Ugh, I don't know what to do next with this chick

[f283000]

When is the beginning? I met this chick in class, hung out with her a couple times at lunch, then arranged a weekend date. WHAT THE HELL SHOULD I HAVE DONE!??

The beginning is the first time a woman agrees to be with you by herself in what we would call a date/hanging out/whatever you want to call it.

I believe that she did disrespect me. When I talked to her yesterday she asked if it would be OK if she could invite her friends and I told her I wanted it to be just us.

She didn't disrespect you because frankly you never showed her you wanted her as a woman all the times you two hanged out. In her mind you are nothing more than another girlfriend of hers. She was doing nothing wrong inviting a friend to hang out WITH ANOTHER FRIEND (you). After all it's not like you actually had kissed her or even tried to get physical before or show intention. You never gave her anything serious to anticipate which would have led her to want to be alone with you (women want action as much as men do but you have to push for it).

Next time you are with a girl do the opposite of what you did this time. Next time you have to be aggressive. Next time don't hang out during lunch or any more lunch dates. Next time touch her arm, hands, use kino from the start. Next time incorporate more riske chat topics rather than anime and video games. Next time behave like a man and show her you are not looking for friendship!

 

[Joe Stud]

just go to class and be friendly, but not sexual. like you have lost interest in her romantically. be refined, be composed. she knows she did wrong.

 

[DjVita]

aww! i had faith in you man! well, it seems its the chicks (your) fault...
hey, there is always nextime-with new babes in your life
its the best payback, getting better women.
dont dwell on her, she didnt like you in the frist place...face the facts bud,
CASE CLOSED
Move on
NEXT her
No Contact
improve yourself! this is all alearning process, dont give up, where all her to give you feed back and support. tell us if you still have probs....

 

[Igetit!]

Well I'm crossed this girl off my list.

You're crossing her off your list? After only one date?
Hmmm...so I take it the date didn't go well?


Chill out man,I'm just joking with ya.


Well f283000 basically covered it all. He said everything I would have said.


You seemed to argue a bit with him,but EVERYTHING he said was on point.


All we can do is keep saying the samething over and over again until you decide to listen.

About an hour before I was going to leave to get her, she sent me a text asking if I wanted to play video games at her house. And that she wanted me to meet her friend. He's only going to be there for a bit then we can go bowling.

Right away alarms were sounding in my head. I thought about canceling for today but I couldn't think of a good enough excuse so I went through with the "date"

She obviously had this planned out,and was not comfortable being in an one on one romantic/dating setting alone with you,so she invited her friend along to insure that nothing sexual/romantic took place on the "date".


And that was YOUR FAULT Max.


It was.


When I first read that she invited her friend along,I was like,"Ok....so what was the point of this? What was the purpose of this date?".



Normally when a guy and a girl go out,it's to further explore the initial attraction created between them during the approach.



That wasn't the case here because you never did or said anything sexual.


You bypassed that part (the attraction) and went straight into talking about anime and comic books with her (comfort).



Max,did you ever do anything sexual towards her?

Did you tell her you liked the way she looked in something she wore,or compliment her on any aspect of her appearance?


Did you ever flirt (romantically) with her?

Use any sexual innuendo?



Did you do ANYTHING that would CLEARLY indentify yourself as a MAN who's SEXUALLY INTERESTED to a woman?


Or were you too busy talking about comic books?

And it turned out exactly like I thought it would. Me, her and her friend the entire time.

The fact that she did this is a huge red flag. So we played video games, went bowling, looked at stupid youtube videos and I left.

You mean THE THREE OF YOU played video games,went bowling,and watched youtube videos?


WOOOW. Not exactly what you had in mind when you first asked her out huh,lol.

You didn't pay for this other guy,did you? LOL :crackup:

As she was walking me out she asked me if I had fun. I lied and said sure, gave her a hug and drove away.

I think she "sensed" some type of displeasure in you.

You should have told her that although her friend was cool and everything,that your plan was to have her to yourself for a while.


Would saying something like that be too much for you? What,too "ballsy"?



That's your problem. You're too afraid to show your "balls".


