Sick of torturing myself. Time to end game.

[Neon Owl]

Broke up with my ex about 3 months ago (I broke up with her) and since then we've been seeing eachother as fvckbuddies. It was me that pushed to keep seeing her again as I thought I could handle my emotions and just keep her around for sex.
So far I've stayed at her apartment twice and every time it's like we're back together and nothing happened...nothing is mentioned about the breakup and we cuddle up and act like a couple then once I leave we send a couple texts saying how good it was to see eachother again and then we don't speak for weeks.

I still see her on the dating site we met on as I'm still using it to meet women and every time I see her pic it hits me hard...just knowing she's currently flirting and arranging to meet with other guys annoys the hell out of me.

I've made a decision to stop torturing myself as I can't go on like this...it's as if we're still together but I have to deal with the fact that she's fvcking other men and I can't handle it. In my head she's still mine and this sh1t just isn't right.

I've been on dates with 3 other women since the split and I just kept thinking how they were nothing compared to my ex. I honestly think even if I met the perfect woman I'd still be thinking about her.
This is what it must be like giving up heroin I'm guessing...I quit smoking 3 years ago after smoking for 10 years and it wasn't this hard ffs.

I'm going to see her one last time and tell her exactly how I feel about this and say I'm never going to see her again. I'm not giving her my affection as if she were my girl when she's getting screwed by other dudes.

If I keep on like this I'm never going to move on so I need to completely cut her out of my life. I'll delete my profile so I'm not tempted to check to see if she's online. I'll just have to stick to POF instead.

This will be hard but I know I need to do it for my own sanity. I'll update you guys on how it goes.

 

[Naughty Ninja]

Broke up with my ex about 3 months ago (I broke up with her) and since then we've been seeing eachother as fvckbuddies. It was me that pushed to keep seeing her again as I thought I could handle my emotions and just keep her around for sex.
So far I've stayed at her apartment twice and every time it's like we're back together and nothing happened...nothing is mentioned about the breakup and we cuddle up and act like a couple then once I leave we send a couple texts saying how good it was to see eachother again and then we don't speak for weeks.

I still see her on the dating site we met on as I'm still using it to meet women and every time I see her pic it hits me hard...just knowing she's currently flirting and arranging to meet with other guys annoys the hell out of me.

I've made a decision to stop torturing myself as I can't go on like this...it's as if we're still together but I have to deal with the fact that she's fvcking other men and I can't handle it. In my head she's still mine and this sh1t just isn't right.

I've been on dates with 3 other women since the split and I just kept thinking how they were nothing compared to my ex. I honestly think even if I met the perfect woman I'd still be thinking about her.
This is what it must be like giving up heroin I'm guessing...I quit smoking 3 years ago after smoking for 10 years and it wasn't this hard ffs.

I'm going to see her one last time and tell her exactly how I feel about this and say I'm never going to see her again. I'm not giving her my affection as if she were my girl when she's getting screwed by other dudes.

If I keep on like this I'm never going to move on so I need to completely cut her out of my life. I'll delete my profile so I'm not tempted to check to see if she's online. I'll just have to stick to POF instead.

This will be hard but I know I need to do it for my own sanity. I'll update you guys on how it goes.

Why do you feel the need to get "closure"? Are you expecting her to agree with you and delete her online profile and come running back "knowing" she's wrong? Think you're going to hear "comforting" BS that she's not enjoying online "dating", hasn't used it, hasn't met anyone, hasn't talked dirty on it, hasn't possibly sent pics to other dudes, hasn't gotten banged by any....yet?

Now if you just broke up and were seeing people. Fine. But soon as she activated online "dating" I'd be OUT. Period. She's keeping you around for comfort while she shops for an upgrade. And you are GLADLY doing it. She's looking to "upgrade" while downgrading herself online. Nothing more. Don't bother explaining or reasoning. You'll waste your time. And even if she comes back it's not going to be the same and you'll hate yourself even more eventually.

What you REALLY need to do is just drop off the face of the earth as far as she's concerned and not bother with her again. Let her lost azz sit online and be a cvmdumpster. Reflect on the past and what you may've done wrong, work on it, improve yourself for your next relationship.

As soon as the chick activated her online profile = she's admitting she's trash.

Hate to say it. But it is what it is and that's what types are on there.

I'd be completely out. No calls, texts, emails, responses, meet ups. NADA.

You've placed faaar too much of your own self worth into this chicks hands. And it's going to drive you INSANE thinking about it and "hoping".

Go full blown NC. Learn from the experience and move on. Otherwise. Good luck.

