Never Let Your Girlfriend Have A Male Work Friend

[Meisterman]

You guys should watch this video to hear what OP is talking about.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9aofoBrFNdg

 

[Soolaimon]

I was told to 'deal with it'.

I was told that a real man would have no problem with them having dinner together, going for drinks, and texting regularly.

She is wearing the pants here. That is why she is with another man.

Do you let women tell you what to do and how she thinks it is or do you make decisions for yourself and tell her how it is?

Don't let her wear the pants

Never let a woman tell you to "deal with it".

Never let her tell you " a real man" b.s. crap. She is disrespecting you.

Use less words. Use action instead of "defining terms" that she won't follow.

Hang out with another woman. When she makes a comment about it tell her "the relationship is over".

See how easy that is?

No arguments. No wasted time of "defining exclusivity" months/years prior that she will forget about months/years later when she loses interest.

Should I allow my girlfriend to live with guys?

Never ask a beta question like the Leper did.

That said, you can't keep your girl from talking to people, especially at work. I wouldn't even have a problem with them texting. But if they were going out for dinner or drinks, that crosses the line for me, and she would have been dumped.

Now you refute your own boundary theory saying a verbal boundary will make it "more difficult" for women to "camouflage" other men from you.

You don't have a problem with your woman texting a male co worker. All she has to do is agree to his offer for drinks through text or in person at work and you won't be the wiser to her affair.

Guess what? She is still camouflaging the affair from you without your knowledge.

This is what I've been trying to tell you but you can't understand.

See how useless your verbal boundary theory is?

She will still see other men and hide them from you camouflaging.

Verbal boundaries are useless.

Men in the real world in romantically attached relationships dont dump a gf just for meeting some work friend guy for coffee. Or accepting an old exes friend request on facebook

What do you think about "some work friend guy" now?

The work friend guy was fvking her and she dumped her beta bf after she told him to "deal with it".

 

[Soolaimon]

Men in the real world in romantically attached relationships dont dump a gf just for meeting some work friend guy for coffee.

I would have dumped her on the first coffee date because of my boundary of no guy friends!

Nice contradicton there!

First you say men in the real world don't dump a gf for meeting guys for coffee.

Then you say you would dump her for going on a coffee date.

Which is it?

You didn't dump your girlfriend for that cause you had to set boundaries trying to prevent her from hanging out with other men.

That didn't work out too well.

were you dropped on your head as a child? You just made my point for me. If he had set the boundary on day 1 he would not have been ratioanlizing away event after event until she finally got rid of him. I would have dumped her on the first coffee date because of my boundary of no guy friends!

I had to set boundaries for. This included concurrent dating early on, emotional vampirism with helpless beta orbiters, etc.

5. GF answers question, and adds "by the way, I'm hanging out with Guy X and his friends"

(guy X is some beta nerd that she had used for validation prior to the relationship and hasnt hung out with since)

6. I realize that my gut feeling was right on the money and that she was trying to hurt me as payback for our "fight"....I say "Isn't that the guy that cried when he asked you out a bunch of times?"

7. She says "Yeah."

8. I say "So you blatantly violate my boundaries and disrespect me like that?"

9. She says "Whatever, you're freaking out. You said I needed friends so I hung out with my friends.

10. I say, "You have 45 minutes to get home or we're done."

Suffice it to say that she got there much later. Thus the end of the relationship.

That is not what you did with your gf. You didn't dump her.

You were doing the same thing as the poster was doing rationalizing away event after event even with your verbalized boundaries you set with her.

You were still demanding and arguing with her even with your boundaries that she broke. What good was your boundary when you still are going to argue?

Why didn't you dump your gf the first time she was hanging out with other guys instead of verbalizing useless boundaries that she broke with ease?

You don't need to set a boundary with her to dump her ass.

Weak men that set a boundary will still be afraid to pull the trigger.

You set a boundary with your ex after she was hanging out with other guys.

Then she broke your boundary after she was hanging out with guys again.

You demanded her to come home from the other guy's place instead of dumping her on the spot.