I said this last year,so I'll say it again now....


STOP TRYING TO AVOID THE RISK OF REJECTION.


Avoiding risking rejection = avoiding success.

I'm not mad at her. What hurts the most is knowing that I did something wrong, which happened before I even made this thread. Unfortunately I don't know what I could have done differently.

You mean you still don't know what you should have done differently?


What...what do I say to that? UN-FREAKIN'-BELIEVEABLE.

If I don't learn something from this experience, then I went through this for nothing.

It's amazing that you're fighting and struggling and frustrating yourself all in attempt to learn what being FLAT OUT TOLD TO YOU over and over again.

 

[Maxtro]

Normally when a guy and a girl go out,it's to further explore the initial attraction created between them during the approach.

That wasn't the case here because you never did or said anything sexual.

I've said this a few times before, but I don't have any experience doing or saying sexual things to women. The only time I even get to practice is when I'm with the random girls that pop up in my life. I'm still not completely comfortable with women.

As sad as it sounds, the highlight of the day was when I got out of my car, hugged her for the fist time and told her she smelled good.

You bypassed that part (the attraction) and went straight into talking about anime and comic books with her (comfort).

When would have been the best time to do the attraction stuff? I was planning to do it all on our first real date but I guess it was too late by then.

She obviously had this planned out,and was not comfortable being in an one on one romantic/dating setting alone with you,so she invited her friend along to insure that nothing sexual/romantic took place on the "date".

Why would she do that? We've already hung out twice before this. From what your saying it sounds like I didn't have enough comfort built up and she was afraid I would try something sexual/romantic?

You should have told her that although her friend was cool and everything,that your plan was to have her to yourself for a while.


Would saying something like that be too much for you? What,too "ballsy"?

As I was leaving wasn't thinking that clearly and I just wanted to go home.

Knowing things were over and feeling a bit bitter I decided to put the nail in the coffin. So when I got home I we texted a bit.

Me: Honestly, today didn't really go as I would have liked.
Her: Oh, I'm sorry
Me: Nah, don't be sorry. You wanted to have your friend along. I understand that.
Her: Thank you for understanding. Hope I didn't cause any awkwardness for you. i apologize if I did
Me: He's a cool guy so it wasn't awkward. But I wanted to be alone with you.

She didn't reply back.

I wouldn't be surprised if she still didn't figure out that I was interested in her.

STOP TRYING TO AVOID THE RISK OF REJECTION.

I don't think I'm trying to avoid the risk of rejection. I was trying to increase my chance of success. The first time we got lunch I could have called her beautiful and that I wanted to take her to room and fuck her. But I know that isn't going to work. In other words I'm afraid of trying too hard. Maybe that is avoiding rejection?

 

[Igetit!]

I've said this a few times before, but I don't have any experience doing or saying sexual things to women.

No experience saying or doing anything sexual? Huh?

Max,it's April 2010. You've been a member here since April 2004.


What have you been doing here for the last 6 years???

The only time I even get to practice is when I'm with the random girls that pop up in my life. I'm still not completely comfortable with women.

You need to be more outgoing. That's all there is to that.

As sad as it sounds, the highlight of the day was when I got out of my car, hugged her for the fist time and told her she smelled good.

Oh,so you told her she smelled good.

Well that's a start. Now you just need to work on your timing.

Don't wait 2 months after knowing a girl before you decide to start saying things like that.


The FIRST TIME you tried to get her to spend time with you,you should have been peppering her with comments like this.

When would have been the best time to do the attraction stuff?

IN THE BEGINNING!
IN THE BEGINNING!!
IN THE BEGINNING!!!


Do it when you first meet her. That way she'll see you in a sexual light and be comfortable with you.


Your sexual side won't be a surprise or a shock to her,and it won't make her uncomfortable because that's the side of you she will have seen and known from the beginning.

I was planning to do it all on our first real date but I guess it was too late by then.

Uhh....yeah.

You can't put "attraction" on some type of schedule.

You said that you were planning to save all the sexual and romantic remarks until you had a real date with her.