 

[VladPatton]

I agree with the Ninja man. Since you don't see her for weeks on end, just keep that going, delete her from your life, get a new number/cell if you have to and move on. Cold turkey that situation. You'll be getting sucked into a vortex of liquid shıt by talking about emotions that only one of you have.

I tried your way once and it was an infinite roller coaster without a stop button. It had no end in sight until I went Space Ghost on that ***** and she finally disappeared forever.

Cut it quick, delete your online profile, change emails, throw away things that remind you of her, get your head back and just chill the fück out from the stress you don't need in your life, man.

 

[Neon Owl]

Why do you feel the need to get "closure"? Are you expecting her to agree with you and delete her online profile and come running back "knowing" she's wrong? Think you're going to hear "comforting" BS that she's not enjoying online "dating", hasn't used it, hasn't met anyone, hasn't talked dirty on it, hasn't possibly sent pics to other dudes, hasn't gotten banged by any....yet?

Now if you just broke up and were seeing people. Fine. But soon as she activated online "dating" I'd be OUT. Period. She's keeping you around for comfort while she shops for an upgrade. And you are GLADLY doing it. She's looking to "upgrade" while downgrading herself online. Nothing more. Don't bother explaining or reasoning. You'll waste your time. And even if she comes back it's not going to be the same and you'll hate yourself even more eventually.

What you REALLY need to do is just drop off the face of the earth as far as she's concerned and not bother with her again. Let her lost azz sit online and be a cvmdumpster. Reflect on the past and what you may've done wrong, work on it, improve yourself for your next relationship.

As soon as the chick activated her online profile = she's admitting she's trash.

Hate to say it. But it is what it is and that's what types are on there.

I'd be completely out. No calls, texts, emails, responses, meet ups. NADA.

You've placed faaar too much of your own self worth into this chicks hands. And it's going to drive you INSANE thinking about it and "hoping".

Go full blown NC. Learn from the experience and move on. Otherwise. Good luck.

If I'm being 100% honest...yes there's a small part of me that hopes she will realise what she's losing and try to win me back...not sure if that's an ego thing or what but it's there.

But I know the most probable scenario is that I'll say my piece and leave and probably get a text from her saying how she'll miss me blah blah blah then she'll be right back on the dating site meeting up with other guys the next day.
Then in a few months time when her next relationship inevitably goes to sh1t she'll likely hit me up to see if I'm still an option to make her feel better about herself while she looks for someone else.
I know her very well and I'm almost always right about my intuition with her.

 

[Neon Owl]

I agree with the Ninja man. Since you don't see her for weeks on end, just keep that going, delete her from your life, get a new number/cell if you have to and move on. Cold turkey that situation. You'll be getting sucked into a vortex of liquid shıt by talking about emotions that only one of you have.

I tried your way once and it was an infinite roller coaster without a stop button. It had no end in sight until I went Space Ghost on that ***** and she finally disappeared forever.

Cut it quick, delete your online profile, change emails, throw away things that remind you of her, get your head back and just chill the fück out from the stress you don't need in your life, man.

I know you're both right and if she doesn't end up txting me to meet up again then I won't contact her. I'm not going to push for another meet up but if she gets on touch then I'll go round, fvck her one last time then tell her I'm moving on.
In fact I'm going to delete her number from my phone now so I can't contact her...done.

 

[Neon Owl]

Just deleted my dating profile too. Fvck this sh1t.

 

[TheException]

I'm going to see her one last time and tell her exactly how I feel about this and say I'm never going to see her again.

I'll go round, fvck her one last time then tell her I'm moving on.

Are you trying to tell her off, as a desperate plea(ultimatum) or as an ego thing? Absolutely zero need for this. If your moving on just move on. No need to tell her anything.

 

[Neon Owl]

I'm going to see her one last time and tell her exactly how I feel about this and say I'm never going to see her again.

I'll go round, fvck her one last time then tell her I'm moving on.

Are you trying to tell her off, as a desperate plea(ultimatum) or as an ego thing? Absolutely zero need for this. If your moving on just move on. No need to tell her anything.

I suppose I just want to make her face the fact that she's losing me for good. Maybe it is an ego thing and I just want to try swing the power back in my favour, I honestly don't know.

It's been 2 weeks now since we last spoke so if I can make it another couple weeks without hearing from her then I know I won't be seeing her again and she's probably moved onto some other guy. We've never gone more than 2-3 weeks without talking before so if she doesn't get in touch I'll just move on regardless as I have no way of contacting her now.

 

[LongLostFriend]

I suppose I just want to make her face the fact that she's losing me for good.

Won't she figure that out once you are gone for good?

