One of the more intersting flakes I've had in a while

[iqqi]

2w

You don't mean much to her.
If you meant anything at all she would have made sure she wasn't "wrecked" and therefore didn't have to cancel the date.
Use the oldest test there is: Would she have been too "wrecked" to meet Brad Pitt?
And your answer }rather poor form" was total fag mate, totally nade you out to be a whining bytch.
I also agree that answering with "Gay" is childilsh. Its one of the few things I disagree with Roissy on.
The best reply would have been TOTAL SILENCE.
But mate - I know what you are on about with these flaky bytches and getiing pissd off with them and sending them texts because I made all these mistakes less than a year ago myself.
Flaky girls are a waste of time. DO NOT feed their ego.

This is the best response so far, but I disagree with silence. If you don't respond, you seem just as bitter and angry as the OP's original response, maybe even more so. I am very anti negative emotion in the beginning stages of dating.

The best response is a ****y funny one here. And then reassess the situation.

She obviously isn't into you enough to NOT cancel 3 hours into the date. Maybe make her a lesser priority? Make her really work for the next date? Maybe give her the benefit of the doubt, and one other chance for a great date with you before handing the heavy Next here?

I agree that it sucks she cancelled 3 hours before you were to meet up. As someone with high self confidence, I'd be able to take that as disinterest. And chalk it as so, unless I was given a reason not to in the near future. I think some people here are so lacking in self confidence that they take any set back as a big sign of disrespect, when it isn't even that serious.

But nothing is more lame than being super butt hurt over some chick you don't even know that well, for whatever reason.

 

[Jitterbug]

We're not giving her a pass, Johnny, it's just that being angry at her in Wilko's position isn't going to accomplish anything. She's not invested, she doesn't care too much about him yet for it to have any effect on her. She would just rationalize it away as an insecure bitter angry guy that she luckily dodged, without even a thought for her own bad manner.

What he told her would work if he were to communicate to another man, because men feel shame when they fail to keep a promise, whereas women are shameless. To punish her for her bad behaviours, you gotta stop thinking like a man for a moment. Know thy enemy

 

[Wilko]

Lots of interesting stuff here. Just so we don't keep talking around in circles let me point a few things out.

I fully understand that indifference is an effective strategy, I've used it in the past, I still use it, and I will use it again. I chose to take the hard line knowing that it probably wasn't going to help me get this girl into bed.

I fully understand that she wouldn't have flaked on Brad Pitt.

I fully understand that my response likely made me a less attractive option in her eyes. Here's the kicker, I don't care about that.

Being authentic, having integrity and maintaining standards is becoming more important to me than using an affected persona to win the little mini-games on a plate by plate basis. I think that's the bigger game. Still it's nice to get your c0ck sucked occasionally on the way to self-actualisation, bahaha.

Aaaaanyway, did anyone else notice there's actually zero contrition in her message?

Gotta run!

 

[Jitterbug]

Don't get mad, get even.

If a chick flakes on me and ruins my Friday night plan, the least I could do is to help her feel really bad about herself.

 

[Tazman]

Being authentic, having integrity and maintaining standards is becoming more important to me than using an affected persona to win the little mini-games on a plate by plate basis

I believe there's a time and place for authenticity and integrity, but I don't really see how they fit into this particular event.

Women don't operate that way, if you go in with that expectation you're going to end up frustrated the majority of the time, unless of course you find a woman who is head over heels for you and makes certain that she does everything possible to ensure she doesn't agravate you.

How often does that happen though?

 

[samspade]

I don't see the need for constant restraint and feigned indifference when it comes to dealing with women.

It's not about "feigned" or "calculated" indifference. Your indifference should come naturally, as a result of either having options, or failing that at least lacking neediness.

I'm not saying you're needy in the extreme sense, but even a DJ with no horses in his stable should be okay with a date flake-out. It's a mindset that you have to adopt, not feign.