Ok,so in the meanwhile while you were waiting for the date to come to pass,how was she supposed to feel?


Like I said before,there's no "pause button" on attraction. You can't say,"Well I'll just hang out with her now,and save the "making her feel attracted to me" stuff for later on".

It doesn't work that way.

She obviously had this planned out,and was not comfortable being in an one on one romantic/dating setting alone with you,so she invited her friend along to insure that nothing sexual/romantic took place on the "date"

Why would she do that? We've already hung out twice before this.

Because this was a "date".

Look at what you said here. You said that you and her had already "HUNG OUT" twice before.


"HANGING OUT" and "dating" ARE DIFFERENT.


Friends "hang out".

A man and a woman who are romantically interested in each other "DATE".



She didn't mind hanging out with you because to her,there was nothing romantic about "hanging out",but when you ask her out on a "DATE",then she got uncomfortable.



You know why? Because "dates" are sexual in nature,and you NEVER SHOWED YOUR SEXUAL SIDE.




Since you never showed your sexual side to her,she never got a chance to become comfortable with it. Therefore,she invited her friend along TO INSURE that your sexual side didn't come out.

From what your saying it sounds like I didn't have enough comfort built up and she was afraid I would try something sexual/romantic?

You had pleny of comfort built up...as far as anime was concerned.


You wanted this girl to be interested in you sexually,but you're afraid to show that side of yourself.



This is the same thing that happened last year. You keep hiding your TRUE SELF behind a facade. The girls EMOTIONALLY get used to the facade,then when you try to reveal your true self,it's too late.

They've already bonded to the fake,NONSEXAUL "YOU".


Just like last year.

I don't think I'm trying to avoid the risk of rejection.

Well you were. You know how I know?

Well for one,it shouldn't take you 2 and a half to three months to go out on an official date with a girl if you've clearly shown your interest to her.

I was trying to increase my chance of success.

How,by talking about comic books? Well tell me,did it work?


I mean this is what DonJuanna suggested,isn't it?

The first time we got lunch I could have called her beautiful and that I wanted to take her to room and fuck her. But I know that isn't going to work.

I doubt that this would have worked as well,but you know what?

You'd been better off saying something like that than doing what you did.


At least you'd be upfront and honest with her,and she'd know your true intentions.

 

[Maxtro]

Since you never showed your sexual side to her,she never got a chance to become comfortable with it. Therefore,she invited her friend along TO INSURE that your sexual side didn't come out.

Wow, just wow. So she purposely tried to keep me down? Was it done intentionally on her part or did she do it subconsciously?

If she knew it was a date, why did she agree to it?

No experience saying or doing anything sexual? Huh?

Max,it's April 2010. You've been a member here since April 2004.

What have you been doing here for the last 6 years???

I have made a thread about just about every single girl I was interested in since I joined this forum. Cherise, Julie, Hailee, Dominique, Roccio, Chelsea, Sarah, Chelsie, Kumiko, Rachel and Danielle. I subsequently failed with every single one of them for a variety of reasons. I've also have various threads about random stuff related to girls/seduction, kino etc. For me I've actually made tons of progress. I started at the absolute bottom when it comes to women. Now I'm almost a normal guy.

Well for one,it shouldn't take you 2 and a half to three months to go out on an official date with a girl if you've clearly shown your interest to her.

You're right. I wasn't looking at the big picture. I should have asked her out after only a couple weeks of talking to her in class, maybe less.

You can't put "attraction" on some type of schedule.

You said that you were planning to save all the sexual and romantic remarks until you had a real date with her.


Ok,so in the meanwhile while you were waiting for the date to come to pass,how was she supposed to feel?


Like I said before,there's no "pause button" on attraction. You can't say,"Well I'll just hang out with her now,and save the "making her feel attracted to me" stuff for later on".

It doesn't work that way.

I was hoping she would separate the guy she see's in class from the guy who she sees when we're alone. Because we're in class together there are things that I can't do. Or maybe I just believe that I can't do them until we are out of that environment. I didn't think any bonding would take place in class.

It all goes back to me taking too long. I should know that whether we're in class or not, time is still going by.

