with a local realtor at prices way above market value to prevent them being sold.

Smart... evil, but smart.

She obviously doesn't care about the money because she knows that he needs it.

This is what happens when you give up your own life and enter someone else's world instead of bringing them into your own.

The rug of sustenance was pulled from right under his feet.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

So what did he do to bring all this down on his head?

Simple. He married a man and became a wife. In any relationship, by order of degrees, there will always be a dominant and a submissive partner. He was the submissive partner and abdicated to the authority of a dominant partner who didn't have his best interests as her concern. She grows to resent him and now his life is over.

 

[squirrels]

A woman will never respect a man who lives off of her. In her mind, he is just "baggage" that she can drop any time.

While he was lounging around her house, she found someone who had a d!ck just as big as his, but also had a bankroll to back it up and the confidence to run with her and not just be carried along by her.

He made the mistake a lot of men make...thinking that just because she had a ring on her finger that she would never even THINK of walking out on him or laying eyes on another man...and then crutching on that social conditioning and becoming lazy both in life and in his relationship.

Women, especially high-quality women, especially in our generation, are not victims of social conditioning any more. They think for themselves...and their thoughts are based on emotion. If you're in a relationship with a woman, you have to be prepared for her to come to you at any time and tell you she's leaving you for another man. And you have to be prepared at any time to tell her, "go ahead, leave".

Because you know that her staying with you is the better deal for her, and you know that you'll survive without her.

All this, "I can't live without you" romance music crap was great in a time when women were subservient and beautiful and effeminate. It just doesn't work any more today. Love has changed and evolved with the times...those who don't evolve with it are doomed to lose it.

 

[guru1000]

It's axiomatic that the man's failure to take the reins prompted his wife's loss of interest and respect in whom he had become.

However, he erred twice: (1) his wife questioned the marriage years prior to her actions in question. While compromising the frame, he failed to pick up on the cues and act accordingly; (2) he felt comfortable.

 

[PokerStar]

It's axiomatic that the man's failure to take the reins prompted his wife's loss of interest and respect in whom he had become.

However, he erred twice: (1) his wife questioned the marriage years prior to her actions in question. While compromising the frame, he failed to pick up on the cues and act accordingly; (2) he felt comfortable.

where have you been brother? we miss you!!!

 

[samspade]

This is a cautionary tale, but I have a hard time believing the signs weren't there, begging to be recognized. Now, I'll believe that he either didn't see them or they didn't cause him worry. But the wife didn't suddenly decide to hit the bricks. Erosion takes time.

When a man cedes power, a vacuum is created. Women will begrudgingly fill that vacuum. Furthermore a man must (say it with me) qualify the right woman to minimize these possibilities. If this man failed, it had more to do with the woman he chose, and the role he chose to play alongside her.

This is something I've been thinking about though. My wife is unemployed but has the capacity to earn more than I do based on her degree. Not a lot more, mind you. I've been thinking about how to handle this, or if it needs to be "handled." She's extremely deferential and I naturally lead. I personally cannot envision a scenario wherein I would cede "authority" or wherein she would seize it. I would have to completely forget everything I've learned here (always a possibility as we've seen) and fall back into AFC-hood. I think the idea of reverting keeps me sharp and keeps me in front.

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

Dear Julius Seizeher,
"Any wealth or power they acquire is almost always given to them by the government or wannabe White Knights who say it's "the right thing to do". They don't create anything or make things happen; things just happen to fall in their lap, then everybody claps for how strong they are."Oh Julie Baby come off the Oyster bed.....Look at your name sake....God Fathers,where did he fit Boadicca in the scheme of things?what a handful she was,read your History.....and that't before we mention Cleopatra!....Then his successor and eventual Conqueror of Britain Claudius....Sure he brought Caratacus back in chains to a remarkable parade in Irons through the streets of Rome,where he and his nobles stole the show,but just who put the chains on Caratacus?Cartamandua,Queen of the Bregantes thats who.....Plenty of Women with bvalls even today....Your Palin Lady,Maggy Thatcher,lots of examples.

I am listening, Scaramouche. Perhaps my statement is unfair in the way that it casts a blanket across the whole deal...certainly there are exceptions to this rule. Of course I am mindful of the history of the man who said, "The wife of Caesar must be above suspicion."

 

[vatoloco]

Two mistakes:

1.) He got married.
2.) He allowed real estate to placed under somebody else's name.

For as long as I have rational thought, I will avoid both.

 

[samspade]

Here is a future "strong" woman:

http://moms.today.com/_news/2010/12/08/5591566-my-daughter-punched-a-boy-in-the-privates-im-so-proud

 

[mrRuckus]

I'm pretty sure sexual assault is a greater crime than sexual harassment.