Why do women (and men) hate needyness?

[f283000]

Isn't needyness illogical? Don't we all want someone to "need us" and want us so bad that they show it?

People like to bash jerks for not showing emotion or caring for women while some like to throw around the classic quote "caring is creepy."

Men often complain about women hating needy guys. Wouldn't a woman naturally want a man that shows her that he truly cares and needs her?

I think you cannot understand needyness until you experience it yourself.

I had a woman who gave gave me a mouthful of jealousy and needyness (and caring). Accused me of seeing other women, blasted me for not answering the phone, said she needs to talk to me, needs to hear my voice bla bla bla.

She showed me huge amounts of emotion, feeling, needyness at that moment and while I knew at that moment that I had her on the palm of my hand I ALSO LOST ALL ATTRACTION FOR HER!

It was the strangest thing imaginable to me. I couldn't logically explain it. I always wanted to find a woman that would truly love and want me yet when I found her IT SCARED THE HELL OUT OF ME!

It was so illogical to me because as men we are supposed to want a woman to protect, to need us. It's in our genetic makeup to want a female to need us. It makes us feel good to feel needed by a woman.

But instead of feeling loved I felt as a man that was trying to be controlled (her jealousy accusations) rather than having a woman in love fighting for our relationship. I felt a huge threat to my freedom as I realized how much this woman needed me. All of these emotions go against the logic of the male provider role/protector/needing to be needed by a woman feeling that we are all supposed to want.

Maybe i'm just not apt to deal with the human emotion of "love" and i'm just bound to jump from woman to woman, short term relationship after short term relationship for the rest of my life. Maybe i'm just cold. I can imagine most men would be turned on by a woman mad with righteous jealousy and love right??

This little incident still haunts me till this day. In fact I bet I would still be banging her if she had not shown me so much feeling and emotion (I kicked her to the curb after banging her 1 more time after that). Gave her the friend card then deleted her from my life.

LESSON TAUGHT: That incident showed me a bit of how a woman feels when a guy shows "needyness" or too much feeling. I have bowed myself to try to show even less emotion/less caring to women after that incident. Once you experience a powerful burst of needyness you will understand how it can be so un-attractive (and so ilogical) at the same time.

 

[Jitterbug]

Maybe it's as simple as: you didn't like her as much as she liked you.

 

[PDubb75]

I think a large part of it is that we train ourselves to learn "the chase". That is why we are all on this site. We feel the desire to learn the steps/methods/tricks to finding someone. That process can literally change your life and your lifestyle.

Even though women needing us may be considered the "end goal" to many, it becomes a conqured feat. There is nowhere else to go. At that point you have properly done what you were looking to do, and accomplished all you can accomplish. That is, of course, unless you start from scratch!

Some people may find happiness with the "end goal" and that's why they choose to remain in that position and settle down with that person. They no longer feel the need to win any more battles. For those of us who aren't ready to retire from the game, that end goal of a girl needing us is merely an obstacle to looking for other girls. It makes your attention span quickly shift into a different gear.

It could be that, in your example, you simply didn't feel the same way. And since everything you two had together was 100% mutually shared, there is confusion and misunderstanding as to why she would feel so strongly when you don't. I think that can bring upon questions such as "am I not feeling the same way because she's just not the girl for me?" or "how can she feel this way so quickly when I thought we were just having a good time?". Either one of those (along with other questions) could make your perception of her, and the relationship in general, change instantly.

When you realize that things aren't as they seem, a switch flips and any memory you have can immediately been seen in a completely different light. That really nice extra call she gave me that night can turn into that stalking call she gave me when she thought I was cheating. The night alone at her place to "watch movies" can turn into her be nervous about you meeting her hotter friends. I know this can sound paranoid, but they are just examples, that I am sure happen.

I think there are many other factors that come into play. But in addition to some of this deeper stuff, sometimes we just don't want to feel smothered and tied down when we might not feel exactly the same way.

 

[vatoloco]

Why do women (and men) hate needyness?

The reason I dislike it is because I don't wanna be responsible for someone else's happiness. I'm happy with my life the way it is. She should be happy with hers as well. When we get together, we should be working towards the common goal of complementing each other's happiness, not being each other's parasites.

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

It is a question of independence.

Needyness is the calling card of weakness, dependence, and lack of self-esteem. Self-esteem manifests as self-reliance, and self-reliance is the act of relying upon yourself.

 

[women haze]

Everybody needs someone sometimes....To be needless is to not be human. I do not agree with anything in this topic.

I understand independance which is different from feeling wanted and needed. We all want to feel that way, we all want to feel needed.

Women take a small token of care and then run away too quickly....Like for instance calling maybe two times a day. Or maybe showering them with texts which is harmless really and shows no true indication that you are needy....

Maybe you just Like texting or talking to that person really....Why do we live in a society that is so emotionally dejected...

I don't understand it's like we live as shells with no soul...no care for out fellow man or woman. These social dynamics are ****ed up now.....

 

[squirrels]

We have a hard enough time making OURSELVES happy. For another person to put that kind of burden on us, they may as well be strapping us with leg-irons, because it ties us up from our ability to do what WE want to do with our lives.

Neediness is selfishness.

 

[Luminescence]

Everybody needs someone sometimes....To be needless is to not be human. I do not agree with anything in this topic.

The degree to which you 'need' is key.

I understand independance which is different from feeling wanted and needed. We all want to feel that way, we all want to feel needed.

Yep, and sadly, a greater degree of independence from the need to be loved and adored by others is the only way to actually get love or admiration. Ironically, the less you value something the more often you'll find it.

Why do we live in a society that is so emotionally dejected...

I don't understand it's like we live as shells with no soul...no care for out fellow man or woman. These social dynamics are ****ed up now.....

Because with the beginning of sexual liberation and the decay of long term monogamy our culture's sexual/dating dynamic reverted to our most natural state - developing the qualities of capitalism .... everyone now runs after the bigger and better deal just around the corner. In our cultures sexual domain we are now free to be ourselves.

Edit: Perhaps I should say women are free to be themselves.