 

[Igetit!]

Wow, just wow. So she purposely tried to keep me down? Was it done intentionally on her part or did she do it subconsciously?

She did it on purpose.

Nobody accidentally invites a third party on their date,especially when you two had already discussed it 24 hours before and specifically told her that you only wanted it to be the two of you.

If she knew it was a date, why did she agree to it?

I honestly don't know why. My guess would be that she was just being "nice".

She had hung out with you previously on two different occasions without any issues because they weren't dates.



So now that it was a date you were asking for,she was between a rock and a hard place.



She couldn't just start making up excuses after being able to meet up with you two times before,but at the same time she didn't want to be alone with you on a DATE because you might try or be expecting something sexual form her.



So her solution was to invite her friend along.


That way she "technically" kept her word to you by going out on a date with you,while at the same time killing the possibility of anything sexual happening.

I was hoping she would separate the guy she see's in class from the guy who she sees when we're alone.

Nope,because both guys are the same.

Of course you can't be out of line in class,but you should have somewhat "hit on her" right after class was over.

I didn't think any bonding would take place in class.

If you talk to a girl,"bonding" has started....period.

I should know that whether we're in class or not, time is still going by.

So you FINALLY get this?

This one comment....ALL BY ITSELF...is rep. worthy.


You FINALLY understand this,huh?



This is what I mean when I keep saying that there's no "pause button" on attraction.



The "clock" starts ticking the second you two interact with each other.



You can't be like,"Well I'll put the sexual stuff on hold for a while until a better time comes along". Doesn't go like that.




If you meet a girl you like but who's already in a relationship,GET AWAY FROM HER....COMPLETELY.



You can't just hang around with her waiting her relationship out because she'll be bonding with you during that time.



If her relationship take 4 months to end,and you were just hanging out,laughing,talking,and joking around with her for that four months,then once her relationship is over with you try to ask her out,it's ALREADY OVER WITH.



She got used to and bonded with the NONSEXUAL YOU she spent the last 4 months joking and playing around with.




You can't put attraction on a schedule. You can't put on some type of "timer".


You can't be "neutral" while being in her presense.



If she already belongs to someone else,and you want to date her,then make a sexual comment to her to show your interest,then get AS FAR AWAY FROM HER AS YOU CAN.



Don't continue being around her NOT SHOWING your interest.


That's what you did wrong here,as what you did last year with the other girl.

 

[f283000]

Preach brother Igetit! Preach! Beat those demon out of him so that he may do it right in the future!

 

[Kailex]

It saddens me to read this, Maxtro, but at least you know where you stand with this girl now.

As others have stated, attraction starts from the very beginning. There can't be different versions of Maxtro depending on the situation and circumstances.

At least it's a very valuable lesson learned.
In all honesty, print this thread and keep it for yourself. A lot of good advice in here and it'll be a reminder of what you don't want to happen again in the future.

 

[DonJuanna]

Maxtro, I'm sorry to hear things went badly. It's lame that she brought another dude along. I'm going to offer my assessment of the situation.

This girl is a shy, dorky 20 year old, possibly a virgin, and she's being pursued by a guy (you) considerably older then her. Maybe that other guy she brought along is her boyfriend, but it's just as likely that she wanted a friend around because she's scared to be alone with you. When I was her age, I felt majorly frightened to be alone with any guy who seemed interested in me sexually (even if we went to the same school, even if I'd known him for months), especially a guy who was even a little bit older then me- and I was much bolder then this girl. Sure, some theoretical seduction mastermind could blow those obstacles away in an instant (or a week, or whatever), but most people can't. Other people are telling you that you already screwed up by not being sexual enough, but I honestly think that if you took their advice, she would have ran away already.

Look, I agree with Igetit that you should be always be showing her your sexual interest, but we differ on how you should be showing your interest- I think with a girl like this, tiny little things like sitting with your knee touching hers are enough to start with. I know the guys on this board think my advice is whack, but none of you have outright said that suggestion is a bad idea. Maxtro, you don't have to answer this, it's more of a rhetorical question, but have you tried to sit with your knee against hers? Have you pulled off that move with any girl? I think you should work on flirting in small ways that like, and slowly build up from there.