You waited until after she disrespected your demands until the relationship ended.

You didn't use your boundaries correctly. You set them late for a lost cause and waited to take action after she broke them.

Use less words and more action instead!

Verbalized boundaries are useless and you prove my point through your own contradicting words and actions with your ex.

 

[zekko]

were you dropped on your head as a child?!

Now that is a legitimate question.

Im honestly shocked that you dont seem to be understanding this.

Don't even bother, PairPlus. Foolherman simply doesn't get it. Danger spent something like eight pages in the last thread trying to explain the most basic premise about boundaries to him, and he's still just spouting the same old drivel he started with. He either isn't capable of listening, or simply won't.

 

[Zarky]

the question isn't whether or not boundaries will keep a girl faithful but whether one should act on them or not when they are being breached.

[...]

it was OP's next course of action which was crucial to the story. to act or not to act when boundaries are being breached.

OP failed to act when his boundaries were breached and was subsequently dumped putting his self-esteem and confidence in jeopardy which if left unchecked could be disastrous.

Finally someone who gets it.

 

[vinkoch]

Everybody stressing boundaries is missing the point here. HE DID STATE A BOUNDARY AND SHE SAID FVCK IT. Exactly what some people are saying, that boundary or not, when she's done, she's done. Only thing else he could do is enforce the boundary by dumping her and calling her bluff. But then out of fear he like all men see that as letting the other guy win. If you're not trying to take her time away from him by making your own plans with her then she's going to resent you for complaining. But if you try and she picks his time over yours then you have no choice but to call her bluff and enforce the boundary by dumping.

 

[Soolaimon]

Don't even bother, PairPlus. Foolherman simply doesn't get it. Danger spent something like eight pages in the last thread trying to explain the most basic premise about boundaries to him, and he's still just spouting the same old drivel he started with. He either isn't capable of listening, or simply won't.

You are the one that doesn't get it. You keep repeating the same crap over and over that is false.

Danger spent the whole thread contradicting himself lying which everybody saw through his own words.

You believe women do not know what is acceptable for an exclusive relationship.

You believe you need to define "your terms" to women so they know what you expect.

You believe that will be harder for women to hide other men from you in the relationship.

You believe "defining terms" will make women more compatible with you.

All fallacies cause none of this is true.

How did boundaries work out for you and the others?

You have an ex wife with your boundary. The others have ex wives/girlfriends too.

That did not work out in your relationships.

Where was your compatibility at that you believe in?

Women are going to do what they want no matter if you "define terms" "state expectations" months/years prior.

When her IL is low she isn't going to follow "your terms" anymore.

You are going to have to dump her for breaking your boundary aren't you?

You don't need to set a boundary to a dump woman for hanging out with other men.

She is going to do that no matter if you set a boundary or not when she really wants to.

That is what you don't understand.

All of these examples and other guy's problems show that and you still want to argue your fallacy. Amazing!





Women who already have a bunch of men are women you do not try to put boundaries on for a relationship like you guys try to do.

Those are women not to be exclusive with.

Only women who show you the appropriate behavior through their actions are ones to be exclusive with.

You won't have ex wives and girlfriends that way.

More people here agree with me than you few boundary guys who don't get this simple concept.

Everybody stressing boundaries is missing the point here. HE DID STATE A BOUNDARY AND SHE SAID FVCK IT. Exactly what some people are saying, that boundary or not, when she's done, she's done. Only thing else he could do is enforce the boundary by dumping her and calling her bluff. But then out of fear he like all men see that as letting the other guy win. If you're not trying to take her time away from him by making your own plans with her then she's going to resent you for complaining. But if you try and she picks his time over yours then you have no choice but to call her bluff and enforce the boundary by dumping.

Great point!

The boundary guys are living in delusion and want a fake power trip trying to control the woman's bad behavior thinking a boundary will stop her from seeing other men.

pairplusroyalflush tried that with his ex when she was hanging out with other men.

He said he was forced to put boundaries on her.

Guess what happened with that?

She used his own words against him breaking his boundary hanging out with other men after he put boundaries on her.