Go "no contact" and don't feel the need to make her see anything.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Broke up with my ex about 3 months ago (I broke up with her)
...
I've been on dates with 3 other women since the split and I just kept thinking how they were nothing compared to my ex. I honestly think even if I met the perfect woman I'd still be thinking about her.

There's a logical incongruence between these two statements. If she is so great, why did you break up with her?

 

[JoeMarron]

There's a logical incongruence between these two statements. If she is so great, why did you break up with her?

Exactly. Why break up with her if you're gonna do the same things you did while together? If you wanted her as a fk buddy then you should've stopped all the relationship stuff. No cuddling, no mushy texts, just sex. All that emotional chit is just gonna pull you back in.

 

[Lord Hypnos]

I'm going to see her one last time and tell her exactly how I feel about this and say I'm never going to see her again.

Do not do this! Don't tell her jack ****! There's no need for 'closure', she'll just spin it around against you. Just disappear from her life. Forever. Pretend she is dead. All the advice has been spot on. NC means NC.

 

[captain A]

Dude....what everyone else is saying. DO NOT see her again. It'll be even more meaningful if you just drop the plans. Tell her you're busy and keep telling her you're busy. I wouldn't even NC on this one b/c it'll make her keep coming back wondering why you aren't her puppet anymore.
The ONLY two words you should ever say to her from now on....and I do mean the ONLY two are : I'm Busy......and if she asks when you aren't, you don't respond. End of story.

fvck.....i feel like you're still gonna not listen to everybody and go hang out with her anyway.

 

[Smell The Glove]

There's a logical incongruence between these two statements. If she is so great, why did you break up with her?

Thanks, I was hoping I wasn't the only one to notice this. Most of the early posts in the thread appear to be made assuming that she broke it off, kinda strange.

What do you expect when you break up with a girl, that she's not going to try to move on? That's what breaking up is supposed to mean.

 

[Neon Owl]

Maybe I should have given more information. I broke up with her because I found out she was still talking to guys on the dating site I met her on...I knew something was up because in the last few weeks of the relationship she got more distant and argumentative with me.
It's not like she was an angel and I suddenly decided I didn't want her anymore...she drove me away on purpose. When I confronted her about the fact I knew she was still flirting with guys on the site she just said 'so I talk to other guys on there, so what. I never said I would delete my profile'.

With my logical mind I know she's bad for me and I shouldn't be with her but my emotional side still wants the validation of her wanting me back...does that make sense?

 

[Neon Owl]

Then there's the fact that she was my first ever gf and my first lay so I'm sure that plays a part in how hard it is to forget about her and move on.

 

[Smell The Glove]

So did she express the desire to be exclusive with you before you broke up, or did you just assume that's the way it was?

 

[plate's_empty]

Then there's the fact that she was my first ever gf and my first lay so I'm sure that plays a part in how hard it is to forget about her and move on.

ouch, you're a hurting unit.

Maybe I should have given more information. I broke up with her because I found out she was still talking to guys on the dating site I met her on...I knew something was up because in the last few weeks of the relationship she got more distant and argumentative with me.
It's not like she was an angel and I suddenly decided I didn't want her anymore...she drove me away on purpose. When I confronted her about the fact I knew she was still flirting with guys on the site she just said 'so I talk to other guys on there, so what. I never said I would delete my profile'.

With my logical mind I know she's bad for me and I shouldn't be with her but my emotional side still wants the validation of her wanting me back...does that make sense?

Yes, it does. You dumped her but she flipped it and now ultimately she's the one dumping you. By dumping her you made a statement saying you weren't going to stand for her behavior which was good....but then you went back. Not good.

All these other posters are giving you great advice. You want her back, yes it's obvious. Right now you are the Beta, she owns you. The ONLY way she is going to want you back is for you to show her you're a man....an Alpha. The way to do this, like everyone has been saying....is to drop her a$$. Totally 100% do it.

This is the only way she's going to start to think about what she's lost. And by that time hopefully you'll have moved on.

 

[Neon Owl]

So did she express the desire to be exclusive with you before you broke up, or did you just assume that's the way it was?

Yes most definitely. We were officially bf/gf it wasn't just in my head lol
We would see eachother every weekend and had already split up twice earlier on in the relationship but both times she came back asking to make up because she missed me.

 

[Neon Owl]

Its hard to get over your first because you have so little experience that she really seems irreplaceable. She's not.

I guess the longer I go without seeing her/speaking to her the easier it will get to imagine myself being content with another woman?

What sort of timeframe am I looking at before I stop obsessing over her? She's still the first and last thing on my mind when I wake up and go to sleep...fvcking sucks man.