Ok, everyone else is saying to stop speaking to her or whatever, but like I said I think she brought a friend along because she's afraid, so I don't think this is necessarily over. Honestly, because you don't sound like you're about to fall head over heels in love with this girl, I don't think you have much to lose by continuing to see her and get "practice" at flirting.

 

[Maxtro]

Wow, I feel much better today. I wouldn't be surprised if I actually sleep through the night tonight.
----------
As we were walking out of class I asked her,

Me: OK, what happened Saturday?
Her: My friend came over later then I expected, I couldn't just send him away.
Me: Do you know what I wanted Saturday to be?
Her: A date. I need to tell you this, but I'm not really looking to date. We can still be friends if you want.
Me: Thanks, that's all I needed to know. Bye.

10 min later when I got on the bus. Over text.

Me: Thanks for being honest and not stringing me along.
Her: Sorry if I mislead you.
------------
And that closes the book on this girl. That was the best possible "bad" ending I could hope for.

I don't plan on ever talking to her again.

 

[Kailex]

Other people are telling you that you already screwed up by not being sexual enough, but I honestly think that if you took their advice, she would have ran away already.

And this is EXACTLY what Igetit! and I have been talking about.

Our approaches aren't about "getting the girl"... it's about:

#1 Showing said female that WE (as men) are interested in them.
#2 Knowing immediately if there is the same type of interest from them back

If he had ramped up the sexual factor MUCH sooner, then he wouldn't have gone through WEEKS of trying to guess what was going on. The sad thing is that he "sort of" did things your way... he wasn't sexual enough at first and went for comfort, and look where that got him.

I'm not saying that him being sexual from the beginning would have GUARANTEED a different outcome, but at least it would have given her a clear signal of what his intentions were.

Basically he just spent a few weeks of his time and energy, posting about this girl and worrying about her and look where that got him.

Life is too short to be trying to build up comfort for months with a girl and not including sexuality, only to be LJBFed in the end anyway. I'd rather have a girl run away from me, right away, for being too sexual than not know where I stand with a girl for weeks. The time I could spend building "comfort" with this girl is time I could spend with a few different other women.

Granted, NONE of this would have even been an issue had Maxtro had more than one plate spinning. Of course, we can't ALWAYS have more than one, which is why this case was magnified x 10. Had there been another women, this issue would have been moot.

Still, he has learned a very valuable lesson.

I almost always am very sexual from the get-go so that my intentions are clear and not misunderstood in the long run. That way, I create an immediate image to this woman of where I am coming from. That way, there is no grey area as to what is going on.


Maxtro, you now have closure with this situation, and I think it's time that you discover the latent sexual alpha brooding underneath your skin. Don't be Maxtro the Classmate, be Maxtro the Lover.

 

[Maxtro]

If he had ramped up the sexual factor MUCH sooner, then he wouldn't have gone through WEEKS of trying to guess what was going on.

At least weeks are better than months...

I think it's time that you discover the latent sexual alpha brooding underneath your skin. Don't be Maxtro the Classmate, be Maxtro the Lover.

I wish. As a man who hasn't kissed a girl in 5 years, who has only had sex when I paid for it, things are not looking good for me.

I'm breaking down. With every rejection I loose a little bit of hope. I needed a win so badly.

I'm terrified of the future.

 

[moneyisking]

i don't get it. why are there some guys like me or maxtro who try but can't make the girl say yes, but there are some guys who act like a$$holes (or not) and still get women and make them say yes to all their suggestions. i don't understand.

 

[Igetit!]

As we were walking out of class I asked her,

Me: OK, what happened Saturday?
Her: My friend came over later then I expected, I couldn't just send him away.

This is a bunch of BULL. I don't believe her for a second.


So her friend just happened to show up over to her place AT THE EXACT TIME that she was scheduled to have a date with you.


Ok.


And this same guy who just happened to show up at her place when she was supposed to be going out on a date with you is the same one who she tried to convince you to let come along on the "date" just 24 hours prior.