He was still arguing with her after she broke his boundary.

He was still reluctant to dump her.

When you see these women already hanging out with other men putting boundaries women are not going to work.

Those are women to avoid exclusive relationships with cause they are not going to listen to your vebal words of a "boundary" later on.

It is useless and a waste of time like you guys found out.

But you want to mistake that for having power thinking your boundaries worked.

That is hilarious!

No boundaries at outset ---> no strong grounds to break up over coffee date alone

Only in your beta mind.

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

No boundaries at outset ---> no strong grounds to break up over coffee date alone

Why not?

 

[Soolaimon]

No boundaries at outset ---> no strong grounds to break up over coffee date alone

Boundaries at outset ---> violation of explicit obligation, no need to contemplate innocuous appearance of act itself and open up oneself to the shaming and excuses.

Complete delusion right here.

You don't need verbal words of a boundary to execute as a man in how you should handle women.

If she misbehaves she is to be dumped. No questions asked. You don't need a boundaries to do that.

These beta boundary guys cling to their insecure boundary for assurance and fake power.

Otherwise they can't dump a woman for unacceptable behavior in a relationship.

That is pathetic!

They keep proving me right all the time!

No boundaries at outset ---> no strong grounds to break up over coffee date alone

Boundaries at outset ---> violation of explicit obligation, no need to contemplate innocuous appearance of act itself and open up oneself to the shaming and excuses.

Its extremely difficult, for me and others, to deeply hurt a girl you have bonded with on what appears to be a completely arbitrary and irrational reaction, out of nowhere and with no notice. You yourself believe it ia perfectly OK, how much more so women. Simply acknowledging that this is the case for many men should, if thinking abstractly, allow you to permit boundaries as a tactic for such men.

This has to be the worst explanation for the reason of needing a boundary that I ever read.

Everything you just said refutes Danger's and guru's boundary fallacies.

Basically you are saying you need a boundary cause you are too scared to dump her without one.

That means you need her and the relationship more which is why you set a boundary to keep her. You are afraid of losing her out of fear.

You are too scared to hurt a woman who doesn't give a $hit about you anymore.

Thanks for proving me and others right again!



Your thinking contradicts your delusion here.

Use some common sense here.

When your woman is hanging out and maybe fvking another guy why would you be so deeply concerned about hurting her when she is the one who is hurting you?

She doesn't care about you. Why do you care so much?

Your ex didn't care about you at all when she was at another man's house.

And you are saying it's too difficult to dump her without a boundary even though you "bonded" together but she doesn't take you seriously as a man anymore? WTF?

Grow some balls and just dump her.

You don't need a boundary to have the balls to dump her outright.

Only weak beta men need to hide behind a boundary cause they are too scared to act accordingly like a man should. Afraid of hurting a woman who lost interest in you. She is the one hurting you. Your thinking is crazy and delusional.


You guys twist your failed logic claiming you have the balls for a boundary (when you are too scared of hurting and losing her) and you try to shame the non boundary guys saying they have no balls for setting a boundary when they don't care to lose her.

You made your projection very clear on that. Thanks!

See:guru1000's excellent explanation of this. Even someone with a piblic school education should be able to see this, unless they they are some sort of deluded BPD with black and white complex.

guru's explanation is a fallacy that all of you boundary guys repeat.

Danger has contradicted himself with guru's boundary method in several threads now.

I have refuted every single point that guru has made regarding boundaries.

The same with you in this thread.

There is no black and white. This is common sense that you can't grasp.

My breakup was messier than I wanted it to be, sh1t happens when you are stressed and working 80hrs a week, but the fact is I set a boundary, she broke it, I ended the relationship(more roundaboutly than normal but I was pissed and made a power play)

Stop with the excuses here ok?

You set a boundary with her and she violated your terms. That should be the end of the relationship. period!

That is the whole point of having a boundary. Not to argue b.s. with her like you did.

There was no need for it to be messy or for you to end it in a more roundabout way.

When she broke your terms it should be over with no arguing and demanding her on the phone to come home.

