Why do I keep being mean to girls?

[gonnamakeachange]

Everytime I find out a girl isn't available, I become really mean to her.

For example, there's this intern working at our company that I think likes me. She invited me out for drinks with other interns last week when I found out from her that she goes to college 2 1/2 hours away.

She's super friendly, doesn't have a boyfriend, and cute. Someone I would normally pursue. But after I find out this information and the fact she leaves in three weeks have caused me to become bitter. I didn't say one word to her all day today (not even good morning) despite the fact I walked by her a half dozen times. I think at one point she said a meek "hi" but I'm not sure since there were other people talking.

I do this all the time. My personality and bitterness really sucks. I'm not that friendly to women because I feel as though most women aren't friendly to me. I get bitter when I find out a girl isn't worth pursuing anymore and probably burn bridges.

I'm sure a DJ would've made some way to have fun with her before she leaves.

I think that I have mental issues and not just women problems.

 

[Willis]

i used to be like that..
being mean to the harlots and being mad when i find out she got a man already...
but then you get older and stop giving a sh!t..

 

[NDN]

You are way too needy. You only look at people see what they can offer you. If they can't offer you anything you blow them off and do it in a harsh manner. It is my contention that you most likely not as happy in other aspects of life as you could be. The grass is always greener on the other side. Look at people for who they are, not what they can give you.

Fix that before you start a relationship because if you ever break up (most likely will happen as you be too needy) you are going to either get really, really mad with her or punish yourself way too hard.

IMO

 

[gonnamakeachange]

It is my contention that you most likely not as happy in other aspects of life as you could be.

True

 

[abcd_z]

Is it possible you're not living in the moment? Instead of bringing all these "should" and expectations to the interactions, try just having fun with the situation and seeing where it goes.

For example, the one you mentioned, she's leaving in 3 weeks. I wouldn't be surprised to hear that there's a lot of mental baggage associated with that.
"Why bother? She's just going to leave anyways."
"How dare she lead me on?"
"I'll show her, I'll be mean to her so that she can't hurt me."

I don't know what's really going on in your head, these are all just guesses.

But next time you see someone you could be attracted to, try living in the moment. Just focus on the interaction itself and sharing positive emotions, without bringing any expectations to it.

 

[Warrior74]

My personality and bitterness really sucks. I'm not that friendly to women because I feel as though most women aren't friendly to me. I get bitter when I find out a girl isn't worth pursuing anymore and probably burn bridges.

These are self esteem issues. You have to fix what's wrong with you first.

These women wouldn't even be talking to you if they weren't friendly. So the facts and your emotions are not on the same page.

I have a friend like you, he wants women to throw themselves at him, but he has nothing to offer of value and what little value he does have he hordes like a miser. (I don't mean money, I mean being plesant, taking a real interest in people, sharing and being friendly). He thinks the world and women owe him something and should kiss his feet. As it stands he's one lonely and bitter son of *****.

You have to learn how to accept your shortcomings. You need to make a private list of them. An honest list. You need to talk to the people who are closest to you if you can't (or refuse) to see them, and you need to begin to change them.

You need to look into changing your inner dialouge. I bet you have a lot of negative and angry thoughts running through your head. Your inner voice is probably not very kind to yourself. You probably punish yourself alot, then get down and do nothing to fix it and punish yourself some more. You have to stop doing that. You gotta learn to like and eventually love yourself before you can open up and like and accept others. I know it sounds kinda touchy feely, but its hard work that is worth doing. It's inner game work. Good luck.

 

[gonnamakeachange]

How do you guys do it? You all read me like an open book.

I am working on my inner dialogue. So far, it's been kicking my ass.