......right.

Me: Do you know what I wanted Saturday to be?
Her: A date. I need to tell you this, but I'm not really looking to date. We can still be friends if you want.

Exactly.

She ALREADY KNEW you wanted Saturday to be a date.

That's why she got her friend to join in,so it couldn't be one.


So the fact that she tried to get another person to join in on the date speaks VOLUMES about her interest in you.

There wasn't any,lol.

Other people are telling you that you already screwed up by not being sexual enough,but I honestly think that if you took their advice,she would have ran away already.

You know what I say to this?


Then BE-GONE.


DonJuanna,this isn't about trying to "trick" this girl into a date or sex.


It's about being UPFRONT with her and letting her know where we're at.



Maxtro is a MAN. He was attracted to this girl.

That's the real,true,authentic MAXTRO.


There's nothing underneath that Maxtro. There's no hidden agendas or secret motives.



If he had been that true,authentic Maxtro FROM THE BEGINNING and she had "ran away",ummm...ok,so what's the problem with that?



If you don't like me,then BYE.
If you're not interested in me,then BYE.



Let's say I put up a front and deceive her,and get her interest.


Well you can only keep up the facade for so long. If she doesn't like me,the TRUE,AUTHENTIC ME from the getgo,then she won't like me after 2 months when the facade wears off.



If you like a girl,I say to ask her out. Forget that "touching knees" nonsense.



DonJuanna,you do realize that Maxtro is a full grown man,don't you?

And you're telling him to show his interest to women by brushing kness with them?


Is that how guys approach you DonJuanna? they walk up to you,tell you to stand still,then rub their knees against yours?


I mean if this was grade school or something,then fine,but really...lol.





Maxtro,you said that you don't plan on ever speaking to her again. Well it's your decision if that's what you want,but you really shouldn't be upset or angry with her over this.



You put her in an uncomfortable spot man. All this that she did....from the trying to get her friend to come along the date,to her "let's just be friends" speech....ALL OF IT was the result of YOU NOT BEING YOUR TRUE SELF WITH HER.



If you wanted to date her,you should have talked to her about you two DATING...not anime and comic books.




That why we said to show your sexual side from the getgo.


You started out acting like a friend discussing anime with her for a few weeks,then after all that time had passed by,you SUDDENLY let out your sexual side.


And since that was a part of you she had never seen before,it made her uncomfortable,hence her trying to bring her friend along.




Everything she did in response to you was legit.


You can forget about trying to date her,but at least be civil to her.

 

[f283000]

Wow, I feel much better today. I wouldn't be surprised if I actually sleep through the night tonight.
----------
As we were walking out of class I asked her,

Me: OK, what happened Saturday?
Her: My friend came over later then I expected, I couldn't just send him away.
Me: Do you know what I wanted Saturday to be?
Her: A date. I need to tell you this, but I'm not really looking to date. We can still be friends if you want.
Me: Thanks, that's all I needed to know. Bye.

10 min later when I got on the bus. Over text.

Me: Thanks for being honest and not stringing me along.
Her: Sorry if I mislead you.
------------
And that closes the book on this girl. That was the best possible "bad" ending I could hope for.

I don't plan on ever talking to her again.

Ouch! I warned you about her pulling the friend card sooner or later in one of my earlier posts.

Btw why did you need to bring up saturday again with her? All you did was bring in the inevitable friend card. Why didn't you just next her? but NO you had to give her the satisfaction of giving you the friend card. I told you to cut all contact and just keep it professional but NO you wouldn't listen.

I hope you remember the other stuff I said to you earlier. You never have to accept a woman's contract. You don't have to be her friend if that is what you don't want. You are a man that has plenty of friends already and is going places in life. You don't want another friend.

Like Pastor Igetit said, keep it civil but don't ever initiate contact with her again. Delete her cell from your phone so you don't get the urge.

 

[Maxtro]

Maxtro,you said that you don't plan on ever speaking to her again. Well it's your decision if that's what you want,but you really should be upset or angry with her over this.

Did you forgot to add a not after should? As in ",but you really should not be upset or angry with her over this."