 

[cordoncordon]

I fully understand that she wouldn't have flaked on Brad Pitt.

I fully understand that my response likely made me a less attractive option in her eyes. Here's the kicker, I don't care about that.

Bingo. The OP just gave the best response of anyone to his own issue. Many of you are saying he should have said this, or said that. Or he should have kept quiet. And all those by themselves are great...IF he doesn't care what he does and doesn't care what his reaction gets her to do. IF he doesn't care, he could say I love you, please don't do this, and it wouldn't matter. Because he doesn't care. Most of the other responses that the OP is getting here from the other posters are in some way shape or form...implying that the OP cares what her response is. When the OP can say and do what he wants to her, WITHOUT there being any cares in the world what her reaction will be, THEN he will truly have reached the level of indifference that many here want to possess.

 

[5string]

Indifference translates into female attraction.

 

[squirrels]

Bingo. The OP just gave the best response of anyone to his own issue. Many of you are saying he should have said this, or said that. Or he should have kept quiet. And all those by themselves are great...IF he doesn't care what he does and doesn't care what his reaction gets her to do. IF he doesn't care, he could say I love you, please don't do this, and it wouldn't matter. Because he doesn't care. Most of the other responses that the OP is getting here from the other posters are in some way shape or form...implying that the OP cares what her response is. When the OP can say and do what he wants to her, WITHOUT there being any cares in the world what her reaction will be, THEN he will truly have reached the level of indifference that many here want to possess.

If he doesn't CARE, then why is he posting?

I'm not really sure why that flake is particularly interesting. She made plans with him, but ended up tired-out. I would rather a girl tell me she's tired-out than come out on a date, be a grumpy b!tch, and ruin the whole night.

Not only that, but she made a counter-offer for a specific day...not just a "rain check", but she explicitly said, "This does not reflect my interest level" and "let's get together Sunday instead".

To the OP...WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT??

Sh*t, some of you guys, the girl could've gotten in a car accident on her way there, busted her skull open, and been in a trauma ward somewhere, and you would still get on her case for "flaking" and "disrespecting you".

A "flake" is a no-show, no-call, or no-show and call without any particular reason or interest in rescheduling. In other words, "I'm not coming out tonight, even though I said I would, for no other reason than I just don't want to".

The title of this post is not accurate...this is neither a "flake" nor "interesting".

But OH NO, I'M MISTER BIG DON JUAN MAN! A GIRL I'VE NEVER MET OR ONLY BEEN ON ONE OR TWO DATES WITH SHOULD MAKE *ME* THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN HER LIFE!! THERE SHOULD BE CONSEQUENCES TO HER NOT MAKING HER DATE WITH ME, AND SHE SHOULD BE GRATEFUL FOR HER PUNISHMENT!!

So OP, you made a point to make her feel stupid for breaking (not even really "breaking" since she TRIED to reschedule) a date with you, and you're surprised by the fact that she no longer wants to speak to you.

Maybe you DON'T care. But this pattern of men thinking that women they haven't even been dating for a while should bow down and kiss their arses just because THEY DEMAND IT and that "anything less is a sign of disrespect" need to grow up.

Everyone keeps talking about "disrespect" this and "disrespect" that. Do you know WHY other countries continually try to take shots at the US in the UN, through the political/diplomatic system? Because the US has bigger bombs. So these lesser countries have to appeal to "respect" and "decency" when they get "disrespected", because deep down they feel threatened and un-confident in their OWN dealings.

Most women are twits. Most PEOPLE are twits. It's just the way of the world. The fact that you have to take verbal shots at a woman by saying something weak like "poor form" means that you aren't secure enough to stand tall in the face of what you deem "flaky behavior" (which is debatable in this instance) and that, despite your urgings of "don't care", the fact that this girl didn't meet up with you on this night is a bruise to your fragile ego that you demand compensation for.

