Struggling in law school

[lubstur]

Today I ****ed up in my oral debate. Bad. Really ****ing bad...

It was bad to the point that the class panel of 'class judges' (Student Moot Court council) laughed in disbelief, and one of them clasped his hands over his head 'like wtf was that'. My professor gave me her feedback as "Excellent debate," but I know it's complete bull ****, it's graded on 'Good faith effort' and she softened her comment probably because she doesn't want to discourage me for my next debate tomorrow.

After my speech was over, I sat down, and my debate partner next to me put her hands over me, along with several other classmates putting their hands over my shoulder and arm to comfort me like some wounded dog. I thanked them and tried not to mind it but it was gut wrenching that all I could do was say 'thank you' and ignore it.

What hurts the most is the subtle side laugh a friend of mine gave after another friend looked over my draft, and asked if "I even wrote this?" I respect them a lot and they are extremely blunt and truthful, it's rare in my opinion to see that in law school, but I feel like no one takes me seriously as a professional.

I've been taking beatings throughout this first year and I keep thinking to myself, "I go through with this, and it's going to get better." But I've been taking losses and losses and even more losses, and I feel like a failure at my school now.

I don't want anyone in my family to worry with how much I'm struggling with school right now.

I don't have any intentions on quitting, but I just needed to share this with someone. Any suggestions or feedback is greatly appreciated.

 

[NoBiscuits]

Ouch. You are taking such consistent heavy losses that your female classmates and superiors are comforting you after you bomb.

You should evaluate whether or not to continue. If your family members aren't lawyers themselves, I would suggest comparing yourself to other students and professionals who are also first generation in the field. They will struggle harder since they didn't have a lifetime of guidance and indirect learning. If you're still on the very bottom of the totem pole among this crowd, then you'd be digging yourself into a deeper hole long term by staying in this field.

If you are on the bottom (and the first gens know it too), then select a specific skill you've been very good at and proceed from there. Eg. If your contracts are worded very clearly, then you can become a technical writer. Your peers determine your first job, and your first job determines your career. If they don't feel comfortable referring you to their future boss, then you'll have an even harder time finding work. Or, you'll get stuck working at a mediocre firm that has a toxic, bitter environment because the other lawyers will secretly know that they can't do better.

Remember, diversity hiring is working against you as well. You don't have the shield and escalator given to others. As a man, people's expectations of you will be of normal standards.

I don't believe in the "anyone can be anything" mantra. Find something you have a natural gift in and start from there. The time when it's acceptable (imo) to plow through something you're not good at is if you consciously see yourself as that plow taking hits so that others can walk behind you. Otherwise, you're chasing a title you weren't meant to obtain.

But make the decision yourself. The current economy is hard, and you have to rely on peer recommendations a lot more than certifications. It might be better to be a below average lawyer than something else right now (or at least for a few years before changing careers). Alternatively, it might be better to cut losses and jump to something else straight away.

But yeah, you shouldn't be getting pounded this hard in your first year. Those I know who went to law school said it was hell because of the workload and stress, not because of taking L's and bombing tests. That's something different.

 

[NoBiscuits]

Oh, I should add something extremely important.

Say you're growing a garden and don't have the gift of a green thumb.

If you just WANT a garden in a general sense / just for the sake of being a gardener, then all of your energy will be dedicated to keeping up with the other gardeners and struggling to keep your plants alive.

However, If you NEED a garden SO THAT you can do beekeeping, then it's a lot easier because you know in advance what's important and what's not. You can be horrible at trees, herbs, and vegetation. But as long as your flowers are healthy, then you're fine. So attention goes into just that one thing.

See what I mean?