Because I am upset and angry...

I'm mad that she didn't cancel the date when she realized that I wanted her. I'm mad that this whole thing even happened, that I failed again with a girl.

You put her in an uncomfortable spot man. All this that she did....from the trying to get her friend to come along the date,to her "let's just be friends" speech....ALL OF IT was the result of YOU NOT BEING YOUR TRUE SELF WITH HER.

If you wanted to date her,you should have talked to her about you two DATING...not anime and comic books.

That why we said to show your sexual side from the getgo.

You started out acting like a friend discussing anime with her for a few weeks,then after all that time had passed by,you SUDDENLY let out your sexual side.

I don't know how to talk to a girl about us dating or how to show my sexual side. I was trying to establish common interest so she can see what kind of boyfriend I'd be. I did talk about how I salsa dance and would like to take her with me.

You can forget about trying to date her,but at least be civil to her.

I've already told her in a text that I'm going to be avoiding her from now on, not to be mean, but to move on. She told me to do what I have to do.

If I were to continue to talk to her, it would only delay the healing process.

Btw why did you need to bring up saturday again with her? All you did was bring in the inevitable friend card. Why didn't you just next her? but NO you had to give her the satisfaction of giving you the friend card. I told you to cut all contact and just keep it professional but NO you wouldn't listen.

Uh, I didn't accept her friend card. I didn't say no I don't want to be friends with you. I just thanked her for telling the truth and I left.

I did need to bring up Saturday with her. I needed closure and I got it. As much as I respect you guys' opinion, It's still very important to hear what the girl has to say.

In doing so, I did cut all contact.

Sigh, I wonder why girls would rather be single than to be with a guy who likes them. If she thinks the guy is cute, fun and knows he has common interests; why reject him just because she doesn't have romantic feelings right at that moment?

If a girl who was decent looking but I didn't have any feelings for, expressed an interest in me I would absolutely give her a shot. I think most guys would.

 

[Igetit!]

Did you forgot to add a not after should? As in ",but you really should not be upset or angry with her over this."

Yeah,that's what I meant. I went back and edited it,lol.

Because I am upset and angry...

I know. But like you said,at least you did manage to get this thing down from 8-10 months down to a couple of weeks.


Now you need to get it down from weeks down to 10 to 20 minutes.

And I'm not joking either. I'm serious.

I'm mad that she didn't cancel the date when she realized that I wanted her.

Well you need to get over this. Girls don't like confrontation. They don't like to hurt people.


So she killed two birds with one stone.



By inviting her friend along,she was able to still give you the date you wanted,while at the same time keeping things comfortable for herself.


Yes,it would have been MUCH SIMPLER to just cancel the date and be straight up with you,but come man.

We all know that women can't just be simple.

I'm mad that this whole thing even happened, that I failed again with a girl.

Well Max,what did you think was going to happen?


You did EXACTLY the same thing you did last year,and got EXACTLY the same result....again.


And everything that I,Kailex,and F283000 have said to you in this thread is THE SAME THING I told you last year in your "It ain't over yet" and "Should I end my friendship with this girl?" threads.



I mean come on,all we can do is advise you. The putting the advice into action is your part.


So if you don't do it,then hey,it just won't be done.

I don't know how to talk to a girl about us dating or how to show my sexual side.

Huh? What do you mean you don't know how to talk to a girl about you two dating?


Well let me ask you this....when you go to a restaurant,if you want a hamburger,when you go up to the counter to place your order,what do you say?


Do you talk about comic books and anime?

American Idol? Who won the game last night?



Although these things may be interesting,if you just stand there at the counter going on and on about random topics,eventually the person behind the counter is going to wonder what it is you REALLY WANT,and wonder why you're there.



If you wanted a hamburger and the person behind the counter asked to take your order,what would you say?


You'd say you want a hamburger.


Uh....well? Well if you run into a girl you're attracted to and you want to date,then you talk about you two dating.


Ask her about her status.


you:Are you married? Do you belong to anybody? Because if not,then I WANT to see you.


THAT is being sexual.
THAT is showing your sexual side.