Do you know what a "real Don Juan" would've done in this conversation? If he bought the girl's story, he would've accepted her offer to reschedule. If he hadn't, he would've said, "OK, we'll reschedule sometime later" and then flaked on HER.

Yeah, it sucks that your night was ruined by this change in plans...what I do in that situation is cuss to myself for a few minutes, call up a few friends, and if I can't find anything to do, I "charge it to the game" and either go out on my own or stay in. It's as much MY failing as HERS, given that I didn't have a backup plan and put that much faith in her making the date.

I missed a ballgame with friends recently because I had "prior plans" with a girl who ended up blowing me off. Her excuse was plausible, but I was so p!ssed off that I never really DID accept it...I really would've liked to go to that ballgame.

So what'd I do? I texted her and said, "we'll have to shoot for another time I guess". Then I texted a few other girls i'd been talking to...no luck. (one was at the ballgame!!) Then I sucked it up and found something else to do. Did I ever call that girl again? Nope...more because I figured she just "didn't have time to date" than anything. Do I feel "disrespected"? Nope. Dirt off my shoulder.

If you are dating girls with ANY frequency, then this should NOT be a unique or interesting occurrence for you...it is part of the "game". People, especially in the "mature" age bracket, are busy, or otherwise have better stuff to do than hang out with people they just officially met last week or whenever.

You "Respect Zealots" would mock me endlessly if I told you about the first date I had with this girl I'm meeting up with tonight. At least until I told you about the second date.

Until you start learning how women THINK, you will not understand why they do the things they do.

And to be bluntly honest, before you can learn how women think, you have to become attractive to women...enough so that THEY consider YOU like men consider THEM.

 

[KarmaSutra]

- this pattern of men thinking that women they haven't even been dating for a while should bow down and kiss their arses just because THEY DEMAND IT and that "anything less is a sign of disrespect" need to grow up.


Most women are twits. Most PEOPLE are twits. It's just the way of the world. The fact that you have to take verbal shots at a woman by saying something weak like "poor form" means that you aren't secure enough to stand tall in the face of what you deem "flaky behavior" (which is debatable in this instance) and that, despite your urgings of "don't care", the fact that this girl didn't meet up with you on this night is a bruise to your fragile ego that you demand compensation for.

Word.

This is blunt honesty and so goddamned true it hurts.

Do you know what a "real Don Juan" would've done in this conversation? If he bought the girl's story, he would've accepted her offer to reschedule. If he hadn't, he would've said, "OK, we'll reschedule sometime later"

This is well said until:

and then flaked on HER.

That little bit killed the entire post. Revenge mentality is worse than Forced Respect mentality.

What every man does when a chick flakes is rely on plan B. Which is always at the ready. Her flaking is her responsibility. Yours is to be too busy to give a sh!t.

 

[5string]

Karma

The last sentence in your post is something every guy on here should place into long term memory. Very, very true.

 

[samspade]

Then I sucked it up and found something else to do.

There you go. This is what you do.

I'm not in the dating world any more, but in the past if a date flaked on me, I'd get a little disappointed. Then if I couldn't find a buddy to hang out with, I'd crack open a beer, throw in The Godfather trilogy for the eight millionth time, and chill. Or maybe I'd write, or draw, or read. Hell, I might even rub one out later. I don't care if it's a Saturday night or not. I know that sounds like "loser" behavior, but the fact is I couldn't care less if I had to spend a night alone. Maybe that's the indifference I'm talking about.

And yes, obviously the OP cared or he wouldn't have posted here to complain. See:

I really did find the idea that I was supposed to be grateful for her honesty and counter-offer in spite of her flaking pretty offensive. And, I thought it was pretty weak that she couldn't take her licks.

Offended? "Woman flakes on man" is as surprising as "Dog bites man." That she actually counter-offered seems to be besides the point to some people.

 

[squirrels]

That little bit killed the entire post. Revenge mentality is worse than Forced Respect mentality.