You knew she was out with other men. You didn't need to argue with her like a beta on the phone.

All you had to do was tell her she was dumped when she showed up.

That should be the end of it.

You don't even need to set a boundary to perform that task.

You boundary guys can't understand that either.

Even with your boundary you were still afraid to dump her until the last possible moment.

The guy friends boundary was set at the outset of the relationship. I dont understand why this is so complicated for you to grasp. No woman in her right mind would "come home by 45m" and I didn't expect her to.


I had to set boundaries for. This included concurrent dating early on, emotional vampirism with helpless beta orbiters, etc..

I understand your delusion just fine. You're the one who can't grasp the concept of reality.

You said you had to set boundaries cause of her $hitty behavior at the outset.

You didn't have to set any boundaries with her at all.

Through your own eyes and common sense you should have known that this girl was not
a proper candidate for a girlfriend.

Therefore you don't commit her exclusively or try to put boundaries on her cause it is useless and will never work. You and the boundary guys can't grasp that simple concept.

By only committing to classy women who display the appropriate behavior no boundaries will be needed cause she will respect you and the relationship.

How hard is that to comprehend?

What you guys do is put boundaries on $hitty women hoping it will work giving you phony power.

That is why you guys end up with ex wives and girlfriends who break your useless boundaries with ease.

If you EVER had a gf in your entire life this would be obvious, but I dont take anything for granted so I will spell it out for you since you are a baby in the Game. If I hadnt set the boundary at the outset of the relationship I would NOT have said anything over her hanging out with that beta.

This is the main fallacy to your boundary theory.

This thinking is asinine in which you hold your delusion.

This is why I have said many times that you guys need to cling to your boundary for a security blanket.

Without it you are unable to execute what you should be doing for women's disrespectful behavior. That is dumping her.

You don't need to set a boundary to dump a woman for being disrespectful. Are you nuts?

Why can't you beta boundary guys understand that?

I think it's asinine that you think you need to set a boundary or otherwise you would never say anything about her $hitty behavior.

Real men don't hide behind a boundary in order for that to do their talking. They execute action on their own.

I was right all along. Your boundary is fear based cause without it you can't perform the correct behavior as a man That is a shame.

I've never heard of anything more asinine in my life. Needing a verbal word of a boundary or otherwise you can't say anything to a woman to dump her.

Hillarious!

That said, you can't keep your girl from talking to people, especially at work. I wouldn't even have a problem with them texting. But if they were going out for dinner or drinks, that crosses the line for me, and she would have been dumped.

It's obvious that you never fvked a taken woman in your life.

If you did you would know that cheating begins with simple communicating such as texting.

The cheating is done without your knowledge during the time away when she is at work.

You think a boundary will "make it more difficult" for her to "camouflage" other men from you.

You have no problem with her texting other men.

This is all going on right in front of you.

I guess you don't have the common sense to know that the guy she is texting can ask her at work to go out for drinks.

She will go out one on one with him without you knowing camouflaging the date from you.

So much for your useless boundary theory.

 

[BraddH]

Holy fvck. Life is balanced between two opposite poles. There is as much day as night. As much light as dark. As much love as hate. Get over it.

That is exactly the reason you guys aren't succeeding with women - analysizing that much! Like how the fvck can you analyze that much about a woman. Every fvcking single thing you guys preaching here is about woman. Think about it. How many pages has it been in your whole career in so suave?

Chill the fvck out. Get over yourselves and most importantly enjoy women the way they are. Every fvcking woman is different and there are different ways to enjoy all of them. No fvcking dogma works in this life. You can have some method work for some women and that same shvt doesn't work on other. Just chill and enjoy the moment and the present, life is good then. You guys are making life seem like a fvcking hell.

 

[apprenticedj]

I'm with BraddH.

Some guys think explicit stated boundaries are necessary, some don't.

Some guys like rocky road, some prefer mint chip.

To each his own.

 

[Octogonal]

I'm with BraddH.

Some guys think explicit stated boundaries are necessary, some don't.

Some guys like rocky road, some prefer mint chip.

To each his own.