It's not being vulgar,crude,or vile. If you ask her if she's taken or not,then tell her you want to see her,she'll CLEARLY KNOW what you mean,and how she responds to you in that moment will let you know RIGHT THEN where she's at,and not 5 or 6 weeks later down the line.

I was trying to establish common interest so she can see what kind of boyfriend I'd be.

The ONLY COMMON INTEREST women care about when you first approach them is ATTRACTION/CHEMISTRY.


That's it. If there's no chemistry,attraction,or "sparks" when you two first meet,NOTHING ELSE MATTERS.


And if DonJuanna is honest,even she'll attest to that.

I did talk about how I salsa dance and would like to take her with me.

Salsa dancing.

So how did this discussion go? Did it give you the results you were hoping for?

Sigh, I wonder why girls would rather be single than to be with a guy who likes them. If she thinks the guy is cute, fun and knows he has common interests; why reject him just because she doesn't have romantic feelings right at that moment?

If a girl who was decent looking but I didn't have any feelings for, expressed an interest in me I would absolutely give her a shot. I think most guys would.

This statement here from you lets me know that you still have a lot to learn.


All of us are learning,but this isn't something that should be coming from you Max,not after being here for 6 years.




You think women are like YOU.

You don't seem to understand that they are DIFFERENT from us.


They don't care about you being "nice",or sweet or a good person.
They don't care about you liking them.
They don't even care if you're "cute".



ALL THEY CARE ABOUT is HOW THEY FEEL.


That's it.



If you generate chemistry in them,then basically,you're in. Everything else....

comic books
anime
Salsa dancing
having the same classes

...all the rest of it is just icing on the cake.



If you can't make it work when it's just you and her ALONE,then bringing in outside factors (anime,movies,dancing,etc) won't make it work either.

 

[Maxtro]

Well you need to get over this. Girls don't like confrontation. They don't like to hurt people.

So she killed two birds with one stone.

By inviting her friend along,she was able to still give you the date you wanted,while at the same time keeping things comfortable for herself.

Yes,it would have been MUCH SIMPLER to just cancel the date and be straight up with you,but come man.

We all know that women can't just be simple.

Lesson learned. Women may make things unnecessarily complicated to avoid confrontation.

You did EXACTLY the same thing you did last year,and got EXACTLY the same result....again.

While I may have done the same thing I did last year, I did it much faster. I also am not nearly as invested into this girl as I was the last one.

Well if you run into a girl you're attracted to and you want to date,then you talk about you two dating.


Ask her about her status.


you:Are you married? Do you belong to anybody? Because if not,then I WANT to see you.


THAT is being sexual.
THAT is showing your sexual side.


It's not being vulgar,crude,or vile. If you ask her if she's taken or not,then tell her you want to see her,she'll CLEARLY KNOW what you mean,and how she responds to you in that moment will let you know RIGHT THEN where she's at,and not 5 or 6 weeks later down the line.

Oh. I never thought of that. I knew that this girl was single based on our conversation, so that meant I didn't have to ask if she was an a relationship. If I did then she would have figured out I was interested in her. Wow I'm a sneaky bugger in avoiding rejection.

The ONLY COMMON INTEREST women care about when you first approach them is ATTRACTION/CHEMISTRY.

That's it. If there's no chemistry,attraction,or "sparks" when you two first meet,NOTHING ELSE MATTERS.

I have never had a girl feels sparks right when she meets me. Until I get better with women I don't expect that to happen. There has to be a way to get women without the beginning sparks. If not then I'm screwed.

You think women are like YOU.

ALL THEY CARE ABOUT is HOW THEY FEEL.

OK, so I need to somehow use that knowledge to my advantage.
-----
Even though I probably shouldn't have, I had a little text session with her. I asked her why she wanted to be single and she said that she is not going to answer and that it's a bit too personal, sorry. I tried to press on and she said that she's different from most people and that I'm not going to run into a situation like this again. I called her complicated and said, "Hmm the girl has a secret." She replied, "lol no secret." I tried again to tell me what it was but she didn't reply.

I wonder if she's just a really strange person.