What every man does when a chick flakes is rely on plan B. Which is always at the ready. Her flaking is her responsibility. Yours is to be too busy to give a sh!t.

That's what "flaking" is, though. When a girl "flakes", it's not because her mind suddenly erased itself. It's not even some vague attempt to assert feminist authority (as many on here would believe). 9 times out of 10, it's because meeting up with you wasn't important enough to her for her to give a sh!t.

I don't "counter-flake" because I want revenge. I "counter-flake" because honestly, I don't find continuing to chase her to be worth the effort. I USED to think it was, and sometimes still do, but you always think, "I'll never find another one like this", even after going through 3 or 4 of them and thinking the same thing with every one.

Same thing with "no contact", that the noobs don't understand. "No contact" isn't some Don Juan mind trick to try to raise a girl's IL. "No contact" is dropping your pursuit of this girl and looking for one who's worth you putting in time. Put in effort, but don't waste it. Pimpin' ain't easy.

 

[Stagger Lee]

The irony is the ones you don't want to flake are the ones that do, and the ones that you really don't care if they flake usually don't.

A girl flakes usually because her interest is not high enough. And once she's flaked there's not really anything you can do that will bring her interests up. She probably found some other bigger, better deal even if that is hang out with her girls and getting hit on by guys at the bar. You pretty much have to write her off anyway, so I don't see how it matters too much how you respond to her. Respond to her in what ever way makes you feel best.

She's not sufficiently interested so no matter your response she's going to frame it into a way that reflects best on her and worse on you. If you call her on it, you're the unresonable jerk and it's a good thing she didn't meet up with you. If you ignore her, she thinks well that was easy. He didn't really care anyway or doesn't have the backbone to call out bad behavior. Bottom line, if you don't have enough interest from a woman there's no way you can "win" with her.

 

[Forty0ztoFreedom]

Being authentic, having integrity and maintaining standards is becoming more important to me than using an affected persona to win the little mini-games on a plate by plate basis.

Awesome, but it doesn't mean sh!t through text. Text strips away all that authenticity and you're not coming across the way you think. I fell into that trap a bunch of times. All the inner-game, frame, positivity, confidence, etc. means sh!t if the girl is gonna interpret it wrong.

Text is just text. The READER puts the emotion and delivery into it.

So pretty much every reader in this thread interpreted "Rather poor form" to be BETA as sh!t, and you could bet she did too, despite your authenticity.

 

[PokerStar]

I for one am happy that the OP posted the thread.

reason being is that it gives insight to other DJ's who have thought of or have been down this path.

I think that this would teach us patience, humility, and it shows us that the world does not revolve around us. (individually)

like inspiring DJ's like myself, it re assures me that if anything happens like that again we need to brush it off and move onto the next one. even though she "showed us a high interest level"

good luck guys.

 

[Zarky]

Aaaaanyway, did anyone else notice there's actually zero contrition in her message?

Of course, that's because she wasn't all that into you. As I said, you lost nothing here because you never had her interest in the first place.

 

[Wilko]

reason being is that it gives insight to other DJ's who have thought of or have been down this path.

That's right, I'm not presenting this as a problem that desperately needs a solution. It's a talking point for discussion, something to draw out different opinions, hell it could be fictional, what matters is the exchange of ideas and experience. Personally I think that's what the Mature Man forum is really all about; cries for help belong in the main DJ Discussion forum. It's tricky though because as men when we see and hear about a "problem" we're not satisfied until we've solved the problem, that usually ends up manifesting itself as posters trying to 'fix' the OP.

 

[Tazman]

^^^Great reply. Even if you disagree you can do so without getting all emotional and becoming defensive. A very rare thing on this site it seems.

 

[TheAsianLoverReturns]

She was willing to go out with you provided she didn't have better options.

She had a better option that night and took it.

If you really want to go out with her, then make her earn your time. She came come over and make you dinner. She can take you out.

If she flakes again, delete her number.