Meeting old men while traveling got me scared

[SW15]

If I had married, there's a good chance I would have been divorced by now or on the verge of a divorce in an unpleasant marriage.

What if you met a normal woman? Do you think this would still be the case?

I think it would still be the case. There's a very good argument to be made about why I would be a divorced guy or a guy in a failing marriage.

1. The majority of marriages are failures. The majority end in divorce when a 20-25 year period is considered. For men that have children in marriages, it is more probable that the marriage will be over by the time the first child turns 18 than not being over. The ones that don't end in divorce are often "dead bedroom" type marriages that are subpar but neither partner has managed to file for divorce.

2. You would have to consider my own personal risk factors for divorce. My parents got divorced and I also never had a healthy example at home of a marriage. My 2 maternal male cousins got divorced with neither marriage lasting 10 years and they had a healthier example at home. It is likely I would have married after age 25 with a woman close to my own age with a notch count of 5+ considering that my first marriage would have been in the early 2010s when that data was collected.



I also graduated into the Great Recession, which affected me economically. Male SMV is tied to income and employment in a lot of cases, particularly for longer term relationships.

3. I think I have met many normal women during the past 25 years. Let's review quickly.

I attended a large university that I have called "Hot Girl U" on here. My school was known for its attractive female student body and it had a solid party scene. Part of the reason I chose to attend this school was for the attractive women. There were plenty of opportunities to meet normal women. I met them in my academic classes and at off campus parties. By senior year, I was meeting them at the local bars that catered to the university population.

Since college graduation, I have lived in 2 of the 15 most populous US metro areas. I have met women through a variety of methods in those years. I have met them through online dating websites, swipe apps, nightlife venues, social media DMs, non-bar venues, co-ed sports leagues, and even had 1 or 2 half hearted social circle introductions. I think there were some normal women among those women. None of those interactions resulted in marriage.

Based upon all the interactions of the past 25 years (the last 2 years of high school and 23 years since high school graduation), I have managed to put up a lifetime notch count that is impressive. There's even been some solid quality of female looks in those notches. Nothing has resulted in marriage (likely good because of the divorce risk) and no children have been created and raised in a broken home.

 

[Manure Spherian]

2. You would have to consider my own personal risk factors for divorce. My parents got divorced and I also never had a healthy example at home of a marriage. My 2 maternal male cousins got divorced with neither marriage lasting 10 years and they had a healthier example at home. It is likely I would have married after age 25 with a woman close to my own age with a notch count of 5+ considering that my first marriage would have been in the early 2010s when that data was collected.

I’m a product of divorce. I choose to not repeat my father’s behavior and decisions in my marriage. Anyone can do the same by their free will. But if you don’t want to marry at all, that’s fine too.

I’m aware of the social trends you mentioned. However it seems like you just don’t want to marry and have children. Again, that is fine. I think anyone who has trepidation about kids and marriage shouldn’t have them.

 

[SW15]

I’m a product of divorce. I choose to not repeat my father’s behavior and decisions in my marriage. Anyone can do the same by their free will. But if you don’t want to marry at all, that’s fine too.

I’m aware of the social trends you mentioned. However it seems like you just don’t want to marry and have children. Again, that is fine. I think anyone who has trepidation about kids and marriage shouldn’t have them.

I have trepidation about marriage and children. I never ruled either of them out but the odds of a failed marriage are rather high. I don't want to be financially impacted by a failure.

I also think it is late in life for me now to marry and have children in my early to mid 40s. Any children I would have wouldn't be done with high school until I am over 60 and I'm pushing up against 65 for when they would be done with college if they went to college. I don't want to spend ages 60-65 dealing with high school and college aged children.

I think it is better for men to be done with having children by 35.