Agreed.

 

[Pardner]

My girlfriend of 7 years started becoming chummy with this guy from work and I was told to 'deal with it' as they were 'just friends' and that I was being controlling and possessive.

I was told that a real man would have no problem with them having dinner together, going for drinks, and texting regularly.

Two weeks ago she dumped me and is now going out with him.

Good luck to you all!

Why did you stay around when she was going out with another guy?

 

[Dhoulmagus]

Hanging out with another guy is a huge nono unless he is her gay best friend or something. You shouldn't feel the need to tell your gf not hang out with another guy or go clubbing without you.

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

Don't even bother, PairPlus. Foolherman simply doesn't get it. Danger spent something like eight pages in the last thread trying to explain the most basic premise about boundaries to him, and he's still just spouting the same old drivel he started with. He either isn't capable of listening, or simply won't.

I wonder what Danger has to say about his boy Rollo's take on Boundaries? http://therationalmale.com/2014/11/17/boundaries/

I'm about 60/40 on Rollo's stuff, but I know how Danger loves to quote him and treat therationalmale.com like gospel.

Rollo seems to dance around the topic at first but he finalizes it with a pretty relevant statement:

While I do believe boundaries are a necessary part of a relationship, it’s far better for women to discover them for what they are, and the consequences of them, by demonstration rather than overt explanation.

The hand burned by the stove teaches better than any warning.

The only person who’s behavior you can control is your own, but that behavior can have a significant impact on the behaviors of others.

This^ is EXACTLY what Sooliamon is trying to get across to you guys. His delivery may be a bit different, but the message is the same.

 

[guru1000]

I wonder what Danger has to say about his boy Rollo's take on Boundaries? http://therationalmale.com/2014/11/17/boundaries/

I'm about 60/40 on Rollo's stuff, but I know how Danger loves to quote him and treat therationalmale.com like gospel.

Actually Rollo and I have always been at odds with overt vs. covert boundaries. Matter of fact back in the day, Danger took Rollo's side regarding covert boundaries in plate relations, and through his observations and experience changed his position, infused with the simple logic that overt (delineation) and covert (the takeaway) boundaries are both invaluable tools in a DJ's arsenal.

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

infused with the simple logic that both overt (delineation) and covert (the takeaway) boundaries are invaluable tools in a DJ's arsenal.

Maybe there is a time and a place to set OVERT boundaries. However, I've never done it (in this context), and I can never see myself ever doing it. Closest I've come is to tell a woman that if she ever cheated on me she was done. I had entered dangerous ground into beta territory, and I sensed something in her, she was trying to run the show and see what she could get away with, the power was hers at the time. I knew it, and was feeling it, so I dropped that on her as a little warning. Not sure if it was the right move at the time or not, this was done before I ever found this site. My main point in all of this though-------> I should never have put myself in the position where I had to say something like that in the first place. Through other means, I had become weak in the relationship. When I said it to her, my delivery was from a position of strength, but I still feel it ultimately came from a position of weakness.

 

[guru1000]

Maybe there is a time and a place to set OVERT boundaries. However, I've never done it (in this context), and I can never see myself ever doing it. Closest I've come is to tell a woman that if she ever cheated on me she was done. I had entered dangerous ground into beta territory, and I sensed something in her, she was trying to run the show and see what she could get away with, the power was hers at the time. I knew it, so I dropped that on her as a little warning. Not sure if it was the right move at the time or not, this was done before I ever found this site. My main point in all of this though-------> I should never have put myself in the position where I ever had to say something like that. Through other means, I had become weak in the relationship. When I said it to her, my delivery was from a position of strength, but I still feel it ultimately came from a position of weakness.

I agree with this. Never implement overt boundaries relating to her cheating. Not cheating is ubiquitously self-evident; thus not necessary to recite. I would venture to say that you want her to cheat as to prompt your exit quickly from an incompatible, unworthy, broken contender.

Overt boundaries are for incidental behaviors; i.e., texting in "your" time, respect in certain contexts, family, lateness, and other idiosyncratic subtleties.